Need honesty please - long story sorry!

[Guest guest]

I know that you girls will be honest with me. I really need the truth here.

I've always thought that was high functioning and making steady

progress. Now I wonder if I'm just kidding myself.

First I'll tell you the things that she is doing, then the things that she is

not. I need to know if she is high functioning or if people are just telling

me that because they feel sorry for me or whatever.

is going to be four this summer. She has over 500 words both

expressive and receptive. She is asking simple questions like what happened?

and where is ____? She is transitioning between activities with no problems

and enjoys spending time with other children. She is no longer bothered by

large groups of people like at music class which has over 20 kids. We are

playing simple games like tag and hide and seek although she never hides as

does cheat by looking before counting to ten. She counts up over 40 not just

by rote buy will count objects as well as hand me a certain number of objects

even if there are more than the number I ask for. We read books and she will

fill in words. She can pour her own drink from a small pitcher in the frig.

She will make comments on things like the weather, simple verbs and

adjectives and emotions (not hers other people). Her attention span has

gotton much longer and she now colors even though she use to hate it. She

plays simple games like memory and little people bingo. She stays with me in

public easier and hold my hand. She will mimic anything you do if you ask

like touching your shoulders, kicking a ball etc. She seems much more

interested in other children even going so far as to play with them. We go

to gymnastics once a week and she even waits in line with mimimal

supervision.

What she isn't doing. She always calls herself or the girl. She has a

very low voice so its sometimes hard to hear what she's saying. When she is

in a new place the first time she will not talk unless prompted. She is

spending alot of time reciting things from tv and videos. She will not use

the potty. She will not answer questions unless it's something that's been

prompted over and over like how old are you or what's your name. She can't

seem to have a conversation even if it's simple like how are you? She is

hugging kids the first time she meets them and has to be redirected to ask.

She still sometimes flicks lights on and off also.

I suspect that she's hit a ceiling in her present placement and she's now

falling back on the " I want " and memorizing the prompts as well as the

questions. For example she'll do flashcards and say what is that ...

It's a blue car... good job. She seems to be doing both parts of the

conversation. I've been told that it's time to split her placement between

autistic support and an inclusive setting. I think she wants to be social

but has no idea what's acceptable. My problem - I have no idea what normal

is. I was hoping for an intergrated setting so that there would be a special

education teacher there naturally there isn't one. They are making a new

class which I am a part of but this will take 6 months. I have made phone

calls and have found two possible placements. What am I looking for? How do

I know she's ready? Am I pushing her because I want to believe that she's

doing well?

Thanks

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/7/03 9:17:31 PM Eastern Standard Time,

reynoldspm@... writes:

> , is doing beautifully.

Thanks for saying that. I really was doing very well lately until last

night. A bunch of the girls get together every month but I couldn't go since

Guy is still on night shift. A close friend went though and said that my

name had come up. She said that she was talking about how well was

doing and how verbal she is. She said that another mother looked at her like

she was nuts.

This other mom was someone that I had met threw other people and had

gone to her house a couple weeks ago. Her daughter is a year older and doing

just fabulous. looked so BAD next to her. But at home she's doing so

well! I am hoping we get together again here at my house so gets a

chance to play with her again. It just made me feel really insecure about

her progress... plus I hate people talking about me.

Thanks

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/7/03 9:46:21 PM Eastern Standard Time,

debbi_d@... writes:

> . Buster cannot do any of those things (except flick the lights on and off).

>

>

But he will Debbie.

Hugs wendy

[Guest guest]

, is doing beautifully. could not do those things

at that age, and JJ did/does not either. is quite high

functioning now, and I believe that J is a HF Aspie.

If at all possible I would go for an integrated placement with

typical peers to model, and teachers that are experienced in ECE

Spec. Ed. If not that try for a mixed placement of ECE Sped class

part time, and an NT peer group part time.

She truly does sound like she is doing very very well. :-)

[Guest guest]

I know absolutely nothing and I think she's doing fantastic. Buster cannot do

any of those things (except flick the lights on and off).

debbi

[Guest guest]

> , is doing beautifully. could not do those things

> at that age, and JJ did/does not either. is quite high

> functioning now, and I believe that J is a HF Aspie.

Before my family all began to fight this evening (normal fighting, not

scary), I was about to write the same thing.

Actually some of the things that you worry about not doing, Robbie

does not do. I asked him his age tonight after reading your post and he

said, " Um. Little? "

I won't tell you not to worry cuz no way will you be able to do that, but

she does indeed sound VERY high functioning. There is a lot of hope for

that girl. She is one on this list who I think might lose the dx (which

does not mean, to me, being cured, just means that she is not outside the

range of normal).

>

> If at all possible I would go for an integrated placement with

> typical peers to model, and teachers that are experienced in ECE

> Spec. Ed.

Yes, I agree. Putter learns best without autistic models. He needs no one

to teach him autism, LOL, he is very good at autism.

If not that try for a mixed placement of ECE Sped class

> part time, and an NT peer group part time.

>

> She truly does sound like she is doing very very well. :-)

>

Yup, total agreement.

Salli

[Guest guest]

She said that she was talking about how well was

> doing and how verbal she is. She said that another mother looked at her

like

> she was nuts.

Well, you say this was a close friend so I will trust that, but I am not

sure that I would EVER have repeated that story to any one I know.

Especially as the mother apparently didn't say anything but just gave her an

odd look. My kids are always saying that I gave them an odd look when, in

fact, I am trying to remember if we have onions for the stew or having a

bout of heartburn or I need to pee or something totally irrelevant.

>

> This other mom was someone that I had met threw other people and had

> gone to her house a couple weeks ago. Her daughter is a year older and

doing

> just fabulous. looked so BAD next to her. But at home she's doing

so

> well! I am hoping we get together again here at my house so gets a

> chance to play with her again. It just made me feel really insecure about

> her progress... plus I hate people talking about me.

>

I can see that it would make you feel insecure. Remember that her daughter

is older and may have been more comfortable in that setting. All kids have

good days and bad days and strengths and weaknesses.

Sorry it upset you, .

Salli

[Guest guest]

>> Buster cannot do any of those things (except flick the lights on and off).

>

>

> But he will Debbie.

I'm sure of it. He's a determined little boy and so am I.

Thanks

debbi

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/7/03 11:36:02 PM Eastern Standard Time, vhunnius@...

writes:

> He hugged EVERYONE when first meeting them when he was three

> and four years old, even the guy who came to fill out our homeowner's

> insurance.

That is so cute! People are really nice about it I guess that's why she does

it.

I really need to hear this thanks so very very very much/

[Guest guest]

Well I feel better now. All of our autistic friends look up to as a

model. It was really exciting to see someone that was in fact doing better.

I do think she is interested in interacting with other children and the only

way to do this is to put her in an inclusive program (since the intergrated

one is full and will likely remain so until September).

Our choices:

A preschool that we are going to see on Monday called Just Children. They

were very nice on the phone and understanding that she is not yet potty

trained. This class is in the morning which would mean that I could keep her

afternoons the same until she adjusts. It's a smaller class size under 18

with a teacher and an aid. They have two children from the IU with walkers.

They have had autistic children before.

The only other option was Children's House of Buck County which is a

montessori school. The pros to this are that each child learns at their own

pace, and that other children are included in the process. Their motto says

" the child asked the teacher a question. The teacher did not say " I will

tell you the answer, " Instead she replied, " Let us go together and find it. "

I really like the fact that she will learn at her own level, but at this

point I'm afraid they would be another one that would emphasis the academics

since she does those well. I also fear that she might have too much time on

her own. I'll need to see the class to judge better. Also it looks like

this class would be more 18 - 25 children which I'm not sure would be a good

idea at this point.

Thoughts?

[Guest guest]

:

As you say, it does depend on the actual school itself. Sometimes I have

heard that Montessori schools are great for autistic kids because they are

very structured. So that could go well. But I agree that there is a risk

that would just do stuff on her own without interaction, and they

might not perceive how she needs to be drawn into the group. It can be very

hard to explain to people who see the social side of school as the fun part

and the academic side of school as the work part (and it's most people who

feel this way, me included!) that for your child it is the other way around.

The other school sounds a bit more hopeful to me as it is smaller, and has

had kids with autism before.

But before making any decisions, I would definitely look at both of them

several times.

Salli

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/8/03 10:20:29 AM Eastern Standard Time,

michellemg69@... writes:

> . as far as speaking very quietly goes this is a problem for rowan as well

> adn i do intend to do a posting to that effect.

> michelle mg

Her teacher asked me to get a piece of PVC pipe shaped like a U and try to

get her to talk into it and hold the other piece at her ear. She said that

would help her to realize she had to speak up. As it is past 2pm and my

husband is still sleeping the chance of going to the hardware store is rather

low however. I'm sure we'll get there someday. I'll let you know if it

works.

[Guest guest]

it sounds to me like katie is doing very well. she sounds much higher

functioning than my son is now and he is two years older than her.

as sar as referring to herself as " katie " and " the girl " - i think that is one

of the hardest things to teach ASD children because of the floating definition

" I and " me " also, they say echolalia can be very positive and can be shaped to

more meaningful language - particularily if her receptive language is so good.

as far as speaking very quietly goes this is a problem for rowan as well adn i

do intend to do a posting to that effect.

michelle mg

[Guest guest]

She said that another mother looked at her like

> she was nuts.

This other mom does not have enough experience to gauge how well

is doing overall.

>

Her daughter is a year older and doing

> just fabulous. looked so BAD next to her. But at home she's

doing so

> well!

See where is in a year, and see how she does on her own home

turf instead of someplace strange with people she does not know

well. This is typical of our kids. Observe them in a comfortable

known environment and they function one way. Put them somplace else

with unknown factors and they function entirely differently.

has made wonderful progress. Don't ever doubt that.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/8/03 6:42:54 PM Eastern Standard Time,

kdminden2001@... writes:

> I'm afraid it would make her talk more softly, not louder. JMHO Leggs

Maybe she's suppose to hold it away from her ear? I'll check with her ST on

Tuesday

[Guest guest]

that's an interesting idea! ooooooooo i want to try this! thanks wendy!

michelle mg

[Guest guest]

, I'm not sure that this would work in the way the teacher

planned. We made those at school to use with primary kids in reading

groups to teach them to talk(read)in a quieter voice. It magnifies

your voice into your ear canal so you can hear better. Primary aged

kids need to read aloud to get the feedback, but a whole room of them

reading different texts aloud can get really loud. We would tell

them to get out their text and their reading " phone. " They would

read quietly into the phone. If you talk at much over a whisper, it

is magnified too loudly in your own ear. I'm afraid it would make

her talk more s0ftly, not louder. JMHO Leggs

>

> Her teacher asked me to get a piece of PVC pipe shaped like a U and

try to

> get her to talk into it and hold the other piece at her ear. She

said that

> would help her to realize she had to speak up. As it is past 2pm

and my

> husband is still sleeping the chance of going to the hardware store

is rather

> low however. I'm sure we'll get there someday. I'll let you know

if it

> works.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

I think she is high functioning. She seems to have some of the same

communication issues as my boys, although theirs might not be quite as

apparent (keep in mind mine are 9 and almost 13). She sounds like she has

made wonderful progress.

As to if she's ready for a new placement, I have no idea. My only

suggestion would be to observe her for a few days in her current class and

see if she's still being shown new things. If not, it might be time for a

change or talking to the teacher about challenging her more.

Sue

[Guest guest]

I think a larger class is not good for our kids. I'm a bit surprised that

the smaller class has only one teacher and one aide for 18 kids. How needy

are the other students? Would she have enough interaction with the teachers

there? As to the Montessori school, the fact that they want the child to

ask the question would be a problem for me because my kids wouldn't ask.

They don't tell anyone now when they don't understand the question or the

assignments.

I hope this helps some.

Sue

[Guest guest]

> Yes, I agree. Putter learns best without autistic models. He needs no

one

> to teach him autism, LOL, he is very good at autism.

My opinion EXACTLY.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

>She is

> spending alot of time reciting things from tv and videos. She will not

use

> the potty. She will not answer questions unless it's something that's

been

> prompted over and over like how old are you or what's your name. She

can't

> seem to have a conversation even if it's simple like how are you? She is

> hugging kids the first time she meets them and has to be redirected to

ask.

> She still sometimes flicks lights on and off also.

Every one of things would have been said about at 's age. I don't

think he could answer a question until he was five years old, nor hold a

conversation. He hugged EVERYONE when first meeting them when he was three

and four years old, even the guy who came to fill out our homeowner's

insurance. Almost all verbal language was delayed echolalia from TV and

video.

Seems to me that 's doing great.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

Hi there,

From what you have said I personally wouldn't be inclined to change

anything just yet as in " if it ain't broke, don't fix it " .

On the hand I can see where you are coming from and you want her to

move forward.

I always think we walk a very fine line and even the tiniest

diversion in the wrong direction can have devastating consequences.

She may have become so comfortable with her home and school life

that she is able to move herself on within that circle.

Personally and from my own experiences I would take a back seat

until this other class is ready and has been established for a while

and then I would rethink again.

Good luck with whatever you decide, she is do SO well long may it

continue.

NOBODY every told me parenting any child would be this

difficult...coming for a mother who can't get her daughter back into

school (

Louisa

[Guest guest]

> A preschool that we are going to see on Monday called Just Children. They

> were very nice on the phone and understanding that she is not yet potty

> trained. This class is in the morning which would mean that I could keep

her

> afternoons the same until she adjusts. It's a smaller class size under 18

> with a teacher and an aid. They have two children from the IU with

walkers.

> They have had autistic children before.

This to me sounds ideal.

My best friend has her NT son in a Montessori preschool and she swears by

it. I've also heard about an autistic child in my county (mentioned in

passing by someone, sometime) who did really well in Montessori. I decided

against it for for two reasons: 1. it costs as much as our mortgage

per month, and 2. I'm afraid their philosophy might not allow for keeping

him focused and on task for any length of time. Besides, he'll have a hard

enough time tranisitioning into highschool without having to change models

of school. (we have no Montessori secondary schools)

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

Well guys I found it... THE SCHOOL... it is somehow perfect. I didn't think

it would work, the room is on the small side. There are no little people,

dollhouses, or Sesame Street characters.

A Montessori school of all places. I thought she would be overstimulated.

But somehow it really seemed to be perfect. The only time we could see the

class was in the morning but the opening that they have is in the afternoon.

They showed us three different classes two with 20-25 kids and her class

which is a bit smaller at 16. I've never seen anything like it. All the

shelfs were size, there were little tables and as the kids finished

playing with something they put it away. Within minutes of entering the

class was playing with a little girl with some type of puzzle. We

looked at some musical instruments and a song which proceeded to read

outloud. easily transitioned to another room where a little girl

befriended her and asked her to help wash dishes. held her hand, happy

to go along as the little girl helped her on with her apron. She then moved

onto circle time with at least TWELVE kids and followed along with the song.

Then she went back with her dishwashing friend who asked her to help " clean

up " she showed how to wash down the table with a sponge. Then when

put the sponge in her mouth redirected her and helped her to clean up

(hand over hand!) The day ended when we had to leave (we stayed for an

hour). The little girl sadly called goodbye and said " you can come to

my birthday party. " That's got to be a good omen. So her teacher has to go

out to the school and then tell me if she will support the placement.

You guys would have cried - it was the greatest thing EVER. The little girls

were all over her playing with her hair, talking with her, encouraging her to

play and do stuff with them. If everyone could just pray really hard with

me... please let this work out.

[Guest guest]

That's the bad part about it. Her teachers only " free " day is Monday and the

next two Mondays are holidays. I'm like hurry hurry and things are already

getting in my way.

I've already spoken with the coordinating superviser and we'll just have to

bang out the placement. They want two days at each school which could be

doable and honestly I think it would probably make it easier for her to

transition.

The weird part though was when the coordinating supervisor asked me about the

school that they wanted me to take her to I said that it wasn't a good

placement for . (The kids were playing Harry Potter flashcards - like

she knows who Harry Potter is) and she was more interested in playing with

the 2 year olds on the indoor playground. Then she said... well you know

isn't going to school for the academics LOL.

WTF