A bad day

[Guest guest]

i don't know why I'm feeling this way today about the whole

situation. I know that things could be so much worse and I feel

guilty for feeling down about their hearing loss.

I hate the fact that what hearing they do have will most probably be

gone at some point in their life. That something they have been

given and will use will be taken away from them. Maybe we're lucky

to know that this will most probably happen - maybe I can teach them

to appreciate the sounds of life - the birds and cars, the ocean,

telling them I love them - before it is all gone.

I feel cheated out of some things in life. We went to my daughters

dance class today and it was painfully obvious that she just

couldn't hear the instructor. And to make matters worse, the

instructor wasn't even correcting her. I made me feel like she was

thinking " oh well - she can't hear me anyway - there is no point " .

It broke my heart. For the first time it made me see that there ARE

difficulties related to their hearing loss. I don't say limitations

because I don't ever want them to feel that they are limited - but

it hurts to feel that some things might be out of their grasp simply

because they may not want to put the extra effort in to it.

And who can blame them? I mean - seriously - I don't even feel like

door housework somedays!!! I can't even imagine having to work so

hard just to hear. Maybe I shouldn't be posting this - I don't want

to scare the new parents off. But I'm just feeling down about it.

There was an article in this weeks Time magazine with some reporter

from CNN (why can't I remember his name right now! And he's my

favorite reporter!) about what it was like growing up with a famous

mother. He said something along the lines of " the best thing about

my childhood was having to sit around the dinner table with my

family. I realized that they were just as unhappy as everyone

else. " So I know that " everyone " has a bump in the road too. So

why do I feel so isolated sometimes?

We go Monday to get Jakes hearing aids. I've already seen them, but

jeez I'm afraid. I just feel like this is it. The end of something

and the begining of something completely different. It just feels

so final for some reason. At least through all the testing I still

had hope - that it wasn't both kids. That it wasn't us. That it

was just some freak thing that happened to Hannah. And now I don't

have that wondering. This is it.

And I am scared out of my mind about the future. I know it looks

bright for them - new technology, futhur aiding if they need - just

more things for them.

And to make it even more frustrating is that my husband has his same

old " roll with the punches " attitude. I swear NOTHING gets to this

guy - and here I am in tears. Why does it seem like it has changed

nothing for him yet I feel like it has changed my entire life?

............I dont know - just writing it all out.