(Warning-Long Post) - How do you all deal with attention from the opposite sex????

[Guest guest]

I too can relate to both of you. Issues brought on weight problems, and the

weight problem brought on even MORE issues. We have so many issues to work

through, I do highly suggest therapy, I cannot tell you the difference it has

made in my life. I know many fear therapy thinking it makes them look weak, but

I am proud of it myself. I feel that it takes a lot of strength to put yourself

out there and say you have issues you need to work through and then actually

doing the work. No matter how small right now, it will grow into something

uncontrollable if you don't do something. Sorry, had to express that.

Just like many I had a majorly disfunctional family that contributed to my

weight issues. Sexual abuse and mental abuse. me as a person never seemed to be

enough. So I got walked on by so many because I would have licked dirt off their

shoes if I thought they would accept me. Sad, but true. As time went on, I

started drinking to losen up in high school, partied hard to be accepted... and

well realized I didn't have to do the drinking if I would have just felt that my

personality was enough. I started hanging out in a kareoke bars because I could

sing and that was my one true glory, I would have people approaching me all the

time. That was my way into society, singing. That scene got old and next thing I

knew I was a lone again. The truth is... at that point, I had finally believed

what everyone was telling me, I was not enough. It's like a domino affect, it

leads from one issue to another. One addiction to another.

Which now leads me to fear people. I personally feel that I have to be who I

want to be and accept myself for that person before I go out and get into any

type of relationship. Once I accept myself and it shows, perhaps I will lose

friends from it and well, I have a detachment problem, I feel like I need to

hang on to everyone who wanted to be my friend and accept me in fear no one else

will. It is an energy drainging thing.

I have decided that too much fricken thought goes into who will like you and

who wont. You are not going to please everyone... and everyone is attracted to

different people whether it is friendship or relationship. We have to just be

ourselved get comfortable in our own skin so we can attract the right people and

enjoy that.

When I go out, I usually will scan the room to see who is there and who I

automatically think will except me or not... I have ESP hahaha... but it's true,

I think I can tell everything by how someone looks or the group they take up

with. Because I know this is a norm for me... I want to break it. My goal is to

walk into a place, not care who is there and just enjoy myself as if no one else

was there. If I am approached by people great and if not... fine too. I think

that once I have hit this point in my life, I will feel that I have accepted

myself that much more.

One last example and I will send this off so you don't feel like you are

reading a book, but...

A friend of mine was 319 lbs when she had surgery and just married, about a

year. She is now 153 lbs. As she lost the weight, she became more confident

within herself to be who she wanted to be... and the husband could not hang.

They are divorced. He said she was not the women he married. THIS is why I am in

no hurry, I need this time to discover myself again... this is one of the

reasons I mentioned attracting people by the person you are and want to be...

not the hidden shy, i'll eat crap because no one will accept me otherwise

person.

OK IM DONE! If you read this far, THANKS!!

Shauna

" O. " wrote:

Kim, I understand you more than you know. I too was tortured in grade

school. I still feel the effects of this. I think that is why I let

very few people know the real me, I think this is why I build up

walls and let very very few people know the real me (my husband and

my best friend are it). I was told that I was stupid (even by 2

teachers) and ugly from K - 6th grade. Now that my oldest is in

school, I join in (PTA and room mom) but not fully, I do not trust

them. LOL and how ironic my son goes to the same grade school I did.

It is diffrent now and he is well liked, But I homeschooled him for a

year and a half because of the fact he would be at the same school.

It is something that is getting kind of better but I honestly think

that I will never fully trust people because if it.

OXOXOX

> >

> > Hi All!!!

> >

> > has brought up a great point. How are you all dealing with

> > attention from the opposite sex?? LOL Me????? I deal with it

> > horribly, I ignore it. I act as if it does not exist. I'm like an

> old

> > horse with blinders on I look straight ahead and go on with my

> > business.

> >

> > How are you dealing with it? Fess up those of you that deal with

> it

> > well I want to hear your secrets. Those of you who don't tell us

> why

> > you think you don't.

> >

> > I'm not entirely sure why I don't feel comfortable with it. It

> isn't

> > as if they will bite me!! I tend to think when I was big they

> didn't

> > look at me so why are they looking at me now; I'm the same

person.

> > I'm just in a smaller package. It makes me uncomfortable and

angry

> at

> > times.

> >

> >

> > Hugs!!!!

> >

> >

>

---------------------------------

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starting at 1¢/min.

[Guest guest]

Shauna....you are my twin!!! he he!

I too love to sing - that is why I joined the church choir. People want me

to sing at karoake, but my voice doesn't sound as good (people like it). I also

like to dance (probably more than sing). Even as a 9-year-old - I was

overweight, but my ballet class I loved and was good. Fortunately, my teacher

never said anything about the weight - when it came to pick out costumes - we

ended up buying size 14 or making them. Now I take swing or salsa lessons and I

don't feel I can move as well. I can't wait to lose the weight.

Unfortunately, I attracted the wrong attention at dance clubs when I was

thinner, but now I am not as naive as I was then (at least I don't think so).

I hear you when you say ESP.... I have to look past it because I think I

create roadblocks to just get out there and date!

Jackie

Shauna Thalman wrote:

I too can relate to both of you. Issues brought on weight problems,

and the weight problem brought on even MORE issues. We have so many issues to

work through, I do highly suggest therapy, I cannot tell you the difference it

has made in my life. I know many fear therapy thinking it makes them look weak,

but I am proud of it myself. I feel that it takes a lot of strength to put

yourself out there and say you have issues you need to work through and then

actually doing the work. No matter how small right now, it will grow into

something uncontrollable if you don't do something. Sorry, had to express that.

Just like many I had a majorly disfunctional family that contributed to my

weight issues. Sexual abuse and mental abuse. me as a person never seemed to be

enough. So I got walked on by so many because I would have licked dirt off their

shoes if I thought they would accept me. Sad, but true. As time went on, I

started drinking to losen up in high school, partied hard to be accepted... and

well realized I didn't have to do the drinking if I would have just felt that my

personality was enough. I started hanging out in a kareoke bars because I could

sing and that was my one true glory, I would have people approaching me all the

time. That was my way into society, singing. That scene got old and next thing I

knew I was a lone again. The truth is... at that point, I had finally believed

what everyone was telling me, I was not enough. It's like a domino affect, it

leads from one issue to another. One addiction to another.

Which now leads me to fear people. I personally feel that I have to be who I

want to be and accept myself for that person before I go out and get into any

type of relationship. Once I accept myself and it shows, perhaps I will lose

friends from it and well, I have a detachment problem, I feel like I need to

hang on to everyone who wanted to be my friend and accept me in fear no one else

will. It is an energy drainging thing.

I have decided that too much fricken thought goes into who will like you and who

wont. You are not going to please everyone... and everyone is attracted to

different people whether it is friendship or relationship. We have to just be

ourselved get comfortable in our own skin so we can attract the right people and

enjoy that.

When I go out, I usually will scan the room to see who is there and who I

automatically think will except me or not... I have ESP hahaha... but it's true,

I think I can tell everything by how someone looks or the group they take up

with. Because I know this is a norm for me... I want to break it. My goal is to

walk into a place, not care who is there and just enjoy myself as if no one else

was there. If I am approached by people great and if not... fine too. I think

that once I have hit this point in my life, I will feel that I have accepted

myself that much more.

One last example and I will send this off so you don't feel like you are reading

a book, but...

A friend of mine was 319 lbs when she had surgery and just married, about a

year. She is now 153 lbs. As she lost the weight, she became more confident

within herself to be who she wanted to be... and the husband could not hang.

They are divorced. He said she was not the women he married. THIS is why I am in

no hurry, I need this time to discover myself again... this is one of the

reasons I mentioned attracting people by the person you are and want to be...

not the hidden shy, i'll eat crap because no one will accept me otherwise

person.

OK IM DONE! If you read this far, THANKS!!

Shauna

" O. " wrote:

Kim, I understand you more than you know. I too was tortured in grade

school. I still feel the effects of this. I think that is why I let

very few people know the real me, I think this is why I build up

walls and let very very few people know the real me (my husband and

my best friend are it). I was told that I was stupid (even by 2

teachers) and ugly from K - 6th grade. Now that my oldest is in

school, I join in (PTA and room mom) but not fully, I do not trust

them. LOL and how ironic my son goes to the same grade school I did.

It is diffrent now and he is well liked, But I homeschooled him for a

year and a half because of the fact he would be at the same school.

It is something that is getting kind of better but I honestly think

that I will never fully trust people because if it.

OXOXOX

> >

> > Hi All!!!

> >

> > has brought up a great point. How are you all dealing with

> > attention from the opposite sex?? LOL Me????? I deal with it

> > horribly, I ignore it. I act as if it does not exist. I'm like an

> old

> > horse with blinders on I look straight ahead and go on with my

> > business.

> >

> > How are you dealing with it? Fess up those of you that deal with

> it

> > well I want to hear your secrets. Those of you who don't tell us

> why

> > you think you don't.

> >

> > I'm not entirely sure why I don't feel comfortable with it. It

> isn't

> > as if they will bite me!! I tend to think when I was big they

> didn't

> > look at me so why are they looking at me now; I'm the same

person.

> > I'm just in a smaller package. It makes me uncomfortable and

angry

> at

> > times.

> >

> >

> > Hugs!!!!

> >

> >

>

---------------------------------

Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. Make PC-to-Phone Calls to the US (and 30+

countries) for 2¢/min or less.

---------------------------------

Talk is cheap. Use Yahoo! Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls. Great rates

starting at 1¢/min.

[Guest guest]

Shauna....you are my twin!!! he he!

I too love to sing - that is why I joined the church choir. People want me

to sing at karoake, but my voice doesn't sound as good (people like it). I also

like to dance (probably more than sing). Even as a 9-year-old - I was

overweight, but my ballet class I loved and was good. Fortunately, my teacher

never said anything about the weight - when it came to pick out costumes - we

ended up buying size 14 or making them. Now I take swing or salsa lessons and I

don't feel I can move as well. I can't wait to lose the weight.

Unfortunately, I attracted the wrong attention at dance clubs when I was

thinner, but now I am not as naive as I was then (at least I don't think so).

I hear you when you say ESP.... I have to look past it because I think I

create roadblocks to just get out there and date!

Jackie

Shauna Thalman wrote:

I too can relate to both of you. Issues brought on weight problems,

and the weight problem brought on even MORE issues. We have so many issues to

work through, I do highly suggest therapy, I cannot tell you the difference it

has made in my life. I know many fear therapy thinking it makes them look weak,

but I am proud of it myself. I feel that it takes a lot of strength to put

yourself out there and say you have issues you need to work through and then

actually doing the work. No matter how small right now, it will grow into

something uncontrollable if you don't do something. Sorry, had to express that.

Just like many I had a majorly disfunctional family that contributed to my

weight issues. Sexual abuse and mental abuse. me as a person never seemed to be

enough. So I got walked on by so many because I would have licked dirt off their

shoes if I thought they would accept me. Sad, but true. As time went on, I

started drinking to losen up in high school, partied hard to be accepted... and

well realized I didn't have to do the drinking if I would have just felt that my

personality was enough. I started hanging out in a kareoke bars because I could

sing and that was my one true glory, I would have people approaching me all the

time. That was my way into society, singing. That scene got old and next thing I

knew I was a lone again. The truth is... at that point, I had finally believed

what everyone was telling me, I was not enough. It's like a domino affect, it

leads from one issue to another. One addiction to another.

Which now leads me to fear people. I personally feel that I have to be who I

want to be and accept myself for that person before I go out and get into any

type of relationship. Once I accept myself and it shows, perhaps I will lose

friends from it and well, I have a detachment problem, I feel like I need to

hang on to everyone who wanted to be my friend and accept me in fear no one else

will. It is an energy drainging thing.

I have decided that too much fricken thought goes into who will like you and who

wont. You are not going to please everyone... and everyone is attracted to

different people whether it is friendship or relationship. We have to just be

ourselved get comfortable in our own skin so we can attract the right people and

enjoy that.

When I go out, I usually will scan the room to see who is there and who I

automatically think will except me or not... I have ESP hahaha... but it's true,

I think I can tell everything by how someone looks or the group they take up

with. Because I know this is a norm for me... I want to break it. My goal is to

walk into a place, not care who is there and just enjoy myself as if no one else

was there. If I am approached by people great and if not... fine too. I think

that once I have hit this point in my life, I will feel that I have accepted

myself that much more.

One last example and I will send this off so you don't feel like you are reading

a book, but...

A friend of mine was 319 lbs when she had surgery and just married, about a

year. She is now 153 lbs. As she lost the weight, she became more confident

within herself to be who she wanted to be... and the husband could not hang.

They are divorced. He said she was not the women he married. THIS is why I am in

no hurry, I need this time to discover myself again... this is one of the

reasons I mentioned attracting people by the person you are and want to be...

not the hidden shy, i'll eat crap because no one will accept me otherwise

person.

OK IM DONE! If you read this far, THANKS!!

Shauna

" O. " wrote:

Kim, I understand you more than you know. I too was tortured in grade

school. I still feel the effects of this. I think that is why I let

very few people know the real me, I think this is why I build up

walls and let very very few people know the real me (my husband and

my best friend are it). I was told that I was stupid (even by 2

teachers) and ugly from K - 6th grade. Now that my oldest is in

school, I join in (PTA and room mom) but not fully, I do not trust

them. LOL and how ironic my son goes to the same grade school I did.

It is diffrent now and he is well liked, But I homeschooled him for a

year and a half because of the fact he would be at the same school.

It is something that is getting kind of better but I honestly think

that I will never fully trust people because if it.

OXOXOX

> >

> > Hi All!!!

> >

> > has brought up a great point. How are you all dealing with

> > attention from the opposite sex?? LOL Me????? I deal with it

> > horribly, I ignore it. I act as if it does not exist. I'm like an

> old

> > horse with blinders on I look straight ahead and go on with my

> > business.

> >

> > How are you dealing with it? Fess up those of you that deal with

> it

> > well I want to hear your secrets. Those of you who don't tell us

> why

> > you think you don't.

> >

> > I'm not entirely sure why I don't feel comfortable with it. It

> isn't

> > as if they will bite me!! I tend to think when I was big they

> didn't

> > look at me so why are they looking at me now; I'm the same

person.

> > I'm just in a smaller package. It makes me uncomfortable and

angry

> at

> > times.

> >

> >

> > Hugs!!!!

> >

> >

>

---------------------------------

Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. Make PC-to-Phone Calls to the US (and 30+

countries) for 2¢/min or less.

---------------------------------

Talk is cheap. Use Yahoo! Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls. Great rates

starting at 1¢/min.

[Guest guest]

Shauna....you are my twin!!! he he!

I too love to sing - that is why I joined the church choir. People want me

to sing at karoake, but my voice doesn't sound as good (people like it). I also

like to dance (probably more than sing). Even as a 9-year-old - I was

overweight, but my ballet class I loved and was good. Fortunately, my teacher

never said anything about the weight - when it came to pick out costumes - we

ended up buying size 14 or making them. Now I take swing or salsa lessons and I

don't feel I can move as well. I can't wait to lose the weight.

Unfortunately, I attracted the wrong attention at dance clubs when I was

thinner, but now I am not as naive as I was then (at least I don't think so).

I hear you when you say ESP.... I have to look past it because I think I

create roadblocks to just get out there and date!

Jackie

Shauna Thalman wrote:

I too can relate to both of you. Issues brought on weight problems,

and the weight problem brought on even MORE issues. We have so many issues to

work through, I do highly suggest therapy, I cannot tell you the difference it

has made in my life. I know many fear therapy thinking it makes them look weak,

but I am proud of it myself. I feel that it takes a lot of strength to put

yourself out there and say you have issues you need to work through and then

actually doing the work. No matter how small right now, it will grow into

something uncontrollable if you don't do something. Sorry, had to express that.

Just like many I had a majorly disfunctional family that contributed to my

weight issues. Sexual abuse and mental abuse. me as a person never seemed to be

enough. So I got walked on by so many because I would have licked dirt off their

shoes if I thought they would accept me. Sad, but true. As time went on, I

started drinking to losen up in high school, partied hard to be accepted... and

well realized I didn't have to do the drinking if I would have just felt that my

personality was enough. I started hanging out in a kareoke bars because I could

sing and that was my one true glory, I would have people approaching me all the

time. That was my way into society, singing. That scene got old and next thing I

knew I was a lone again. The truth is... at that point, I had finally believed

what everyone was telling me, I was not enough. It's like a domino affect, it

leads from one issue to another. One addiction to another.

Which now leads me to fear people. I personally feel that I have to be who I

want to be and accept myself for that person before I go out and get into any

type of relationship. Once I accept myself and it shows, perhaps I will lose

friends from it and well, I have a detachment problem, I feel like I need to

hang on to everyone who wanted to be my friend and accept me in fear no one else

will. It is an energy drainging thing.

I have decided that too much fricken thought goes into who will like you and who

wont. You are not going to please everyone... and everyone is attracted to

different people whether it is friendship or relationship. We have to just be

ourselved get comfortable in our own skin so we can attract the right people and

enjoy that.

When I go out, I usually will scan the room to see who is there and who I

automatically think will except me or not... I have ESP hahaha... but it's true,

I think I can tell everything by how someone looks or the group they take up

with. Because I know this is a norm for me... I want to break it. My goal is to

walk into a place, not care who is there and just enjoy myself as if no one else

was there. If I am approached by people great and if not... fine too. I think

that once I have hit this point in my life, I will feel that I have accepted

myself that much more.

One last example and I will send this off so you don't feel like you are reading

a book, but...

A friend of mine was 319 lbs when she had surgery and just married, about a

year. She is now 153 lbs. As she lost the weight, she became more confident

within herself to be who she wanted to be... and the husband could not hang.

They are divorced. He said she was not the women he married. THIS is why I am in

no hurry, I need this time to discover myself again... this is one of the

reasons I mentioned attracting people by the person you are and want to be...

not the hidden shy, i'll eat crap because no one will accept me otherwise

person.

OK IM DONE! If you read this far, THANKS!!

Shauna

" O. " wrote:

Kim, I understand you more than you know. I too was tortured in grade

school. I still feel the effects of this. I think that is why I let

very few people know the real me, I think this is why I build up

walls and let very very few people know the real me (my husband and

my best friend are it). I was told that I was stupid (even by 2

teachers) and ugly from K - 6th grade. Now that my oldest is in

school, I join in (PTA and room mom) but not fully, I do not trust

them. LOL and how ironic my son goes to the same grade school I did.

It is diffrent now and he is well liked, But I homeschooled him for a

year and a half because of the fact he would be at the same school.

It is something that is getting kind of better but I honestly think

that I will never fully trust people because if it.

OXOXOX

> >

> > Hi All!!!

> >

> > has brought up a great point. How are you all dealing with

> > attention from the opposite sex?? LOL Me????? I deal with it

> > horribly, I ignore it. I act as if it does not exist. I'm like an

> old

> > horse with blinders on I look straight ahead and go on with my

> > business.

> >

> > How are you dealing with it? Fess up those of you that deal with

> it

> > well I want to hear your secrets. Those of you who don't tell us

> why

> > you think you don't.

> >

> > I'm not entirely sure why I don't feel comfortable with it. It

> isn't

> > as if they will bite me!! I tend to think when I was big they

> didn't

> > look at me so why are they looking at me now; I'm the same

person.

> > I'm just in a smaller package. It makes me uncomfortable and

angry

> at

> > times.

> >

> >

> > Hugs!!!!

> >

> >

>

---------------------------------

Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. Make PC-to-Phone Calls to the US (and 30+

countries) for 2¢/min or less.

---------------------------------

Talk is cheap. Use Yahoo! Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls. Great rates

starting at 1¢/min.

[Guest guest]

thanks for sharing ladies. talk about issues...got a year?lol

luckily i got my councelling before all of the prep for going to

surgery. i too thought they may say i've got too many issues too.

putting on weight is definitly one of our defences as women to make

us unatractive to people when we've been hurt experianceing the

wrong kind of attention. i think weather going for surgery or not

everyone should seek councelling, or we may run the risk of dealing

with old issues in old ways. unfortunately just because the abuser

is gone dosen't mean we're done with it. sucks dosen't it? oh well,

at least we're together and improving our lives. this is an

important step in no longer assuming the victim roll..so alittle tap

on the sholder and...good for us. rock on ladies! women power!

> > > >

> > > > Hi All!!!

> > > >

> > > > has brought up a great point. How are you all dealing

> with

> > > > attention from the opposite sex?? LOL Me????? I deal with it

> > > > horribly, I ignore it. I act as if it does not exist. I'm

like

> an

> > > old

> > > > horse with blinders on I look straight ahead and go on with

my

> > > > business.

> > > >

> > > > How are you dealing with it? Fess up those of you that deal

> with

> > > it

> > > > well I want to hear your secrets. Those of you who don't

tell

> us

> > > why

> > > > you think you don't.

> > > >

> > > > I'm not entirely sure why I don't feel comfortable with it.

It

> > > isn't

> > > > as if they will bite me!! I tend to think when I was big

they

> > > didn't

> > > > look at me so why are they looking at me now; I'm the same

> > person.

> > > > I'm just in a smaller package. It makes me uncomfortable and

> > angry

> > > at

> > > > times.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Hugs!!!!

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. Make PC-to-Phone Calls to the US

(and

> 30+ countries) for 2¢/min or less.

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Talk is cheap. Use Yahoo! Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls.

> Great rates starting at 1¢/min.

> >

> >