Anger/hunger/frustration of post op binge

[Guest guest]

OK some of you are going to come in at the tip end of this process, but it

does speak to the " still success " of the " physical parts " of my surgery, even

thought last night I would have gone to CA last night to have Dr Fobi do it

instead...still would, at least that way Id probably have written

documentation so that in an emergency Wed know what happened inside me, where

as my surgeon might have been excellent, but he does change the surgery here

and there at will, and mine is tailor made for my body, and though it

obviously works splendidly in this body, who knows what lurks beneath!!

Anyhow...

I ve gotten some great feedback and yes the feelings of

ANGER @ BOTH the MA highway police system and COURT system were high today,

along with my self anger at my naivety that I actually spent so much time and

tolls and gas thinking I could represent myself and that they would listen to

me. OK, Ive let go of that

BUT...sitting with it...someone NEW asked WHY they should have the surgery...

Here is my answer as a 26 month post op.

Today I wanted to binge so bad. I CAN eat around the pouch but I CANT binge

like I used to.

And thats how the surgery still helps physically for me. And thats why its

worth having for me.

And thats what someone was so beautifullly discussing on one of the boards a

few daysd ago... and what I am missing right now is the INABILITY TO USE FOOD

THE WAY I USEDTO, BUT GOD AM I TRYING TO DUPLICATE MY PREOP HABITS RIGHT NOW.

THE COMFORT OF FOOD...ouch.ouch ouch, thank you new person who said this a

few days ago...I think it was someone on the Lesbian and Gay List. Bottom

line thats whats at the core of this now, not the speeding ticket, bot the

holidayt season, not the rest of my " stuff " ...ugg...its that long flexed

muscle, that familiar behavior, the one that is SOOOO used to the comfort of

food to SOLVE all problems, big ones, small ones, celebrations, boredoms,

stresses, depression, joys, sorrows, rewards, get togethers, family times,

holiday times, good times, bad times, up times down times, yeech!~

So... I went through all the motions of the binge, the chaos, the

disassociation, the beating heart, going to get the food, still cant find my

cell phone....yadayadayada... at least 2 years later its not $35 worth of

Chinese food, that would be ridiculous, NO, not THAT MUCH...at least half of

that would end up being thrown away, even eating it all day for 5 days. HELL,

Its only $22 worth of Chinese food, and that too is absolutely ridiculous, it

STILL WOULD take me 4 days to finish all of it IF I TRIED TO, and Ill be sick

of it before that and yearn for fresh food, an orange or an apple or

something else.

God how I sometimes MISS the ability to just put it all away in an evening,

the BIG BINGE instead of eating around the pouch...but then another part of

me is so grateful, so very very grateful that this surgery still does work

for me when I want to be at my most eating disordered...BINGEY.

OK, Im going out on limb here, and, granted dont know much about others poat

op eating capacity, Rita has mentioned the new procedure around scarring the

Stoma later on...for longer term sucess,

And I will go out on my limb again and say that for BINGE eaters, Binge

eaters who have more than 100 pounds to lose, do look into the FOBI pouch as

an option.

Im having a love hate relationship with my band right now. Its keeping me

fromdoing exactly what I want to do the most and need to do the least.

I hope this answers some of the question that the new person asked around WHY

to have the surgery. And thanks again to the woman who spoke of the fear of

leeting go of the comfort of quantities of food, and all the other responses

Im getting. These are great groups, thanks to all.

Now for MEto work the need to fill myself with food for comfort again....even

by doing it for awhile and embracing it if necessary.Its hard around the NEW

year, such a set up!

[Adria

Fobi Pouch 10/29/99

Dr Coe

Baystate Medical Center, Western MA

310/145/120

Gonna have to change that middle # soon