Re: Having another baby after your autistic kids...

[Guest guest]

See, I am not insane. LOL!

and I were talking to a friend of ours, in fact, it was the same friend

who introduced us. When she had heard everything that has happened around here

she said she was really surprised that we are still married, that most marriages

could not have survived what we have been through.

We must be doing something right because we are still together and if I had not

had my tubes tied we would probably be going on our 9th child now and I would

have to kill myself (just kidding. I wouldn't mind having more kids but

physically I could not handle being pregnant with the boys. My body is real

sensitive to hormone changes and the male hormones in my system from the boys

was just hell).

I am happy with my marriage (even though I am *forced* to have sex <rolling

eyes> Maybe that is why we have handcuffs in the house....), I am happy with my

marriage, I am happy with the size of our family, I wouldn't trade the kids in.

I don't see where it is someone elses place to judge what choices we have made.

And it really gets on my nerves that someone would think that my husband is

abusive or anything like that. He isn't. If he was I would have kicked his ass

to the curb long ago. Even worse, this person has never met my husband.

I guess I am rambling as well.

Georga Hackworth

Men. Can't live with 'em...can't trade 'em in for their weight in chocolate.

Enter to win $50 worth of free books www.ubah.com/F1549

RE: Re: Having another baby after your

autistic kids...

I just don't know where these people get off making comments to complete

strangers. Or even to friends.

I have a child with autism. I had already decided I wouldn't have more

children given how difficult my pregnancy was, and that the

perinatologist predicted the next would be the same. However, Jordan's

autism just hardened my stance on that decision. Whenever I start to

waver, I think about the 4 months of hospital bedrest and the chances of

having another autistic child (potentially worse than Jordan) ... and I

decide all over again to " stand pat " with my twins.

That said ...

I would never judge another person's decision on having children. I may

not agree with their choice. But that is my prerogative ... just as it

is their right to make their own decisions (and not agree with my

choices).

I just can't stand people who must force their points of views on

others. It's just plain rude.

Debbie, standing pat with twins ;-)

[Guest guest]

Just a quick plug for the book " Taking Charge of Your Fertility " by Toni

Morisson - - I can personally vouch for Fertility Awareness Method (FAM).

It is all natural.

RE: Re: Having another baby after your autistic

kids...

> > still trying to figure out where to go. NO BC because our

> > beliefs say it's wrong

>

> Can you use NFP or is that also considered birth control?

>

[Guest guest]

> Well I don't know now that Karin pointed out how rude it is, I guess

you can take it that way. I just took it as him pointing out a fact.

This guy seems to lack some real social skills but he's suppose to be

one of the top developmental peds in New York state. Some have hated

this man and other's like it. I thought he did his job and did it well..

>

You know what? For some stupid reason (on my part), I thought it was

your OB that said that comment to you. :-S Crazy me. Well, maybe

your pediatrician was " doing his job " . I just don't think anyone

should say that to a pregnant woman. (what's she supposed to do at

that point?) Maybe they can bring it up to you when you're not

pregnant, but I do still think it's rude to say that just 4 weeks

before giving birth.

Oh well.

~ Karin

[Guest guest]

Boone is my third child and I had my tubes tied after him. Heck, I was

almost 40 then. So I can't help much.

My sister (I have a lot of sisters) had two more kids after her first son

and he had severe birth defects, MR and is most definitely severely

autistic.

Her two younger sons are extremely NT and they all three have the same dad.

Sissi

[Guest guest]

> I have 2 autistic children, one moderate, one severe. I also have an

> 11 month old. Have you ever had anyone tell you you were nuts for

> having another child? I have had people in stores tell me this.

I am absolutely appalled at what complete strangers feel comfortable

shooting their mouths off about.

I have only , so I can't address your question, but I can empathize --

after a horrific breast-feeding fiasco where would not, COULD not

breastfeed and I had to send dh out to buy bottles and formula because I'd

never EVER intended to bottlefeed and we didn't have ANY bottle feeding

equipment, after crying and feeling like a useless mother and a failure and

daily hating myself for not being able to do what should come naturally, I

found myself facing complete strangers who'd come up to me in the mall while

I fed him and tell me " breast is best. "

AFter too long a time I learned, and i'm sure you already know, that they

have no idea about your life and are just fucking idiots with more opinion

than brains or compassion.

I think your answer to them was absolutely right.

And you know what? If you had another baby knowing full well that there was

a chance he could be autistic, then that makes you a VERY good mother who

loves her children without condition. It puts you head and shoulders above

any meddling dickhead who shares his or her 'opinion' with you in the

grocery line.

:-)

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> You know the other thing that bugs me about this attitude is the

> perceived idea that somehow people with ASD and/or other disabilites

> are a lesser person, that person of different abilities is less

> worthy of respect or lacking in humanity.

That's what REALLY pissed me off about DebbieE's friend's comment 'aren't

you glad you had your tubes tied now " .

It denies her son his value! Like she assumed Debbie was sorry she had him,

and wouldn't have him if she had it to do over!

I chose to have no more kids after , and autism WAS part of my

decision -- NOT because I don't want another child " like " , but because

I don't have the health or strength (both physical and mental) to parent two

auties. Or two children, period, I don't think. We've discussed that

lately, Marc and I -- and even if some miracle could guarantee an NT child,

I don't believe I'd do it. We're fine how we are.

It pisses me off that anyone would assume that we're sorry we had our

children. Or that anyone would feel sorry for us.

AGH.

Jacquie