Re:Rhonda Reflections..Healing...Thoughts

[Guest guest]

Rhonda,

I don't think you sound crazy at all! You have the soul searching that

is necessary to make this a success once in for all. I have said before

and will always say, weight loss is not about food. It is much deeper

than that. It is being in the right mindset. It is caring about

yourself enough to care to take care of yourself. It might sound like a

cliche but I really believe that. In studies of people who have lost

and kept it off, one thing they have in common is it was a pivotal,

almost spiritual, life changing moment in their life where it just all

clicked and they truly commit to it. I think you are there! I am glad

we are a part of that but you need to credit yourself. You are the one

who has done the work. Information and support helps but if you are not

ready in your mind, it's not going to do a thing. You are doing it and

should be proud of yourself!

I know you have been through a lot and that takes awhile to deal with.

Maturity and motherhood definitely plays a part. So does being in a

healthy relationship and being able to deal with past trauma and

feeling safe. I know that has been a big part for me. I was abused by

my dad. He had a way of making me feel lower than dirt. Being married

to Mike I have learned I am important. I have my own mind and I can

speak up for myself and dang it, I am worth it. It is said weight loss

is much like addictions to booze or drugs. You can't do it for anyone

else but you and you have to want it, for you and I think you have

finally come to that time in your life where you can do that. I am soo

happy for you! I was like that 3 years ago when I was 284 and then got

down to 195 but have strayed and slacked and am now been as high as 218

but hearing things like this reminds me why I started and that it is

worth it to keep going. Thank you for sharing this with us. I know it

couldn't have been easy. but I also feel it was probably incredibly

healing and empowering. You have shown that people can overcome some of

the worst in life and rise above it!

Hugs,

Gena

> These last few weeks have been real hard for me emotionaly. But

> unlike from my past exerpiences with loosing weight and dealing with

> food issues I did not let the emotional part sidetrack me. It's been

> very hard to stay on track and deal with the emotional side of my

> weight gain and my body image and how overal I have a very bad

> picture of myself painted in my head. I was gonna post thsi this

> morning but needed to get caught up on messages and then get some

> laundry going. I figured I would post it tomarrow. But then I kept

> thinking about how we are all having such a hard time right now and

> I thought I want to do this today. It's going to sound like mad

> ramblings I am sure and it probaly already does.

>

> I am unsure exactly why this time is different. Maybe I am more

> mature and more rational. Maybe being a mother and with age taking

> it more seriously. Maybe loosing my own mother and feeling alone and

> not wanting my kids to feel that. Maybe it's you guys and all your

> encouragement and just getting the oppurtunity to know I am not

> alone and that so many others have these same issues and feelings.

> Maybe it's education(thanks Gena for all your articles they make me

> think and then in turn dig to find out more) Education in a way that

> I now know in my head I have to eat to loose weight. It was such a

> hard concept for me. My old way of thought was eating made you fat

> and not eating made you thin. I know that as fact now yet it is

> still something I have to remind myself on a daily basis. I think it

> maybe all of those things that are helping this time be different.

> Right place right time kinda thing.

>

> One thing I do know is it was so much easier to just give in eat

> what I wanted and hide behind the fat and put up the wall and feel

> nothing. It is so much harder to feel the feelings..deal with the

> feelings and then stay on track. It's easier to be not what you want

> and trick yourself into thinking it is ok than it is to strive for

> something..althou on days that something seems like it is not

> possible. Those are the bad days. But more and more there are good

> days...not really good days on a whole but good moments. Like when i

> can look in a miror and see that I might just look good in a dress

> this weekend for this wedding and not feel so afraid to go out and

> shop for one and try them on and maybe have some fun doing it.

>

>

> This might sound weird but everyday I think I become more and more

> aware I am a woman. There is this song..country song called This

> ones for the girl. It's bascily about every stage of a woman's life

> and it makes you proud to be a woman. It has fast become my anthem.

> I was very much becoming afraid to get old. I will be 29 this Feb.

> and a few months ago..I was like OMG it's over. I am going to be

> shopping in the old woman's department and wearing frumpy clothes..I

> was loosing my identiy as a woman. I was considering myself an " it "

> it almost seems. Well now I am begining to think..why can't I dress

> sexy and feminine. Who cares I am almost 30..I sure plan on looking

> amazing when I reach 30 as it stands right now. And hopefully with

> alot of patience and honesty with myself I will feel great as well.

>

> My post over the last few weeks starting with the hubby and his

> strip club outing have been very down and I know that but the last

> two days I think having gone thru that and being honest with myself

> have started to bring on a whole new way of thinking. I am not there

> yet but I can see how to get there.

>

> Anywho those are my ramblings and that has been what is going on in

> my head for the last few days now.

>

> Rhonda

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Rhonda,

I don't think you sound crazy at all! You have the soul searching that

is necessary to make this a success once in for all. I have said before

and will always say, weight loss is not about food. It is much deeper

than that. It is being in the right mindset. It is caring about

yourself enough to care to take care of yourself. It might sound like a

cliche but I really believe that. In studies of people who have lost

and kept it off, one thing they have in common is it was a pivotal,

almost spiritual, life changing moment in their life where it just all

clicked and they truly commit to it. I think you are there! I am glad

we are a part of that but you need to credit yourself. You are the one

who has done the work. Information and support helps but if you are not

ready in your mind, it's not going to do a thing. You are doing it and

should be proud of yourself!

I know you have been through a lot and that takes awhile to deal with.

Maturity and motherhood definitely plays a part. So does being in a

healthy relationship and being able to deal with past trauma and

feeling safe. I know that has been a big part for me. I was abused by

my dad. He had a way of making me feel lower than dirt. Being married

to Mike I have learned I am important. I have my own mind and I can

speak up for myself and dang it, I am worth it. It is said weight loss

is much like addictions to booze or drugs. You can't do it for anyone

else but you and you have to want it, for you and I think you have

finally come to that time in your life where you can do that. I am soo

happy for you! I was like that 3 years ago when I was 284 and then got

down to 195 but have strayed and slacked and am now been as high as 218

but hearing things like this reminds me why I started and that it is

worth it to keep going. Thank you for sharing this with us. I know it

couldn't have been easy. but I also feel it was probably incredibly

healing and empowering. You have shown that people can overcome some of

the worst in life and rise above it!

Hugs,

Gena

> These last few weeks have been real hard for me emotionaly. But

> unlike from my past exerpiences with loosing weight and dealing with

> food issues I did not let the emotional part sidetrack me. It's been

> very hard to stay on track and deal with the emotional side of my

> weight gain and my body image and how overal I have a very bad

> picture of myself painted in my head. I was gonna post thsi this

> morning but needed to get caught up on messages and then get some

> laundry going. I figured I would post it tomarrow. But then I kept

> thinking about how we are all having such a hard time right now and

> I thought I want to do this today. It's going to sound like mad

> ramblings I am sure and it probaly already does.

>

> I am unsure exactly why this time is different. Maybe I am more

> mature and more rational. Maybe being a mother and with age taking

> it more seriously. Maybe loosing my own mother and feeling alone and

> not wanting my kids to feel that. Maybe it's you guys and all your

> encouragement and just getting the oppurtunity to know I am not

> alone and that so many others have these same issues and feelings.

> Maybe it's education(thanks Gena for all your articles they make me

> think and then in turn dig to find out more) Education in a way that

> I now know in my head I have to eat to loose weight. It was such a

> hard concept for me. My old way of thought was eating made you fat

> and not eating made you thin. I know that as fact now yet it is

> still something I have to remind myself on a daily basis. I think it

> maybe all of those things that are helping this time be different.

> Right place right time kinda thing.

>

> One thing I do know is it was so much easier to just give in eat

> what I wanted and hide behind the fat and put up the wall and feel

> nothing. It is so much harder to feel the feelings..deal with the

> feelings and then stay on track. It's easier to be not what you want

> and trick yourself into thinking it is ok than it is to strive for

> something..althou on days that something seems like it is not

> possible. Those are the bad days. But more and more there are good

> days...not really good days on a whole but good moments. Like when i

> can look in a miror and see that I might just look good in a dress

> this weekend for this wedding and not feel so afraid to go out and

> shop for one and try them on and maybe have some fun doing it.

>

>

> This might sound weird but everyday I think I become more and more

> aware I am a woman. There is this song..country song called This

> ones for the girl. It's bascily about every stage of a woman's life

> and it makes you proud to be a woman. It has fast become my anthem.

> I was very much becoming afraid to get old. I will be 29 this Feb.

> and a few months ago..I was like OMG it's over. I am going to be

> shopping in the old woman's department and wearing frumpy clothes..I

> was loosing my identiy as a woman. I was considering myself an " it "

> it almost seems. Well now I am begining to think..why can't I dress

> sexy and feminine. Who cares I am almost 30..I sure plan on looking

> amazing when I reach 30 as it stands right now. And hopefully with

> alot of patience and honesty with myself I will feel great as well.

>

> My post over the last few weeks starting with the hubby and his

> strip club outing have been very down and I know that but the last

> two days I think having gone thru that and being honest with myself

> have started to bring on a whole new way of thinking. I am not there

> yet but I can see how to get there.

>

> Anywho those are my ramblings and that has been what is going on in

> my head for the last few days now.

>

> Rhonda

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Rhonda,

I don't think you sound crazy at all! You have the soul searching that

is necessary to make this a success once in for all. I have said before

and will always say, weight loss is not about food. It is much deeper

than that. It is being in the right mindset. It is caring about

yourself enough to care to take care of yourself. It might sound like a

cliche but I really believe that. In studies of people who have lost

and kept it off, one thing they have in common is it was a pivotal,

almost spiritual, life changing moment in their life where it just all

clicked and they truly commit to it. I think you are there! I am glad

we are a part of that but you need to credit yourself. You are the one

who has done the work. Information and support helps but if you are not

ready in your mind, it's not going to do a thing. You are doing it and

should be proud of yourself!

I know you have been through a lot and that takes awhile to deal with.

Maturity and motherhood definitely plays a part. So does being in a

healthy relationship and being able to deal with past trauma and

feeling safe. I know that has been a big part for me. I was abused by

my dad. He had a way of making me feel lower than dirt. Being married

to Mike I have learned I am important. I have my own mind and I can

speak up for myself and dang it, I am worth it. It is said weight loss

is much like addictions to booze or drugs. You can't do it for anyone

else but you and you have to want it, for you and I think you have

finally come to that time in your life where you can do that. I am soo

happy for you! I was like that 3 years ago when I was 284 and then got

down to 195 but have strayed and slacked and am now been as high as 218

but hearing things like this reminds me why I started and that it is

worth it to keep going. Thank you for sharing this with us. I know it

couldn't have been easy. but I also feel it was probably incredibly

healing and empowering. You have shown that people can overcome some of

the worst in life and rise above it!

Hugs,

Gena

> These last few weeks have been real hard for me emotionaly. But

> unlike from my past exerpiences with loosing weight and dealing with

> food issues I did not let the emotional part sidetrack me. It's been

> very hard to stay on track and deal with the emotional side of my

> weight gain and my body image and how overal I have a very bad

> picture of myself painted in my head. I was gonna post thsi this

> morning but needed to get caught up on messages and then get some

> laundry going. I figured I would post it tomarrow. But then I kept

> thinking about how we are all having such a hard time right now and

> I thought I want to do this today. It's going to sound like mad

> ramblings I am sure and it probaly already does.

>

> I am unsure exactly why this time is different. Maybe I am more

> mature and more rational. Maybe being a mother and with age taking

> it more seriously. Maybe loosing my own mother and feeling alone and

> not wanting my kids to feel that. Maybe it's you guys and all your

> encouragement and just getting the oppurtunity to know I am not

> alone and that so many others have these same issues and feelings.

> Maybe it's education(thanks Gena for all your articles they make me

> think and then in turn dig to find out more) Education in a way that

> I now know in my head I have to eat to loose weight. It was such a

> hard concept for me. My old way of thought was eating made you fat

> and not eating made you thin. I know that as fact now yet it is

> still something I have to remind myself on a daily basis. I think it

> maybe all of those things that are helping this time be different.

> Right place right time kinda thing.

>

> One thing I do know is it was so much easier to just give in eat

> what I wanted and hide behind the fat and put up the wall and feel

> nothing. It is so much harder to feel the feelings..deal with the

> feelings and then stay on track. It's easier to be not what you want

> and trick yourself into thinking it is ok than it is to strive for

> something..althou on days that something seems like it is not

> possible. Those are the bad days. But more and more there are good

> days...not really good days on a whole but good moments. Like when i

> can look in a miror and see that I might just look good in a dress

> this weekend for this wedding and not feel so afraid to go out and

> shop for one and try them on and maybe have some fun doing it.

>

>

> This might sound weird but everyday I think I become more and more

> aware I am a woman. There is this song..country song called This

> ones for the girl. It's bascily about every stage of a woman's life

> and it makes you proud to be a woman. It has fast become my anthem.

> I was very much becoming afraid to get old. I will be 29 this Feb.

> and a few months ago..I was like OMG it's over. I am going to be

> shopping in the old woman's department and wearing frumpy clothes..I

> was loosing my identiy as a woman. I was considering myself an " it "

> it almost seems. Well now I am begining to think..why can't I dress

> sexy and feminine. Who cares I am almost 30..I sure plan on looking

> amazing when I reach 30 as it stands right now. And hopefully with

> alot of patience and honesty with myself I will feel great as well.

>

> My post over the last few weeks starting with the hubby and his

> strip club outing have been very down and I know that but the last

> two days I think having gone thru that and being honest with myself

> have started to bring on a whole new way of thinking. I am not there

> yet but I can see how to get there.

>

> Anywho those are my ramblings and that has been what is going on in

> my head for the last few days now.

>

> Rhonda

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Gena..this group is such a comfort for me. I know I can

always come here and that no matter what there is always someone who

will be able to relate. This place in my life is a great place to be

where I can actually start to think about other things than my

weight and hide behind it and feel self conscious all the time. It

isn't always sitting in the front of my brain..I am not alwasy

trying to suck this or that in or trying to watch for the

expressions on people's faces to see how they judge me. There is

more to life than that and when we do things like that we miss out.

For the first time in my life I can honestly say to myself that i am

proud of me. The other day I was having a bad day. My brother who

every year at thsi time kinda goes wacko about Christmas because of

my mom really errked me. First off my nephew ate like a whole batch

of cookies out of the freezer at my dad's. Then I find out my

brother says I shouldn't be making cookies at all or putting up

decorations at my dad's. He does things like this every year. My mom

loved Christmas and went all out for it. Yes it very hard this time

of year for me too but as the only girl every year as I helped my

mom make cookies she would say " I hope you are paying

attention..your gonna have to do this someday " Over time I came to

realize that the things she did..the traditions she made she wanted

us to keep doing them after she was gone. He doesn't see it that

way. So I got pretty upset over all of this and was kinda ranting at

the hubby. I ended up saying you know what i think I am just gonna

bring all the cookies I made over to our house and they can't have

any and maybe I will just eat them all myself and get fat! He says

to me..you don't want to do that( I wasn't really serious by the way

just ranting) he says " you have done so much and come so far you

don't want to do that " He's right. I realy would not do that now but

in the past I might have. Since my brother opened up a can of worms

that had me so upset but I am not gonna deal with it like that.

Sorry for rambling..it's just been a hard week but I am gonna stay

home today and collect my thought..get some presents wrapped and get

some exercise in!!

Rhonda

>

> > These last few weeks have been real hard for me emotionaly. But

> > unlike from my past exerpiences with loosing weight and dealing

with

> > food issues I did not let the emotional part sidetrack me. It's

been

> > very hard to stay on track and deal with the emotional side of my

> > weight gain and my body image and how overal I have a very bad

> > picture of myself painted in my head. I was gonna post thsi this

> > morning but needed to get caught up on messages and then get some

> > laundry going. I figured I would post it tomarrow. But then I

kept

> > thinking about how we are all having such a hard time right now

and

> > I thought I want to do this today. It's going to sound like mad

> > ramblings I am sure and it probaly already does.

> >

> > I am unsure exactly why this time is different. Maybe I am more

> > mature and more rational. Maybe being a mother and with age

taking

> > it more seriously. Maybe loosing my own mother and feeling alone

and

> > not wanting my kids to feel that. Maybe it's you guys and all

your

> > encouragement and just getting the oppurtunity to know I am not

> > alone and that so many others have these same issues and

feelings.

> > Maybe it's education(thanks Gena for all your articles they make

me

> > think and then in turn dig to find out more) Education in a way

that

> > I now know in my head I have to eat to loose weight. It was such

a

> > hard concept for me. My old way of thought was eating made you

fat

> > and not eating made you thin. I know that as fact now yet it is

> > still something I have to remind myself on a daily basis. I

think it

> > maybe all of those things that are helping this time be

different.

> > Right place right time kinda thing.

> >

> > One thing I do know is it was so much easier to just give in eat

> > what I wanted and hide behind the fat and put up the wall and

feel

> > nothing. It is so much harder to feel the feelings..deal with the

> > feelings and then stay on track. It's easier to be not what you

want

> > and trick yourself into thinking it is ok than it is to strive

for

> > something..althou on days that something seems like it is not

> > possible. Those are the bad days. But more and more there are

good

> > days...not really good days on a whole but good moments. Like

when i

> > can look in a miror and see that I might just look good in a

dress

> > this weekend for this wedding and not feel so afraid to go out

and

> > shop for one and try them on and maybe have some fun doing it.

> >

> >

> > This might sound weird but everyday I think I become more and

more

> > aware I am a woman. There is this song..country song called This

> > ones for the girl. It's bascily about every stage of a woman's

life

> > and it makes you proud to be a woman. It has fast become my

anthem.

> > I was very much becoming afraid to get old. I will be 29 this

Feb.

> > and a few months ago..I was like OMG it's over. I am going to be

> > shopping in the old woman's department and wearing frumpy

clothes..I

> > was loosing my identiy as a woman. I was considering myself

an " it "

> > it almost seems. Well now I am begining to think..why can't I

dress

> > sexy and feminine. Who cares I am almost 30..I sure plan on

looking

> > amazing when I reach 30 as it stands right now. And hopefully

with

> > alot of patience and honesty with myself I will feel great as

well.

> >

> > My post over the last few weeks starting with the hubby and his

> > strip club outing have been very down and I know that but the

last

> > two days I think having gone thru that and being honest with

myself

> > have started to bring on a whole new way of thinking. I am not

there

> > yet but I can see how to get there.

> >

> > Anywho those are my ramblings and that has been what is going on

in

> > my head for the last few days now.

> >

> > Rhonda

> >

> >

> >

>

> >

> >

> >