Re: Fear of Dilators ! Was-----> How do I tell my PT)...THANK YOU!!

[Guest guest]

*happy tears* you guys are all so incredible! thank you so, so much

for all the kind thoughts and great advice-it feels great to have a

group of supportive people who actually understand (at least to some

degree) what I'm going through. everyone i've ever told i wanted to

stop using the dilators to was the biggest jerk about it (my mother

actually told me i was being selfish!), and it was great to find some

people who actually understand and aren't trying to cram this down my

throat!

To the PT who suggested the website, thank you! i'm going to

investigate in asap

To everyone who suggested lidocaine or an antianxiety

drug...unfortunately, i have pretty awful reactions to both. the

lidocaine just burns and wears off in no time, and vicodin (the only

antianxiety i've tried) whacks me out pretty terribly, and not

necessarily in a good way but thank you for the suggestion, i might

suck it up and give the vicodin another try, lol.

About whether i've had penetrative sex or not: yup, that i have, just

with my fiance, and i'm his only, so there's no STD or anything.

never been sexually assaulted, anything like that. losing my

virginity was awful, though-i bled like crazy, and for the next two

times after that that we had sex (and every time i tell a doctor that,

they raise their eyebrows, then just move on. it's great, really.

actually, my first gyno was a total ass about it: when i told him, he

just told me he didn't see any cuts and then sneered at me b/c i was

16 and lost my virginity to a boy i'd been seeing for over a year.

needless to say, i never went back)! i've had pain off and on after

that, mostly deeper, then a little over a year ago it started being

every time, like a razor, at the opening. and there's a complete

history of my sexual experience, haha! i never thought i'd be so

comfortable sharing this info with a group of strangers, but i trust

you all so much!

I'm going to confront my PT next time i see her (this friday-wish me

luck! i'll come back with an update) about how aggressively she's

been treating me. i understand she wants me to get better as soon as

i can, but she needs to understand that i can't rush, and need to pace

myself, because forcing myself to do anything's just gonna end

terribly. i'm already planning to give her a DVD from my bellydance

performance a year or so ago, b/c one of my biggest reasons for going

to PT was to be able to bellydance again, and she's told me since day

1 i'd never be able to do it again. so, she's getting a free DVD, and

a lecture, haha. gawd, having a pain disorder makes you grow up fast!

So, i know this is long-i'm fevery, so i'm rambly, lol-but once again,

THANK YOU to everyone!! you're all like my online family, more

supportive sometimes than my normal family is, haha, and i just

appreciate it all so, so much

Much Luv,

Beth

>

> Here is a link on choosing a PT for pelvic floor dysfunction -

>

http://www.pelvicpainmatters.com/2008/04/is-your-pt-treating-you-right.html

>

>

>

> nne

>

>

>

>

>

> From: VulvarDisorders

> [mailto:VulvarDisorders ] On Behalf Of Dee Troll

> Sent: Wednesday, May 21, 2008 12:46 AM

> To: VULVAR DISORDERS LIST

> Subject: Fear of Dilators ! Was-----> How do I tell my PT)

>

>

>

> (Info on Vaginismus here)

>

> anxiety, it's almost not worth it to me. Every time i look at them,

or get

> ready to use them, i get so shaky and jittery-just about every time now,

> when i use them, i cry, because i know they're going to hurt! and once

> they're in, i just stew angrily about how much they hurt and how

much this

> sucks, which just makes me flare...>

>

>

>

>

>

> awwh

>

>

>

> You poor thing Beth. *sigh* What a shame and I'm so sorry you're

feeling so

> browbeaten hon and I sure don't blame you... arghhhhhh but you are NOT a

> wussy failure, not at all.. Nature makes us flinch or get anxious if

we know

> pain is going to be involved, sounds normal to me. *smile*

>

>

>

> Hon I hate to probe but have you had penetrative sex yet? If so

does that

> hurt you? (forget about the dilators) I'm trying to understand hon

if you

> have pain with reg. sex and if it's actual tissue damage OR if it's more

> muscular like vaginismus. Makes a big difference and I'm sorry if

you've

> told us I don't remember.

>

>

>

> It seems to me that someone pushing a dilator on you like that (no pun

> intended *smile) sure isn't the way to go if it were me if it were

either

> case. Hon with that anxiety level alone for now I'd forget about the

> dilators, (but I'm speaking if it were me)... If it's a tissue problem

> that's causing that pain you need to get the skin healthy again and I'd

> definitely do that 'before' 'I'd' even try a dilator. If it's V tissue

> that's ripping or tearing or splitting that must be conditioned

first (fed &

> nourished) so that it has that elasticity to stretch and not

tear.... if

> it's vaginismus that's different and there are various things you can do

> hon, but keep in mind vaginismus can be a secondary issue because of

tissue

> pain... that's common too (and understandable). And then I'd work

on tissue

> healing 'first' and then the vaginismus if it were 'me'...

>

>

>

> I'm going to just make a supposition that it's vaginismus (and could be

> completely wrong) but I have an article, the link is dead or I'd send

> that, and I'll add it below hon for what it's worth. Again I am so

so sorry

> you have to go thru that and perhaps an antianxiety med like the

Atavan or

> Xanax or Valium etc., is something to consider right now. I would. You

> need to relax not for the dilator issue so much but for your own

nerves hon.

> Just to not think about it and break that loop or chain of thought with

> people pulling you every which way.

>

>

>

> Anyway here's that article... and it's from Dr. Allan Gordons pain

> management center at Mt. Sinai in Toronto, Canada. He used to be with us

> here at the group but the link like I said isn't effective any

longer. Note

> within here he even mentions our group. *smile* You can tell this is

old as

> he says we're at 'e groups' They owned us before Yahoo bought us out..

> that's how long we've been in existence. *grin* (whew* talk about time

> flying) but when you click it, it does take you to our Yahoo group..

>

> 1. What is vaginismus?

>

> Vaginismus is a spasm in the musculature of the outer third of the

vagina

> which makes insertion difficult or impossible. For some women, this

muscle

> spasm is painful; for others, it is not. Most women experience pain

if they

> try to insert something in spite of this spasm.

>

> 2. Is vaginismus always caused by abuse?

>

> No. Some research suggests a correlation between vaginismus and

abuse, and

> other studies show no relationship at all. Many women with

vaginismus have

> been abused, and many have not. Just because you've never been abused

> doesn't mean you can't have vaginismus, any more than being abused would

> guarantee vaginismus.

>

>

> 3. What causes vaginismus?

>

> It is widely believed that in most cases of vaginismus, the spasm is

> triggered either by pain or the anticipation of pain (emotional or

physical

> pain). Much like the way an eyelid closes when something comes to

close to

> the eye or a muscle flinches in response to an imminent punch,

vaginismus is

> like a vaginal flinch. It is in some sense protecting the area, even

though

> the woman doesn't want it to. Some women have fears or guilt regarding

> intercourse, others have physical pain problems, and still others

have no

> obvious cause for their condition. One perplexing aspect of

vaginismus is

> that often the spasm remains long after the woman has dealt with any

> anxieties or physical problems. So learning to control and eliminate

this

> spasm is how one cures vaginismus.

>

> 4. If I have pain with intercourse, then do I necessarily have

> vaginismus?

>

> Not necessarily. Painful intercourse can be caused by any number of

factors,

> and vaginismus isn't even the most common. Often, painful sex due to

other

> conditions may lead to vaginismus, so even if you do have

vaginismus, you

> may have another underlying primary cause of pain.

>

> The most common cause of chronic painful sex (or painful attempts at

sex,

> depending on the severity) is vulvar vestibulitis syndrome (VVS),

which is

> one of a number of vulvar pain disorder. VVS can occur at any age,

and often

> with no obvious cause and often with no visible symptoms. It is

simply an

> enhanced sensitivity in, on, or near the vaginal opening. It should

not hurt

> to touch any part of your vulva. If it does, you should look into the

> possibility that you may have a vulvar pain condition. They are

extremely

> common, and only seldom diagnosed. Most women suffer in silence. Most

> doctors do not routinely test for VVS, but the test simply involves

poking

> certain areas (corresponding to your vestibular glands) with a Q-tip and

> seeing if you have pain. There are other problems which can cause

painful

> intercourse as well, including lichen sclerosis (a skin condition),

> interstitial cystitis (involves the bladder), essential vulvodynia

(which

> causes nearly constant pain), and others.

>

> 5. These conditions are not widely understood or even recognized

by many

> doctors, so most women with these disorders (especially young women) are

> likely to be misdiagnosed initially with vaginismus. If you suspect

you have

> one of these disorders, treatment by a specialist is recommended. A few

> resources to help you find out more about these conditions are the

> http://www.egroups.com/group/VulvarDisorders/> VulvarDisorders list on

> egroups, <---(NOTE* this is us *smile*) http://www.vulvodynia.com/>

> Vulvodynia.com, which has a very useful FAQ,

> http://www.vulvarpainfoundation.org/> The Vulvar Pain Foundation, and

> http://www.wellweb.com/INDEX/QVULVODYNIA.HTM> WellWeb.

>

> 6. In short, if you have pain that is not the result of a muscle

spasm,

> then you have something besides (or, possibly, in addition to)

vaginismus.

>

>

> 7. How can I cure this?

>

> Many women, though not all, find it necessary to treat the

underlying causes

> of their vaginismus. For some this will involve therapy if emotional

issues

> are involved, and for others they will have to treat vulvar pain

conditions,

> while still others may not need to focus on what initially caused their

> problem (some may not even know their cause), and just focus on

controlling

> the muscle.

>

> Learning to control the muscle can be done in many different ways.

The most

> common way is to gently insert progressively larger objects (called

> " dilators " ) into the vagina so that the muscle spasm is unlearned. Two

> excellent sources on the web for instructions on how to use dilators are

> http://www.med.umich.edu/obgyn/vulva/sandp.html>

> http://www.med.umich.edu/obgyn/vulva/sandp.html(you have to scroll

down a

> bit to find the right section), and

> http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5049a_qa.html>

> http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5049a_qa.html

> http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5049a_qa.html> (scroll here

> too).

>

> Other techniques our members have found helpful include relaxation

> exercises, stretches, biofeedback-assisted muscle rehabilitation, and

> focused exercises such as in Pilates.

>

>

> 8. What are dilators and where can I get them?

>

> " Dilators, " in this context, don't actually dilate, so it's kind of

> unfortunate terminology. The word refers to any objects inserted

vaginally

> to slowly condition the vaginal muscles to not tense up during

penetration

> attempts. These can be candles, fingers, tampons, vegetables, dildoes,

> vibrators, or so-called " medical dilators. " The medical ones aren't

> significantly any different from dildoes, except that often a

prescription

> is required, they are not available in festive colors, and in some

cases,

> your insurance may cover them.

>

> All of the different options listed here have been tried with some

success.

> Depending on your financial situation, whether you are being treated

by a

> doctor or self-treating, and your personal preference, any of these

may help

> you. Some women prefer vibrators because they find the vibration

tends to

> relax the muscles, while others prefer non-vibrating dilators.

>

> Medical dilators are typically provided by physicians or therapists, and

> dildoes and vibrators may be purchased at sex shops. Two shops that have

> online ordering and discreet delivery are

http://www.a-womans-touch.com/>

> A Woman's Touch and http://www.goodvibes.com/> Good Vibrations,

but nearly

> every sex shop will carry products of this sort.

>

> 9. Should I use lubricant? If so, what kind?

>

> Yes! Especially if you are just practicing with dilators, you may not be

> aroused enough to provide adequate lubricant. Many drugstores carry

personal

> lubricants. The most common ones available are KY (liquid is more highly

> recommended than the jelly) and Astroglide (also recommended). Many

women

> prefer lubricants that are available at sex shops, for various reasons.

> Visit any online sex store and you will see many possibilities to choose

> from, and often the stores have good descriptions to help you

choose. One

> popular lubricant is called Liquid Silk, and is only available from sex

> shops.

>

> 10. Are there any good vaginismus resources on the web? In Print?

>

> Yes. But they are few and far between. If you join the Vaginismus

internet

> list (see below), you will have access to links their members have found

> useful at: http://www.egroups.com/links/vaginismus>

> http://www.egroups.com/links/vaginismus>

>

> One resource that many women have found incredibly useful is support

groups.

> There are three main support groups for vaginismus. One group (the

group for

> whom this FAQ was originally written) is just for women with

vaginismus, and

> is on egroups.com under the name

http://www.egroups.com/group/vaginismus>

> Vaginismus. Another is just for partners of women with vaginismus,

and is

> called http://www.egroups.com/group/vaginismuspartners>

> VaginismusPartners. A third is for women with vaginismus, their

partners,

> and medical professionals. It is called

> http://www.egroups.com/group/1vaginismus> 1Vaginismus.

>

> There is only one book about vaginismus, and it is out of print,

though you

> may be able to find it at a used book store or a library. It is by

> Valins, and is called: " When a Woman's Body says 'No' to Sex:

Understanding

> and Overcoming Vaginismus. " This book deals with vaginismus that is

due to

> emotional issues, so many women with emotional issues around sex find it

> very useful, while women with pain are less likely to relate to this

book.

> It contains personal stories about dealing with vaginismus, as well as

> detailed treatment options.

>

> Another highly recommended book, which is in print, is called " A Woman's

> Guide to Overcoming Sexual Fear and Pain, " by Aurelie Goodwin

and Marc

> E. Agronin, MD. This book is in workbook form, with exercises and

questions

> to work through.

>

>

>

> 11. Where can I find a therapist in my area?

>

> Whether your vaginismus is due to emotional issues or not, many develop

> sexual issues as a result of having vaginismus. For many, support groups

> such as ours help a lot, and for some, professional therapy is

useful. One

> option is to write our list and see if other women in your area have

found

> good therapists who are knowledgeable in this area. A resource for

Americans

> is the http://www.aasect.org/> American Association of Sex Educators,

> Counselors, and Therapists, which has a searchable list of sex

therapists

> throughout the country.

>

>

> Maybe that'll help a little bit? Take care hon and hang in there.

> Hugs

> Dee

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Beth, I just wanted to say that during the long time I have had this problem it took me a really long time to realize and except the fact that the people closest to me just could never comprehend what it was like to have this sort of pain and discomfort in the area it is and how it profoundly affects your mental and physical state. What I mean is that no matter how hard I tried to explain how really depilitated I felt and why I wasn't the same happy person I was before someone would always come out with a comment that made me realize that they really didn't understand. My advice is to save yourself breath, anquish, and upset in trying to make these people understand because I don't think they can and to be fair if I had never gotten vulvodynia and someone else tried to explain that they had vulvodynia I don't think I could totally comprehend how devistating and difficult it was for them. And also don't feel the guilt and self-reproach that I

think many of us have felt because it doesn't help you get better instead love and take care of yourself because you are dealing with a really difficult problem that can bring all kinds of negativity into your head and brush off the comments, just except the fact that they wouldn't say those things if they really understood what you are going thru. Take care, BauktiBeth wrote: *happy tears* you guys are all so incredible! thank you so, so muchfor all the kind thoughts and great advice-it feels great to

have agroup of supportive people who actually understand (at least to somedegree) what I'm going through. everyone i've ever told i wanted tostop using the dilators to was the biggest jerk about it (my motheractually told me i was being selfish!), and it was great to find somepeople who actually understand and aren't trying to cram this down mythroat!To the PT who suggested the website, thank you! i'm going toinvestigate in asap :)To everyone who suggested lidocaine or an antianxietydrug...unfortunately, i have pretty awful reactions to both. thelidocaine just burns and wears off in no time, and vicodin (the onlyantianxiety i've tried) whacks me out pretty terribly, and notnecessarily in a good way but thank you for the suggestion, i mightsuck it up and give the vicodin another try, lol.About whether i've had penetrative sex or not: yup, that i have, justwith my fiance, and i'm his only, so there's no

STD or anything. never been sexually assaulted, anything like that. losing myvirginity was awful, though-i bled like crazy, and for the next twotimes after that that we had sex (and every time i tell a doctor that,they raise their eyebrows, then just move on. it's great, really. actually, my first gyno was a total ass about it: when i told him, hejust told me he didn't see any cuts and then sneered at me b/c i was16 and lost my virginity to a boy i'd been seeing for over a year. needless to say, i never went back)! i've had pain off and on afterthat, mostly deeper, then a little over a year ago it started beingevery time, like a razor, at the opening. and there's a completehistory of my sexual experience, haha! i never thought i'd be socomfortable sharing this info with a group of strangers, but i trustyou all so much!I'm going to confront my PT next time i see her (this friday-wish meluck! i'll come back with

an update) about how aggressively she'sbeen treating me. i understand she wants me to get better as soon asi can, but she needs to understand that i can't rush, and need to pacemyself, because forcing myself to do anything's just gonna endterribly. i'm already planning to give her a DVD from my bellydanceperformance a year or so ago, b/c one of my biggest reasons for goingto PT was to be able to bellydance again, and she's told me since day1 i'd never be able to do it again. so, she's getting a free DVD, anda lecture, haha. gawd, having a pain disorder makes you grow up fast!So, i know this is long-i'm fevery, so i'm rambly, lol-but once again,THANK YOU to everyone!! you're all like my online family, moresupportive sometimes than my normal family is, haha, and i justappreciate it all so, so much :)Much Luv,Beth>> Here is a link on choosing a PT for pelvic floor dysfunction ->http://www.pelvicpainmatters.com/2008/04/is-your-pt-treating-you-right.html> > > > nne> > > > > > From: VulvarDisorders > [mailto:VulvarDisorders ] On Behalf Of Dee Troll> Sent: Wednesday, May 21, 2008 12:46 AM> To: VULVAR DISORDERS LIST> Subject: Fear of Dilators ! Was-----> How do I tell my PT)> > > > (Info on Vaginismus

here) > > <I feel like the biggest wussy-failure...the dilators give me so much> anxiety, it's almost not worth it to me. Every time i look at them,or get> ready to use them, i get so shaky and jittery-just about every time now,> when i use them, i cry, because i know they're going to hurt! and once> they're in, i just stew angrily about how much they hurt and howmuch this> sucks, which just makes me flare...>> > > > > > awwh > > > > You poor thing Beth. *sigh* What a shame and I'm so sorry you'refeeling so> browbeaten hon and I sure don't blame you... arghhhhhh but you are NOT a> wussy failure, not at all.. Nature makes us flinch or get anxious ifwe know> pain is going to be involved, sounds normal to me. *smile* > > > > Hon I hate to probe but have you had penetrative sex yet? If

sodoes that> hurt you? (forget about the dilators) I'm trying to understand honif you> have pain with reg. sex and if it's actual tissue damage OR if it's more> muscular like vaginismus. Makes a big difference and I'm sorry ifyou've> told us I don't remember. > > > > It seems to me that someone pushing a dilator on you like that (no pun> intended *smile) sure isn't the way to go if it were me if it wereeither> case. Hon with that anxiety level alone for now I'd forget about the> dilators, (but I'm speaking if it were me)... If it's a tissue problem> that's causing that pain you need to get the skin healthy again and I'd> definitely do that 'before' 'I'd' even try a dilator. If it's V tissue> that's ripping or tearing or splitting that must be conditionedfirst (fed & > nourished) so that it has that elasticity to stretch and nottear....

if> it's vaginismus that's different and there are various things you can do> hon, but keep in mind vaginismus can be a secondary issue because oftissue> pain... that's common too (and understandable). And then I'd workon tissue> healing 'first' and then the vaginismus if it were 'me'... > > > > I'm going to just make a supposition that it's vaginismus (and could be> completely wrong) but I have an article, the link is dead or I'd send> that, and I'll add it below hon for what it's worth. Again I am soso sorry> you have to go thru that and perhaps an antianxiety med like theAtavan or> Xanax or Valium etc., is something to consider right now. I would. You> need to relax not for the dilator issue so much but for your ownnerves hon.> Just to not think about it and break that loop or chain of thought with> people pulling you every which way.

> > > > Anyway here's that article... and it's from Dr. Allan Gordons pain> management center at Mt. Sinai in Toronto, Canada. He used to be with us> here at the group but the link like I said isn't effective anylonger. Note> within here he even mentions our group. *smile* You can tell this isold as> he says we're at 'e groups' They owned us before Yahoo bought us out..> that's how long we've been in existence. *grin* (whew* talk about time> flying) but when you click it, it does take you to our Yahoo group.. > > 1. What is vaginismus? > > Vaginismus is a spasm in the musculature of the outer third of thevagina> which makes insertion difficult or impossible. For some women, thismuscle> spasm is painful; for others, it is not. Most women experience painif they> try to insert something in spite of this spasm. > > 2. Is

vaginismus always caused by abuse? > > No. Some research suggests a correlation between vaginismus andabuse, and> other studies show no relationship at all. Many women withvaginismus have> been abused, and many have not. Just because you've never been abused> doesn't mean you can't have vaginismus, any more than being abused would> guarantee vaginismus. > > > 3. What causes vaginismus? > > It is widely believed that in most cases of vaginismus, the spasm is> triggered either by pain or the anticipation of pain (emotional orphysical> pain). Much like the way an eyelid closes when something comes toclose to> the eye or a muscle flinches in response to an imminent punch,vaginismus is> like a vaginal flinch. It is in some sense protecting the area, eventhough> the woman doesn't want it to. Some women have fears or guilt regarding>

intercourse, others have physical pain problems, and still othershave no> obvious cause for their condition. One perplexing aspect ofvaginismus is> that often the spasm remains long after the woman has dealt with any> anxieties or physical problems. So learning to control and eliminatethis> spasm is how one cures vaginismus. > > 4. If I have pain with intercourse, then do I necessarily have> vaginismus? > > Not necessarily. Painful intercourse can be caused by any number offactors,> and vaginismus isn't even the most common. Often, painful sex due toother> conditions may lead to vaginismus, so even if you do havevaginismus, you> may have another underlying primary cause of pain. > > The most common cause of chronic painful sex (or painful attempts atsex,> depending on the severity) is vulvar vestibulitis syndrome (VVS),which is>

one of a number of vulvar pain disorder. VVS can occur at any age,and often> with no obvious cause and often with no visible symptoms. It issimply an> enhanced sensitivity in, on, or near the vaginal opening. It shouldnot hurt> to touch any part of your vulva. If it does, you should look into the> possibility that you may have a vulvar pain condition. They areextremely> common, and only seldom diagnosed. Most women suffer in silence. Most> doctors do not routinely test for VVS, but the test simply involvespoking> certain areas (corresponding to your vestibular glands) with a Q-tip and> seeing if you have pain. There are other problems which can causepainful> intercourse as well, including lichen sclerosis (a skin condition),> interstitial cystitis (involves the bladder), essential vulvodynia(which> causes nearly constant pain), and others. > > 5. These

conditions are not widely understood or even recognizedby many> doctors, so most women with these disorders (especially young women) are> likely to be misdiagnosed initially with vaginismus. If you suspectyou have> one of these disorders, treatment by a specialist is recommended. A few> resources to help you find out more about these conditions are the> <http://www.egroups.com/group/VulvarDisorders/> VulvarDisorders list on> egroups, <---(NOTE* this is us *smile*) <http://www.vulvodynia.com/>> Vulvodynia.com, which has a very useful FAQ,> <http://www.vulvarpainfoundation.org/> The Vulvar Pain Foundation, and> <http://www.wellweb.com/INDEX/QVULVODYNIA.HTM> WellWeb. > > 6. In short, if you have pain that is not the result of a musclespasm,> then you have something besides (or, possibly, in addition to)vaginismus. > > > 7. How can I cure this? > > Many women, though not all, find it necessary to treat theunderlying causes> of their vaginismus. For some this will involve therapy if emotionalissues> are involved, and for others they will have to treat vulvar painconditions,> while still others may not need to focus on what initially caused their> problem (some may not even know their cause), and just focus oncontrolling> the muscle.> > Learning to control the muscle can be done in many different ways.The most> common way is to gently insert progressively larger objects

(called> "dilators") into the vagina so that the muscle spasm is unlearned. Two> excellent sources on the web for instructions on how to use dilators are> <http://www.med.umich.edu/obgyn/vulva/sandp.html>> http://www.med.umich.edu/obgyn/vulva/sandp.html(you have to scrolldown a> bit to find the right section), and> <http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5049a_qa.html>> http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5049a_qa.html> <http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5049a_qa.html> (scroll here> too).> > Other techniques our members have found helpful include relaxation> exercises, stretches, biofeedback-assisted muscle rehabilitation, and> focused exercises such as in Pilates. > > > 8. What are dilators and where can I get them? > > "Dilators," in this context, don't actually dilate, so it's kind of> unfortunate terminology. The word refers to any objects insertedvaginally> to slowly condition the vaginal muscles to not tense up duringpenetration> attempts. These can be candles, fingers, tampons, vegetables, dildoes,> vibrators, or so-called "medical dilators." The medical ones aren't> significantly any different from dildoes, except that often aprescription> is required, they

are not available in festive colors, and in somecases,> your insurance may cover them.> > All of the different options listed here have been tried with somesuccess.> Depending on your financial situation, whether you are being treatedby a> doctor or self-treating, and your personal preference, any of thesemay help> you. Some women prefer vibrators because they find the vibrationtends to> relax the muscles, while others prefer non-vibrating dilators.> > Medical dilators are typically provided by physicians or therapists, and> dildoes and vibrators may be purchased at sex shops. Two shops that have> online ordering and discreet delivery are <http://www.a-womans-touch.com/>> A Woman's Touch and <http://www.goodvibes.com/> Good Vibrations,but nearly>

every sex shop will carry products of this sort. > > 9. Should I use lubricant? If so, what kind? > > Yes! Especially if you are just practicing with dilators, you may not be> aroused enough to provide adequate lubricant. Many drugstores carrypersonal> lubricants. The most common ones available are KY (liquid is more highly> recommended than the jelly) and Astroglide (also recommended). Manywomen> prefer lubricants that are available at sex shops, for various reasons.> Visit any online sex store and you will see many possibilities to choose> from, and often the stores have good descriptions to help youchoose. One> popular lubricant is called Liquid Silk, and is only available from sex> shops. > > 10. Are there any good vaginismus resources on the web? In Print? > > Yes. But they are few and far between. If you join the

Vaginismusinternet> list (see below), you will have access to links their members have found> useful at: <http://www.egroups.com/links/vaginismus>> <http://www.egroups.com/links/vaginismus>> > One resource that many women have found incredibly useful is supportgroups.> There are three main support groups for vaginismus. One group (thegroup for> whom this FAQ was originally written) is just for women withvaginismus, and> is on egroups.com under the name <http://www.egroups.com/group/vaginismus>> Vaginismus. Another is just for partners of women with vaginismus,and is> called <http://www.egroups.com/group/vaginismuspartners>> VaginismusPartners. A third is for women with vaginismus, theirpartners,> and medical professionals. It is called> <http://www.egroups.com/group/1vaginismus> 1Vaginismus.> > There is only one book about vaginismus, and it is out of print,though you> may be able to find it at a used book store or a library. It is by > Valins, and is called: "When a Woman's Body says 'No' to Sex:Understanding> and Overcoming Vaginismus." This book deals with vaginismus that isdue to> emotional issues, so many women with emotional issues around sex find it> very useful, while women with pain are less likely to relate to thisbook.> It contains personal stories about dealing with vaginismus, as well

as> detailed treatment options.> > Another highly recommended book, which is in print, is called "A Woman's> Guide to Overcoming Sexual Fear and Pain," by Aurelie Goodwinand Marc> E. Agronin, MD. This book is in workbook form, with exercises andquestions> to work through.> > > > 11. Where can I find a therapist in my area? > > Whether your vaginismus is due to emotional issues or not, many develop> sexual issues as a result of having vaginismus. For many, support groups> such as ours help a lot, and for some, professional therapy isuseful. One> option is to write our list and see if other women in your area havefound> good therapists who are knowledgeable in this area. A resource forAmericans> is the <http://www.aasect.org/> American Association of Sex Educators,> Counselors,

and Therapists, which has a searchable list of sextherapists> throughout the country. > > > Maybe that'll help a little bit? Take care hon and hang in there. > Hugs> Dee>