sorry to be absent so much lately/TIA

[Guest guest]

Hello all,

I first need to apologize for being absent from my groups so much lately. First, it was things were so busy and hectic between wedding preparations for Nikki's wedding (may 29th), going to Nikki's bridal showers (3 so far on Feb 7th, Mar 6th, Mar 13th). There is actually a 'dinner' tonight. It was supposed to be a co-ed 'Tool and Gadget' shower. Nikki's future mother-in-law (MIL) told Nikki that her sister/sisters-in-law would like to do a shower for Nikki in Montgomery, AL. That's where 's mom, stepdad, grandparents, and some aunts and uncles live. It's not that far from Montevallo, AL, where Nikki and currently live - about 1 1/2 hours. However, it is about 4 hours from where we live (along with most of Nikki's family). I'm getting off track. Anyway, the MIL told Nikki that 's aunts would like to have a shower for her. We (Nikki, MIL, and I) were sitting at my dining room table when the MIL told her that. Nikki, being her VERY sweet, gracious. and polite self, said, "Oh, that is so sweet that they want to do that for me. I really appreciate it. I would kind of like for to be included in one of the showers and maybe do a co-ed 'Tool and Gadget' shower or something along those lines. Since it's 's aunts hosting the shower in Montgomery, it might be nice to have that one as a co-ed shower so and some of his friends could be included." That was almost word for word exactly what Nikki said. A couple of days later I get an e-mail from the MIL saying that she DOES NOT want Nikki DICTATING to her sister/sister-in-laws about how the shower is done. She tried to soften the blow by saying, 'she just wants it to be a suprise for Nikki and it won't be a suprise if Nikki tells them how to do everything at the shower'. Well, the MIL once again blew her 'oh, so sweet - Nikki is my daughter, I love her just like I love my boys' routine! First, she obviously doesn't know Nikki very well, even though Nikki and have been engaged for 2 1/2 years and dating each other exclusively for over 3 years. Nikki is VERY big on etiquette and doing what is polite and socially correct. She would NEVER 'dictate' to anyone kind enough to throw a shower or anything else in her honor! But, Nikki is the bride and I do think that asking her what she might like, what day/time might work best for her and the people they'd like to invite, might actually be a good idea since Nikki is the bride and is the groom! However, Nikki handled it all with the true grace that she handles most everything. She is a young woman with class and I am so very proud of her! Nikki and did nothing other than provide a list of who they would like to invite to the Montgomery co-ed 'shower'. The only friends they invited were 's groomsmen (and their wives or girlfriends) and a couple other guy friends since all of Nikki's girlfriends were invited to the previous shower in Montevallo. Back to the Montgomery shower, Nikki and were never even consulted on the date/time. They were just told that the 'shower' would be at 5 p.m on Sat, Mar 20th. Nikki said it was a good thing they neither she or had sorority/fraternity events on that day because there are many events that if you miss, you have to pay a hefty fine (typically $50 to $100!). The MIL said they chose to have the 'shower' from 5-7:30 p.m. because she figured that would not be too late for family from the Huntsville/Athens, AL area to drive home. I don't know what planet she's on, but Bud and I, nor do my other family members have any desire to start a four hour drive home around 8 p.m. Anyway, that wasn't such a big deal, we decided we'd just stay in a motel overnight, have b'fast with Nikki and the next morning and then head home. The main thing was just that we all felt it was in very poor taste to not bother to consult Nikki or on the date/time. Then, we got the invitations in the mail and the invitation said,

'Hacienda and Jardin

Mexican Fiesta Dinner

honoring

Nikki and Colwell'

It gave the time and place, listed all 8 of 's aunts, uncles, and his grandmother/grandfather as host/hostess. Nowhere on the invitation did it indicate in any way that it was a shower. Maybe my family and I are socially retarded, but everyone that looked at the invitation as said, "Oh, so it's a dinner and not a shower? We're not supposed to bring a gift?" With my family, I told them that it was still supposed to be a shower and that any gifts would be greatly appreciated but they certainly didn't need to feel obligated. Nikki was pretty upset at first, not at the thought of not getting gifts, but at the thought that some of 's friends may think the same thing my family (and Nikki's room mate/bridesmaid) thought and not know to bring a gift and then end up embarrassed when they see that some people did bring gifts. I told Nikki she had no control over that and that if that did happen, she was just to tell the friend, "Oh, no, gifts were not expected and you shouldn't feel the least bit bad about not bringing a gift. They only gift expected was your presence and we're so thankful you took time to help us celebrate." Once I helped her find a way to gracefully alleviate any potential embarrassment for her friends, she was fine. However, none of us were very happy about the whole event! Oh, I know that it is improper etiquette to ask for specific gifts when sending out invitations for showers, b'day parties, etc. However, with both baby and bridal showers, it is now considered perfectly acceptable to list where the couple is registered at for gifts. This is NOT okay with the wedding invitations, though! Anyway, no mention was made at all as to where Nikki and are registered at. Okay, enough of that. Nikki is now doing wonderfully in dealing with her future in-laws, but we do have to have bitch sessions on a regular basis. However, Nikki has enough grace, class, and love for to do what is right. She knows it is best for to be able to have a relationship with his family, so for the most part Nikki just gripes to me or my sis when she gets frustrated!

Nikki has one more shower after the one tonight. It will be on Apr 4th at our church and will be hosted by two of my mom's friends, plus one of the teens at the church. My stepdad works with the youth and they have all adopted my mom and stepdad as surrogate grandparents.

After Nikki's last shower, I'm hosting a shower on Apr 17th for my friend's daughter who is getting married on June 19th, 3 weeks after Nikki and 's wedding (May 29th). I'll also be hosting the bridesmaid's tea on Saturday, May 22nd.

Anyway, as you can imagine, things have been quite busy for me lately. When you add in doctor's appts, time in the hospital, and just days of not feeling like doing anything, there is just not a lot of time left for the computer.

Just to make things even more interesting, I decided I'd throw in a little TIA on Wednesday morning! As some of you may know, I was recently diagnosed with an Immunoglobulin deficiency, IgG deficiency to be exact. My sis has it and has to get monthly IV supplements. They tested me simply because my sis has it and we have a lot in common! Anyway, don't know if my IgG deficiency is caused by a genetic problem (as my sister's is) but I was supposed to see the hematologist for the first time on Wednesday. My sis and I were to go together because she doesn't feel well after the treatments and gets a really bad headache. The doc is in B'ham, which is 100 miles south.

My sis got here right at 7 a.m. and I was at the computer, just reading e-mails, not typing. Time had gotten away from me, so when I realized she was here, I jumped up from the computer to grab my shoes, etc, so we could hit the road. When I got up, I realized my left arm and hand was totally numb. I tried moving my arm, rubbing it, everything I could think of and nothing would help. Then my left hand begun pulling inward and I had to really fight to keep it from doing that. My left hand was totally useless as far as trying to do anything with it. My husband was sitting on the edge of the bed (I'd just woken him up) and I'm standing there almost yelling at him for him to do something to make my arm and hand quit 'doing this'! He said something about that I needed to tell my sister that I was having trouble and it'd be a few minutes before I could be ready to go. I yelled at Bud and told him to get his a** out of the bed, put on some pants and go get my sister and tell her I could not use my friggin' arm! He got up then and got her. About that same time, I was all of a sudden absolutely freezing. My sis got me in the bed covered up and then immediately picked up the phone and called my internal med doc, Dr. Wyatt. He called back within minutes and Bud told him what was happening. He told Bud to get me to the ER immediately. I then insisted that my sis go ahead and head to B'ham so she didn't miss her appt for the supplements. She promised if she didn't feel like driving home by herself she'd call Nikki (who is only30 miles south of B'ham). Shortly after she left, it became almost impossible to keep my hand from drawing inward and I just began feeling more weird. I told my husband I had to go to the hospital in Huntsville (45 minutes away) because there is not even a neurologist in Athens (the town we live in) or one that comes to our local hospital. I also told Bud that I really thought we needed to call an ambulance because I felt like everything was getting worse. He just kept insisting that we didn't need to call an ambulance and that he would take me to the hospital. Typically, I prefer Crestwood Hospital in Huntsville. It is a smaller, private hospital and I always received excellent care. However, I knew that if I was having a stroke that action needed to be taken quickly. I called Bud's sister, who was a nurse many years ago, and who also has major heart problems. She doesn't like Huntsville Hospital, but she knows that when she's having heart problems, it is the best place for her to be. She said with a possible stroke, I needed to be at Hsv Hospital, so that's where we went. While we were on the way, I got really ticked at Bud for refusing to call an ambulance. My vision got cloudy for a minute or so and then I had trouble getting my words out and I couldn't remember a very simple common word on a few occasions. Thankfully, those symptoms didn't last long. We finally got to Hsv Hospital. I honestly thought I was in the waiting room for at least an hour before they got me to a treatment room. Bud swears it was 15 minutes max and that he couldn't understand why I was getting so aggitated and saying that I wanted to leave and go to Crestwood because it was ridiculous to have to wait so long. He swears that from the time he walked in (just a few minutes after me since he had to park the car) to the time they had me in a treatment room was just a matter of minutes. It honestly felt like at least an hour to me!

They did all the standard tests and my internal med doc came by the ER around lunch time to check on me. The labs and ct scan were normal, but the ER doc and my doc said they felt sure I'd had a TIA. My doc said he was just going to admit me for 24 hour observation and call in a neurologist. That afternoon the neurologist came by. I had already improved greatly by then, but still had a major difference in my right and left hand/arm. Also, there was a pretty big difference in my right leg/foot vs left leg/foot, which I didn't even notice until the doctor and nurses checked. The neurologist also said there was a very slight drooping on the left side of my face. He said he wanted to do several tests.

Thursday morning, Dr. Wyatt came in and said he was converting me to a 'regular admission', which I took to mean that I would not be going home on Thursday! On Thursday, they did an echocardiogram of my heart, doppler ultrasound of my carotid arteries, x-rays of my neck just to make sure there wasn't something going on to cause a pinched nerve, an MRI and MRA of my brain. On Friday morning, Dr. Wyatt came in and said that all the tests were fine, but they were sure I'd had a TIA. My INR was 2.3 and he first said that was okay, then said, on second thought, he really wanted it up to about 3.0. I was on 7 mg of coumadin on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and then 7.5 mg of coumadin on Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday. Dr. Wyatt told me to increase the coumadin to 7.5 mg every day and to see him in a week. The nurse on the neuro unit told me that she felt sure they would want me to be followed by the neurologist from now on and they would want him to manage my coumadin level. However, I never even saw the neurologist after all my test results were back and when I was discharged Friday, there was no mention of seeing the neuro doc again.

My husband said, so basically all they are doing different is upping your coumadin .5 mg 3 times a week? He said he didn't know if he was happy with that. I told him I didn't know if I was happy with it or not. I told him I intend to totally educate myself on strokes and TIAs prior to my appt with Dr. Wyatt on Friday. I will also probably request to have a followup appt with the neuro. I know that a TIA is not a stroke, although, it's often called a min stroke. However, I also know that a TIA can be a major warning sign, especially with someone who has a known clotting disorder and is already a pretty decent dose of blood thinners!

I got home from the hospital around 4 p.m. on Friday. We were supposed to leave around noon today to go to the 'dinner' in Montgomery. I wrapped all the gifts, packed my close, and all the other stuff you have to do prior to going out of town. At this point, I had not even told Nikki about the TIA or even about me being in the hospital. I just prayed she would not call while I was in the hospital. Thankfully, she did not. She is sooo busy with school. She gets her BA degree in English on May 8th. However, she's getting a masters in Education and English and has already begun taking master's level education classes. She is spending 2-4 full days a week in the middle school classroom and is already having to do actual teaching. I'm glad she's having so much exposure to the real world classroom. She'll be much better prepared to be a teacher when she does get her master's in Aug 05. However, in addition to all the classroom time, she still has her other classes and she's working part time at the university writing lab. She worries so much about me and I just feel like she has enough stress on her right now. I was going to tell her about it all on Sunday on the way home. She's on spring break next week, so she was going to ride home with us on Sunday. will come up Monday evening and stay til Thursday, so she can ride home with him instead of having to have two cars here. We have two cars and a truck, so she can use one of our cars if she needs to.

After finally getting everything together Friday evening, so we wouldn't have too much to do today prior to leaving for the dinner, I sat at the computer and just sent a couple of short e-mails. I immediately realized my left hand still doesn't work 100%. The numbness got worse with just a few minutes on the computer. I also realize how utterly exhausted I am. So, I called Nikki, told her everything that was going on and told her that I just wasn't going to be able to come to the dinner. She immediately fussed at me for not telling her what was going on. She told me that she can handle it and that I need to quit trying to shield her from the truth. She told me that I absolutely was NOT to come to the dinner because I mattered a whole lot more than a stupid dinner. She is such an awesome young woman. She made me promise that I would keep trying to hide things from her. That will be hard, but I'll do my best. I just feel like she should not have to worry about her mom at this point in her life. I did make her promise that she will still come home for spring break. My sis and hubby are going to the dinner. They are spending the night in a motel and my nephew, - 7, is spending the night with Nikki. He was really jazzed as he adores Nikki and has never gotten to spend the night with her because she is 130 miles south of here. So, Nikki said she will ride home with my sis and brother-in-law tomorrow. I promised her that I would let her take care of most of the wedding things that need to be done next week and that I will mostly just rest. I told her I might do a couple of things with her just to get out of the house, but other than that, I will rest.

Well, didn't intend to write a book, but then I never do. I know many of you have experience with strokes and TIA's. Any good sites or info would be greatly appreciated. One question I have right now is that my left forearm is really sore. It almost feels like when you've overused muscles, such as maybe painting when you're not used to it. I haven't over used my arm but the nurses and doctors did tell me to make myself use it as much as possible because that was the best way to get back my strength and motor skills. I'm just wondering if making myself use it, when the arm/hand really didn't want to be used could cause some muscle strain. If so, would moist heat be helpful?

Any info anyone can share would be greatly appreciated. By the way, I had to just delete all the e-mails from my groups because I had so many it was too overwhelming to even look at. Please know that even though I've had to miss many e-mails over the last few weeks, you're all in my thoughts and prayers.

[Guest guest]

Wow! it sure sounds like you have been having a terribly busy time haven't you! We have been wondering what was going on. Thanks for the update, though I am sorry that they thing you had the tia. Like you needed that right now. right? Anyway, please make sure the you are taking care of yourself!

a

[Guest guest]

, wow you sure have been busy. No wonder you couldn't post.

I'm sorry I don't have any first hand information on TIA, although I've heard some things about them. Nothing good unfortunately. Please take it easy, I don't know what else to say and hope other members are more helpful.

It does sound like your daughter is an incredible person. I wouldn't worry about the MIL. There is always someone who has to try and screw up a nice celebration. It's almost a theory, isn't it. It's a pity it has to be a person who is so closely related to the groom, but there is nothing they can do about it. I just hope they keep at remembering all the good stuff and none of the bad from their wedding and preparation.

I hope I hear some better news regarding your help next time you post.

Mojo