Guest guest Posted February 14, 2002 Report Share Posted February 14, 2002 I loved this!!! Thank you so much for the laugh. > Date: Wed, 13 Feb 2002 23:29:23 EST > From: atsuekins@... >Subject: Valentine gift/ personal trainor > >This is really funny and probably something we can all relate to at one >time >or another......... > > > > > > >> > >> > >> For Valentine, this year, Ed (the dear) purchased a week of personal > >> training at the local health club for me. > >> > >> I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer I'll > >> call Bruce, who identified himself as a 26 year old aerobics instructor > >> and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My husband seemed >pleased > >> with my enthusiasm to get started. The club encouraged me to keep a >diary > >> to chart my progress. > >> > >> Monday: > >> Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was >well > >> worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Bruce waiting for >me. > >> He is something of a Greek God - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a > >> dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Bruce gave me a tour and showed me the > >> machines. He took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. He was > >> alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to standing >next > >> to him in his Lycra aerobic outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful >way > >> in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. >Very > >> inspiring. Bruce was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my >gut > >> was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. >This > >> is going to be a FANTASTIC week!! > >> > >> Tuesday: > >> I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. > >> Bruce made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air - >then > >> he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, >but I > >> made the full mile. Bruce's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. >I > >> feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me. > >> > >> Wednesday: > >> The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying on the toothbrush on >the > >> counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a > >> hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to > >> steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Bruce > >> was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club > >> members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and >when > >> he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. > >> My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Bruce put me on the stair > >> monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an > >> activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Bruce told me it would help me > >> get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too. > >> > >> Thursday: > >> Bruce was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his > >> thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help >being a > >> half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Bruce told me >to > >> work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the > >> men's room. He sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the > >> rowing machine - which I sank. > >> > >> Friday: > >> I hate that bastard Bruce more than any human being has ever hated >any > >> other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic > >> little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without > >> unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Bruce wanted me to work on >my > >> triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the > >> floor, don't hand me the *&%#(#&**!!@*@ barbells or anything that >weighs > >> more than a sandwich. (Which I am sure you learned in the sadist school > >> you attended and graduated magna cum laude from?) The treadmill flung >me > >> off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it >have > >> been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director? > >> > >> Saturday: > >> Bruce left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly > >> voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me >want > >> to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength >to > >> even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of >the > >> Weather Channel. > >> > >> Sunday: > >> I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go >and > >> thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my > >> husband (the BASTARD) will choose a gift for me that is fun - like a > >> root canal or a hysterectomy. > >> > > > > > _________________________________________________________________ Send and receive Hotmail on your mobile device: http://mobile.msn.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 14, 2002 Report Share Posted February 14, 2002 I loved this!!! Thank you so much for the laugh. > Date: Wed, 13 Feb 2002 23:29:23 EST > From: atsuekins@... >Subject: Valentine gift/ personal trainor > >This is really funny and probably something we can all relate to at one >time >or another......... > > > > > > >> > >> > >> For Valentine, this year, Ed (the dear) purchased a week of personal > >> training at the local health club for me. > >> > >> I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer I'll > >> call Bruce, who identified himself as a 26 year old aerobics instructor > >> and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My husband seemed >pleased > >> with my enthusiasm to get started. The club encouraged me to keep a >diary > >> to chart my progress. > >> > >> Monday: > >> Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was >well > >> worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Bruce waiting for >me. > >> He is something of a Greek God - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a > >> dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Bruce gave me a tour and showed me the > >> machines. He took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. He was > >> alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to standing >next > >> to him in his Lycra aerobic outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful >way > >> in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. >Very > >> inspiring. Bruce was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my >gut > >> was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. >This > >> is going to be a FANTASTIC week!! > >> > >> Tuesday: > >> I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. > >> Bruce made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air - >then > >> he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, >but I > >> made the full mile. Bruce's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. >I > >> feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me. > >> > >> Wednesday: > >> The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying on the toothbrush on >the > >> counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a > >> hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to > >> steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Bruce > >> was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club > >> members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and >when > >> he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. > >> My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Bruce put me on the stair > >> monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an > >> activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Bruce told me it would help me > >> get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too. > >> > >> Thursday: > >> Bruce was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his > >> thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help >being a > >> half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Bruce told me >to > >> work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the > >> men's room. He sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the > >> rowing machine - which I sank. > >> > >> Friday: > >> I hate that bastard Bruce more than any human being has ever hated >any > >> other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic > >> little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without > >> unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Bruce wanted me to work on >my > >> triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the > >> floor, don't hand me the *&%#(#&**!!@*@ barbells or anything that >weighs > >> more than a sandwich. (Which I am sure you learned in the sadist school > >> you attended and graduated magna cum laude from?) The treadmill flung >me > >> off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it >have > >> been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director? > >> > >> Saturday: > >> Bruce left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly > >> voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me >want > >> to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength >to > >> even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of >the > >> Weather Channel. > >> > >> Sunday: > >> I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go >and > >> thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my > >> husband (the BASTARD) will choose a gift for me that is fun - like a > >> root canal or a hysterectomy. > >> > > > > > _________________________________________________________________ Send and receive Hotmail on your mobile device: http://mobile.msn.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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