hypothetical question

[Guest guest]

At this point with 3 children I think I am done. So I wouldnt. But if I only had

one child and he was ASD and about Greggory's age then I think I would. Of

course it would depend on how that child was. So I will just assume that I only

have Greggory and not Alec or Yessenia. I would diffenately consider adoption.

And even a child with ASD somehow sounds a little more comforting that a typical

child. I know the ASD thing and how it can go. NT still scares me sometimes.

Weird I know. If I only had Alec I think I would have to see if that child could

handle Alec more then Alec handling the child. ASD children usually have a hard

time with change and I would want the match to be as good a match as possible.

Ya know?

Jacquie H

hypothetical question

I was surfing around last night, and went to the website called Canada's

Waiting Kids, which is a gallery of children waiting to be adopted out of foster

care. I often check in there.

Last night, there was a 3 1/2 year old girl whose delays and challenges

sounded a lot like PDD - possibly SID or maybe Asperger's, as she has a lot of

ASD issues yet great receptive language and speaks clearly in sentences.

I have often though about adoption, and that I would only adopt a child who

was older or had special needs - NOT a baby. So I was thinking and thinking

about this little girl, and here's my question:

Would YOU ever consider introducing a 3 - 4 year old child with ASD into your

home where one 6 - 7 year old with ASD already lives? What things would

influence your decision?

Now, don't tell me what *I* should do -- I just want to know what YOU would

do!

Thanks,

Jacquie

PS - who isn't planning to run out and call the Children's Aid about her today

or anything like that. Just thinking.

[Guest guest]

Except for the clear sentences she sounds a lot like . I know if she

hadn't been mine I would have loved her from sight anyway.

Talk to the boys about it. It couldn't hurt to go and at least meet her.

If my husband would agree I would adopt another in a heartbeat.

[Guest guest]

I wouln't do it, as much as I love kids (and once wanted a large family). DH

would be completely against adopting, especially a child with " problems " (his

feelings). Also, I don't think I would be able to cope. I'm barely managing

with my two kids and dh, and that's with my zoloft. I don't think I could do

it.

Janae

, 10, ADD

Jake, 7, autism

[Guest guest]

> Would YOU ever consider introducing a 3 - 4 year old child with ASD into

your home where one 6 - 7 year old with ASD already lives? What things

would influence your decision?

>

Well, I sure wouldn't, Jacquie! My house is too full already. But, under

your circumstances, perhaps. I think kids are good for each other and it is

great to have siblings. That's why I have five kids...

As for influencing your decision, hmm. You have done well with . You

know what to expect if that child is on the spectrum and you know that you

can handle it. But how about sibling stuff? Would it overwhelm you? It

almost overwhelms Enrique all the time when and Sophie start

sniping at each other. How much alone time do you need? A three and a half

year old on the spectrum would be certainly put at least part time in a some

kind of classroom, I would think, which would give you a bit of free time

still. I think you could do it. But you would need to weigh it very very

carefully.

Salli

[Guest guest]

I think a lot for me would depend on how my kids would take having an instant

sibling (so to speak). I think mine would be fine with the idea. They still

ask for another brother or sister. I would love to adopt I truly would. I

still want more children but unless I jump t he fence it " ain't happening's. Dh

and I have talked about adopting but at this point he is not interested. I

think that I would be very comfortable adopting a child on the spectrum. I know

how to do that it is my NT child that baffles me sometimes. So given that we

could afford the adoption costs and dh and I both agree with it and the kids are

comfortable with having another sib of any age, I would definitely adopt.

CHRIS

I was surfing around last night, and went to the website called Canada's

Waiting Kids, which is a gallery of children waiting to be adopted out of foster

care. I often check in there.

Last night, there was a 3 1/2 year old girl whose delays and challenges

sounded a lot like PDD - possibly SID or maybe Asperger's, as she has a lot of

ASD issues yet great receptive language and speaks clearly in sentences.

I have often though about adoption, and that I would only adopt a child who

was older or had special needs - NOT a baby. So I was thinking and thinking

about this little girl, and here's my question:

Would YOU ever consider introducing a 3 - 4 year old child with ASD into your

home where one 6 - 7 year old with ASD already lives? What things would

influence your decision?

Now, don't tell me what *I* should do -- I just want to know what YOU would

do!

Thanks,

Jacquie

PS - who isn't planning to run out and call the Children's Aid about her today

or anything like that. Just thinking.

[Guest guest]

> interested. I think that I would be very comfortable adopting a

> child on the spectrum. I know how to do that it is my NT child

> that baffles me sometimes. So given that we could afford the

> adoption costs and dh and I both agree with it and the kids are

> comfortable with having another sib of any age, I would definitely adopt.

Yeah. What she said.

My kids would be fine with it I think, though we'd do a lot of transitioning

(for everyone!) I'm sure. Matt and I have often talked about adopting or

fostering when we have a house. (Meaning, when we have the room and are

financially stable.) I have 2 kids, a 3rd on the way, and fully expect

we'll have or adopt more. Matt and I have both always wanted a large family

and autism has not changed that for us.

-Sara.

[Guest guest]

> this is the description of her <

she sounds like a doll! do they have a pic of her? have you asked mentioned her

to eric yet? do her interests seem to match well with his? i think that's why my

kids get along so well with each other. despite the age difference (5.5yrs),

they really like a lot of the same things. can you visit with her at all before

making any kind of serious decision?

" Something important to remember...we'll always be who we are. " - Mr.

[Guest guest]

Yes, I would. Just my opinion, of course - LOL

Debbie E

[Guest guest]

i would not. that's me though. i would be tempted. i am doing some contract

work with our local children's aid society. i had to take a training course

with them last october-december. it is the same course required for potential

foster parents. i couldn't do it jacquie. i couldn't do it to rowan

especially. the social workers who instructed the course wanted people to have

a very clear idea of what they were getting into before they brought children

into their home. they were brutally honest and they brought in parents who

fostered and sometimes adopted these children. these people had strength,

faith, energy and resilience i don't possess. my plate is full enough. the

children in the child welfare system are scarred children. most live with the

memories and pain of abuse - physical, sexual, emotional, and neglect. they

have sleeping disorders, eating disorders, conduct disorders, violent outburts -

these things effect an entire household. these things i could handle. i would

not expect my children - especially rowan, to do so.

on the other hand, it may be wonderful for you. eric is quite high functioning

and has a level of independence that means you would have additional time to

devote to another child. i know eric craves a sibling. i know that it would

dangerous for you to provide him with one in the conventional way. i know this

little girl would certainly be lucky to have you for a mum!

i would definitely suggest you try fostering and see how that fits with your

family. that would be a good way of " sampling adoption " without the permanent

no turning back factor. just my humble opinion.

michelle mg

[Guest guest]

>>>>>>>>>>>

Would YOU ever consider introducing a 3 - 4 year old

child with ASD into your home where one 6 - 7 year

old with ASD already lives? What things would

influence your decision?

>>>>>

I've thought about adoption. I haven't come up with

any satifactory answers though. I too would prefer to

adopt an older child or one with a disability.

Healthy infants are in great demand for adoption and I

often think about the children who have been left

behind. I think about the good home I could give

them, and about how my family life could be enriched

by such an addition. I have a friend who adopted a 3

yo girl from China. I admire her greatly and am proud

of her for giving this child a loving mother. I also

I'm uniquely qualified to care for an ASD child,

having had my baptism of fire with . But I also

think about the days when I'm just worn out looking

after one ASD and one NT. How could I cope with

another little being on those days? And more

importantly, how would I choose a child to take home?

I know I would feel guilt over the children I didn't

chose. So I'm still wrangling with this.

Now, if something were to happen to a relative and

their child needed a home, I'd take them in

immediately.

I don't think I've answered your question.

Tuna

=====

You can learn many things from children.

How much patience you have, for instance.

- lin P.

______________________________________________________________________

Post your free ad now! http://personals.yahoo.ca

[Guest guest]

> Would YOU ever consider introducing a 3 - 4 year old child with ASD into

your home where one 6 - 7 year old with ASD already lives? What things

would influence your decision?

Jacquie:

... Perhaps, one day, but not until my children are old enough and

independent enough ... If I felt that my life was manageable enough, and

familial stress levels low enough, I would seriously consider it. Sometimes

I think everything I have learned about special needs kids so far is perhaps

something I should pass on to another less fortunate child. Just my

thoughts.

Regardless of the decision you make, I hope you will pat yourself on the

back and feel good about just entertaining the idea of adopting a special

needs child. I think that is an extraordinary thing to do. You must have

an enormous heart.

[Guest guest]

Of course, at my ripe old age of 49, no one would consider me a

candidate for adopting. (In fact, I'm not sure they knew what they

were doing when they approved me at 42 to adopt an infant! LOL) But

if I were younger, I would consider it. This is an interesting

change from my opinion several years ago when we were pursuing

adoption. Then I really didn't want an older child or a handicapped

child. I tried to answer those questions honestly, but I really

should have admitted that I thought I only wanted a perfect, white,

infant. Now, I think I would be able to handle a special needs child

who was older, especially one that was on the spectrum. And I think

it would be great for Brandt to have a sibling to interact with and

have to get along with. Unfortunately, we don't have the means or

energy to adopt another, but the child you described is EXACTLY what

I would be looking for if I were younger and more energetic.JMHO Leggs

[Guest guest]

Sounds like a lovely little girl ...

Re: hypothetical question

>

> this is the description of her:

>

>

> Breeanna, born November 1999, is a happy and healthy little girl whose

smile

> can light up the room. She is a strong-willed little girl who does best

with

> structure and routines. Although she stands her ground, which can be

> challenging at times, everyone who comes to know Breeana finds that she

> wiggles straight into your heart.

[Guest guest]

If I felt comfortable taking on a new child, and IF I was financially

secure enough to be able to take on a new child..absolutely. I've

often thought about being a foster mom (I know, not the same as

adopting)..just because I think it so sad all those children who need

a healthy environment and knowing I could provide it. I'm not in the

position to be taking another child on right now. but if I were my

answer is YES!

>

> I was surfing around last night, and went to the website called

Canada's Waiting Kids, which is a gallery of children waiting to be

adopted out of foster care. I often check in there.

>

> Last night, there was a 3 1/2 year old girl whose delays and

challenges sounded a lot like PDD - possibly SID or maybe Asperger's,

as she has a lot of ASD issues yet great receptive language and

speaks clearly in sentences.

>

> I have often though about adoption, and that I would only adopt a

child who was older or had special needs - NOT a baby. So I was

thinking and thinking about this little girl, and here's my question:

>

> Would YOU ever consider introducing a 3 - 4 year old child with ASD

into your home where one 6 - 7 year old with ASD already lives?

What things would influence your decision?

>

> Now, don't tell me what *I* should do -- I just want to know what

YOU would do!

>

> Thanks,

> Jacquie

> PS - who isn't planning to run out and call the Children's Aid

about her today or anything like that. Just thinking.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Jacquie,

In my case it would depend on how my kids felt about it. We would have to

do many visits alone and with the boys. Visits to our house with the child

to see the interactions, etc.. If we all felt we could handle it, we would

probably do it. Hell, I've certainly had enough experience dealing with the

schools here to get the services she'd need!

I know has told you he wants to be a big brother before...but you would

also have to carefully consider how frustrated can get you now, the

similarities in temperments, and how you feel during your down cycles now

as to whether you think you could cope with another spectrum child.

Sue

[Guest guest]

She sounds very much like !

[Guest guest]

> > Would YOU ever consider introducing a 3 - 4 year old child with

ASD into your home where one 6 - 7 year old with ASD already lives?

What things would influence your decision?

>

>

At the moment, no, but my two kids are low functioning. When they

were older, I would consider it.

Leigh

[Guest guest]

jacquie, here are some questions i think i would ask, primarily concerning eric

does he get along well with other kids?

does he take to new people well?

does he share your attention well?

is he the jealous type?

hmm, that's all i can think of at the moment :-/

" Something important to remember...we'll always be who we are. " - Mr.

[Guest guest]

> I know has told you he wants to be a big brother before...but

you would

> also have to carefully consider how frustrated can get you

now, the

> similarities in temperments, and how you feel during your down

cycles now

> as to whether you think you could cope with another spectrum child.

> Sue

You're absolutely right, Sue. That is a BIG consideration, and I

don't have any idea about it yet. I'm split right down the middle on

that one...so I'm not in any hurry to rush out and make changes just

yet, that's for sure!

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

>> Would YOU ever consider introducing a 3 - 4 year old child with

ASD into your home where one 6 - 7 year old with ASD already lives?

What things would influence your decision? >>

Jacquie,

I'm so far behind it isn't even funny (lots of stuff going on this

past week), and I see that you have already gotten several replies

(most of which I have not read)...but here are my thoughts.

I would *love* to adopt a special needs child...but will not, because:

1. Mark would *never* agree.

2. I am not at all sure would not hurt a smaller child when

he is upset. I already have to watch out for when he is out of

control (which actually happens very seldom these days, but still...)

3. My stress level when is going through a difficult period

(which happens here and there...like this past month) is so high that

I don't know if I could give 2 such children what they need..and I am

pretty sure they would feed on each other...even my fairly typical

kids do.

4. If the other child also had regulatory issues, it's pretty much a

given that there would be days when life would be so insane that my

three older kids would have to help even more than they do now...and

I'm not sure how fair that would be. Elaine has such a tough time

emotionally dealing with what we already have that I don't know if

she could take any more.

5. is so attached to me that I think he would be incredibly

jealous...which could be a very bad thing all round.

Of course, that doesn't mean diddly, because your situation is so

different from yours. The point I am trying to make, though, is that

my decision can't be made based on what I wish I could do...if that

was the case, this house would be full of kids needing homes. It has

to be based on the realities going on here. How would my other kids

handle it--would it be fair to them. How would I handle it--would it

push me over the edge. Could we realistically afford it. And so on.

Now...you didn't ask for advice, so stop reading right now if you

don't want it. :-) I would look hard at whether you think can

share you yet...and if he is in a place where he could handle another

kid falling apart without going there himself. My guess is that he

is on his way there...and that if he isn't there yet, he will be in

another year or two. and have both gone through very

rough times when younger because I was trying to deal with their

stuff while dealing with ...but now, they are the two that help

me the most, because they understand the sensory stuff on a personal

level... may do that as well, and be a great help with another

child. gets a great deal of satisfaction and improved self-

esteem from the fact that he *knows* he understands and helps

me from time to time to see things from that perspective.

I have three kids with DSI...so I know it can be done...but I will

tell you, there are days when I wonder how we make it through with

everyone in one piece. The older the others get, the better we are

able to handle things...

Also, keep in mind that when two kids with sensory processing and

modulation disorders are going ballistic, it's a major sensory

assault to everyone around them...can YOU and MARC go there yet?

One more thing...if you do eventually decide to adopt, I would do it

well before hits puberty...a kid with DSI in puberty is a

genuine walking disaster...you don't want to be handling that and

adjusting to a second disabled child.

Raena

[Guest guest]

I was surfing around last night, and went to the website called Canada's Waiting

Kids, which is a gallery of children waiting to be adopted out of foster care.

I often check in there.

Last night, there was a 3 1/2 year old girl whose delays and challenges sounded

a lot like PDD - possibly SID or maybe Asperger's, as she has a lot of ASD

issues yet great receptive language and speaks clearly in sentences.

I have often though about adoption, and that I would only adopt a child who was

older or had special needs - NOT a baby. So I was thinking and thinking about

this little girl, and here's my question:

Would YOU ever consider introducing a 3 - 4 year old child with ASD into your

home where one 6 - 7 year old with ASD already lives? What things would

influence your decision?

Now, don't tell me what *I* should do -- I just want to know what YOU would do!

Thanks,

Jacquie

PS - who isn't planning to run out and call the Children's Aid about her today

or anything like that. Just thinking.

[Guest guest]

...a kid with DSI in puberty is a

> genuine walking disaster...you don't want to be handling that and

> adjusting to a second disabled child.

OH, YES!

Salli

[Guest guest]

this is the description of her:

Breeanna, born November 1999, is a happy and healthy little girl whose smile

can light up the room. She is a strong-willed little girl who does best with

structure and routines. Although she stands her ground, which can be

challenging at times, everyone who comes to know Breeana finds that she

wiggles straight into your heart.

Breeana has global developmental delays and there is concern that she has

Fetal Alcohol Effect. She is followed by the Child Development Services and

is making excellent progress in all areas. Breeana understands everything

that is said to her and responds very clearly in full sentences.

Breeana likes to do puzzles, play with her dolls, and pretend to be talking

on the cell phone. She loves being outdoors and is quite fascinated by bugs,

butterflies and all of nature. She is a gentle child and understands not to

harm fragile things. Breeana has a good attention span and can spend up to

30 minutes attending to task. She goes to preschool with her foster mom and

enjoys all the activities. Breeana does best in a structured, predictable

routine and does not like changes. She will protest by tantrums when she

becomes over-stimulated or when there is a sudden change in her environment.

She is easily re-directed when upset and can settle well. Breeanna is very

affectionate and endearing.

This little girl needs a family that will be comfortable with her delays and

advocate on her behalf to help her reach her potential. Breeana will need an

energetic family that will be willing to work with the support services she

requires.

[Guest guest]

>So if you are asking if I would.....then my answer would be yes.

Oh, I wasn't asking if you'd adopt a special needs child as opposed to any

other child. I'm asking if you'd bring a preschool special needs child into

your house with a school-age autistic kid, and what would you consider about

doing that before you did it?

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

>Also, I don't think I would be able to cope. I'm barely managing with my

two kids and dh, and that's with my zoloft. I don't think I could do it.

>

Yeah, that's a big consideration for me. Some days I feel as if need to

pack my bags and flee screaming, and that's with one kid and bipolar

disorder. So I'm not sure sacrificing half my personal time would work out

so well.

Jacquie