Grow a Successful Child

[Guest guest]

As parents, we all want to grow happy, healthy children.

Unfortunately, parenting does not come with a guarantee,

but there are some practical guidelines we can follow that

will point our children in the right direction. Here are

the suggestions our family has used in our continuing goal

of raising six confident, competent adults (four children

and two parents!).

- We’re in this for the long haul.

As a parent, we are given a long-time perspective just

by giving birth. The future stretches out l-o-n-g and

fearful in front of us. But kids have no such perspective.

Teaching them about cause and effect, in other words,

consequences, can help them understand that their thoughts,

words and actions, big and small, have meaning and future

impact.

- We’re in this together.

Children are astonishingly selfish, but often not

intentionally so. It’s just the human condition. Part of

parenting is to provide them with opportunities to be

around others who are different than they are. Encouraging

them (and participating with them) to help others will

show them that we all must get along with each other and

it’s not necessary for us all to be the same. The ability

to make and maintain friendships is not just fun, it’s

vital.

- Stability.

Everyone needs stability…not to be confused with a

rut! Stability means you can generally count on the people

and situations around you, while understanding that life

doesn’t hand out guarantees. Stability usually comes from

the parents, who can only provide as much stability as

they currently have themselves. In other words, if your

marriage is on shaky ground, it’s going to be very

difficult to provide the stability your children need. That

is why it’s often said that the best thing a man can do for

his kids is to love their mother. And vice versa.

- Life is hard.

This is a fact and our children need to hear it from us

first. However, it’s a difficult fact and if we as adults

are struggling with this reality, we’re going to find it

impossible to share it with our kids. The funny thing is,

though, that children can often receive difficult facts

easier than we can. All of our children are bright and

observant in their own ways, so the truth is that they

already know a lot about how life works; they just need

help articulating and integrating it. That’s where we come

in as parents. Provide your children with fascinating

stories of inspiring people who have overcome great

obstacles and made a difference in our world. After all,

it’s easy to FEEL life is bad; the challenge is to DECIDE

that life is good!

- Control.

Once we get hold of the truth that life is difficult, the

issue of control takes on new meaning. How much control do

we really have over our lives? What does that control look

like? Often, these are personal questions to be wrestled

with, but psychiatrists generally tell us that an internal

locus of control is necessary for healthy mental and

emotional development. That means that we need to believe

we are able to exert a certain amount of control over our

lives. This leads us to….

- Tools.

As parents, we can introduce a variety of tools to our

children as they grow. We exercise control over our lives

and build a bright future for ourselves to the extent that

we believe such a thing is possible. A strong grounding in

the tools available to do that will take our children a

long way. Goal-setting, life planning, self-discipline,

high expectations, and spiritual development are all

effective tools that require practice and guidance to be

the life-long habits that will benefit our children the most.

- The Five R’s.

We all know about the importance of academics in our

children’s future. Reading, writing and ‘rithmetic (math)

along with other academics will give our children a strong

foundation for the future. However, if we stop there we’ve

only developed part of a human being. Respect and

responsibility go hand in hand with academics to raise a

child who is not only smart, but also able to work

productively and happily with the people around him and

honestly like himself, too.

- Balance.

Ideally, life shouldn’t be too hard or too easy. Ideally.

As parents, we can sometimes structure the microcosm of

our homes to fill out those places our children need to

work on. Appropriate challenges are vital to growing in

maturity, but the overwhelmed child stops growing and

quits. As long as your children know you are watching over

them constantly and that you genuinely care for them, they

will usually handle life’s jostling amazingly well. Teach

them to study hard, work hard, play hard and rest hard.

Raising our children will always have its share of

frustrating obstacles and exhilarating peaks. It’s the one

job that we cannot go back and do over, so the stakes are

high.

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