Guest guest Posted February 26, 2003 Report Share Posted February 26, 2003 > he just called my cell phone and left a message to let him know when that appt was, cause he really wanted to go with me, but if i didn't want him to go, that was ok. so what do i do? i really don't want him to go. i really don't feel comfortable spending that much time with him yet and i go to the dr for me, not so he can be there and be all stupid like he does. on the other hand, he IS the father. so is it too selfish of me to not want him to go? > Oh, poor , I don't blame you at all for not wanting him to go with you. I would just hate it, but on the other hand, he is the baby's father...I just hate things like this, and I am not sure I know what is the right thing to do. But I think, I do think, that you should not have him go with you. When the baby is born, he obviously will have some rights to see her and all but right now this is happening inside you and I think you should be able to go alone. Life is so darned complicated.... Salli Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 26, 2003 Report Share Posted February 26, 2003 > thank you. i've never been in the position to have the man want to go with me except for early on. now what about the birth? i'd rather not have him there either. is THAT too selfish? > NO, NO, NO, it is not too selfish, not even a tiny bit. When you are giving birth you should be SAFE! He cannot be there; you will not be comfortable at all and birth is too hard for that. Salli Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2003 Report Share Posted March 9, 2003 a couple of days ago, i ran into mike. he was leaving his mom's as i was coming home from grocery shopping. i tried to pretend i didn't see him sitting in his car, but he honked, so i had no choice but to say hi. then he started talking to me. he said he missed me and i looked good and blah blah blah. i talked to him, but i didn't i didn't return any of his sentiments, i just said thanks. so he was talking to me some more, telling me about his new job as a cabdriver and how he had midterms coming up and whatever. then he got out of the car to give everybody hugs (the kids were there). before he gave me a hug, he put his hand on my belly and said it was firm, hmm, i hadn't thought so, but oh well. then he asked me when i was last at the doc. i told him i go next week. then he said if i ever wanted him to go with me, to just let him know. he didn't ask about the baby's sex and i didn't offer it up. all in all it was a fine encounter, but i'm still not looking forward to it happening more and more as the weather gets nicer. anyway, here's my dilemma... he just called my cell phone and left a message to let him know when that appt was, cause he really wanted to go with me, but if i didn't want him to go, that was ok. so what do i do? i really don't want him to go. i really don't feel comfortable spending that much time with him yet and i go to the dr for me, not so he can be there and be all stupid like he does. on the other hand, he IS the father. so is it too selfish of me to not want him to go? ------------------------- gina, 31, ny single mom to - kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet parker jade, due 7-20-03 :-D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2003 Report Share Posted March 9, 2003 : I don't know what your story is, but if is uncomfortable for you I would tell him I don't want him to go. When the baby is borned he can go and meet her or him. Cecilia from Perú, mom to Dessirée (05/07/99) Lovely husband -----Mensaje original----- De: gina muollo Enviado el: Domingo, 09 de Marzo de 2003 08:05 p.m. Para: parenting_autism Asunto: a bit of a dilemma a couple of days ago, i ran into mike. he was leaving his mom's as i was coming home from grocery shopping. i tried to pretend i didn't see him sitting in his car, but he honked, so i had no choice but to say hi. then he started talking to me. he said he missed me and i looked good and blah blah blah. i talked to him, but i didn't i didn't return any of his sentiments, i just said thanks. so he was talking to me some more, telling me about his new job as a cabdriver and how he had midterms coming up and whatever. then he got out of the car to give everybody hugs (the kids were there). before he gave me a hug, he put his hand on my belly and said it was firm, hmm, i hadn't thought so, but oh well. then he asked me when i was last at the doc. i told him i go next week. then he said if i ever wanted him to go with me, to just let him know. he didn't ask about the baby's sex and i didn't offer it up. all in all it was a fine encounter, but i'm still not looking forward to it happening more and more as the weather gets nicer. anyway, here's my dilemma... he just called my cell phone and left a message to let him know when that appt was, cause he really wanted to go with me, but if i didn't want him to go, that was ok. so what do i do? i really don't want him to go. i really don't feel comfortable spending that much time with him yet and i go to the dr for me, not so he can be there and be all stupid like he does. on the other hand, he IS the father. so is it too selfish of me to not want him to go? ------------------------- gina, 31, ny single mom to - kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet parker jade, due 7-20-03 :-D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2003 Report Share Posted March 9, 2003 > I mean, I'd have every right to tell Marc I wanted to go alone to a dr's appt -- and so do you. < thank you. i've never been in the position to have the man want to go with me except for early on. now what about the birth? i'd rather not have him there either. is THAT too selfish? ------------------------- gina, 31, ny single mom to - kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet parker jade, due 7-20-03 :-D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2003 Report Share Posted March 9, 2003 i don't think it's selfish at all. you said it yourself - " i really don't want him to go. i really don't feel comfortable " . a doctors appt is a very personal thing especially a prenatal appt. i don't think you should feel obligated to let him in on these appts. M.G.mum to Sebastian, 11 kinda quirky(NT) Rowan, 6 extra quirky (ASD) married to and living in Northern Ontario a bit of a dilemma a couple of days ago, i ran into mike. he was leaving his mom's as i was coming home from grocery shopping. i tried to pretend i didn't see him sitting in his car, but he honked, so i had no choice but to say hi. then he started talking to me. he said he missed me and i looked good and blah blah blah. i talked to him, but i didn't i didn't return any of his sentiments, i just said thanks. so he was talking to me some more, telling me about his new job as a cabdriver and how he had midterms coming up and whatever. then he got out of the car to give everybody hugs (the kids were there). before he gave me a hug, he put his hand on my belly and said it was firm, hmm, i hadn't thought so, but oh well. then he asked me when i was last at the doc. i told him i go next week. then he said if i ever wanted him to go with me, to just let him know. he didn't ask about the baby's sex and i didn't offer it up. all in all it was a fine encounter, but i'm still not looking forward to it happening more and more as the weather gets nicer. anyway, here's my dilemma... he just called my cell phone and left a message to let him know when that appt was, cause he really wanted to go with me, but if i didn't want him to go, that was ok. so what do i do? spending that much time with him yet and i go to the dr for me, not so he can be there and be all stupid like he does. on the other hand, he IS the father. so is it too selfish of me to not want him to go? ------------------------- gina, 31, ny single mom to - kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet parker jade, due 7-20-03 :-D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2003 Report Share Posted March 9, 2003 > so is it too selfish of me to not want him to go? Nope. If they gave you sono pix or a video I think you should offer him copies. Beyond that I don't think I would want him involved at all. DEFINITELY not to an OB appt! I wouldn't have wanted him hugging me or touching me either. After the things he did and said to you I would not want him involved in my life at all. Monthly child support check? Thanks, that'll be all. Are you gonna have to deal with visitation with this guy? YUCK. -Sara. Wife to Matt SAHM to (3.5, autism) Gabe (21 mos, speech delay) and 'Punkin' due late May! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2003 Report Share Posted March 9, 2003 > and did you know that i actually CAN keep him from being there at > all? I was just going to say that I thought you could. Unless a LOT changes between now and then there is no way in hell I'd want him in the hospital. -Sara. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2003 Report Share Posted March 9, 2003 > me except for early on. now what about the birth? i'd rather not have him > there either. is THAT too selfish? > > > NO, NO, NO, it is not too selfish, not even a tiny bit. When you > are giving > birth you should be SAFE! He cannot be there; you will not be comfortable > at all and birth is too hard for that. Yes, yes, yes, exactly what Salli said. -Sara. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2003 Report Share Posted March 9, 2003 , go with what YOU feel. Going to the ob/gyn is a pretty graphic experience, one I wouldn't want to share with anyone but my significant other. If you don't feel it's appropriate, then just tell him so. You can relay all he'd need to know on his answering machine. Might make an exception to any sonograms you might have in the future, if you feel comfortable with that. Hugs to you > a couple of days ago, i ran into mike. he was leaving his mom's as i was coming home from grocery shopping. i tried to pretend i didn't see him sitting in his car, but he honked, so i had no choice but to say hi. then he started talking to me. he said he missed me and i looked good and blah blah blah. i talked to him, but i didn't i didn't return any of his sentiments, i just said thanks. so he was talking to me some more, telling me about his new job as a cabdriver and how he had midterms coming up and whatever. then he got out of the car to give everybody hugs (the kids were there). before he gave me a hug, he put his hand on my belly and said it was firm, hmm, i hadn't thought so, but oh well. then he asked me when i was last at the doc. i told him i go next week. then he said if i ever wanted him to go with me, to just let him know. he didn't ask about the baby's sex and i didn't offer it up. all in all it was a fine encounter, but i'm still not looking forward to it happening more and more as the weather gets nicer. > anyway, here's my dilemma... > he just called my cell phone and left a message to let him know when that appt was, cause he really wanted to go with me, but if i didn't want him to go, that was ok. so what do i do? i really don't want him to go. i really don't feel comfortable spending that much time with him yet and i go to the dr for me, not so he can be there and be all stupid like he does. on the other hand, he IS the father. so is it too selfish of me to not want him to go? > > > ------------------------- > gina, 31, ny > single mom to - > kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI > trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet > parker jade, due 7-20-03 :-D > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2003 Report Share Posted March 9, 2003 > If they gave you sono pix or a video I think you should offer him copies. < only if he asks. not that you can really see much on them anyway. > After the things he did and said to you I would not want him involved in my life at all. < yes, that's how i feel as well. i try to be nice, cause that's the kind of person i am, but i'm not about to give him anything he doesn't deserve. > Are you gonna have to deal with visitation with this guy? < i WILL allow him to come and visit the baby for short periods in my home, if he wants to. i'm not THAT heartless. but that's it. if he wants more, he'll need to get a court order. ------------------------- gina, 31, ny single mom to - kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet parker jade, due 7-20-03 :-D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2003 Report Share Posted March 9, 2003 > NO, NO, NO, it is not too selfish, not even a tiny bit. When you are giving birth you should be SAFE! He cannot be there; you will not be comfortable at all and birth is too hard for that. Salli < thank you! i love you guys SO much! i was starting to feel like a bitch, but now i don't ------------------------- gina, 31, ny single mom to - kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet parker jade, due 7-20-03 :-D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2003 Report Share Posted March 9, 2003 > Selfish? A bit, BUT... it depends on why you don't want him around. If he's trying to worm back into your life and you don't feel his sentiments are honest and his caring is a facade, then why bother. If you feel he cares for this baby, then he should be allowed to go--to a degree that you feel comfortable with. debbi < well, considering he hasn't done a damn thing for me since we broke (and some might say even before that), i'm inclined to think he doesn't care as much as he claims to. he always was words and no action. as a matter of fact, he didn't even offer to help with the groceries. he just watched me from his car and commented when i was out of breath. nice, huh? ------------------------- gina, 31, ny single mom to - kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet parker jade, due 7-20-03 :-D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2003 Report Share Posted March 9, 2003 ...thank you! i love you guys SO much! i was starting to feel like a bitch, but now i don't gina, *********************************** well, I obviously don't know the situation..but I tend to agree with most of what has been said...birth is stressful enough without added stress in the room..as to ob visits I MIGHT would consider a sonogram, but only if it is a regular one(not one where they might have to go internal, ya know)..or maybe one where you know it is just going to be a regular check, hey, you might could explain a tiny bit to your ob and she might be will to have an " appointment " where you just get to hear the baby's heartbeat or something..you know, kind of give him the ILLUSION of being a part of everything, but not...as to the birth maybe you can have him in a waiting room and once everything has settled back down, etc..then he is allowed in for a peek, or if you would rather him not be in your room approve a ONE TIME ONLY visit for him in the nursery to get to see and hold the baby..didn't mean to run on this long *G*, can you tell I have had to deal with a similar situation before and thought up lots of ways to handle it... I have even more if you want them, lol Missy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2003 Report Share Posted March 9, 2003 > birth is stressful enough without added stress in the room < you want to know something ridiculous? when we were still together, he told me he wanted HIS mother to be there when i had the baby! he thought it was only fair since i got to have MY mom there! that's how he thinks. he has no clue > hey, you might could explain a tiny bit to your ob and she might be will to have an " appointment " where you just get to hear the baby's heartbeat or something < honestly, that's pretty much all the appts consist of right now anyway. but listen to this...when i was VERY early, my OB had me taking many blood tests and sonos to track how far along i was. he once went to a blood test with me and fell asleep while we were waiting! he once went to a sono with me and it was still only about 5 weeks, so the baby was still too small to even detect. he pretty much flipped out, IN the sono room, about the dr " dicking me around " ! he was starting to think i wasn't really pregnant and it was all some conspiracy to make me think i was :-O > if you would rather him not be in your room approve a ONE TIME ONLY visit for him in the nursery to get to see and hold the baby < i actually don't trust him. when we used to talk on the phone, he'd have a COMPLETE fit if trevor was crying. he wanted me to get as far away from trevor as i could so he didn't have to hear him. he thought it was rude that i wouldn't. i can't even imagine him with a newborn! so, does that make any more sense now about why i don't want him involved? ------------------------- gina, 31, ny single mom to - kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet parker jade, due 7-20-03 :-D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2003 Report Share Posted March 9, 2003 > well, considering he hasn't done a damn thing for me since we > broke (and some might say even before that), i'm inclined to > think he doesn't care as much as he claims to. he always was > words and no action. as a matter of fact, he didn't even > offer to help with the groceries. he just watched me from his > car and commented when i was out of breath. nice, huh? Ha! Then I'd tell him thanks, but no thanks. debbi --- Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com). Version: 6.0.459 / Virus Database: 258 - Release Date: 2/25/03 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2003 Report Share Posted March 9, 2003 When I read your original post , I was thinking, that yes, it was a little bit mean not wanting him involved, but after reading this.... to hell with him. I agree if he can't handle trevor crying, then he is going to go nuts with a newborn. Good Luck, Leigh > > birth is stressful enough without added stress in the room < > > you want to know something ridiculous? when we were still together, he told > me he wanted HIS mother to be there when i had the baby! he thought it was > only fair since i got to have MY mom there! that's how he thinks. he has no > clue > > > > hey, you might could explain a tiny bit to your ob and she might be will > to have an " appointment " where you just get to hear the baby's heartbeat or > something < > > honestly, that's pretty much all the appts consist of right now anyway. but > listen to this...when i was VERY early, my OB had me taking many blood > tests and sonos to track how far along i was. he once went to a blood test > with me and fell asleep while we were waiting! he once went to a sono with > me and it was still only about 5 weeks, so the baby was still too small to > even detect. he pretty much flipped out, IN the sono room, about the dr > " dicking me around " ! he was starting to think i wasn't really pregnant and > it was all some conspiracy to make me think i was :-O > > > if you would rather him not be in your room approve a ONE TIME ONLY visit > for him in the nursery to get to see and hold the baby < > > i actually don't trust him. when we used to talk on the phone, he'd have a > COMPLETE fit if trevor was crying. he wanted me to get as far away from > trevor as i could so he didn't have to hear him. he thought it was rude > that i wouldn't. i can't even imagine him with a newborn! > > > so, does that make any more sense now about why i don't want him involved? > > > > ------------------------- > gina, 31, ny > single mom to - > kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI > trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet > parker jade, due 7-20-03 :-D > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2003 Report Share Posted March 10, 2003 Bitch?? , after the harassment that he has given you and all, I am surprised that you didn't get a restraining order. That would have solved all these problems now. LOL! Georga Hackworth Men. Can't live with 'em...can't trade 'em in for their weight in chocolate. Enter to win $50 worth of free books http://www.ubah.com/F1549 Re: a bit of a dilemma > > NO, NO, NO, it is not too selfish, not even a tiny bit. When you are giving birth you should be SAFE! He cannot be there; you will not be comfortable at all and birth is too hard for that. > > Salli < > > > thank you! i love you guys SO much! i was starting to feel like a bitch, but now i don't > > > > > ------------------------- > gina, 31, ny > single mom to - > kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI > trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet > parker jade, due 7-20-03 :-D > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2003 Report Share Posted March 10, 2003 , you know how I feel about this idiot, but giving him the benifit of the doubt for just a brief moment (then I will come back to my senses and tell you to trade him in for his weight in chocloate), it is possible that he didn't know how you would react to him offering to help with the groceries and so he didn't. Maybe he is just totaly incapable to outwardly show any sort of caring, etc. because he was never taught that these are things you do for people you care about (hell, last night untangled my jewelery box for me because I don't have the pateince for such stuff). Then again, maybe he is just an asshole. Maybe it is a combination of both. Who the hell knows. No one knows what is going on in that mans head but him. I am convinced though it is mostly air blowing through, but that is beside the point. Here is something just to file under idea. I have no idea if it is a good one or a bad one, just an ideal. You could always tell him that, it would be to both your benifit and the baby's benifit, for the two of you to go to councling together where you can be friends for the sake of the child where you don't want to vomit on his feet every time you see him, since he obviously needs to learn some people skills and get some anger management. Ok, you can tell me to shut up now. Georga > > > well, considering he hasn't done a damn thing for me since we broke (and some might say even before that), i'm inclined to think he doesn't care as much as he claims to. he always was words and no action. as a matter of fact, he didn't even offer to help with the groceries. he just watched me from his car and commented when i was out of breath. nice, huh? > > > > > ------------------------- > gina, 31, ny > single mom to - > kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI > trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet > parker jade, due 7-20-03 :-D > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2003 Report Share Posted March 10, 2003 Missy, I don't even want to think about what you have been through with men. You and should get together and exchange horror stories. Georga Hackworth Men. Can't live with 'em...can't trade 'em in for their weight in chocolate. Enter to win $50 worth of free books http://www.ubah.com/F1549 Re: a bit of a dilemma > ..thank you! i love you guys SO much! i was starting to feel like a bitch, but now i don't > gina, > *********************************** > well, I obviously don't know the situation..but I tend to agree with most of what has been said...birth is stressful enough without added stress in the room..as to ob visits I MIGHT would consider a sonogram, but only if it is a regular one(not one where they might have to go internal, ya know)..or maybe one where you know it is just going to be a regular check, hey, you might could explain a tiny bit to your ob and she might be will to have an " appointment " where you just get to hear the baby's heartbeat or something..you know, kind of give him the ILLUSION of being a part of everything, but not...as to the birth maybe you can have him in a waiting room and once everything has settled back down, etc..then he is allowed in for a peek, or if you would rather him not be in your room approve a ONE TIME ONLY visit for him in the nursery to get to see and hold the baby..didn't mean to run on this long *G*, can you tell I have had to deal with a similar situation before and though! > t up lots > Missy > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2003 Report Share Posted March 10, 2003 > , after the harassment that he has given you and all, I am surprised that you didn't get a restraining order. That would have solved all these problems now. LOL! Georga Hackworth < i wish it had been that easy, but (unfortunately) after i reported him to the police, he didn't harass me anymore, so i couldn't file a formal complaint :-/ ------------------------- gina, 31, ny single mom to - kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet parker jade, due 7-20-03 :-D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2003 Report Share Posted March 10, 2003 >(then I will come back to my senses and tell you to trade him in for his weight in chocloate) < mmmmm, 310 lbs of chocolate... ------------------------- gina, 31, ny single mom to - kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet parker jade, due 7-20-03 :-D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2003 Report Share Posted March 10, 2003 > Missy, I don't even want to think about what you have been through with men. You and should get together and exchange horror stories. < hahahaha. missy, if you really do want to chat, my yahoo and aim ID are both muollo3 and msn is muollo3@... ------------------------- gina, 31, ny single mom to - kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet parker jade, due 7-20-03 :-D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2003 Report Share Posted March 10, 2003 > he just called my cell phone and left a message to let him know when that appt was, cause he really wanted to go with me, but if i didn't want him to go, that was ok. so what do i do? i really don't want him to go. i really don't feel comfortable spending that much time with him yet I think you should tell him EXACTLY that. Change the 'him's to 'you's and print it off and read it to him over the phone like a script, if you have to. >on the other hand, he IS the father. so is it too selfish of me to not want him to go? Not at all. He chose to walk out on you, and to be honest, he doesn't really have parental rights THAT intense yet. Getting to go to a prenatal doctor's appointment is just a perk of fatherhood, not an absolute legal right or anything. I mean, I'd have every right to tell Marc I wanted to go alone to a dr's appt -- and so do you. Once the baby is born, you'll be legally obligated to see him plenty. So hold on to this time without him as long as you can. That's my opinion, anyway. Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2003 Report Share Posted March 10, 2003 > thank you. i've never been in the position to have the man want to go with me except for early on. now what about the birth? i'd rather not have him there either. is THAT too selfish? > Who cares if it's selfish? Again, the birthing mom has the RIGHT to have - or NOT have - whomever she chooses in the room. Tell him you've been down this road before, and you already know that you don't like to have anyone with you but your mom or sister or whoever. You can't stop him from hanging around outside in the hallway, but you DON'T have to have him in the room with you! Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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