Re: Attention

October 13, 2006

Ladies,

You're not alone. I can relate to being checked out only because I

think people were wondering how I even moved let alone functioned as

a human being at the size I was. I probably get checked out now too

but as you've stated, I'm oblivious to it or I've conditioned myself

to ignore/suspect it as condemnation.

I like the idea of therapy even for things that might seem minor (why

wait until they're major issues right).

My kids have started going to a new school this year. It's roughly 5-

6 times the size of their old school. I'm meeting dozens of new

parents, coaches, friends, teachers, administrators, suburbanites,

etc. Is it just me are do they all seem to be approaching me and

talking to me a bit more " on level " if you will? I don't seem to have

to initiate conversations as much nor do I have to struggle to

maintain contact. Maybe these folks are just more efficient than the

old group I used to deal with except that it almost seems that the

few of them I still interact with ALSO seem to be " checking me out "

and paying closer attention to me.

This isn't so much uncomfortable as it is curious and interesting. On

the bright side having to struggle through being ignored and shunned

it's quite easy to operate in this new environment of general

acceptance. It's not pleasant to consider that obesity is viewed so

poorly even it is just a low level of malaise.

Mike in GR

> I have a sort of odd question that I've only thought about because

of this thread. As a larger woman, I don't get a ton of male

attention. Friendly male attention. I do get some, but not a lot. To

be honest, it's part of the reason I became a large woman. As an

overdeveloped teen, I got too much attention and it scared the hell

out of me. So I wore larger clothes and started gaining weight. Now,

I'm an adult. What if I can't deal with it when I'm down to goal

weight? Anyone with similar issues. I really hadn't thought deeply

about it, but it could sabotage me if I don't think about it.

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October 13, 2006

Thanks so much for sharing your journey Shauna. I am in therapy now, because I'm

getting a divorce. And the process of coming back into myself and falling back

in love with myself is what has allowed me to go forward with the surgery,

because my husband was killing it before. I'll talk with my therapist about this

issue as well. I realize that it can be overwhelming, and I find that men can be

major assholes (except Mike and Mike?) and I'm not yet confident enough to

handle that. I agree that I'm very pleased I found this board, because it makes

it easier to deal with all the issues knowing that others are also dealing with

it and successfully. Hey, I guess if I can eat cottage cheese, I can deal with

come ons at the mall.

Re: Re: Attention

and Group,

I know EXACTLY!!! how you are feeling. Having problems with men growing up, I

fought with my weight as well. I did not want to be attractive in their eyes. I

have had therapy before surgery, but did not start digging into this issue until

right after surgery because I recognized it then. Since surgery I have lost over

100 lbs and now I get attention quite often. The first time I did I FREAKED out

honestly. I wanted to run in the other direction. A couple of days ago my sister

and I were in the store and this guy was checking me out but I didn't notice. I

am oblivious to it because, well its been so long since I have seen people look

at me because I looked nice rather then OMG SHE " S HUGE! anyways, it is a

battle... but you know it is something I know I will get through because

I can control the outcome. My therapist and I are working on me slowly getting

back out into society that I have hidden myself from for so long. We are dealing

with the deep rooted issues

that have brought me to this moment and you know what.. I feel like a weight is

slowly lifting off of me. It's not easy and it takes time, but you

diserve this and it is worth the effort to get there. I am not freaking out as

much as I was before. I am trying to take it in as it is normal for someone to

be attracted to another and that I don't have to respond if I don't want to.

I highly suggest to everyone to have therapy just before and after surgery to

help recognize any issues that have held you back throughout the years and to

face those head on because if you don't you are so right, it could all back

fire. Like I said, the first time a guy approached me in a store, I freaked and

my first instinct was to plaster the fat back on so he would not see me. My

therapist and this board helped me through that moment and will help me through

many more. I know you all know where I am coming from, that makes such a

difference in this healing process. Thank you!

Shauna

J Tro <snoopy4jtro@ yahoo.com> wrote:

We have talked about this before and it is more common than you think.

I for one chose a counselor BEFORE surgery just to handle this subject. It is

very individualized. It is good to start addressing them now.

Jackie

Wang <shellylori (AT) yahoo (DOT) com> wrote:

I have a sort of odd question that I've only thought about because of this

thread. As a larger woman, I don't get a ton of male attention. Friendly male

attention. I do get some, but not a lot. To be honest, it's part of the reason I

became a large woman. As an overdeveloped teen, I got too much attention and it

scared the hell out of me. So I wore larger clothes and started gaining weight.

Now, I'm an adult. What if I can't deal with it when I'm down to goal weight?

Anyone with similar issues. I really hadn't thought deeply about it, but it

could sabotage me if I don't think about it.

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October 13, 2006