Guest guest Posted November 28, 2001 Report Share Posted November 28, 2001 Today an old coworker came to work with her 9 month old twins. At first, I was a bit shaken up, but then, I swallowed my selfish pride and tried to spend some time with her. The babies were adorable, and I knew she had a hard time conceiving. But I was finding it a hard reminder of my ep, so I removed myself from lunch as to not get too down. Before I left, the next thing I knew she was asking me what happened with the ep in front of ten other people we work with -- and I couldn't not answer her. So, I explained what happened while holding back the tears. Tomorrow is a month anniversary of the ep. People keep telling me to forget about it, but I can't -- not yet at least. How do you get over this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 28, 2001 Report Share Posted November 28, 2001 I don't know if one ever really gets over the ep. I mean we do move forward but I think for most it deeply affects us. I have a friend who lost her first child due to a m/c and she had to have a d and c to remove the baby, but she did go on to have 3 more children. Well anyways after my ep she told me that one of these days I will forget about it. She said she never thinks of the baby she lost. So we are all different. I think I could go on to have 2 or 3 more and I will NEVER forget my little baby I lost. I really feel for you to with your co-worker coming in. My dad the day he had to have a stent there was guy that does the transporting and happens to know my dad and the guy said something about his cats and I mentioned how my cats try to rule the roost here and the guy said " I bet between your pets and your children if you have them your a busy young lady " and my dad just piped right in and said " Oh no no my daughter don't have any kids " . Here was my dad that I love sooooooo much acting like I never even was pg the way he was wording things. Not that I wanted the guy to know all my gynecological history but my dad said about me having no kids so sharply and it hurt alot for some reason infact I was soooo crushed. But we get through these times somehow though it is not easy. Please take and big (((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) Love Sheila Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 28, 2001 Report Share Posted November 28, 2001 I am very sorry you had to go through that and your co-worker shouldn't of asked in front of everyone..sometimes people really just don't think. You know you said people keep telling you to get over it but you lost a baby and you need time to grieve. Things WILL get better, even if you don't think so right now. Like I have said before, there is no time table when it comes to something like this and it is still all very new to you. Take care of yourself, that is all that is important right now. M mkeane1028@... wrote: Today an old coworker came to work with her 9 month old twins. At first, I was a bit shaken up, but then, I swallowed my selfish pride and tried to spend some time with her. The babies were adorable, and I knew she had a hard time conceiving. But I was finding it a hard reminder of my ep, so I removed myself from lunch as to not get too down. Before I left, the next thing I knew she was asking me what happened with the ep in front of ten other people we work with -- and I couldn't not answer her. So, I explained what happened while holding back the tears. Tomorrow is a month anniversary of the ep. People keep telling me to forget about it, but I can't -- not yet at least. How do you get over this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 28, 2001 Report Share Posted November 28, 2001 Sheila~~~ I can vouch for the getting over it part. My first daughter died 12 years ago due to a ruptured ep and I am not over it. I am better but not over it. I think your friend is kidding herself if she says she never thinks about the baby she lost. She is probably hiding emotions she has never been allowed to openly express. If someone said that to me I would have to tell them, well maybe you choose not to remember, but I will never forget. As far as our families go, depending on their age a lot of it has to do with how they were raised. But I would just take him aside and tell him how it made you feel that he did'nt acknowledge your angel. We also have to remember our families are more easily removed from the pain we actually feel and they also probably deal with a lot of the same " fears " we have about openly acknowledging our loss. Society has a lot of learning to do. Maybe we can be the teacher. I wish we could all feel like we could just tell everyone about our angels and everyone would just shower us with understanding. I hope the people you meet in the rest of your life will understand, or at least take the time to learn how. Hugs!!! > ===== Mommy to 6 angels Sammi-Gayle, Hannah Faye,Christian McKenna, Adam and Carly Mee and my angel on Earth http://geocities.com/manthasmom2000 http://angelcities.com/members/manthasmom __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 28, 2001 Report Share Posted November 28, 2001 It's WAY too soon for you to be over this. I am 7 months along from my ep and I definately am not over it. But with each passing week it does become easier. I truly believe we will never truly be 'over' it, but will find the strength to continue regardless. R's theory is basically to count your blessings. Think of all the positives you have, and you WILL feel better able to copy with the sad things. (((HUGS))) -Maree shara @ cutey.com Hard Day Today an old coworker came to work with her 9 month old twins. At first, I was a bit shaken up, but then, I swallowed my selfish pride and tried to spend some time with her. The babies were adorable, and I knew she had a hard time conceiving. But I was finding it a hard reminder of my ep, so I removed myself from lunch as to not get too down. Before I left, the next thing I knew she was asking me what happened with the ep in front of ten other people we work with -- and I couldn't not answer her. So, I explained what happened while holding back the tears. Tomorrow is a month anniversary of the ep. People keep telling me to forget about it, but I can't -- not yet at least. How do you get over this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 29, 2001 Report Share Posted November 29, 2001 Ohhh, I'm so sorry for what happened to you at work. Those are such difficult times, especially that soon after your ep. People just don't have a clue how to handle pregnancy loss- it is such an uncomfortable things for most people...at least that is my excuse for why people say and ask such stupid things at inappropriate times (in front of ten other people...) We should give a class to people on what to say/not to say after a preg loss. I was just talking to my sister about that the other night. I was telling her how some people seem to avoid me because they don't know what ot say and how others say things that hurt (unintentionally)...She said it is hard to know what to say as nothing really helps...Just last night I was getting my haircut and just as I was putting on my coat to leave, the shop owner comes running out to say good-bye to me and there were a few others sitting by where I was standing...(The shop owner is a mother of one of dh's friend's and means well...) Well, after saying good bye and the usual casual chit-chat she suddenly said, " So, when are you having kids?? " I was taken so aback because they were all staring at me and I just hadn't seen it coming. I didn't want to go into the whole story (I thought she must of heard about the ep, but I guess not)...so I kind of stammered and smiled saying we would be having kids sometime...and left it at that. IT was so uncomfortable and left me feeling like crap. If she'd asked me privately I would have discretely told her about the ep, but with all of the other people there, I didn't feel it was appropriate. People just don't realize how a simple question about when you are having kids, can hurt. Remember we are here for you and I am guessing that your old co-worker was probably trying to recognize your pain by bringing up th ep, but obviously, didn't choose the best way to do that...most people mean well, they just don't know how to react. As far as trying to get over all of this pain, it definitely takes time. It has been over three months since my ep and I still feel sad often, but I am most definitely doing better than I was after that first month. I would say it took me about two months to start feeling back to normal and able to talk about the ep without crying. I think having hope for the future and trying to stay positive will help a lot. Of course, everyone is different and there is no set time limit for feeling bad...we will always feel a sadness over our losses, but time does heal. Take as long as you need to, but try to see the light at the end of the tunnel...I know that is what it took for me. I was drowning in self-pity for awhile (which is okay too:)- but I finally realized it wasn't helping things to get better for me personally. Take your time, this just happened to you recently and take care of yourself...you shouldn't expect to feel back to normal yet. I'm here if you need to talk more...Steph >>> mkeane1028@... 11/28/01 07:02PM >>> Today an old coworker came to work with her 9 month old twins. At first, I was a bit shaken up, but then, I swallowed my selfish pride and tried to spend some time with her. The babies were adorable, and I knew she had a hard time conceiving. But I was finding it a hard reminder of my ep, so I removed myself from lunch as to not get too down. Before I left, the next thing I knew she was asking me what happened with the ep in front of ten other people we work with -- and I couldn't not answer her. So, I explained what happened while holding back the tears. Tomorrow is a month anniversary of the ep. People keep telling me to forget about it, but I can't -- not yet at least. How do you get over this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 29, 2001 Report Share Posted November 29, 2001 Thanks for the hug Sheila. Your words meant a lot too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 29, 2001 Report Share Posted November 29, 2001 Thanks for the advice . You always have such great things to say. Molly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 29, 2001 Report Share Posted November 29, 2001 Thank you for the encouraging words. You are right about the self pity. It does no good at all. I will try to look at the positives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 29, 2001 Report Share Posted November 29, 2001 .....-Maree is right it is too soon to think you should be over it and like she said you never totally get over the loss of your baby but it does slowly get better. I am coming up on my 1 yr anniversary of the loss of my baby and though I am truly blessed right now, it doesn't make the hurt go away for the dear baby I lost. All you can do is take one day at a time. M -Maree Fletcher shara@...> wrote: It's WAY too soon for you to be over this. I am 7 months along from my ep and I definately am not over it. But with each passing week it does become easier. I truly believe we will never truly be 'over' it, but will find the strength to continue regardless. R's theory is basically to count your blessings. Think of all the positives you have, and you WILL feel better able to copy with the sad things. (((HUGS))) -Maree shara @ cutey.com Hard Day Today an old coworker came to work with her 9 month old twins. At first, I was a bit shaken up, but then, I swallowed my selfish pride and tried to spend some time with her. The babies were adorable, and I knew she had a hard time conceiving. But I was finding it a hard reminder of my ep, so I removed myself from lunch as to not get too down. Before I left, the next thing I knew she was asking me what happened with the ep in front of ten other people we work with -- and I couldn't not answer her. So, I explained what happened while holding back the tears. Tomorrow is a month anniversary of the ep. People keep telling me to forget about it, but I can't -- not yet at least. How do you get over this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 29, 2001 Report Share Posted November 29, 2001 I am so sorry you are having a hard day. It is hard to " get over " this... don't let anyone tell you to do so. You lost your baby and you need to grieve. I do promise you this, it DOES get better with time..... lisa r Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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