Questions about toddler behavior

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone. I have had this question in the back of my mind for a

long time now and have not been brave enough to post it until now for

some reason. I am really struggling with my 28 month old daughter's

behavior. She has always been a challenging child, since the night

she was born really, and I just wonder sometimes how much of this is

due to her hearing loss and how much of it is just her personality.

She was the colicky type of infant and screamed for the first 4 months

of her life. When the crying finally stopped, she began screeching a

piercing high-pitched shriek when she saw something she wanted. She

crawled at 6 months, climbed and stood on the top of the dining room

table at 9 months, was walking at 10 months, and generally has been a

physical daredevil (once climbing a ladder to the roof of our house).

I have an older daughter and know all about the " terrible twos " but

somehow, it is different with my younger one with hearing loss. She

has been throwing the most outrageous, anger-filled tantrums since

before she was one, which I had hoped might decrease once she started

wearing her hearing aids a few months ago. She is very physically

violent at times and she is just all over the place with seeemingly no

attention span. She often refuses naps and then resists bedtime as

well. She torments her older sister constantly, which is probably the

hardest behavior to deal with.

I am not an old-school strict disciplinarian and am more inclined to

follow a gentle discipline/non-violent communication approach. That

works great with her older sister but I am just not getting through to

Lily with this method. She has become a little tyrant in our home and

she is just making life hard for everyone. Would anyone be willing

to share if your child with hearing loss is a challenge as well and

how you handle the behavior? I guess I am just looking for a glimmer

of hope that it will not always be this hard and that I am not all

alone here on this issue. Thanks for any ideas you may have to share.

Kriste

Mother to Charlotte (4, hearing)

and Lily (2, moderate-severe SNHL in left ear, severe-profound SNHL in

right ear, just found out recently that she has enlarged vestibular

aqueducts with mild cochlear dysplasia)

[Guest guest]

My daughter who is now 6 was the same way. And at times still is. She walked

later but does these types of things. Once we got sign langauge started it

helped a great deal. We are still trying new things all teh time. It got bad

at school when she was 3-4 that they would have to restrain her. I know this

sounds awful, but she would hit and scream at teh teachers as well as other

students. Now we put her in her room. But I would love to know of any other

things.

ckobrien97 ckobrien97@...> wrote: Hi everyone. I have had this

question in the back of my mind for a

long time now and have not been brave enough to post it until now for

some reason. I am really struggling with my 28 month old daughter's

behavior. She has always been a challenging child, since the night

she was born really, and I just wonder sometimes how much of this is

due to her hearing loss and how much of it is just her personality.

She was the colicky type of infant and screamed for the first 4 months

of her life. When the crying finally stopped, she began screeching a

piercing high-pitched shriek when she saw something she wanted. She

crawled at 6 months, climbed and stood on the top of the dining room

table at 9 months, was walking at 10 months, and generally has been a

physical daredevil (once climbing a ladder to the roof of our house).

I have an older daughter and know all about the " terrible twos " but

somehow, it is different with my younger one with hearing loss. She

has been throwing the most outrageous, anger-filled tantrums since

before she was one, which I had hoped might decrease once she started

wearing her hearing aids a few months ago. She is very physically

violent at times and she is just all over the place with seeemingly no

attention span. She often refuses naps and then resists bedtime as

well. She torments her older sister constantly, which is probably the

hardest behavior to deal with.

I am not an old-school strict disciplinarian and am more inclined to

follow a gentle discipline/non-violent communication approach. That

works great with her older sister but I am just not getting through to

Lily with this method. She has become a little tyrant in our home and

she is just making life hard for everyone. Would anyone be willing

to share if your child with hearing loss is a challenge as well and

how you handle the behavior? I guess I am just looking for a glimmer

of hope that it will not always be this hard and that I am not all

alone here on this issue. Thanks for any ideas you may have to share.

Kriste

Mother to Charlotte (4, hearing)

and Lily (2, moderate-severe SNHL in left ear, severe-profound SNHL in

right ear, just found out recently that she has enlarged vestibular

aqueducts with mild cochlear dysplasia)

---------------------------------

Get your own web address for just $1.99/1st yr. We'll help. Yahoo! Small

Business.

[Guest guest]

Hi Kriste,

I don't know how those behaviors might be related to hearing loss,

but I do know that you could be describing any number of children

that I know at that age all with typical hearing. From a Mom with a

almost 4 year old, I am not far past those hard years, and have a lot

of friends with kids too. My first one is my HOH son who also has

LVAS, and he was pretty much an angel. Really easy going. Had just

one or two little spankings and pretty much responded to reason for

everything else. Now my second one is a dynamo. We call him

destructo boy and for good reason. He is a challenge to discipline

to say the least. Nothing works easily. He has been spanked

(desperate Moms try desperate things!) has done timeout, has lost

priviledges, etc. etc. I do love and logic with him and that seems

to work some of the time. But really only feel like we are making

progress now, at almost age 4. Just last night I went into a huge

praising session because I asked him to get down from a stool and he

did it. So there you go, one perspective, and a ton of empathy.

>

> Hi everyone. I have had this question in the back of my mind for a

> long time now and have not been brave enough to post it until now

for

> some reason. I am really struggling with my 28 month old daughter's

> behavior. She has always been a challenging child, since the night

> she was born really, and I just wonder sometimes how much of this is

> due to her hearing loss and how much of it is just her personality.

> She was the colicky type of infant and screamed for the first 4

months

> of her life. When the crying finally stopped, she began screeching

a

> piercing high-pitched shriek when she saw something she wanted. She

> crawled at 6 months, climbed and stood on the top of the dining room

> table at 9 months, was walking at 10 months, and generally has been

a

> physical daredevil (once climbing a ladder to the roof of our

house).

> I have an older daughter and know all about the " terrible twos " but

> somehow, it is different with my younger one with hearing loss. She

> has been throwing the most outrageous, anger-filled tantrums since

> before she was one, which I had hoped might decrease once she

started

> wearing her hearing aids a few months ago. She is very physically

> violent at times and she is just all over the place with seeemingly

no

> attention span. She often refuses naps and then resists bedtime as

> well. She torments her older sister constantly, which is probably

the

> hardest behavior to deal with.

>

> I am not an old-school strict disciplinarian and am more inclined to

> follow a gentle discipline/non-violent communication approach. That

> works great with her older sister but I am just not getting through

to

> Lily with this method. She has become a little tyrant in our home

and

> she is just making life hard for everyone. Would anyone be willing

> to share if your child with hearing loss is a challenge as well and

> how you handle the behavior? I guess I am just looking for a

glimmer

> of hope that it will not always be this hard and that I am not all

> alone here on this issue. Thanks for any ideas you may have to

share.

>

> Kriste

> Mother to Charlotte (4, hearing)

> and Lily (2, moderate-severe SNHL in left ear, severe-profound SNHL

in

> right ear, just found out recently that she has enlarged vestibular

> aqueducts with mild cochlear dysplasia)

>

[Guest guest]

I'm not an expert by any means but reading this makes me wonder about

sensory integration issues of some sort. Have you had her evaluated by

a developmental pediatrician?

My heart goes out to you...

Hugs,

Barbara

Amy Carson wrote:

>

> My daughter who is now 6 was the same way. And at times still is. She

> walked later but does these types of things. Once we got sign langauge

> started it helped a great deal. We are still trying new things all teh

> time. It got bad at school when she was 3-4 that they would have to

> restrain her. I know this sounds awful, but she would hit and scream

> at teh teachers as well as other students. Now we put her in her room.

> But I would love to know of any other things.

>

> ckobrien97 ckobrien97@... >

> wrote: Hi everyone. I have had this question in the back of my mind for a

> long time now and have not been brave enough to post it until now for

> some reason. I am really struggling with my 28 month old daughter's

> behavior. She has always been a challenging child, since the night

> she was born really, and I just wonder sometimes how much of this is

> due to her hearing loss and how much of it is just her personality.

> She was the colicky type of infant and screamed for the first 4 months

> of her life. When the crying finally stopped, she began screeching a

> piercing high-pitched shriek when she saw something she wanted. She

> crawled at 6 months, climbed and stood on the top of the dining room

> table at 9 months, was walking at 10 months, and generally has been a

> physical daredevil (once climbing a ladder to the roof of our house).

> I have an older daughter and know all about the " terrible twos " but

> somehow, it is different with my younger one with hearing loss. She

> has been throwing the most outrageous, anger-filled tantrums since

> before she was one, which I had hoped might decrease once she started

> wearing her hearing aids a few months ago. She is very physically

> violent at times and she is just all over the place with seeemingly no

> attention span. She often refuses naps and then resists bedtime as

> well. She torments her older sister constantly, which is probably the

> hardest behavior to deal with.

>

> I am not an old-school strict disciplinarian and am more inclined to

> follow a gentle discipline/non-violent communication approach. That

> works great with her older sister but I am just not getting through to

> Lily with this method. She has become a little tyrant in our home and

> she is just making life hard for everyone. Would anyone be willing

> to share if your child with hearing loss is a challenge as well and

> how you handle the behavior? I guess I am just looking for a glimmer

> of hope that it will not always be this hard and that I am not all

> alone here on this issue. Thanks for any ideas you may have to share.

>

> Kriste

> Mother to Charlotte (4, hearing)

> and Lily (2, moderate-severe SNHL in left ear, severe-profound SNHL in

> right ear, just found out recently that she has enlarged vestibular

> aqueducts with mild cochlear dysplasia)

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Get your own web address for just $1.99/1st yr. We'll help. Yahoo!

> Small Business.

>

>

[Guest guest]

My son Ben (8, severe to profound, 2 hearing aids) saves all his violent

anger for me; at school he is well-behaved and a model child. Everyone loves

him. At home, he can attack me for no reason, screams at me, is belligerent.

He can also be sweet and lovely. Can¹t figure it out and am considering

therapy at this point.

As a toddler, he needed his sleep, so would nap and go to bed pretty easily.

But even as a toddler, he could argue with me pretty vehemently. I used to

think it was because the communication skills were lacking; however, his

vocabulary is extraordinary at this point, and I¹m wondering if it¹s a case

of ³saving it for me². I have no doubt it¹s exhausting for him to try to

listen all day, and to hold in his frustration, but his disrespectful rants

are inappropriate. Not sure if it¹s hearing loss-related or just him, but

either way, it¹s unacceptable.

Not sure I¹ve helped, but I¹ve been there!

Take care,

Stefanie

Mom to Ben, 8, and Isabella, 11

on 10/25/06 2:34 PM, ckobrien97 at ckobrien97@... wrote:

> Hi everyone. I have had this question in the back of my mind for a

> long time now and have not been brave enough to post it until now for

> some reason. I am really struggling with my 28 month old daughter's

> behavior. She has always been a challenging child, since the night

> she was born really, and I just wonder sometimes how much of this is

> due to her hearing loss and how much of it is just her personality.

> She was the colicky type of infant and screamed for the first 4 months

> of her life. When the crying finally stopped, she began screeching a

> piercing high-pitched shriek when she saw something she wanted. She

> crawled at 6 months, climbed and stood on the top of the dining room

> table at 9 months, was walking at 10 months, and generally has been a

> physical daredevil (once climbing a ladder to the roof of our house).

> I have an older daughter and know all about the " terrible twos " but

> somehow, it is different with my younger one with hearing loss. She

> has been throwing the most outrageous, anger-filled tantrums since

> before she was one, which I had hoped might decrease once she started

> wearing her hearing aids a few months ago. She is very physically

> violent at times and she is just all over the place with seeemingly no

> attention span. She often refuses naps and then resists bedtime as

> well. She torments her older sister constantly, which is probably the

> hardest behavior to deal with.

>

> I am not an old-school strict disciplinarian and am more inclined to

> follow a gentle discipline/non-violent communication approach. That

> works great with her older sister but I am just not getting through to

> Lily with this method. She has become a little tyrant in our home and

> she is just making life hard for everyone. Would anyone be willing

> to share if your child with hearing loss is a challenge as well and

> how you handle the behavior? I guess I am just looking for a glimmer

> of hope that it will not always be this hard and that I am not all

> alone here on this issue. Thanks for any ideas you may have to share.

>

> Kriste

> Mother to Charlotte (4, hearing)

> and Lily (2, moderate-severe SNHL in left ear, severe-profound SNHL in

> right ear, just found out recently that she has enlarged vestibular

> aqueducts with mild cochlear dysplasia)

>

[Guest guest]

I'm going to have to agree with Tracey on this one. I

only have one child (2 1/2) and she sounds similar to

your daughter. She is, in one word, FEARLESS! She is

strongwilled and stubborn and all the things that go

along with being a terrible two. She too went through

a hitting phase, she wouldn't dare hit us, but other

kids that she didn't know. We nipped this in the bud

and she's much better and sweeter now. Lucy stopped

napping right around her second birthday and has

always fought bedtime. I have honestly never

attributed her behavior to her hearing loss - I just

think it's all normal and it will pass. I know this

doesn't help but it will get better.

Alison

Lucy 2 1/2 - mild/mod

--- traceyandynathen tracey@...> wrote:

> Hi Kriste,

> I don't know how those behaviors might be related to

> hearing loss,

> but I do know that you could be describing any

> number of children

> that I know at that age all with typical hearing.

> From a Mom with a

> almost 4 year old, I am not far past those hard

> years, and have a lot

> of friends with kids too. My first one is my HOH

> son who also has

> LVAS, and he was pretty much an angel. Really easy

> going. Had just

> one or two little spankings and pretty much

> responded to reason for

> everything else. Now my second one is a dynamo. We

> call him

> destructo boy and for good reason. He is a

> challenge to discipline

> to say the least. Nothing works easily. He has

> been spanked

> (desperate Moms try desperate things!) has done

> timeout, has lost

> priviledges, etc. etc. I do love and logic with him

> and that seems

> to work some of the time. But really only feel like

> we are making

> progress now, at almost age 4. Just last night I

> went into a huge

> praising session because I asked him to get down

> from a stool and he

> did it. So there you go, one perspective, and a ton

> of empathy.

>

>

> >

> > Hi everyone. I have had this question in the back

> of my mind for a

> > long time now and have not been brave enough to

> post it until now

> for

> > some reason. I am really struggling with my 28

> month old daughter's

> > behavior. She has always been a challenging

> child, since the night

> > she was born really, and I just wonder sometimes

> how much of this is

> > due to her hearing loss and how much of it is just

> her personality.

> > She was the colicky type of infant and screamed

> for the first 4

> months

> > of her life. When the crying finally stopped, she

> began screeching

> a

> > piercing high-pitched shriek when she saw

> something she wanted. She

> > crawled at 6 months, climbed and stood on the top

> of the dining room

> > table at 9 months, was walking at 10 months, and

> generally has been

> a

> > physical daredevil (once climbing a ladder to the

> roof of our

> house).

> > I have an older daughter and know all about the

> " terrible twos " but

> > somehow, it is different with my younger one with

> hearing loss. She

> > has been throwing the most outrageous,

> anger-filled tantrums since

> > before she was one, which I had hoped might

> decrease once she

> started

> > wearing her hearing aids a few months ago. She is

> very physically

> > violent at times and she is just all over the

> place with seeemingly

> no

> > attention span. She often refuses naps and then

> resists bedtime as

> > well. She torments her older sister constantly,

> which is probably

> the

> > hardest behavior to deal with.

> >

> > I am not an old-school strict disciplinarian and

> am more inclined to

> > follow a gentle discipline/non-violent

> communication approach. That

> > works great with her older sister but I am just

> not getting through

> to

> > Lily with this method. She has become a little

> tyrant in our home

> and

> > she is just making life hard for everyone. Would

> anyone be willing

> > to share if your child with hearing loss is a

> challenge as well and

> > how you handle the behavior? I guess I am just

> looking for a

> glimmer

> > of hope that it will not always be this hard and

> that I am not all

> > alone here on this issue. Thanks for any ideas

> you may have to

> share.

> >

> > Kriste

> > Mother to Charlotte (4, hearing)

> > and Lily (2, moderate-severe SNHL in left ear,

> severe-profound SNHL

> in

> > right ear, just found out recently that she has

> enlarged vestibular

> > aqueducts with mild cochlear dysplasia)

> >

>

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Hi Kriste,

My son is almost 3 and has a moderate SNHL that was just diagnosed this

spring. He has had his aids for 4 months now. We too have struggled with

behavior issues. My son has also been difficult from the start, although I

would never say he had colic but he certainly cried a lot. His gross motor

skills were delayed. But his tantrums weren't - they started around age 1 I

think. He also was a big hitter, although that is more under control now.

I think the fact that he had an undiagnosed hearing loss and subsequently a

speech delay did play a large role, so since he has gotten his aids we've

seen some better behavior just because he is happier and communication is

better. However, he is still the same little smart, stubborn, strong-willed

kid. often resists things just because he knows that he can resist (we

don't give in but that doesn't stop him from trying). I know all toddlers

do these things, but believe me I understand your frustration because our

kids do these things many times more severely than most kids and I believe

it is because they are so strong-willed. 's younger brother is 9 1/2

months (hearing, at least we think so) and is so, so, so different and easy

and I can tell that discipline will be different with him.

Have you read Setting Limits with your Strong-Willed Child by MacKenzie? If

not, I HIGHLY recommend it. It really explains how discipline must be done

differently with these kids - how consistency is an absolute, how you have

to give crystal clear directions, etc. Things that you could let slide a

bit with lots of other kids. I've read A LOT of parenting books and have

laughed my way through most of them because the strategies in those books

would never work with - not to say they might not work for other kids,

but not . One example I always use is that I can tell something

like, " don't put your Cheerios on your cars " and then he goes to put a

Cheerio on the next car and looks at me, I say " no " , he goes to the next

car, I say " no " and so on. And then this happens day after day. It is his

way of testing the limits and he tests and tests and tests and tests until

he is sure of where the limit is. That is why consistency is so critical

with strong-willed kids because if I give in one time, I've just lost all of

the good discipline that I had previously instilled. Sort of the same thing

with tantrums - he'll just do it to see what he can get out of it. With

tantrums I make sure he is safe, but totally ignore the behavior. As he has

gotten older we've been able to also curtail tantrums by asking if he wants

to go have his tantrum in Time Out - he always says no and often this will

help stop him.

Others on this list have said that their child's behaviors got better after

getting hearing aids - but it sounds like it could take months to a year,

rather than any sort of immediate improvement. So there is a glimmer of

hope, and believe me, some weeks that is the little ray of hope that I cling

to. Right now we are mostly dealing with selective listening and his

pushing on his brother. We still have some tantrums and hitting, but those

have absolutely improved. In fact, today we had our first IEP meeting and

we were chatting with the teacher afterwards. had a toy train and

wanted to take it home with him but I said it had to stay at school and

started throwing a tantrum. The teacher looked at me in shock and said that

she had never seen him act this way! I was in shock because I deal with

these types of tantrums from him constantly. That was sort of an AHA moment

for both of us as during the IEP meeting my husband and I were pressing on

behavior issues and the like and apparently at school once he learned the

routines he is a cooperative little guy. And apparently he does hit the

teacher a little, but not the other kids, thank god, since he torments his

brother at home.

I'm not sure I made sense or that I gave you any really helpful advice. But

you are not alone!

Sherry

PS I also recently purchased a book - Kid-Friendly Parenting with Deaf and

Hard of Hearing Children. I haven't read it yet, so I can't say whether it

is good or not.

Questions about toddler behavior

Hi everyone. I have had this question in the back of my mind for a long

time now and have not been brave enough to post it until now for some

reason. I am really struggling with my 28 month old daughter's behavior.

She has always been a challenging child, since the night she was born

really, and I just wonder sometimes how much of this is due to her hearing

loss and how much of it is just her personality.

She was the colicky type of infant and screamed for the first 4 months of

her life. When the crying finally stopped, she began screeching a piercing

high-pitched shriek when she saw something she wanted. She crawled at 6

months, climbed and stood on the top of the dining room table at 9 months,

was walking at 10 months, and generally has been a physical daredevil (once

climbing a ladder to the roof of our house).

I have an older daughter and know all about the " terrible twos " but

somehow, it is different with my younger one with hearing loss. She has

been throwing the most outrageous, anger-filled tantrums since before she

was one, which I had hoped might decrease once she started wearing her

hearing aids a few months ago. She is very physically violent at times and

she is just all over the place with seeemingly no attention span. She often

refuses naps and then resists bedtime as well. She torments her older

sister constantly, which is probably the hardest behavior to deal with.

I am not an old-school strict disciplinarian and am more inclined to follow

a gentle discipline/non-violent communication approach. That works great

with her older sister but I am just not getting through to Lily with this

method. She has become a little tyrant in our home and

she is just making life hard for everyone. Would anyone be willing

to share if your child with hearing loss is a challenge as well and how you

handle the behavior? I guess I am just looking for a glimmer of hope that

it will not always be this hard and that I am not all alone here on this

issue. Thanks for any ideas you may have to share.

Kriste

Mother to Charlotte (4, hearing)

and Lily (2, moderate-severe SNHL in left ear, severe-profound SNHL in right

ear, just found out recently that she has enlarged vestibular aqueducts with

mild cochlear dysplasia)

All messages posted to this list are private and confidential. Each post is

the intellectual property of the author and therefore subject to copyright

restrictions.

[Guest guest]

Interesting - I didn't mention that in my last post, but also has

sensory issues and we have been working with an OT for about 6 months and it

has gotten a little better. It is true that sometimes a tantrum or

screaming fit will be proceeded by a sensory issue. I agree with Barbara -

have her evaluated through EI. Since your daughter is under 3, you could

get OT at home through EI.

Sherry

Re: Questions about toddler behavior

I'm not an expert by any means but reading this makes me wonder about

sensory integration issues of some sort. Have you had her evaluated by a

developmental pediatrician?

My heart goes out to you...

Hugs,

Barbara

Amy Carson wrote:

>

> My daughter who is now 6 was the same way. And at times still is. She

> walked later but does these types of things. Once we got sign langauge

> started it helped a great deal. We are still trying new things all teh

> time. It got bad at school when she was 3-4 that they would have to

> restrain her. I know this sounds awful, but she would hit and scream

> at teh teachers as well as other students. Now we put her in her room.

> But I would love to know of any other things.

>

> ckobrien97 ckobrien97@... >

> wrote: Hi everyone. I have had this question in the back of my mind

> for a long time now and have not been brave enough to post it until

> now for some reason. I am really struggling with my 28 month old

> daughter's behavior. She has always been a challenging child, since

> the night she was born really, and I just wonder sometimes how much of

> this is due to her hearing loss and how much of it is just her

personality.

> She was the colicky type of infant and screamed for the first 4 months

> of her life. When the crying finally stopped, she began screeching a

> piercing high-pitched shriek when she saw something she wanted. She

> crawled at 6 months, climbed and stood on the top of the dining room

> table at 9 months, was walking at 10 months, and generally has been a

> physical daredevil (once climbing a ladder to the roof of our house).

> I have an older daughter and know all about the " terrible twos " but

> somehow, it is different with my younger one with hearing loss. She

> has been throwing the most outrageous, anger-filled tantrums since

> before she was one, which I had hoped might decrease once she started

> wearing her hearing aids a few months ago. She is very physically

> violent at times and she is just all over the place with seeemingly no

> attention span. She often refuses naps and then resists bedtime as

> well. She torments her older sister constantly, which is probably the

> hardest behavior to deal with.

>

> I am not an old-school strict disciplinarian and am more inclined to

> follow a gentle discipline/non-violent communication approach. That

> works great with her older sister but I am just not getting through to

> Lily with this method. She has become a little tyrant in our home and

> she is just making life hard for everyone. Would anyone be willing to

> share if your child with hearing loss is a challenge as well and how

> you handle the behavior? I guess I am just looking for a glimmer of

> hope that it will not always be this hard and that I am not all alone

> here on this issue. Thanks for any ideas you may have to share.

>

> Kriste

> Mother to Charlotte (4, hearing)

> and Lily (2, moderate-severe SNHL in left ear, severe-profound SNHL in

> right ear, just found out recently that she has enlarged vestibular

> aqueducts with mild cochlear dysplasia)

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Get your own web address for just $1.99/1st yr. We'll help. Yahoo!

> Small Business.

>

>

[Guest guest]

While she might be too young for an official diagnosis, it is certainly possible

that she has ADHD, and that the behavior is not directly related to the hearing

problems.

We had something similar with our son. He has low muscle tone, though, which

went undetected until he was nearly a year old and still showing no signs of

crawling, much less walking. So that delayed his independent motion quite a bit,

and he didn't really start walking or climbing until he was almost 2yo. But once

he started, he NEVER stopped. He learned to throw things very early, to the

point where we had to keep small objects out of reach constantly--not because he

would eat them, but because he would throw them. He also had extreme rages, to

the point that I had to learn to restrain him to keep him from hurting me or

himself.

He was finally diagnosed with ADHD when he was in Kindergarten, and therapy

and medication have helped tremendously.

Kiminy

ckobrien97 ckobrien97@...> wrote:

Hi everyone. I have had this question in the back of my mind for a

long time now and have not been brave enough to post it until now for

some reason. I am really struggling with my 28 month old daughter's

behavior. She has always been a challenging child, since the night

she was born really, and I just wonder sometimes how much of this is

due to her hearing loss and how much of it is just her personality.

---------------------------------

Get your email and more, right on the new Yahoo.com

[Guest guest]

My son Jaden had these same behaviors and is now just

starting to come out of it at 4 1/2 years old. I can

say now that it was lack of language and

communication. We had him implanted at 2 1/2 years old

and went a year at an oral school with out sign. He

had behavioral meltdowns like you would not

believe....or maybe you could! The implant was

defective. After implanting again the implant has done

nothing for him and we are now in a TC classroom and

signing all the time. His expressive language is

coming along. It's finally at a point in our

communication now where I can express myself to him

and he knows what I am communicating to him.....he

might not like it but he understands. Language

aquisition for him has really changed his behavior. I

could share more but will cut short for now. Good

luck, le

[Guest guest]

Kriste

I am a child psychologist who specializes in developmental

disabilities and behavior problems (in general). Ethically, I cannot

offer advice about kids I don't know but I can suggest that what you

experiencing with your daughter definately warrants some

assessments. It may or may not be related to the hearing impairment.

Even if the behaviors are related, the behaviors should be addressed

before they progress. I would suggest you see a behavior

psychologist or similar type of professional. My bias is that the

diagnosis (meaning label) is not as important as potentially

figuring out some behavioral strategies that you agree with and feel

comfortable implementing with Lily. Lily's behavior, as you describe

it, isn't abnormal but " heading it off at the pass " is smart. It's

great that you have reached out for help. What I try to stress to

the parents of my kids is that it doesn't mean something is " wrong "

with your child but that some behaviors just need extra help.

Just my opinion, hope it helps in some way.

>

> > Hi everyone. I have had this question in the back of my mind

for a

> > long time now and have not been brave enough to post it until

now for

> > some reason. I am really struggling with my 28 month old

daughter's

> > behavior. She has always been a challenging child, since the

night

> > she was born really, and I just wonder sometimes how much of

this is

> > due to her hearing loss and how much of it is just her

personality.

> > She was the colicky type of infant and screamed for the first 4

months

> > of her life. When the crying finally stopped, she began

screeching a

> > piercing high-pitched shriek when she saw something she wanted.

She

> > crawled at 6 months, climbed and stood on the top of the dining

room

> > table at 9 months, was walking at 10 months, and generally has

been a

> > physical daredevil (once climbing a ladder to the roof of our

house).

> > I have an older daughter and know all about the " terrible twos "

but

> > somehow, it is different with my younger one with hearing loss.

She

> > has been throwing the most outrageous, anger-filled tantrums

since

> > before she was one, which I had hoped might decrease once she

started

> > wearing her hearing aids a few months ago. She is very

physically

> > violent at times and she is just all over the place with

seeemingly no

> > attention span. She often refuses naps and then resists bedtime

as

> > well. She torments her older sister constantly, which is

probably the

> > hardest behavior to deal with.

> >

> > I am not an old-school strict disciplinarian and am more

inclined to

> > follow a gentle discipline/non-violent communication approach.

That

> > works great with her older sister but I am just not getting

through to

> > Lily with this method. She has become a little tyrant in our

home and

> > she is just making life hard for everyone. Would anyone be

willing

> > to share if your child with hearing loss is a challenge as well

and

> > how you handle the behavior? I guess I am just looking for a

glimmer

> > of hope that it will not always be this hard and that I am not

all

> > alone here on this issue. Thanks for any ideas you may have to

share.

> >

> > Kriste

> > Mother to Charlotte (4, hearing)

> > and Lily (2, moderate-severe SNHL in left ear, severe-profound

SNHL in

> > right ear, just found out recently that she has enlarged

vestibular

> > aqueducts with mild cochlear dysplasia)

> >

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Stefanie

I have a nephew named Ben, who also attacked (his classmate when he

was 3 by putting his hands around his neck) and threw fruit at his

teacher. He was rewarded by going to Disneyland the next day since

my sister had already " bought the tickets " .

I think you are wise to look into therapy. The reason I say this is

because my sister did not look into therapy and only made excuses

for his behavior (he is typical...the only thing I can put my finger

on is Aspergers). Now at 14, he is most unpleasant to be around,

loud rapid speech, and very minimum friends. He has been in many

schools and the last school he was in was a private Christian school

which also was fairly unsucessful because all the other boys

were " the spawn of Satan " according to my sister. And I have to

say, that Hayley in her school and actually in her mainstream

schools, got along way better with her hearing peers than my nephew

ever has.

It looks like I went on a bit of a rant against my sister. Your

looking into this now will prevent problems in the future.

Best wishes,

>

> My son Ben (8, severe to profound, 2 hearing aids) saves all his

violent

> anger for me; at school he is well-behaved and a model child.

Everyone loves

> him. At home, he can attack me for no reason, screams at me, is

belligerent.

> He can also be sweet and lovely. Can¹t figure it out and am

considering

> therapy at this point.

>

> As a toddler, he needed his sleep, so would nap and go to bed

pretty easily.

> But even as a toddler, he could argue with me pretty vehemently. I

used to

> think it was because the communication skills were lacking;

however, his

> vocabulary is extraordinary at this point, and I¹m wondering if

it¹s a case

> of ³saving it for me². I have no doubt it¹s exhausting for him to

try to

> listen all day, and to hold in his frustration, but his

disrespectful rants

> are inappropriate. Not sure if it¹s hearing loss-related or just

him, but

> either way, it¹s unacceptable.

>

> Not sure I¹ve helped, but I¹ve been there!

>

> Take care,

> Stefanie

> Mom to Ben, 8, and Isabella, 11

[Guest guest]

Thanks, ; I¹m hoping a therapist can give us both good strategies for

working together. He¹s extremely articulate and willing to discuss things,

sometimes to the point of exhaustion (for me); he wants to spend a lot of

time processing issues with me. The good news is, he knows how to behave in

school and around other people, he doesn¹t hurt his classmates or friends,

and he¹s a well-liked kid. But his attitude with me can be abysmal.

The hardest part, I have found in the past, is finding the right therapist.

Thanks again,

Stefanie

on 10/25/06 8:39 PM, at maryemapa@... wrote:

> Stefanie

>

> I have a nephew named Ben, who also attacked (his classmate when he

> was 3 by putting his hands around his neck) and threw fruit at his

> teacher. He was rewarded by going to Disneyland the next day since

> my sister had already " bought the tickets " .

>

> I think you are wise to look into therapy. The reason I say this is

> because my sister did not look into therapy and only made excuses

> for his behavior (he is typical...the only thing I can put my finger

> on is Aspergers). Now at 14, he is most unpleasant to be around,

> loud rapid speech, and very minimum friends. He has been in many

> schools and the last school he was in was a private Christian school

> which also was fairly unsucessful because all the other boys

> were " the spawn of Satan " according to my sister. And I have to

> say, that Hayley in her school and actually in her mainstream

> schools, got along way better with her hearing peers than my nephew

> ever has.

>

> It looks like I went on a bit of a rant against my sister. Your

> looking into this now will prevent problems in the future.

>

> Best wishes,

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hello Kriste,

I know what you mean about the tantrums. I tell everyone that Caleb

(bilateral SNHL, mild to profound) was in the " terrible twos " for about

3 1/2 years :-) ! He would hit and usually lay on the floor and scream,

starting from about 13 months. This culminated around 3 years old when

he was potty training and had such a severe melt down that he pushed our

25 inch T.V. right off the stand in the living room and broke it. After

that, ironically, things started to improve. (We kept bringing up how

tantrums cause broken T.V.'s, " Do you remember what happen the last time

you did this....yada, yada, yada.. " )

We did get him tested for sensory issues and he came out as

" borderline " , but his behavior definitely improves as his communication

skills improve. He is now 7 years old and almost never has any melt

downs, unless he's about to get pretty ill - like coming down with the flu.

Aside from improvement with hearing and speaking issues as he's gotten

older, we also got his allergies and asthma under control by about 5

years old. Before that he was almost constantly fighting sinus and nasal

issues. I think that just plain feeling yucky had a lot to do with his

behavior as well.

Hope this helps you.

God bless,

Emery FL

ckobrien97 wrote:

>

> Hi everyone. I have had this question in the back of my mind for a

> long time now and have not been brave enough to post it until now for

> some reason. I am really struggling with my 28 month old daughter's

> behavior. She has always been a challenging child, since the night

> she was born really, and I just wonder sometimes how much of this is

> due to her hearing loss and how much of it is just her personality.

> She was the colicky type of infant and screamed for the first 4 months

> of her life. When the crying finally stopped, she began screeching a

> piercing high-pitched shriek when she saw something she wanted. She

> crawled at 6 months, climbed and stood on the top of the dining room

> table at 9 months, was walking at 10 months, and generally has been a

> physical daredevil (once climbing a ladder to the roof of our house).

> I have an older daughter and know all about the " terrible twos " but

> somehow, it is different with my younger one with hearing loss. She

> has been throwing the most outrageous, anger-filled tantrums since

> before she was one, which I had hoped might decrease once she started

> wearing her hearing aids a few months ago. She is very physically

> violent at times and she is just all over the place with seeemingly no

> attention span. She often refuses naps and then resists bedtime as

> well. She torments her older sister constantly, which is probably the

> hardest behavior to deal with.

>

> I am not an old-school strict disciplinarian and am more inclined to

> follow a gentle discipline/non-violent communication approach. That

> works great with her older sister but I am just not getting through to

> Lily with this method. She has become a little tyrant in our home and

> she is just making life hard for everyone. Would anyone be willing

> to share if your child with hearing loss is a challenge as well and

> how you handle the behavior? I guess I am just looking for a glimmer

> of hope that it will not always be this hard and that I am not all

> alone here on this issue. Thanks for any ideas you may have to share.

>

> Kriste

> Mother to Charlotte (4, hearing)

> and Lily (2, moderate-severe SNHL in left ear, severe-profound SNHL in

> right ear, just found out recently that she has enlarged vestibular

> aqueducts with mild cochlear dysplasia)

>

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/25/2006 8:42:45 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

maryemapa@... writes:

Best wishes,

... are we related? Because I think we have the same sister and nephew.

LOL -- Jill

[Guest guest]

Hi Kriste, my youngest is like this, actually WAS like this, she too has a

mod-severe loss and was diagnosed at 3 3/4 years old. Her language was poor but

her behavior was the real problem - unbelievably bad. I mean terrible,

screaming hissy fits on the floor at least 5-10 times per day, and always

volatile behavior. The behavior disappeared after she got better communication

skills. But it wasn't immediate, after about 6 months of AV therapy it started

decreasing.). The first months of AV were tough. I had an hour and a half drive

to get there and then once I got there she might cooperate, she might not. But

hearing aids alone are not enough. A lot of time at first, you might not get

great advice - lots of kids just get hearing aids and no one ever tells their

parents that if they want their kids to be able to learn language and

communicate that it takes a lot of hard work and also getting professional help

in whatever mode of communication you have chosen. You should have a state

early intervention program to help you with this. But don't count on them to

know what your child needs either, some are great and have service coordinators

that understand the needs of a child with heairng loss, others are clueless.

My state is mostly clueless except around Atlanta, and they don't serve kids

with less than a severe bilateral loss. We also have a specialized agency here

that serves kids with hearing loss, your state may have one too. It might take

some digging to find it. And there are usually some private sources of

intervention also. We did AV because we live 1 1/2 hours from the nearest

source of intervention. And AV is done with one visit per week, then the

parent goes home and does the therapy for about an hour a day. We started out

slow. Maybe 5 minutes a time, on the floor, just get to one activity. So

about every hour we'd do an activity from our lesson plan. Again the attention

span was gradually iimproved, but after a year of AV she would sit at the table

for an hour and " play hearing aid school " . She was very ready for kindergarten

with the attention span we had developed. Another thing that helped her to sit

in one place was to read to her. We had a big overstuffed chair that became our

reading place. Make sure it is in a quiet place. We started with baby type

books with vocabulary words/pictures. Went on to fun stuff like Chicka Chicka

boom boom and books about every topic under the sun. We usually tailored our

library book choices to what our AV theme was (circus, thanksgiving, fall etc.)

A website that is really helpful about figuring out what your choices are in

communication is Beginnings. Just google it. But with a moderate to severe

loss in the better ear, and deaf in the other ear, she really needs some type

of intensive intervention. Whether sign or oral she needs some sort of

intervention. Oral doesn't mean you just have hearing aids. Are you getting

this type of intervention??

ALso, we redoubled our behavior efforts. With a strong willed child, you have

to use " super nanny " type methods. Anything less doesn't work. We read a book

called the " Strong Willed Child " by Dobson, very helpful. Couldn't

figure out how he could write this book and NOT have pictures of my kid in it!

Another source that was recommended by our AV was Parenting with Love and Logic.

www.loveandlogic.com ANd learning about how hearing loss can affect a child was

helpful. For instance, we had huge problems with bedtime and naps. Turns out

that this is a common problem with kids that can't hear. You take out their

hearing aids for bed, and if they could hear, they would have all the

background noises the family makes (TV, Talking etc) and know that everyone was

still around. When they can't hear, they tend to get out of bed to take a look

and make sure everyone hasn't left them alone! Must be scary for them. And

they need to be taught family rules. Like a family where kids have to ask the

parents before they go in the fridge to help themselves to food, the hearing

impaired kid doesn't hear them ask and don't know about the rule and then are

mystified when they get food and get punished. So things feel very inconsistent

in their world.

[Guest guest]

Kriste,

You're describing almost exactly my middle child's behavior and she is

the one of my three children who does NOT have hearing loss. It's very

frustrating when your best parenting skills do not work with your

" challenging " child. Our middle child is 7 now, but it's been a struggle

from the beginning (yes, 4 months of screaming, sibling torture, etc.).

We're really out of the worst of it, largely due to educating ourselves

on how best to handle it. There are a couple of very good books out

there -- The Explosive Child by Ross Greene was the one I identified with

most, but also " Sibling Rivalry " and there's one other on my bedside table

whose title I forget, but I can tell you if you need.

I think it's a personality issue more than a hearing loss issue, although

obviously she/you have both issues to deal with which will take a lot of

patience and experience. Also, as Barbara mentioned there could be sensory

issues as well (we've got those too).

--Carolyn

Mom to , 10, high-end loss

Maya, 7, don't ask!

Leila, 5, moderately-severe loss, aided

[Guest guest]

Stefanie,

I had these sorts of problems with my hearing son at this age. The therapist

said he was

lashing out at me because I was " safe. " After he was able to get some of his

issues off his

chest and learn some coping strategies for anger, things did improve. Just

waiting for the

next round as the teen years approach!

Janet

I¹m wondering if it¹s a case

> of ³saving it for me ...

[Guest guest]

Jill - LoL - That's a good one.

I'm very close to my sister, but have been unsuccessful in my attempts

to show her things were not right. It's sad for my nephew, too,

because had somebody put boundaries around him when it could have an

impact, he might be a different (much more pleasant) kid today.

>

>

> ... are we related? Because I think we have the same sister

and nephew.

>

> LOL -- Jill

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much everyone for sharing your experiences. It is good to

know that others out there understand what I am talking about and have

made it to the other side. I did think for a time before Lily's

diagnosis with hearing loss that she possibly had some sensory issues.

I knew there was something off about her but would never have guessed

that it was hearing loss. We even tried completely eliminating dairy

from our diet since it can trigger difficult behavior in some

children. Others may not feel the same way but I would prefer not

even trying to pursue a label like ADHD or sensory intergration

dysfunction- I am just generally opposed to labeling my children at

this point in my life (but who knows if I will change my views on this

in the future). I appreciate the book suggestions. I do have Raising

Your Spirited Child by Sheedy Kurcinka on my bookshelf and there

it sits unread. Not much reading time around here but I will make the

effort.

Thanks again everyone. Off I go to get ready for our last minute

appointment to see the cochlear implant evaluation team tomorrow

morning 2.5 hours away from here........