Betty

[Guest guest]

Dear Betty:

I can tell you what my psychologist told me when I literally became afraid to go

to the bathroom after having a lower GI bleed. This was not long after someone I

knew on the list had a bowel perforation and needed emergency surgery.

He said first to plan whatever I would need in case of an emergency complication

(or worse) and get that in place, then to use thought stopping to counteract the

recurring thoughts. He pointed out the more stressed out I got, the more my

heart rate and BP went up further putting me at risk of having a problem. He

said, first to allow myself only so much time or so many times a day to think

those thoughts. The rest of the time, to make a conscious effort to say to

myself something like " I am going to enjoy today and not think about this " . When

you have a specific thought to counteract this tape that plays over and over in

your mind, it becomes easier, with practice to shove back these thoughts. This

way, you aren't denying the problem exists or it isn't a legitimate one but only

allowing so much of your mental and emotional energy to be used up on something

you have limited ability to change. WHen you have thoughts on one topic always

on your mind, it can get to the point that it interferes with your ability to

enjoy what time you will have left, however long that may be and to me, that is

a really terrible consequence.

I am really bad at not being able to get things that are worrying me off my

mind. It is like it is there every second. I found this is the only thing that

has helped me. I do feel more content, although nothing has changed for the

better. I am constantly worried about money and have been using this to try to

gradually push those thoughts back because it had gotten to the point that I

could hardly haev a normal conversation with people or even go grocery shopping

without feeling panic and guilt for spending money (on top of the health stuff I

have on my mind)

I personally can't get into the positive thinking line - convincing myself

things are fine or going to be fine, when in taking a logical look at my reality

are not going to be fine. I don't feel I can lie to myself. This is why I like

this technique, and maybe you will too. It allows you to keep these thoughts

from being so harmful. It doesn't discount very real fears. It lets you set

guidelines to keep these things you can do little to change from encroaching too

much - so you can still get some quality out of your life inspite of the very

real worry

Hope this helps

Joyce

[Guest guest]

I have VEDS, and have had three major operations in the stomach.

The second last one was due to severe internal bleeding into the bowel.

The last one was adhesions on the bowel which resulted in having an Ileostomy

fitted.

Although I wear a 'bag', I consider it one of the better decisions made by the

surgeons.

All the best

Colin Ormiston

colin@...

[Guest guest]

> Dear Betty:

>

The rest of the time, to make a conscious effort to say to myself

something like " I am going to enjoy today and not think about this " .

When you have a specific thought to counteract this tape that plays

over and over in your mind, it becomes easier, with practice to

shove back these thoughts.

Excellent suggestion, but one point needs clarification.

What you are suggesting goes by many different " names. " It can

be " The Power of Positive Thinking, " " Visualization, " a form

of " self hypno-therapy. " Every form of massage/bodywork that I have

studied gets into this to some degree - some quite heavily.

And everything I have read and heard from any of them all stress one

key thing - the subconscious mind can not process a negative. It

does not matter what tne vizualized goal is, it must be framed

positively.

Using behaviour modification as an example, let's say you want to

stop smoking or biting your fingernails or losing your temper. If

you frame your thought or goal in terms of " I will stop " or " I will

quit " or " I will not " you just reenforce the behaviour that you want

to change. The subconscious mind blocks out the stop/quit/not and

you end up with just the opposite effect.

Instead, visualize the positive results of the changed behaviour.

How will you " feel " if you stop smoking, how will your hands " look "

with long fingernails, how " serene or peaceful " would you be if your

temper was under control.

By framing a thought that you will " not think about this " you just

end up thinking about it.

[Guest guest]

> Dear Betty:

>

The rest of the time, to make a conscious effort to say to myself

something like " I am going to enjoy today and not think about this " .

When you have a specific thought to counteract this tape that plays

over and over in your mind, it becomes easier, with practice to

shove back these thoughts.

Excellent suggestion, but one point needs clarification.

What you are suggesting goes by many different " names. " It can

be " The Power of Positive Thinking, " " Visualization, " a form

of " self hypno-therapy. " Every form of massage/bodywork that I have

studied gets into this to some degree - some quite heavily.

And everything I have read and heard from any of them all stress one

key thing - the subconscious mind can not process a negative. It

does not matter what tne vizualized goal is, it must be framed

positively.

Using behaviour modification as an example, let's say you want to

stop smoking or biting your fingernails or losing your temper. If

you frame your thought or goal in terms of " I will stop " or " I will

quit " or " I will not " you just reenforce the behaviour that you want

to change. The subconscious mind blocks out the stop/quit/not and

you end up with just the opposite effect.

Instead, visualize the positive results of the changed behaviour.

How will you " feel " if you stop smoking, how will your hands " look "

with long fingernails, how " serene or peaceful " would you be if your

temper was under control.

By framing a thought that you will " not think about this " you just

end up thinking about it.

[Guest guest]

Hi Betty,

I just want to tell you about something I did after my much loved grandmother

died. She was well into her 90's. I hadn't seen much of her in many years.

She had dementia, and when I did visit her the last time, she didn't even know

who I was.

She was the most loved, most important person in my life. She was my one " safe

zone " when I was young. I always thought I'd have one more chance to see her

again. It was almost like I thought she was the one who was gonna beat the

mortality thing.

I had a very hard time coming to term with her death. I was in England, and she

was in New York.

She died in the middle of winter, and we couldn't have her funeral until spring.

So I spent months in a state of depression and anxiety.

I was completely devistated.

My friend, also an American, whose husband was working on the same progect with

my husband, lived next door.

She is a psychologist.

She had me come to her house to try something called " interactive guided

imagery " .

She got me into a very relaxed state (sort of like semi-hypnotised me), and

guided me through a visualization.

She had me imagine my grandma, where she is now, what she is doing, etc.

I imagined my grandma sitting on the grass, under a tree on a hillside. She was

holding her baby girl who was stillborn (which she never got over), talking with

her much loved sister (whose death she never got over). She was so happy in my

visualization. It was a sunny day and the birds were singing. Grandpa was off

in the distance, and they were arguing about stupid stuff (which they always

did).

Then my friend asked me to ask my grandma for a gift. I did, and grandma

pointed to the birds. She always loved birds - had canaries in her home, and

almost every day, she'd have me stop what I was doing to listen to the wild

birds sing.

During this session, I ended up blubbering like a fool. It was so powerful, and

it all came into my mind on it's own, sort of like a movie playing in my head.

When we were done, and I finally stoped crying, I went home, exhausted.

Then, I felt better. It was like all that devistation was washed away. I was

able to finally come to terms with it all.

Now, when I think of my grandma, I see her there on that hillside, happy and

content, and when I hear birds, It makes me think of her, and I'm happy. I'm

happy that I had the time I did with her. And, I remember the comfort and love

she gave so freely to me when I was young. I still get a little teary eyed

thinking of her sometimes, but that picture of her always comes into my mind,

and it comforts me.

I don't know if this is something you would want to try, but I wanted to tell

you about it because it has helped me so much.

Hugs,

[Guest guest]

Betty,

Find the joy in everything around you and know just how precious your time

is, how much people love and care about you and just try to realize how much

of an impact you make on the lives of those around you. through this, I

hope you find peace for the anxiety you are feeling and through this, I hope

you will find the courage to face each day with enthusiasm and hope. You

have a full plate and your heart is heavy, and for that I feel badly for

you, but know that each day is special and each day that you have the

opportunity to simply breathe in fresh air is a gift.

I do not know if you are a spiritual person or not, but if you are and are a

member of a church, look to your leader there and try to find some answers

you can live with.

I wish I could remove your burden, but knowing that I can't, I am compelled

to tell you that I happily share it with you.

Jill

[Guest guest]

Betty,

Find the joy in everything around you and know just how precious your time

is, how much people love and care about you and just try to realize how much

of an impact you make on the lives of those around you. through this, I

hope you find peace for the anxiety you are feeling and through this, I hope

you will find the courage to face each day with enthusiasm and hope. You

have a full plate and your heart is heavy, and for that I feel badly for

you, but know that each day is special and each day that you have the

opportunity to simply breathe in fresh air is a gift.

I do not know if you are a spiritual person or not, but if you are and are a

member of a church, look to your leader there and try to find some answers

you can live with.

I wish I could remove your burden, but knowing that I can't, I am compelled

to tell you that I happily share it with you.

Jill

[Guest guest]

I think that's a WONDERFUL thing to do, , and what a wonderful memory

for you! A great tribute to your grandmother!

Love Lana

" 'Be who you are and say what you feel because those

who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.' "

Dr. Suess