Guest guest Posted October 1, 2001 Report Share Posted October 1, 2001 , You may want to wait a little before you and your dh make such decisions. I have read alot of material that states you should not make important decisions at a time like this. Your husband may also want to protect you since you are in such a fragile state. Thanks, Wen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 1, 2001 Report Share Posted October 1, 2001 , I am glad that your dr is going keeping an eye on you but thinks nothing major is wrong. I know, it is so hard, you just want to feel better, b/c it all does remind you what happened to you. As for your dh, I know you are very disappointed but give it some time. Maybe after this is " behind " you alittle more and he sees you being able to move on, he will change his mind again. Maybe seeing you so sad and not being able to really do anything to help you and the thought of the loss he too suffered but can't show openly might of just really scared him right now. You both need time to heal, even though he doesn't show it the same way you are. Maybe he scared too. Who knows, just try to give it alittle time for some healing to take place for both of you......I hope that he changes his mind too. Maybe down the road you can talk to him more about it and see really why he changed his mind so much, I just think there has to be a reason for it. Take care. jennifer morghanya@...> wrote: well, i just got back from the doctor. she said the pain in my stomach is just residual soreness, and the nausea and dizziness is possibly from hormonal imbalance from the decreasing of my hCG levels, coupled with lack of sleep, or she said i could just be getting sick. she said as long as the pain remains a dull achiness and doesn't progress to a sharp stabbing pain i shouldn't be concerned, and she said if the dizziness and nausea continues i should call her and i may want to go to my general practitioner to see if anything else is going on as well. she said my levels were down to 154 on thursday of last week, she wants me to come in again this thursday for a final blood draw. she said when i get my first period after all of this i should call her and let her know cuz then she will want to schedule an x-ray so she can make sure my fallopian tubes are okay. she said the bleeding should stop within the next week or two. i am so sad. all of this has kind of reinforced that i lost my baby. and i talked with my husband today and he says he wants to wait 2-3 years before we try for another baby. he said he wants to plan it this time, and he says he's not ready right now. but what about me? i am ready, and i want a baby. i want to be a mother. i want to start trying as soon as the doctor says it's okay. i am willing to wait a year, but not two or three. but he won't compromise with me. he won't budge. two years at the earliest, he says, but preferrably three. it doesn't seem entirely fair to me that he gets to decide when we start trying again, with no care as to what i think. a week ago he said we could try to have a baby before halloween of 2003, which means we would start trying next fall or winter. i was happy with that. but he's changed his mind. he said he wants to have a house first. a week ago he said that we don't need to have a house first since our new apartment has three rooms and it's cheaper than the one bedroom we are in now. he said as long as we have some money saved to go towards a house. but now he's completely gone back on everything he said, and he wants to wait. don't my feelings count? i was so upset and disappointed when he told me how he felt, i was so shocked, i couldn't even say anything. i waited until he left and i broke down and sobbed. i almost feel betrayed. he got my hopes up and then he let me down. and i have already had my hopes stomped on and squashed and mangled when i lost this baby, and he is only making me feel worse. i know this baby was unplanned and unexpected, but i wanted this baby more than anything, and all of this has made me realize how much i truly want to be a mother. i have always wanted to be a mother, and in the past year i have become increasingly anxious for that time in my life to start. i have so many fuzzy critters and pets it's nearly ridiculous...it's like i am trying to fulfill my maternal needs by mothering my pets. but it doesn't quite compare. sigh...i am so sad today. i cried all day long. after my appointment i rented a sappy movie and bought some chocolate, i think i will go indulge myself now. ~jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 1, 2001 Report Share Posted October 1, 2001 Hi Jen, Oh honey I am so sorry that your having such a bad day. Sending you a virtual (((((HUG))))) your way. As far as your dh goes just give him some time. Right now with everything that just happened he is probably talking out of fear and concern for you. With time he will probably change his mind once he sees that your doing ok. Just be patient with him and everything will work out. Most men aren't too vocal on their fears and his way of telling you " I'm scared " is telling you that he wants to wait 2-3 before ttc again. Try to sit him down and talk out how you feel and how he feels. Then take it from there. Please take care. Love, Sheila Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 1, 2001 Report Share Posted October 1, 2001 thank you susan. i think i realized that perhaps now is not the time to be talking about trying again, since we are both so emotional right now especially me. i think after some time and some healing we can readdress the issue. thank you for your support. ~jennifer well, i just got back from the doctor. she said the pain in my > stomach is just residual soreness, and the nausea and dizziness is > possibly from hormonal imbalance from the decreasing of my hCG > levels, coupled with lack of sleep, or she said i could just be > getting sick. she said as long as the pain remains a dull achiness > and doesn't progress to a sharp stabbing pain i shouldn't be > concerned, and she said if the dizziness and nausea continues i > should call her and i may want to go to my general practitioner to > see if anything else is going on as well. she said my levels were > down to 154 on thursday of last week, she wants me to come in again > this thursday for a final blood draw. she said when i get my first > period after all of this i should call her and let her know cuz then > she will want to schedule an x-ray so she can make sure my fallopian > tubes are okay. she said the bleeding should stop within the next > week or two. > > i am so sad. all of this has kind of reinforced that i lost my > baby. and i talked with my husband today and he says he wants to > wait 2-3 years before we try for another baby. he said he wants to > plan it this time, and he says he's not ready right now. but what > about me? i am ready, and i want a baby. i want to be a mother. i > want to start trying as soon as the doctor says it's okay. i am > willing to wait a year, but not two or three. but he won't > compromise with me. he won't budge. two years at the earliest, he > says, but preferrably three. it doesn't seem entirely fair to me > that he gets to decide when we start trying again, with no care as to > what i think. a week ago he said we could try to have a baby before > halloween of 2003, which means we would start trying next fall or > winter. i was happy with that. but he's changed his mind. he said > he wants to have a house first. a week ago he said that we don't > need to have a house first since our new apartment has three rooms > and it's cheaper than the one bedroom we are in now. he said as long > as we have some money saved to go towards a house. but now he's > completely gone back on everything he said, and he wants to wait. > don't my feelings count? i was so upset and disappointed when he > told me how he felt, i was so shocked, i couldn't even say anything. > i waited until he left and i broke down and sobbed. i almost feel > betrayed. he got my hopes up and then he let me down. and i have > already had my hopes stomped on and squashed and mangled when i lost > this baby, and he is only making me feel worse. i know this baby was > unplanned and unexpected, but i wanted this baby more than anything, > and all of this has made me realize how much i truly want to be a > mother. i have always wanted to be a mother, and in the past year i > have become increasingly anxious for that time in my life to start. > i have so many fuzzy critters and pets it's nearly ridiculous...it's > like i am trying to fulfill my maternal needs by mothering my pets. > but it doesn't quite compare. > > sigh...i am so sad today. i cried all day long. after my > appointment i rented a sappy movie and bought some chocolate, i think > i will go indulge myself now. > > ~jen > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 1, 2001 Report Share Posted October 1, 2001 thank you Wen, yes it is true that big decisions shouldn't be made at times like this, so i am going to be wise and wait til i have healed some and then talk to him about it. and perhaps when i am feeling better i myself will be thinking more cleary about what i want and we can make a better decision. maybe then i won't feel as bad about waiting a little longer. maybe... ~jen > , > > You may want to wait a little before you and your dh make such decisions. I > have read alot of material that states you should not make important > decisions at a time like this. Your husband may also want to protect you > since you are in such a fragile state. > > Thanks, > > Wen > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 1, 2001 Report Share Posted October 1, 2001 Oh , big hugs for you! The movie and chocolate sound like a good idea. Do you have a good friend to talk to? Or maybe just cuddling with the kitties would be even better. The rest of the animals don't sound all that good for cuddling--too little, not furry, etc. It also sounds like you are getting really good medical care, and that is, well, really good. Regarding your husband, this probably really has him scared. And he is grieving, too. It may just hurt too bad right now for him to even think about it, but men have been trained not to think about things in emotional terms like that, so he may have just channeled it into his supposedly rational decision. This is all just speculation, of course. I think you should try not to push the issue right away when everything is so fresh. Your body isn't ready quite yet anyway, and you don't want to push him into a corner where he says something he doesn't really mean but later doesn't feel he can change his mind. (sorry, that probably made no sense) I think you both may need time before making any big decisions. Just be there for each other and the decisions can wait. Believe me, I completely understand that sometimes it feels like nothing but a baby can ever make you feel good again. I'm there myself in my down moments. But life really will get better no matter what, and there will be joy. I am convinced of that, even if it doesn't feel that way sometimes. And you don't really want to have a baby if he isn't really committed to it too, do you? I know it took literally years for me to convince my husband he wasn't too old. Meantime of course he was getting older! I never could convince him, it was a one year old friend that did it! Anyway, be gentle with yourself and your husband and take the time to heal. Love and Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 1, 2001 Report Share Posted October 1, 2001 : Sounds like you've been having a really hard time lately, and I'm so sorry. I'm glad your doctor is keeping on top of you, it sounds like she's wonderful. Give yourself and your husband time to grieve. You'll both know when you're ready to ttc again. *HUGS* to you during this difficult time. I wish I could say something to make it all better for you. ~Kim _______________________________________________________ Send a cool gift with your E-Card http://www.bluemountain.com/giftcenter/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 2, 2001 Report Share Posted October 2, 2001 Jen, first of all, I'm glad you saw the doctor. Regarding another baby, and your hubby, I think some of his thinking, even if he doesn't realize it, is that he doesn't want to put you through this kind of pain & anguish again. His way of trying to protect you may be to hold off on having another baby. This is just my silly old two cents, but I really recommend that you wait a month or two, when you are good and healthy again, and tell him that you really want to talk things out. And then have a good talk, present your side of things & let him know that you really want him to think about it before either of you makes a hasty decision. He may yet surprise you. I strongly think that right now he is trying to protect you. I know my very first instinct was to try asap, and *my* hubby's first instinct was to wait a year, so you can see you're not alone :>). hugs, lori Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 2, 2001 Report Share Posted October 2, 2001 Oh Jen, I am sorry that you are sad and that dh isn't understanding your feelings. It's so strange how people handle things differently.. lots of ++++++++++ to you. lisa r Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 3, 2001 Report Share Posted October 3, 2001 , just take care of yourself right now....it will work out.....until than you have us! jennifer morghanya@...> wrote: thank you susan. i think i realized that perhaps now is not the time to be talking about trying again, since we are both so emotional right now especially me. i think after some time and some healing we can readdress the issue. thank you for your support. ~jennifer well, i just got back from the doctor. she said the pain in my > stomach is just residual soreness, and the nausea and dizziness is > possibly from hormonal imbalance from the decreasing of my hCG > levels, coupled with lack of sleep, or she said i could just be > getting sick. she said as long as the pain remains a dull achiness > and doesn't progress to a sharp stabbing pain i shouldn't be > concerned, and she said if the dizziness and nausea continues i > should call her and i may want to go to my general practitioner to > see if anything else is going on as well. she said my levels were > down to 154 on thursday of last week, she wants me to come in again > this thursday for a final blood draw. she said when i get my first > period after all of this i should call her and let her know cuz then > she will want to schedule an x-ray so she can make sure my fallopian > tubes are okay. she said the bleeding should stop within the next > week or two. > > i am so sad. all of this has kind of reinforced that i lost my > baby. and i talked with my husband today and he says he wants to > wait 2-3 years before we try for another baby. he said he wants to > plan it this time, and he says he's not ready right now. but what > about me? i am ready, and i want a baby. i want to be a mother. i > want to start trying as soon as the doctor says it's okay. i am > willing to wait a year, but not two or three. but he won't > compromise with me. he won't budge. two years at the earliest, he > says, but preferrably three. it doesn't seem entirely fair to me > that he gets to decide when we start trying again, with no care as to > what i think. a week ago he said we could try to have a baby before > halloween of 2003, which means we would start trying next fall or > winter. i was happy with that. but he's changed his mind. he said > he wants to have a house first. a week ago he said that we don't > need to have a house first since our new apartment has three rooms > and it's cheaper than the one bedroom we are in now. he said as long > as we have some money saved to go towards a house. but now he's > completely gone back on everything he said, and he wants to wait. > don't my feelings count? i was so upset and disappointed when he > told me how he felt, i was so shocked, i couldn't even say anything. > i waited until he left and i broke down and sobbed. i almost feel > betrayed. he got my hopes up and then he let me down. and i have > already had my hopes stomped on and squashed and mangled when i lost > this baby, and he is only making me feel worse. i know this baby was > unplanned and unexpected, but i wanted this baby more than anything, > and all of this has made me realize how much i truly want to be a > mother. i have always wanted to be a mother, and in the past year i > have become increasingly anxious for that time in my life to start. > i have so many fuzzy critters and pets it's nearly ridiculous...it's > like i am trying to fulfill my maternal needs by mothering my pets. > but it doesn't quite compare. > > sigh...i am so sad today. i cried all day long. after my > appointment i rented a sappy movie and bought some chocolate, i think > i will go indulge myself now. > > ~jen > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 3, 2001 Report Share Posted October 3, 2001 , I am just glad if I could help alittle....take care of yourself. Things will look better down the road...until than, you have us!! jennifer morghanya@...> wrote: thank you susan. i think i realized that perhaps now is not the time to be talking about trying again, since we are both so emotional right now especially me. i think after some time and some healing we can readdress the issue. thank you for your support. ~jennifer well, i just got back from the doctor. she said the pain in my > stomach is just residual soreness, and the nausea and dizziness is > possibly from hormonal imbalance from the decreasing of my hCG > levels, coupled with lack of sleep, or she said i could just be > getting sick. she said as long as the pain remains a dull achiness > and doesn't progress to a sharp stabbing pain i shouldn't be > concerned, and she said if the dizziness and nausea continues i > should call her and i may want to go to my general practitioner to > see if anything else is going on as well. she said my levels were > down to 154 on thursday of last week, she wants me to come in again > this thursday for a final blood draw. she said when i get my first > period after all of this i should call her and let her know cuz then > she will want to schedule an x-ray so she can make sure my fallopian > tubes are okay. she said the bleeding should stop within the next > week or two. > > i am so sad. all of this has kind of reinforced that i lost my > baby. and i talked with my husband today and he says he wants to > wait 2-3 years before we try for another baby. he said he wants to > plan it this time, and he says he's not ready right now. but what > about me? i am ready, and i want a baby. i want to be a mother. i > want to start trying as soon as the doctor says it's okay. i am > willing to wait a year, but not two or three. but he won't > compromise with me. he won't budge. two years at the earliest, he > says, but preferrably three. it doesn't seem entirely fair to me > that he gets to decide when we start trying again, with no care as to > what i think. a week ago he said we could try to have a baby before > halloween of 2003, which means we would start trying next fall or > winter. i was happy with that. but he's changed his mind. he said > he wants to have a house first. a week ago he said that we don't > need to have a house first since our new apartment has three rooms > and it's cheaper than the one bedroom we are in now. he said as long > as we have some money saved to go towards a house. but now he's > completely gone back on everything he said, and he wants to wait. > don't my feelings count? i was so upset and disappointed when he > told me how he felt, i was so shocked, i couldn't even say anything. > i waited until he left and i broke down and sobbed. i almost feel > betrayed. he got my hopes up and then he let me down. and i have > already had my hopes stomped on and squashed and mangled when i lost > this baby, and he is only making me feel worse. i know this baby was > unplanned and unexpected, but i wanted this baby more than anything, > and all of this has made me realize how much i truly want to be a > mother. i have always wanted to be a mother, and in the past year i > have become increasingly anxious for that time in my life to start. > i have so many fuzzy critters and pets it's nearly ridiculous...it's > like i am trying to fulfill my maternal needs by mothering my pets. > but it doesn't quite compare. > > sigh...i am so sad today. i cried all day long. after my > appointment i rented a sappy movie and bought some chocolate, i think > i will go indulge myself now. > > ~jen > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 3, 2001 Report Share Posted October 3, 2001 , I am just glad if I could help a little. Just take care of yourself for now and things will slowly come together with you and dh, until than, you have us!! 8888 well, i just got back from the > doctor. she said the pain in my > > stomach is just residual soreness, and the nausea and dizziness is > > possibly from hormonal imbalance from the decreasing of my hCG > > levels, coupled with lack of sleep, or she said i could just be > > getting sick. she said as long as the pain remains a dull achiness > > and doesn't progress to a sharp stabbing pain i shouldn't be > > concerned, and she said if the dizziness and nausea continues i > > should call her and i may want to go to my general practitioner to > > see if anything else is going on as well. she said my levels were > > down to 154 on thursday of last week, she wants me to come in again > > this thursday for a final blood draw. she said when i get my first > > period after all of this i should call her and let her know cuz > then > > she will want to schedule an x-ray so she can make sure my > fallopian > > tubes are okay. she said the bleeding should stop within the next > > week or two. > > > > i am so sad. all of this has kind of reinforced that i lost my > > baby. and i talked with my husband today and he says he wants to > > wait 2-3 years before we try for another baby. he said he wants to > > plan it this time, and he says he's not ready right now. but what > > about me? i am ready, and i want a baby. i want to be a mother. > i > > want to start trying as soon as the doctor says it's okay. i am > > willing to wait a year, but not two or three. but he won't > > compromise with me. he won't budge. two years at the earliest, he > > says, but preferrably three. it doesn't seem entirely fair to me > > that he gets to decide when we start trying again, with no care as > to > > what i think. a week ago he said we could try to have a baby > before > > halloween of 2003, which means we would start trying next fall or > > winter. i was happy with that. but he's changed his mind. he > said > > he wants to have a house first. a week ago he said that we don't > > need to have a house first since our new apartment has three rooms > > and it's cheaper than the one bedroom we are in now. he said as > long > > as we have some money saved to go towards a house. but now he's > > completely gone back on everything he said, and he wants to wait. > > don't my feelings count? i was so upset and disappointed when he > > told me how he felt, i was so shocked, i couldn't even say > anything. > > i waited until he left and i broke down and sobbed. i almost feel > > betrayed. he got my hopes up and then he let me down. and i have > > already had my hopes stomped on and squashed and mangled when i > lost > > this baby, and he is only making me feel worse. i know this baby > was > > unplanned and unexpected, but i wanted this baby more than > anything, > > and all of this has made me realize how much i truly want to be a > > mother. i have always wanted to be a mother, and in the past year > i > > have become increasingly anxious for that time in my life to > start. > > i have so many fuzzy critters and pets it's nearly > ridiculous...it's > > like i am trying to fulfill my maternal needs by mothering my > pets. > > but it doesn't quite compare. > > > > sigh...i am so sad today. i cried all day long. after my > > appointment i rented a sappy movie and bought some chocolate, i > think > > i will go indulge myself now. > > > > ~jen > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.