sending child to a regular pre school

[Guest guest]

Hello,

I have a question for those of you ve been there.

My son is going to a regular pre school in 9/06.

He is wearing cochlear implant and a body worn processor.

What did you do on your child's first day of school?

Should I tell about CI, and what it does for , should I wait till kids

ask?

Please share your experience with me.

Thank you

Dina Mullan

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/3/2006 9:44:28 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

guidish_family@... writes:

I feel this year I may be running into this because a

neighborhood kid that has came over a few times this year has been bulling

Dakota and calling him the Deaf kid...he is older than Dakota...

Has anyone had this experience in any way and how should I handle it.

without completely combusting..without completely combusting.. .

should I)?

You mention that the boy is older. Why is this older child in contact with

yours at school? At our nursery school, the kids were on the playground in

specific age groups. Same with elementary school. For both schools, individual

age groups would be outside - a mix of classes, but all the same age or grade.

Is it on the bus? In which case the driver needs to be made aware of it.

Our experience with bullies on the bus is NOT to have your child moved up next

to the driver -- it makes them look and feel like babies whose mommies are

fighting their battles. But to have the bully moved right behind the driver,

where he/she can be watched all during the drive. Works like a charm and keep

that child away from everyone, not just your child.

If it is a bus situation, then I'd call the bus barn and speak with the

driver when the kids are not on the bus. This way no one knows who turned in the

bully and the bully isn't sure exactly which victim to seek out for revenge.

I would also bring this up to the teacher and specify which child had been

harassing yours. In our experience, older kids bullying younger ones is a

different thing than having bullies within the same age group and needs to be

handled differently. We've handled several kinds of bullies with our daughter --

Ian seems to be somewhat bully-proof.

Also, from my experience, going to the parent of the bully is usually a

waste of time. I got either " my darling would never ... " or have my own child

accused of " starting it " and therefore " deserving it. " I try to help my kids

resolve it using " playground politics " ... letting the kids handle it on their

own if they can. If it starts getting to be physical or out of control, then

I step in. Sometime it meant talking with the teacher. Sometime I'd handle

the bullying child directly. In my playground experience, the parent is

usually not nearby and the bully is more cowed by me than by his/her parent.

We've had quite a bit of experience with bullying and mean girls. The movies

about this are not overstated, in fact, I find them underplayed. Girls can

be incredibly cruel but boys don't seem to bother with the power plays. Their

bullying has a different impetus Pardon me in advance for rambling on about

this topic -- it was an ongoing one for in 3rd and 4th grades.

At one point, I was confronted by a (same age) bully's mother because she'd

fabricated a lie about my daughter, who'd been being tortured by her lovely

child for about 4 months. She claimed my daughter had invited the entire

class, except the bully, to her birthday party. Untrue. had invited only

4

friends for a movie/overnight. Her daughter, however, had done just that,

inviting all but 2 kids in class. She then informed the entire class that she

was

inviting everyone except and another girl, because 1) she hated

and 2) the other girl was black (said far more rudely, but I won't repeat

that) This family was a piece of work!

The mother just stood there dumbfounded as I regaled her with a couple

points of her own daughter's behavior. Then I said that, to be quite honest,

after

being treated like that there was no way I would permit my daughter to

invite her child anywhere. I explained that the issue was hers to deal with her

own child, I did not plan on making this a battle of the mothers. I explained

that I had been helping deal with it on her own and would continue in

that fashion. (I'd already gotten the school involved and knew that the mother

had been called into meetings about her daughter bullying other kids)

When I heard about the bully's birthday party stunt, I took , the other

uninvited girl (she's also a friend of 's) and 2 more friends who

refused to go to the party, out for movies and pizza on the same day as the

party.

That way when the class was all abuzz about the party, they had their own

buzz. (okay, I'll confess to really over-doing it but this was my last straw

when it came to being mean to . I got a room at a local hotel, where they

could swim, order pizza and watch a movie -- cost about $100 total and they

felt like princesses. They certainly had a lot of buzz, LOL) It was not an

easy time and we dealt with it. learned a lot about human nature far

earlier than I'd have hoped.

What I learned from all our bullying experiences was that if I have nothing

to bring to the table other than " your child is a foul-mouthed bully and needs

to be kept on a leash " then I'd best let the teachers handle it.

We discovered early on that the best way to have the kids handle a bully was

with humor. Getting mad, crying, striking back in anger all feed into the

bully's goals by reacting to the cruelty and making yourself more of the

bully's focus. You become an easier target because the bully finds your soft

spots.

But when you laugh at them, they usually back off. Hitting back is always

the last resort.

Ian was never teased about his aids, but he was teased for being small. He

has always been small compared to the other kids. And he has always dealt with

it using humor, even in nursery school. It seems to be instinctive on his

part. In the 4-year-old class there was a demon of a child who bullied

everyone. He had the face of an angel but was just plain mean. Except to Ian

who

laughed and made a joke out of his taunts. Ian played the word game we played

at

home of pretending to mishear the taunt. " Dumb " could become plum, or spun,

or another rhyming word. It's how I dealt with the kids' bickering,

intentionally mishearing the words and making a joke out of it, so this is what

Ian did

with it. Somehow this bully thought Ian was great and funny and wanted to be

his friend. But Ian set terms, he had to stop pickling on Corey (Ian's best

friend) and then they could all play together. The bully never became one of

their circle of friends, but it altered the dynamic. Kids amaze me.

When Ian was in 4th grade, a very tall boy called him " shortie " in the lunch

line every single day. Ian was angry to the point of tears because the boys

just wouldn't stop and all the bully's friends would laugh. So, we came up

with silly things about being tall as Ian's response. He was to deliver them in

a joking fashion, not a mean voice, which we practiced. He called the tall

boy a string bean, a bean pole, the Jolly Green Giant, he asked how the air

was up there, he asked if he could see Kansas from that height, asked if pigeons

ever nested in his ears ... and it turned out they had fun with it. The

other boy got into the routine and came up with silly short jokes. They became

friends and are now in the same scout troop. He is now one of Ian's two

assistant senior patrol leaders.

As for being called " Deaf Boy " ... that makes me smile because Ian calls

himself that. He says it in a voice like the one announcing a superhero. This

past year the high school had a week of silly dress-up days before homecoming.

One is superhero day and everyone came as a superhero. Ian thought of it too

late, but this coming year he want to take a t-shirt and put a big D on it,

attached a cape to the shoulders and be Deaf Boy for the day. (a take off on

Superman, or course.)

The reason Deaf Boy came into being is that Ian needed a way to get his

friends to realize they needed to tap his shoulder or somehow make sure he knew

they were talking to him. They'd get annoyed and think he was ignoring them --

he is SO oral it is very easy to forget he can't hear well. So, he made a

joke and it stuck.

Recently, again at a bowling alley, I saw another one of these exchanges.

This time two friends were behind him, talking and getting annoyed at his lack

of response. Finally one of them knocked his shoulder and Ian turned around

to talk with his now annoyed friends. He grabbed one boy by the shoulders,

leaned in forehead to forehead and loudly said " How many times do I have to

tell

you, when talking to Deaf Boy, ya gotta tap my shoulder. " They all laughed

and the annoyed moment was over.

Makes me laugh every time I see him do it. The first time I saw him do it, I

almost cried because I suddenly realized that he was going to be just fine.

That our " new reality " has really become nothing more than normal life and

Ian really is okay with it all.

So, if it were me and my Ian was still little and someone called him Deaf

Boy, I'd make him a D t-shirt and attach little cape to the shoulders and give

him another costume. Ian loved to dress up as Power Rangers and Superman as a

little guy ... he even had Spiderman pajamas that had a web-like cape from

his arms down to the side of the t-shirt. He wore that until he wore it out.

I'd add Deaf Boy to the costume collection to go with his bionic ears. Which

is another joke we make -- the bionic man, 6-Million-Dollar man style jokes

about all his technology.

After re-reading this for my usual typos, I guess our household philosophy

is you have to laugh at things and not take them too seriously.

Congrats to anyone who's still awake after reading this tome. (grin)

Jill

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/3/2006 11:28:30 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

circlebarranch@... writes:

I’ve already raised two girls

through this stage...Sometimes it was great and sometimes it wasn’t.

Jan,

And you survived with your sanity intact? You are now my hero. (grin)

Somehow I missed out on the mean girl stuff when growing up. My friends talk

about it, all remember it vividly. But I guess because we moved so much

(every 2 years) that I was always the new girl so I was somewhat immune. My

sisters experienced it, but they're 10 years younger than I am and the family

had

settled into NY so they were in the same school district for most of their

lives -- I was off to college.

My poor daughter ... she knew more about the dark side of human nature by

age 10 than anyone should need to know. How to be nice to someone's face and

then stab them in the back -- that was the one that took her by surprise almost

every time. She has gotten very good at reading girls now, before she was

simply trusting people to be good to their word. It was sad to see that

particular piece of childhood innocence disappear.

She's now 12, going into 7th grade and we're dealing with the " you're not

allowed to date yet " stage of life.

I am wondering if I'll make it to her high school graduation with any brain

cells still functioning. LOL

Best -- Jill

[Guest guest]

Hi Dina,

Dakota will be in all day kindergarten this year and on the first day I will

go and explain what it is Dakota is wearing and what it does..I have even

come up with my own little show for the kids...I will take along sign

language books and do a little play with reading the books... And parts to

the body worn processor (the extra belts and harnesses that Dakota has grown

out of)..and pass them around for the kids to touch ..so that they know they

will not hurt or break it...and let them know that at recess and PE they

need to help Dakota be careful not to get hit in the head or try not to fall

as much so that it doesn't hurt the inside parts to his implant..this year I

am even going to have all the children hold there ears and as they do I will

act like I am talking and not verbalize..so that they will know that without

the Implant that is how Dakota hears ..that he does not hear anything.

unless it is on..and when they take there hands off there ears I will

verbalize showing them the difference...

I feel that doing this I am hoping the kids won't look at Dakota differently

with being a little more comfortable with the body worn processor and maybe

it will not be such a big deal....

Which brings me to a question that I have been wanting to ask...what has

happened in the past when your child comes home from school and says a kid

at school called him names or made fun of the aides/implant? Do you just

explain to your child that they are being opinionated and they don't know

that it helps them..or do you go and talk to the principal and or teacher

about it...I feel this year I may be running into this because a

neighborhood kid that has came over a few times this year has been bulling

Dakota and calling him the Deaf kid...he is older than Dakota...

Has anyone had this experience in any way and how should I handle it.

without completely combusting...and going to the parents of the kid..(or

should I)?

Sorry such a long post...

Have a great day...

~Cathy~

Mom of Dakota 6 CI 4-04,Caitlyn 9 hearing, Caralina 9 hearing

-- sending child to a regular pre school

Hello,

I have a question for those of you ve been there.

My son is going to a regular pre school in 9/06.

He is wearing cochlear implant and a body worn processor.

What did you do on your child's first day of school?

Should I tell about CI, and what it does for , should I wait till kids

ask?

Please share your experience with me.

Thank you

Dina Mullan

[Guest guest]

My 4 year old goes to regular preschool/daycare. He wears hearing aids and

uses an FM system. However, he was there before he had hearing aids - in

fact, he has been at that facility since he was a baby, except when he was

in treatment. So we didn't have to do a " first day " explanation. Instead, it

has been a slow process of educating the teachers as needed. He has other

special needs and health care problems besides the hearing aids, so we have

had to work extensively with the teachers. But they have always been

receptive, and overall it has been a good experience. My one piece of advice

is that the process will be ongoing - you can't just mention the assistive

technology once and expect people will " get it " . My other experience is at

this age, the other kids are fine with it all.

Good luck!

Bonnie

[Guest guest]

Every school should have policies against bullying, and making fun of anyone

is classified as bullying. But, personally, I wouldn't act on it (if he is

even made fun of at all) until it becomes a problem for Dakota. As parents,

especially mothers, we are hurt far worse than our kids are when they are

made fun of. Sometimes when we are parents make an issue of something that

feels wrong to us, we can make it worse for the child. But, if Dakota is

made fun of, I would go directly to the teacher, then the principal if

nothing is done. A child should NEVER be bullied and get by with it at

school if it becomes a problem.

Just FYI, neither one of our deaf girls were ever made fun of for their

hardware and appliances. Now, as they have gotten into high school, they

have lost friends because it isn't " cool " to hang out with someone who can't

hear, or may not know what is going on around them because they missed

conversations. That hurts me, but it probably hurts me more than my

daughters.

On the other hand, you would have all the right in the world to handle to

neighbor boy yourself. Tell him, " hey! You are one intelligent young man!

My son is deaf!! " Tish

....what has

> happened in the past when your child comes home from school and says a kid

> at school called him names or made fun of the aides/implant? Do you just

> explain to your child that they are being opinionated and they don't know

> that it helps them..or do you go and talk to the principal and or teacher

> about it...

[Guest guest]

Hi Dina - both my boys went to a regular preschool (and for that matter

kindergarten on up). We always do a couple of things at the start of

the school year. We have an inservice for any teachers, assistants,

etc. that may be working with them. And then we have a little inservice

for the kids in the class to help them understand why Tom and Sam have

the equipment they do (this second we're not doing so much now since

they're older - both in middle school now). both inservices are done by

our teacher of the deaf. She typically goes over the care of the

hardware, the FM system, she'll show an audiogram and often passes one

of their hearing aids around so they can hear what it sounds like (and

how much noise it lets in). Of course it would be different for an

implant... And for the kids, she talks about ear anatomy at a very

basic level. She has a great collection of props including dog bones, a

funnel, etc. then she explains why Tom or Sam can't hear and why they

have their HA, CI and FM systems. She also talks a lot about

communicating with them with both groups. For us, having our teacher of

the deaf do these inservices was excellent because it kept emotions

(read: my emotions!) out of it...

I'd have to say that like Tish, neither of my boys have ever been made

fun of because of their " ear gear " and in fact, there were a few kids in

one class who wanted hearing aids and an FM system because they thought

it was cool!

Oh - and you'll probably cry the first day of school - I know I did for

both my guys!

Take care

Barbara

Mom to Tom - 14 - HA (l) and Nucleus Freedom ® and

Sam - 11 - HA (l) and Nucleus Freedom ®

Mullan wrote:

>

>

> Hello,

>

> I have a question for those of you ve been there.

>

> My son is going to a regular pre school in 9/06.

>

> He is wearing cochlear implant and a body worn processor.

>

> What did you do on your child's first day of school?

>

> Should I tell about CI, and what it does for , should I wait till kids

> ask?

>

>

>

> Please share your experience with me.

>

> Thank you

>

> Dina Mullan

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

OK I'm not where you are with aids/implant equipment, so this is just a

suggestion.. The neighborhood child that is older and has been bullying

him needs to be talked to. I think you could very politely talk with the

mother of this child. Explain the situation that you have heard him

calling Dakota " deaf boy " etc, and that you would like to show this

child and the mother why Dakota wears the equipment he wears and do the

same sort of demo that you plan to do at school for his class on this

child. It will hopefully get your point across to him, and give you

practice before going on the first day of school.

-Robin

Memphis mommy

Constance 6, Breanna 3 (mild HL, possible AN, toe walking, slight fine

motor and speech delay), is 2 have no fear, except of thunder, girl!

sending child to a regular pre school

Hello,

I have a question for those of you ve been there.

My son is going to a regular pre school in 9/06.

He is wearing cochlear implant and a body worn processor.

What did you do on your child's first day of school?

Should I tell about CI, and what it does for , should I wait till

kids

ask?

Please share your experience with me.

Thank you

Dina Mullan

[Guest guest]

OH - sorry - I think Robin's suggestion here is good re: the older

neighborhood kid. I'd talk to his mom and to the kid...

Barbara

bswatson wrote:

> OK I'm not where you are with aids/implant equipment, so this is just a

> suggestion.. The neighborhood child that is older and has been bullying

> him needs to be talked to. I think you could very politely talk with the

> mother of this child. Explain the situation that you have heard him

> calling Dakota " deaf boy " etc, and that you would like to show this

> child and the mother why Dakota wears the equipment he wears and do the

> same sort of demo that you plan to do at school for his class on this

> child. It will hopefully get your point across to him, and give you

> practice before going on the first day of school.

>

> -Robin

> Memphis mommy

> Constance 6, Breanna 3 (mild HL, possible AN, toe walking, slight fine

> motor and speech delay), is 2 have no fear, except of thunder, girl!

>

> sending child to a regular pre school

>

>

>

> Hello,

>

> I have a question for those of you ve been there.

>

> My son is going to a regular pre school in 9/06.

>

> He is wearing cochlear implant and a body worn processor.

>

> What did you do on your child's first day of school?

>

> Should I tell about CI, and what it does for , should I wait till

> kids

> ask?

>

> Please share your experience with me.

>

> Thank you

>

> Dina Mullan

>

>

[Guest guest]

When started going to school (a year before she was to formally start

we sent her to the kindergarten class for a couple hours a couple times a

week to get acclimatized to the structure) she was blessed with a teacher

who ‘answered’ the tough questions that the other kids asked by saying “Why

do I wear glasses?” The kids naturally answered with “because you can’t see

that well”...then she said, “Why do you suppose wears hearing

aides?”...they answered with “Because she can’t hear that well?”...that was

the end of it...Younger kids are generally more curious about all of this

and want to know the ins and outs.

She has her own set of issues that she deals with now though...at 12 years

old (in a couple weeks) and going into the 6th grade is difficult. Plenty

of ‘little darlings’ (the bratty girls) who are getting clickish and don’t

want to give her the time of day. The boys are actually a bit better-she is

quite a tomboy and likes sports, so that helps. I’m sure that we’ll see

more of the typical garbage this year...I’ve already raised two girls

through this stage...Sometimes it was great and sometimes it wasn’t.

Jan

Mother of (12-almost) HOH moderate to severe; (15-hearing);

and (18-hearing and off to college in a couple weeks)

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[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/4/2006 10:42:00 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

thetomlinsons@... writes:

I wonder if the girls

were already being catty about her not hearing everything perhaps . . .

In our experience, the cattiness started in nursery school and had nothing

to do with anything like a disability, it was just because they could be mean.

For instance, I came into the 4-year-old class with my daughter. For some

reason she was having a clingy stage and wanted to come in and draw for a few

minutes before class started. I soon figured out the reason for the clinging.

The " leader " of the little cliche she hung around with was whispering to the

other girls as they came in: " Let's not talk to Kathy today, just ignore

her. " She whispered it to but whispered too loudly as only a 4-year-old

can, so I asked out loud of she was mad at Kathy for something. She got huffy

and said " no " so I pointed out that getting everyone to ignore Kathy was

going to hurt her feelings and that you usually needed a good reason to be mean

to someone like that. She huffed away with my in tow, loudly informing

that " your mother is really dumb " as they walked. turned and

looked at me and I shrugged and waived goodbye.

Later she told me that she didn't ignore Kathy and had told her about the

" stupid plan " and they were still friends. Apparently the mean little girls did

things like this all the time and my played along or told her she was

dumb, depending on her mood. We talked about feelings and about intentionally

hurting or " ostracizing " people and how it made them feel. And I said she

had to choose whether being friends with these girls was worth the stress she

was feeling, because it's her job to choose her friends, not mine. And then I

dropped the subject. (FYI, we never had play dates with these girls, I

couldn't abide their mommies)

Shortly after than started playing with the boys as well and made

friends with two who are still among her best friends. We joke that she and PJ

are like an old married couple. PJ currently has a crush on 's best friend,

who isn't allowed to date either.

Anyway .. as for being friends with boys. Go for it! Less stress, less

petty meanness! More physical activities. However, that doesn't mean the

girls

are going to be nice. She may get grief from a girl who likes one of her boy

friends and be accused of " trying to steal my boyfriend " which also

experienced. She told the girl that if she liked him then maybe she should come

out and play kick ball like the rest of them and actually TALK to the guy

instead of just batting her eyelashes at him. LOL.

These kids should come with a manual or better yet, a play book.

(grin) Jill

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/4/2006 11:10:24 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

pcknott@... writes:

Maggie always preferred being " one of the guys " . So don't worry if your

daughter has boys for friends, when she hits the teen years, there will be less

drama with boys since she will know how to be a friend with a boy and it

doesn't always have to be boyfriend/girlfrienMaggie always preferred being

" one

of the guys " . So don't worry

Amen ... that's my daughter now as well.

Best -- Jill

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/4/2006 12:03:17 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

bkmackellar@... writes:

Interesting.Interesting. .. I have two little boys, one hearing-impaired,

t

who both

prefer playing with little girls. My older one is 6 and the younger is 4.

Maybe they

are playing with the little girls who prefer playing with little boys? Maybe

both

groups are a third stream?

Bonnie

Our Ian also always had girl friends. His best friend was a girl until they

got to about fifth grade when it wasn't cool anymore. When he had sleepovers,

there were always 2 girls and 2 boys camped out in the living room with the

TV, PlayStation and VCR/DVD. When it came to picking up bugs and worms, Ian

was the most girly of the group, preferring not to pick up insects, but frogs,

lizards and worms were fine.

He sill has friends who are girls, but not romantically linked. Maybe they

are a third stream, I like that concept.

-- Jill

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/4/2006 1:01:55 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

Barbara.T.Mellert@... writes:

Oh gee, Jill - I think I'm glad I have two boys!

Barbara,

I adore our and wouldn't trade her for the world, but I really think

life is easier for the boys. I've been amazed at the pettiness and meanness of

some girls from the moment entered nursery school. She's one of the

stronger personalities and maybe that's why she's encountered these things from

the start. But my best friend's daughter, who is very much a girly-girl has

had similar experiences -- but more along the lines of her cattiness

backfiring on her and being given a dose of her own medicine. But our boys,

nothing

even approaching it has happened with the boys. Their competitiveness is just

plain different, and honestly for me, easier to deal with.

And to be a little mean myself, for at least a few of those girls, I can

easily see that they get learn it initially from their mothers. But that doesn't

explain it all, most of the moms are just like me, watching and wondering

why.

Best -- Jill

[Guest guest]

We had this with Maggie. Boys are less verbal in their play, girls play is

heavy on talking - " you be the mom and you say this and then I say that and yada

yada yada. When it is boys, you each grab a vehicular toy and push it around

the room and the only sound you make are the engine noises! And boys are

definitely NON-catty. Maggie always preferred being " one of the guys " . So don't

worry if your daughter has boys for friends, when she hits the teen years,

there will be less drama with boys since she will know how to be a friend with a

boy and it doesn't always have to be boyfriend/girlfriend. Maggie is now very

girly but still has boys who are friends.

My older daughter always played with boys too as a small child, but she was

very girly and they would fight over who could be her boyfriend! Even at the

age of 4. In preschool, some twins who happened to be Chinese got in a

fistfight over which one could be her boyfriend, and it created a huge cultural

problem because they struck each other in public and it caused them to lose

face. The girls in that class were very catty, but as it turned out, she

became friends with one of them in high school and she is a CODA (Child of Deaf

adults). So you never know.

[Guest guest]

Hmmmm . . . Sydney is very verbal, too, and she might just be one of the

dominant personalities in a girl group. Instead of figuring out how to stay

numero uno in the pecking order, maybe she just prefers to play with the

non-threatening boys whom she can boss around easier. Hard to tell; would

love to be a fly on the wall sometimes.

>

> We had this with Maggie. Boys are less verbal in their play, girls play

> is heavy on talking - " you be the mom and you say this and then I say that

> and yada yada yada. When it is boys, you each grab a vehicular toy and push

> it around the room and the only sound you make are the engine noises! And

> boys are definitely NON-catty. Maggie always preferred being " one of the

> guys " . So don't worry if your daughter has boys for friends, when she hits

> the teen years, there will be less drama with boys since she will know how

> to be a friend with a boy and it doesn't always have to be

> boyfriend/girlfriend. Maggie is now very girly but still has boys who are

> friends.

>

> My older daughter always played with boys too as a small child, but she

> was very girly and they would fight over who could be her boyfriend! Even at

> the age of 4. In preschool, some twins who happened to be Chinese got in a

> fistfight over which one could be her boyfriend, and it created a huge

> cultural problem because they struck each other in public and it caused them

> to lose face. The girls in that class were very catty, but as it turned out,

> she became friends with one of them in high school and she is a CODA (Child

> of Deaf adults). So you never know.

>

>

>

--

Robin Tomlinson

thetomlinsons@...

[Guest guest]

Interesting... I have two little boys, one hearing-impaired, the other not,

who both

prefer playing with little girls. My older one is 6 and the younger is 4.

Maybe they

are playing with the little girls who prefer playing with little boys? Maybe

both

groups are a third stream?

Bonnie

>

>

>

> Anyway .. as for being friends with boys. Go for it! Less stress, less

> petty meanness! More physical activities.

>

[Guest guest]

My middle child remarked one day when she was about 4 that so and so was her

favorite friend. I asked her why and she said " because she does everything I

tell her to! " Out of the mouths of babes.....

>

[Guest guest]

That could very well be!

Maybe both groups are a third stream?

[Guest guest]

Oh gee, Jill - I think I'm glad I have two boys!

JillcWood@... wrote:

>

> In a message dated 8/4/2006 10:42:00 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

> thetomlinsons@... writes:

>

> I wonder if the girls

> were already being catty about her not hearing everything perhaps . . .

>

>

>

>

>

> In our experience, the cattiness started in nursery school and had nothing

> to do with anything like a disability, it was just because they could be mean.

>

> For instance, I came into the 4-year-old class with my daughter. For some

> reason she was having a clingy stage and wanted to come in and draw for a few

> minutes before class started. I soon figured out the reason for the clinging.

>

> The " leader " of the little cliche she hung around with was whispering to the

> other girls as they came in: " Let's not talk to Kathy today, just ignore

> her. " She whispered it to but whispered too loudly as only a

4-year-old

> can, so I asked out loud of she was mad at Kathy for something. She got huffy

> and said " no " so I pointed out that getting everyone to ignore Kathy was

> going to hurt her feelings and that you usually needed a good reason to be

mean

> to someone like that. She huffed away with my in tow, loudly informing

> that " your mother is really dumb " as they walked. turned and

> looked at me and I shrugged and waived goodbye.

>

> Later she told me that she didn't ignore Kathy and had told her about the

> " stupid plan " and they were still friends. Apparently the mean little girls

did

> things like this all the time and my played along or told her she was

> dumb, depending on her mood. We talked about feelings and about intentionally

> hurting or " ostracizing " people and how it made them feel. And I said she

> had to choose whether being friends with these girls was worth the stress she

> was feeling, because it's her job to choose her friends, not mine. And then I

> dropped the subject. (FYI, we never had play dates with these girls, I

> couldn't abide their mommies)

>

> Shortly after than started playing with the boys as well and made

> friends with two who are still among her best friends. We joke that she and PJ

> are like an old married couple. PJ currently has a crush on 's best

friend,

> who isn't allowed to date either.

>

> Anyway .. as for being friends with boys. Go for it! Less stress, less

> petty meanness! More physical activities. However, that doesn't mean the

girls

> are going to be nice. She may get grief from a girl who likes one of her boy

> friends and be accused of " trying to steal my boyfriend " which also

> experienced. She told the girl that if she liked him then maybe she should

come

> out and play kick ball like the rest of them and actually TALK to the guy

> instead of just batting her eyelashes at him. LOL.

>

> These kids should come with a manual or better yet, a play book.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you very much for all the responses and experiences about your

children.

I got lots of great ideas from you.

Sincerely, Dina Mullan

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/4/2006 10:42:00 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

thetomlinsons@... writes:

I wonder if the girls

were already being catty about her not hearing everything perhaps . . .

It's funny, my son preferred to play with the girls when he was little.

I assumed it was because they were more verbal and interested in

sorting things out than the boys who went around punching each other on

the shoulder and seemed more threatening.

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