Guest guest Posted August 6, 2005 Report Share Posted August 6, 2005 >we can wallow and sing the pity song-or we can rise above it and see beyond it.< ly, I don't see anyone wallowing in self-pity on this list. IMO, there's nothing wrong with talking about what we are going through. Are there people worse off? Sure. But another person's pain and suffering doesn't lessen mine. In my case, it just makes me feel sadder. We all have our challenges, some more than others. Does trying to make people feel guilty about their pain *help* anyone? Dianne ____________________________________________________ Start your day with Yahoo! - make it your home page http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 6, 2005 Report Share Posted August 6, 2005 >we can wallow and sing the pity song-or we can rise above it and see beyond it.< ly, I don't see anyone wallowing in self-pity on this list. IMO, there's nothing wrong with talking about what we are going through. Are there people worse off? Sure. But another person's pain and suffering doesn't lessen mine. In my case, it just makes me feel sadder. We all have our challenges, some more than others. Does trying to make people feel guilty about their pain *help* anyone? Dianne Thank you for saying what I could not Dianne - I never felt that having depression was singing the " pity " song. Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 6, 2005 Report Share Posted August 6, 2005 >we can wallow and sing the pity song-or we can rise above it and see beyond it.< ly, I don't see anyone wallowing in self-pity on this list. IMO, there's nothing wrong with talking about what we are going through. Are there people worse off? Sure. But another person's pain and suffering doesn't lessen mine. In my case, it just makes me feel sadder. We all have our challenges, some more than others. Does trying to make people feel guilty about their pain *help* anyone? Dianne Thank you for saying what I could not Dianne - I never felt that having depression was singing the " pity " song. Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 6, 2005 Report Share Posted August 6, 2005 >Thank you for saying what I could not Dianne - I never felt that having depression was singing the " pity " song.< It isn't, Barb, any more than discussing running a high fever or breaking a leg is self-pity. Depression isn't " the blues " and it doesn't go away by itself just because we want it to. Grrrrrr... It makes me really mad. I've been " guilted " within an inch of my life and I don't stand for it any more. Hugs, Dianne __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 6, 2005 Report Share Posted August 6, 2005 >Thank you for saying what I could not Dianne - I never felt that having depression was singing the " pity " song.< It isn't, Barb, any more than discussing running a high fever or breaking a leg is self-pity. Depression isn't " the blues " and it doesn't go away by itself just because we want it to. Grrrrrr... It makes me really mad. I've been " guilted " within an inch of my life and I don't stand for it any more. Hugs, Dianne __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 6, 2005 Report Share Posted August 6, 2005 >Thank you for saying what I could not Dianne - I never felt that having depression was singing the " pity " song.< It isn't, Barb, any more than discussing running a high fever or breaking a leg is self-pity. Depression isn't " the blues " and it doesn't go away by itself just because we want it to. Grrrrrr... It makes me really mad. I've been " guilted " within an inch of my life and I don't stand for it any more. Hugs, Dianne __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 6, 2005 Report Share Posted August 6, 2005 Hey Everyone, I wasn't trying to make anyone feel guilty about the pains they are dealing with. It is just that we can give in to it, which is really dangerous or we can fight like hell to overcome it. I have had my periods of depression. Luckily, I have a daughter that needed me. I also believe that suicide is the easy way out. This is just me. I have struggled with many different things over my life time. Too many to go through and most people don't want to hear it any way. So, I don't complain, I just keep going forward. I know how I want my life to be and I try to get to that point every day. So, I hope you all find what you need to get to your good spot. Take care, __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 6, 2005 Report Share Posted August 6, 2005 Hey Everyone, I wasn't trying to make anyone feel guilty about the pains they are dealing with. It is just that we can give in to it, which is really dangerous or we can fight like hell to overcome it. I have had my periods of depression. Luckily, I have a daughter that needed me. I also believe that suicide is the easy way out. This is just me. I have struggled with many different things over my life time. Too many to go through and most people don't want to hear it any way. So, I don't complain, I just keep going forward. I know how I want my life to be and I try to get to that point every day. So, I hope you all find what you need to get to your good spot. Take care, __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 6, 2005 Report Share Posted August 6, 2005 Hey Everyone, I wasn't trying to make anyone feel guilty about the pains they are dealing with. It is just that we can give in to it, which is really dangerous or we can fight like hell to overcome it. I have had my periods of depression. Luckily, I have a daughter that needed me. I also believe that suicide is the easy way out. This is just me. I have struggled with many different things over my life time. Too many to go through and most people don't want to hear it any way. So, I don't complain, I just keep going forward. I know how I want my life to be and I try to get to that point every day. So, I hope you all find what you need to get to your good spot. Take care, __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 6, 2005 Report Share Posted August 6, 2005 , what makes you think people on this list are giving in to their depression and pain? I think this subject was brought up by discussing foods and moods and controlling diabetes and helping Edd's friend. Just exchanging info can be helpful for some. I know I learned new things that will help me understand my cravings for food that will raise my bg's. Depression is not the same for everyone. You were lucky to fight your way through it. I certainly wanted a more functional life. Many of us have children that need us. No offense but most of us love our kids as much as you do yours. I raised 4 children by myself and they are all functional and educated. I was mostly depressed when I wasn't manic and buying them a pony or having truckloads of beach sand delivered. ) It just isn't so simple for everybody but most of us are doing our best to struggle along. Depression and physical pain do complicate taking care of our diabetes so I appreciated this topic today. Suicide may seem the easy way out in your mind. It's more likely the person is in so much emotional pain and thinks there is no way out so isn't thinking rationally. Very sad. Another good reason for people to share so others in pain might find something to hope for and see they are not alone. Laurel > I wasn't trying to make anyone feel guilty about the > pains they are dealing with. It is just that we can > give in to it, which is really dangerous or we can > fight like hell to overcome it. I have had my periods > of depression. Luckily, I have a daughter that needed > me. I also believe that suicide is the easy way out. > This is just me. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 6, 2005 Report Share Posted August 6, 2005 , what makes you think people on this list are giving in to their depression and pain? I think this subject was brought up by discussing foods and moods and controlling diabetes and helping Edd's friend. Just exchanging info can be helpful for some. I know I learned new things that will help me understand my cravings for food that will raise my bg's. Depression is not the same for everyone. You were lucky to fight your way through it. I certainly wanted a more functional life. Many of us have children that need us. No offense but most of us love our kids as much as you do yours. I raised 4 children by myself and they are all functional and educated. I was mostly depressed when I wasn't manic and buying them a pony or having truckloads of beach sand delivered. ) It just isn't so simple for everybody but most of us are doing our best to struggle along. Depression and physical pain do complicate taking care of our diabetes so I appreciated this topic today. Suicide may seem the easy way out in your mind. It's more likely the person is in so much emotional pain and thinks there is no way out so isn't thinking rationally. Very sad. Another good reason for people to share so others in pain might find something to hope for and see they are not alone. Laurel > I wasn't trying to make anyone feel guilty about the > pains they are dealing with. It is just that we can > give in to it, which is really dangerous or we can > fight like hell to overcome it. I have had my periods > of depression. Luckily, I have a daughter that needed > me. I also believe that suicide is the easy way out. > This is just me. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 6, 2005 Report Share Posted August 6, 2005 , what makes you think people on this list are giving in to their depression and pain? I think this subject was brought up by discussing foods and moods and controlling diabetes and helping Edd's friend. Just exchanging info can be helpful for some. I know I learned new things that will help me understand my cravings for food that will raise my bg's. Depression is not the same for everyone. You were lucky to fight your way through it. I certainly wanted a more functional life. Many of us have children that need us. No offense but most of us love our kids as much as you do yours. I raised 4 children by myself and they are all functional and educated. I was mostly depressed when I wasn't manic and buying them a pony or having truckloads of beach sand delivered. ) It just isn't so simple for everybody but most of us are doing our best to struggle along. Depression and physical pain do complicate taking care of our diabetes so I appreciated this topic today. Suicide may seem the easy way out in your mind. It's more likely the person is in so much emotional pain and thinks there is no way out so isn't thinking rationally. Very sad. Another good reason for people to share so others in pain might find something to hope for and see they are not alone. Laurel > I wasn't trying to make anyone feel guilty about the > pains they are dealing with. It is just that we can > give in to it, which is really dangerous or we can > fight like hell to overcome it. I have had my periods > of depression. Luckily, I have a daughter that needed > me. I also believe that suicide is the easy way out. > This is just me. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 6, 2005 Report Share Posted August 6, 2005 I never really thought you were trying to make me feel guilty. I don't feel guilt anymore, about anything. My first thought was of Reagan and her just say no campaign. It came across to me as just say no to pain. We all have alot in common on this list, but we all walk different paths. How can we judge how another reacts to a given situation, without knowing the different paths that led them there. I respect your strength in dealing with the things you've gone through, but sometimes what we need is a hug. Thats sorta what this is about. I need hugs and so do others. Its not so easy gettin and givin hugs online, but it can be done. Here . . . I'll prove it to ya ((((HUG)))! I have a great wife and can ask for a hug anytime I want one. Its not a problem with her. But if I tell her every time I feel down then she will feel down too. Thats where outside support comes in. As for suicide being easy. . . I recently had a friend end his life. I sang at his funeral. He was dying of cancer and just couldn't deal with it any longer. What would be the point of continued suffering? I don't think it was easy for him to make the decision. I think about it, almost daily. Its not easy to think about. Don't get me wrong, I'm not thinking about doing anything in the immediate future. But I can understand why some people feel the need to leave this world. > I wasn't trying to make anyone feel guilty about the > pains they are dealing with. It is just that we can > give in to it, which is really dangerous or we can > fight like hell to overcome it. I have had my periods > of depression. Luckily, I have a daughter that needed > me. I also believe that suicide is the easy way out. > This is just me. I have struggled with many different > things over my life time. Too many to go through and > most people don't want to hear it any way. So, I don't > complain, I just keep going forward. I know how I want > my life to be and I try to get to that point every > day. So, I hope you all find what you need to get to > your good spot. > > Take care, > > > > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 6, 2005 Report Share Posted August 6, 2005 I never really thought you were trying to make me feel guilty. I don't feel guilt anymore, about anything. My first thought was of Reagan and her just say no campaign. It came across to me as just say no to pain. We all have alot in common on this list, but we all walk different paths. How can we judge how another reacts to a given situation, without knowing the different paths that led them there. I respect your strength in dealing with the things you've gone through, but sometimes what we need is a hug. Thats sorta what this is about. I need hugs and so do others. Its not so easy gettin and givin hugs online, but it can be done. Here . . . I'll prove it to ya ((((HUG)))! I have a great wife and can ask for a hug anytime I want one. Its not a problem with her. But if I tell her every time I feel down then she will feel down too. Thats where outside support comes in. As for suicide being easy. . . I recently had a friend end his life. I sang at his funeral. He was dying of cancer and just couldn't deal with it any longer. What would be the point of continued suffering? I don't think it was easy for him to make the decision. I think about it, almost daily. Its not easy to think about. Don't get me wrong, I'm not thinking about doing anything in the immediate future. But I can understand why some people feel the need to leave this world. > I wasn't trying to make anyone feel guilty about the > pains they are dealing with. It is just that we can > give in to it, which is really dangerous or we can > fight like hell to overcome it. I have had my periods > of depression. Luckily, I have a daughter that needed > me. I also believe that suicide is the easy way out. > This is just me. I have struggled with many different > things over my life time. Too many to go through and > most people don't want to hear it any way. So, I don't > complain, I just keep going forward. I know how I want > my life to be and I try to get to that point every > day. So, I hope you all find what you need to get to > your good spot. > > Take care, > > > > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 7, 2005 Report Share Posted August 7, 2005 Jim, when I want a hug, just for some comfort, I tell my husband and it does not bring him down. That's because I have already told him, more than once, that he does not need to fix everything for me, that hugging feels so good it is enough. At least for the moment, usually for the hour, sometimes, two or three hugs, are enough to get thru the day. Why not tell your wife how good she makes you feel when you hug each other. Then she can feel she is nurturing you and feel good rather than down. Of course, she needs to understand and accept that she cannot fix everything. As a fixer myself, I know that is hard, but doable. Especially when you realize the love in the physical contact does fix things, as good as possible, for a bit. Then there is the difference between curing and healing. When you are healed by love and a loved one, you can go on without a cure. For a while. I don't know right now, but perhaps some day my pain will bring me to the same point as your friend. But now it is still bearable and there are still things in life that bring joy. Helen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 7, 2005 Report Share Posted August 7, 2005 Jim, when I want a hug, just for some comfort, I tell my husband and it does not bring him down. That's because I have already told him, more than once, that he does not need to fix everything for me, that hugging feels so good it is enough. At least for the moment, usually for the hour, sometimes, two or three hugs, are enough to get thru the day. Why not tell your wife how good she makes you feel when you hug each other. Then she can feel she is nurturing you and feel good rather than down. Of course, she needs to understand and accept that she cannot fix everything. As a fixer myself, I know that is hard, but doable. Especially when you realize the love in the physical contact does fix things, as good as possible, for a bit. Then there is the difference between curing and healing. When you are healed by love and a loved one, you can go on without a cure. For a while. I don't know right now, but perhaps some day my pain will bring me to the same point as your friend. But now it is still bearable and there are still things in life that bring joy. Helen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 7, 2005 Report Share Posted August 7, 2005 Jim, when I want a hug, just for some comfort, I tell my husband and it does not bring him down. That's because I have already told him, more than once, that he does not need to fix everything for me, that hugging feels so good it is enough. At least for the moment, usually for the hour, sometimes, two or three hugs, are enough to get thru the day. Why not tell your wife how good she makes you feel when you hug each other. Then she can feel she is nurturing you and feel good rather than down. Of course, she needs to understand and accept that she cannot fix everything. As a fixer myself, I know that is hard, but doable. Especially when you realize the love in the physical contact does fix things, as good as possible, for a bit. Then there is the difference between curing and healing. When you are healed by love and a loved one, you can go on without a cure. For a while. I don't know right now, but perhaps some day my pain will bring me to the same point as your friend. But now it is still bearable and there are still things in life that bring joy. Helen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 7, 2005 Report Share Posted August 7, 2005 In a message dated 8/6/05 8:11:29 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, koresun@... writes: >Grrrrrr... It makes me really mad. I've been " guilted " within an inch of my >life and I don't stand for it any more. >>>>>>>> Yeah. Me too. And mostly I've done it to myself. I was in the depths of a deep depression all angry at myself for not just fixing it, blaming myself and using guilt to try and make myslef snap out of it, pull myself up by my bootstraps. Didn't work. LOL No surprise now, but it just made me feel worse then, and sometimes still does when I think I'm doing depression or therapy wrong and that it's my fault I " m such a loser. I recognize the depression talking, but recognizing it doesn't always result in making the thoughts going away. I was so ashamed I didn't tell anyone for quite a while, and never have told some people for fear of hearing that it's all in my head and I should just snap out of it and get moving and get on with my life. Is it self pity to recognize that we have health, mental or physical, issues and may not be able to fix them on our own? Am I weak and lazy to have diabetes? Why think that if I have mental health issues? Society is changing on this, but it's slow. Some people have been lucky in getting the genes or whatever to be able to be optimistic despite tremendously bad things happening. My grandmother was one of those people - believed in her heart and soul that her god wouldn't give her more than she could handle, and that everything had a purpose. She was sad and grief stricken when her brother died in WWII and then her daughter died of a brain tumor, as well as other people, but her style or personality (inherited or otherwise) let her work through it. She had great hardships, losing her husband when he was 31 and then having two young daughters to raise during the depression, but it didn't knock her into a deep well of depression. She got knocked down and was able to get up again. It's that kind of resilience that I seek, and it's my lack of resilience and my pessimism and my hopelessness that hold me back. And when you're in a deep depression or even just a constant low level depression, if not both, it's very, very hard to find a way to overcome these things. Is it self pity? Or is it self care to try to do something about this issues? Is it cowardice to not be able to fix it on your own, or is it courageous to ask for help? A group like this, that allows me to talk about this and how it relates to diabetes and other conditions is very helpful, and very supportive for me. At one point, I never would have talked about it, but it hashelped me to be more open. Wallowing, I think not. More like actually trying to do something to make it better. I " m not into martyrism stoically suffering and not getting help. I don't understand it, really, even as I do it sometimes. Stacey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 7, 2005 Report Share Posted August 7, 2005 In a message dated 8/6/05 8:11:29 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, koresun@... writes: >Grrrrrr... It makes me really mad. I've been " guilted " within an inch of my >life and I don't stand for it any more. >>>>>>>> Yeah. Me too. And mostly I've done it to myself. I was in the depths of a deep depression all angry at myself for not just fixing it, blaming myself and using guilt to try and make myslef snap out of it, pull myself up by my bootstraps. Didn't work. LOL No surprise now, but it just made me feel worse then, and sometimes still does when I think I'm doing depression or therapy wrong and that it's my fault I " m such a loser. I recognize the depression talking, but recognizing it doesn't always result in making the thoughts going away. I was so ashamed I didn't tell anyone for quite a while, and never have told some people for fear of hearing that it's all in my head and I should just snap out of it and get moving and get on with my life. Is it self pity to recognize that we have health, mental or physical, issues and may not be able to fix them on our own? Am I weak and lazy to have diabetes? Why think that if I have mental health issues? Society is changing on this, but it's slow. Some people have been lucky in getting the genes or whatever to be able to be optimistic despite tremendously bad things happening. My grandmother was one of those people - believed in her heart and soul that her god wouldn't give her more than she could handle, and that everything had a purpose. She was sad and grief stricken when her brother died in WWII and then her daughter died of a brain tumor, as well as other people, but her style or personality (inherited or otherwise) let her work through it. She had great hardships, losing her husband when he was 31 and then having two young daughters to raise during the depression, but it didn't knock her into a deep well of depression. She got knocked down and was able to get up again. It's that kind of resilience that I seek, and it's my lack of resilience and my pessimism and my hopelessness that hold me back. And when you're in a deep depression or even just a constant low level depression, if not both, it's very, very hard to find a way to overcome these things. Is it self pity? Or is it self care to try to do something about this issues? Is it cowardice to not be able to fix it on your own, or is it courageous to ask for help? A group like this, that allows me to talk about this and how it relates to diabetes and other conditions is very helpful, and very supportive for me. At one point, I never would have talked about it, but it hashelped me to be more open. Wallowing, I think not. More like actually trying to do something to make it better. I " m not into martyrism stoically suffering and not getting help. I don't understand it, really, even as I do it sometimes. Stacey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 7, 2005 Report Share Posted August 7, 2005 >Depression and physical pain do complicate taking care of our diabetes so I appreciated this topic< People who haven't experienced depression often think that it's just a case of the blues and will resolve itself if we just tough it out. The blues may resolve, but depression won't. There also seems to be an unwillingness to talk about anything beyond physical problems. >Suicide may seem the easy way out in your mind.< There really isn't anything easy about suicide. Not for the person who does it, and certainly not for the people left behind. Someone once called it " a permanent solution for a temporary problem. " To my mind that's a little glib, especially when the problem is permanent as well. >Another good reason for people to share so others in pain might find something to hope for and see they are not alone.< Well said, Laurel. Dianne __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 7, 2005 Report Share Posted August 7, 2005 >Depression and physical pain do complicate taking care of our diabetes so I appreciated this topic< People who haven't experienced depression often think that it's just a case of the blues and will resolve itself if we just tough it out. The blues may resolve, but depression won't. There also seems to be an unwillingness to talk about anything beyond physical problems. >Suicide may seem the easy way out in your mind.< There really isn't anything easy about suicide. Not for the person who does it, and certainly not for the people left behind. Someone once called it " a permanent solution for a temporary problem. " To my mind that's a little glib, especially when the problem is permanent as well. >Another good reason for people to share so others in pain might find something to hope for and see they are not alone.< Well said, Laurel. Dianne __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 7, 2005 Report Share Posted August 7, 2005 >Depression and physical pain do complicate taking care of our diabetes so I appreciated this topic< People who haven't experienced depression often think that it's just a case of the blues and will resolve itself if we just tough it out. The blues may resolve, but depression won't. There also seems to be an unwillingness to talk about anything beyond physical problems. >Suicide may seem the easy way out in your mind.< There really isn't anything easy about suicide. Not for the person who does it, and certainly not for the people left behind. Someone once called it " a permanent solution for a temporary problem. " To my mind that's a little glib, especially when the problem is permanent as well. >Another good reason for people to share so others in pain might find something to hope for and see they are not alone.< Well said, Laurel. Dianne __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 7, 2005 Report Share Posted August 7, 2005 This is a very good idea. I'll do it starting today. I will just ask for generic hugs without giving all the reasons all the time. Thanks for the advice. My wife is a fixer, you hit that nail on the head as well. Do you think I should wake her up now and ask for a hug, or wait until she gets up on her own? I'll wait 8-) > Jim, when I want a hug, just for some comfort, I tell my husband and it > does not bring him down. That's because I have already told him, more > than once, that he does not need to fix everything for me, that hugging > feels so good it is enough. At least for the moment, usually for the > hour, sometimes, two or three hugs, are enough to get thru the day. > > Why not tell your wife how good she makes you feel when you hug each > other. Then she can feel she is nurturing you and feel good rather than > down. Of course, she needs to understand and accept that she cannot fix > everything. > > As a fixer myself, I know that is hard, but doable. Especially when you > realize the love in the physical contact does fix things, as good as > possible, for a bit. > > Then there is the difference between curing and healing. When you are > healed by love and a loved one, you can go on without a cure. For a while. > > I don't know right now, but perhaps some day my pain will bring me to the > same point as your friend. But now it is still bearable and there are > still things in life that bring joy. > > Helen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 7, 2005 Report Share Posted August 7, 2005 This is a very good idea. I'll do it starting today. I will just ask for generic hugs without giving all the reasons all the time. Thanks for the advice. My wife is a fixer, you hit that nail on the head as well. Do you think I should wake her up now and ask for a hug, or wait until she gets up on her own? I'll wait 8-) > Jim, when I want a hug, just for some comfort, I tell my husband and it > does not bring him down. That's because I have already told him, more > than once, that he does not need to fix everything for me, that hugging > feels so good it is enough. At least for the moment, usually for the > hour, sometimes, two or three hugs, are enough to get thru the day. > > Why not tell your wife how good she makes you feel when you hug each > other. Then she can feel she is nurturing you and feel good rather than > down. Of course, she needs to understand and accept that she cannot fix > everything. > > As a fixer myself, I know that is hard, but doable. Especially when you > realize the love in the physical contact does fix things, as good as > possible, for a bit. > > Then there is the difference between curing and healing. When you are > healed by love and a loved one, you can go on without a cure. For a while. > > I don't know right now, but perhaps some day my pain will bring me to the > same point as your friend. But now it is still bearable and there are > still things in life that bring joy. > > Helen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 7, 2005 Report Share Posted August 7, 2005 This is a very good idea. I'll do it starting today. I will just ask for generic hugs without giving all the reasons all the time. Thanks for the advice. My wife is a fixer, you hit that nail on the head as well. Do you think I should wake her up now and ask for a hug, or wait until she gets up on her own? I'll wait 8-) > Jim, when I want a hug, just for some comfort, I tell my husband and it > does not bring him down. That's because I have already told him, more > than once, that he does not need to fix everything for me, that hugging > feels so good it is enough. At least for the moment, usually for the > hour, sometimes, two or three hugs, are enough to get thru the day. > > Why not tell your wife how good she makes you feel when you hug each > other. Then she can feel she is nurturing you and feel good rather than > down. Of course, she needs to understand and accept that she cannot fix > everything. > > As a fixer myself, I know that is hard, but doable. Especially when you > realize the love in the physical contact does fix things, as good as > possible, for a bit. > > Then there is the difference between curing and healing. When you are > healed by love and a loved one, you can go on without a cure. For a while. > > I don't know right now, but perhaps some day my pain will bring me to the > same point as your friend. But now it is still bearable and there are > still things in life that bring joy. > > Helen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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