NCU: Question

[Guest guest]

Hi Myra!

I am sick at heart from reading what your husband, you and your family went through today. Of all the insensitive people in the world and of all the times to have to deal with one, why did it have to be today?

I think that 's being in tears may have been sparked by the incident, but it was probably a culmination for him of the whole ordeal and the frustration he must deal with. As far as dealing with the restaurant, yes, I think you should go to the higher-ups and bring it to their attention. If the speech therapist wants to go with you all the better. And, I would repeat the story and present it in a way that you are concerned for any handicapped or "different" person who steps into their establishment. Perhaps they wouldn't like it if word got around that they were discriminatory...hurtful, at the very least. I don't know how much satisfaction you will get out of it, but it's worth a try.

And, for now, keep on talking to your friends and family and people like us who are here to listen and commiserate. That's what will, ultimately, help you to feel better, I think.

And, please urge to get 'back in the saddle' again as soon as he feels up to it. Just go to a different restaurant (unless you get a free meal out of this one...lol)!

With much love,

Tami (itchy in NJ)

PS Now is not the time for my problems, but I just wanted to tell you that I have an endocrinologist appointment on March 11, finally.

[Guest guest]

Hi Myra!

I am sick at heart from reading what your husband, you and your family went through today. Of all the insensitive people in the world and of all the times to have to deal with one, why did it have to be today?

I think that 's being in tears may have been sparked by the incident, but it was probably a culmination for him of the whole ordeal and the frustration he must deal with. As far as dealing with the restaurant, yes, I think you should go to the higher-ups and bring it to their attention. If the speech therapist wants to go with you all the better. And, I would repeat the story and present it in a way that you are concerned for any handicapped or "different" person who steps into their establishment. Perhaps they wouldn't like it if word got around that they were discriminatory...hurtful, at the very least. I don't know how much satisfaction you will get out of it, but it's worth a try.

And, for now, keep on talking to your friends and family and people like us who are here to listen and commiserate. That's what will, ultimately, help you to feel better, I think.

And, please urge to get 'back in the saddle' again as soon as he feels up to it. Just go to a different restaurant (unless you get a free meal out of this one...lol)!

With much love,

Tami (itchy in NJ)

PS Now is not the time for my problems, but I just wanted to tell you that I have an endocrinologist appointment on March 11, finally.

[Guest guest]

Hi,

This is really off the subject of hives... but I know there are a lot

of people out there who can give me suggestions... I took my

husband, who is trying to recover from a stroke to a restaurant today

for a late lunch... (not busy hours). His speech therapist had

wanted him to try to communicate by placing an order in restaurant,

to try to get him back into the community. Well, he tried and he had

difficulty saying " chef salad " , a young man who was waiting on us

repeated his order in " exactly " the way he said it... literally

mocking him. I told him that my husband had a condition that

effected his speech... instead of apologizing he said in a cocky

tone, " oh yeah? " , completed the order and left the table. I excused

myself and went up to a group of waitresses and asked to talk to the

manager... there was no manager on duty, but a head waitress listened

to my story... she seemed shocked... I told her we wanted a different

waitperson... I went on to the restroom... My son watched the

head waitress scold and waggle her finger at the waiter and he saw

her talk to another waitress who became our waitress. The young man

came over and gave a " non-apollogetic " apollogy... By the time I got

back to the table my husband was in tears... Through his long ordeal

he has always remained upbeat and positive... but this thing has

caused depression.... I am so upset, all I've done this evening is

cry and talk to family on the phone.... I want to do some more follow

through about this.... I am just not happy with this restaurant...

The solution doesn't seem good enough... he's depresssed, I'm upset

and down... What should I do... My sister mentioned talking to the

owners of the restaurant and the people that represent people with

disabilities.... I called the speech therapist... she is upset... she

cannot believe this happened... Am I over-reacting or should more be

done and what? Hugs, Myra

[Guest guest]

Myra,

That young man should be fired! That is the rudest thing I have ever heard

of. But the way service has gotten in restaurants in general, nothing

surprises me anymore. I would never frequent that restaurant again unless you

get some kind of verbal and monetary compensation for that inexcusable

behavior. I would also tell everyone I know about what happened if they don't

fire the waiter, and make sure the restaurant knows, and then have everyone

boycott the restaurant if they don't do anything. A really low blow is to

write a letter to your local paper - if they dare print it!

One of my husband's best friends who lives down the street has had 2 strokes,

and has definitely fought depression and emotional outbursts. This man was an

All-American basketball player and now sits in his bed or in a wheelchair all

day. His wife has never been able to give him the therapy he needed, but I

think you are doing the right thing by getting your husband out - if they get

therapy immediately and start getting back to a normal routine, they do so

much better. When my uncle had a stroke, my aunt had him play video games for

hand-eye coordination - it really helped too. We are praying for you and him

as you deal with this. Kathy in NC

[Guest guest]

Hi Myra,

I am so sorry about what you and went through at that restaurant. I

like the suggestions, especially about writing letters to the restaurant and

maybe even the local newspaper. You could also contact the American Speech

Language Hearing Association (ASHA at asha.org) for more suggestions. Maybe

even write to Dear Abby or Ann Landers!! I don't know how to change the

young waiter's behavior or even get him to care, so he's not worth even

thinking about. I am concerned about , however. In my work as a

speech therapist, I have gone to many restaurants, stores, etc with clients

to practice communication in the real world. needs to experience

some success with his communication skills right now. Talk to your therapist

and have her work with him on a script for his next outing. Practice this

interaction and make it very simple, and then go out again. I think he needs

to do this quickly so that he can gain confidence. Does he use any

communication strategies like picture boards, etc to help? If so,

incorporate these into your practice. Just my opinion.....

I'll close with a story about one of my patients. This gentleman came to

a session very excited one day as we were also working on community

communication. He went into Wal -Mart by himself and asked a clerk a

question. He also carried a plastic credit-type card that had a message on

it: " My name is . I had a stroke and I need a few extra minutes to help

me communicate. " The simple act of pulling the card out of his wallet and

handing it to the clerk gave him the extra time he needed. Anyway, he asked

for " sweeper bags " and the clerk showed him the " sleeping bags " but this was

a victory since he did it all by himself. His communication improved with

leaps and bounds after that. Hope this helps and good luck to you and

!!

Cara in ohio

P.S. Are there any stroke clubs in your area? This is a great place to

discuss frustrations like this with both the patients and family members.

Ask your therapist or call the American Stroke Association. I am sure that

they would be interested in 's story!!

[Guest guest]

Hi Myra,

I am so sorry about what you and went through at that restaurant. I

like the suggestions, especially about writing letters to the restaurant and

maybe even the local newspaper. You could also contact the American Speech

Language Hearing Association (ASHA at asha.org) for more suggestions. Maybe

even write to Dear Abby or Ann Landers!! I don't know how to change the

young waiter's behavior or even get him to care, so he's not worth even

thinking about. I am concerned about , however. In my work as a

speech therapist, I have gone to many restaurants, stores, etc with clients

to practice communication in the real world. needs to experience

some success with his communication skills right now. Talk to your therapist

and have her work with him on a script for his next outing. Practice this

interaction and make it very simple, and then go out again. I think he needs

to do this quickly so that he can gain confidence. Does he use any

communication strategies like picture boards, etc to help? If so,

incorporate these into your practice. Just my opinion.....

I'll close with a story about one of my patients. This gentleman came to

a session very excited one day as we were also working on community

communication. He went into Wal -Mart by himself and asked a clerk a

question. He also carried a plastic credit-type card that had a message on

it: " My name is . I had a stroke and I need a few extra minutes to help

me communicate. " The simple act of pulling the card out of his wallet and

handing it to the clerk gave him the extra time he needed. Anyway, he asked

for " sweeper bags " and the clerk showed him the " sleeping bags " but this was

a victory since he did it all by himself. His communication improved with

leaps and bounds after that. Hope this helps and good luck to you and

!!

Cara in ohio

P.S. Are there any stroke clubs in your area? This is a great place to

discuss frustrations like this with both the patients and family members.

Ask your therapist or call the American Stroke Association. I am sure that

they would be interested in 's story!!

[Guest guest]

titustoo wrote:

Sorry you went out to enjoy and experience an evening and stepped in s---.

Several things come to mind...Kirk talks about how he became so depressed after his stroke that he set about to commit suicide. He placed a pistol in his mouth, but in doing so he banged a tooth. He quickly removed the gun for fear a chipping a tooth. He began to laugh. He put the wepon aside and continued his speech theraphy. He writes about it in his latest book 'Climbing the Mountain: My Search for Meaning'. Simon & Schuster 1997.

Bill , the founder of AA, who wrote the book 'Alcoholics Anonymous' on more than one occasion writes about harboring resentment. Resentment is a self distructive exercise in futility. It will undermine the best intentions of anyone. It will cause physical exhaustion, short temperedness and obsessive behavior.

When working with a recovering person who is hung up on what he/she considers a wrong and can't seem to let it go, one response is "yeah well that happened yesterday, so what da ya gonna do about today".

Myra, if you have made the effort as you have indicated you have, then maybe it's OK to let it go.

I haven't heard you say if wants any publicity over it.

Love, Bill in Richmond, VA

P.S. I'll bet the next time it happens somebody's gonna get both barrels.

[Guest guest]

titustoo wrote:

Sorry you went out to enjoy and experience an evening and stepped in s---.

Several things come to mind...Kirk talks about how he became so depressed after his stroke that he set about to commit suicide. He placed a pistol in his mouth, but in doing so he banged a tooth. He quickly removed the gun for fear a chipping a tooth. He began to laugh. He put the wepon aside and continued his speech theraphy. He writes about it in his latest book 'Climbing the Mountain: My Search for Meaning'. Simon & Schuster 1997.

Bill , the founder of AA, who wrote the book 'Alcoholics Anonymous' on more than one occasion writes about harboring resentment. Resentment is a self distructive exercise in futility. It will undermine the best intentions of anyone. It will cause physical exhaustion, short temperedness and obsessive behavior.

When working with a recovering person who is hung up on what he/she considers a wrong and can't seem to let it go, one response is "yeah well that happened yesterday, so what da ya gonna do about today".

Myra, if you have made the effort as you have indicated you have, then maybe it's OK to let it go.

I haven't heard you say if wants any publicity over it.

Love, Bill in Richmond, VA

P.S. I'll bet the next time it happens somebody's gonna get both barrels.

[Guest guest]

Myra,

I certainly feel for you. When my hiving first started, which was inside the

chest and I had an " unknown " situation where my muscles were affected, my

left arm and hand shook and I had facial droop and my speech was slurred. I

still say I had a mini-stroke, but of course the docs never did anything.

Anyway...I had gone through some of the same things. I made me defiant.

However, I have found that most people are totally ignorant to disabilities

in any form. Especially younger people. They are not exposed as much (since

parents now believe in protecting their kids from anything " bad " ) and they

are also desensitized!!!!

I applaud you for going to the restaurant owner, even though they may be just

as insensitive. You may want to call your local paper and suggest an article

be written on customer service (including servicing people with disabilities

or even the elderly).

I have found that the more I speak up and not let these things go, the more

empowering it is. It doesn't necessarily change things, but you are taking a

stand on who you are and showing that you expect to be respected. That

helps. No need to cry...you are the intelligent ones. As someone recently

said to me about my work/health/life situation...You have to stake a claim in

creating your own world around you and don't ever try to fit in! And believe

me, if this waiter had a problem I'm sure he wouldn't have any trouble

communicating it and expect special treatment from his employers.

As a past facilitator for a lupus support group, we always encourage

empowering actions. It puts the ball back in your court, so to speak.

Hope this helps,

[Guest guest]

Myra,

I certainly feel for you. When my hiving first started, which was inside the

chest and I had an " unknown " situation where my muscles were affected, my

left arm and hand shook and I had facial droop and my speech was slurred. I

still say I had a mini-stroke, but of course the docs never did anything.

Anyway...I had gone through some of the same things. I made me defiant.

However, I have found that most people are totally ignorant to disabilities

in any form. Especially younger people. They are not exposed as much (since

parents now believe in protecting their kids from anything " bad " ) and they

are also desensitized!!!!

I applaud you for going to the restaurant owner, even though they may be just

as insensitive. You may want to call your local paper and suggest an article

be written on customer service (including servicing people with disabilities

or even the elderly).

I have found that the more I speak up and not let these things go, the more

empowering it is. It doesn't necessarily change things, but you are taking a

stand on who you are and showing that you expect to be respected. That

helps. No need to cry...you are the intelligent ones. As someone recently

said to me about my work/health/life situation...You have to stake a claim in

creating your own world around you and don't ever try to fit in! And believe

me, if this waiter had a problem I'm sure he wouldn't have any trouble

communicating it and expect special treatment from his employers.

As a past facilitator for a lupus support group, we always encourage

empowering actions. It puts the ball back in your court, so to speak.

Hope this helps,