My Never-Ending Horror Story...

[Guest guest]

Geez...Where do I start?

I guess I want to say that first of all, , I was hoping " somebody "

might notice me gone...Yes, I was in pain...I think I last wrote when my

numbers doubled, didn't I? I'm such a mental mess, I'm not sure when I

lasted posted...I just know I have about 500 messages waitin' on me...please

forgive me for setting them aside for now.

Anyway, I went to the ER on ummm Tuesday...they did my bloodwork . On Monday

it had been 490 (up from 104 on Wednesday)...well, at the ER (grant it, it

was a different lab) it came in at 546,,,which was a relief that it hadn't

even come close to doubling in the day and a half.

Anyway, I was taken to have an U/S...the tech found a 3-4cm mass that she

said looked more like cyst (the color doppler didn't pick up ANY red...which

usually signifies the implanted embryo)...so we wait, and we wait, and we

wait...Finally 2 doctors come in (both female) and they're giving me this

serious, sorry look. One of them goes on to tell me that they're going to

admit me and wanted to know when I last ate....surgery was necessary.

Of course, I AM FREAKIN' OUT!!! MY body starts shaking uncontrollably and I

ask questions. They'd originally made it sound like I'd already ruptured, so

there was no choice. But she finally admitted that it hadn't ruptured, but

that my troublesome tube needed to come out none-the-less...and she left the

room. I stopped sobbing and told dh Iwanted to go home. He tried to hug and

comfort me as if to say, I know how you must feel. So I looked him in the

face and said, " No, what I'm saying is I'm GOING home. Pass me my shoes. "

Well, the nurse came in and asked me to reconsider, then the doctor comes in

and also asks me to reconsider. I ask her to give me methotrextate. She

denies my request. I tell her I will NOT undergo surgery unless absolutely

necessary. She assures me that we wouldn't have to do surgery just yet, not

at least until the next day.

Ha! I'm not even doing surgery tomorrow. I'm leaving, says I. And she tells

me that I need to sign a form saying that I am leaving against medical

advice, but asks me to please talk it over with dh and just stay overnight.

That they couldn't do surgery without my consent anyway. Yahdah, yahdah,

yahdah. We talk it over and I go ahead and let them admit me. So the next

day I was allowed NO FOOD (or drink) whatsover (due to my pending surgery,

ya know!)...oh, wait. I skipped a part. Once I decided to stay, I called a

friend that has access to methotrexate and (yes, at one in the morning) if

dh could pick it up. This friend had offered it to me with the last 3

ectopics so, I figured what the heck)...so he goes and picks it up and I

take a bunch of these tiny little pills (they're only 2.5 mg each) and scarf

'em down right under their noses (bad, girl...bad girl...)

The next day (my doctor was still out of town, mind you) the doctor on-call

for mine comes in to offer me the methotrexate!! I had NO IDEA what to do or

say. I just choked out an " okay. " So to make myself feel better I tried all

kinds of reasoning. " Well, " I told myself, " the pills I took only added up

to 35mg instead of the 50 mg I usually get...and besides, maybe the liver

filters a lot of the pills since it has to go thru the intestinal track...so

maybe the 35mg was more like 15mg... "

Anyway they checked my levels once I was admitted upstairs (this is from yet

a THIRD lab) and the level was 466...so the doctor says " Maybe they're

dropping now. Let's let you go home and do another draw tomorrow. " I was so

thankful and hopeful!! But my doc called this A/N (yes, he's finally back in

town) and my level (from the lab I used Monday when it was 490) is now

560...so he asked me to come in for another shot...which I promptly did...so

expect to feel pretty sick for a few days or so.

Okay, how are we doing? Still with me?

My questions: Based on the onset of shoulder pain (started today), how long

would you think yuo could have that without rupturing? (I know there may not

be a set amount of time, but I guess I'm looking to see how many had this

and for how long).

And: Even a gestational sac that was 6 weeks old and snug in the uterus

isn't 4cm...so I question whether they actually saw a six-week old, 4cm mass

at a level of 546 that was really embryo...any feedback on this? The U/S

tech says there would be red on the color doppler if it were an embryo...and

there was NONE...so I asked if the Methotrexate might have made it so

there'd be no red and she said to be honest, she had no clue.

So any comments/suggestions???

I have to say, from the beginning, I've had a suspicion I was going to lose

this tube and so I am expecting the worst and hoping for the best...at least

I'm trying...

and I'm sure I'm leaving out lots of details, but don't want to write much

more of a novel.

Would love to hear any insight ANY of you might be able to share....

M

[Guest guest]

oh laura m,

I don't even know what to say, except I wish i could take all this hurt away

from you. i've been praying for you and will continue to do sooo....

Love,

lisa r

[Guest guest]

,

I have been checking the posts and looking for something from you!

I was getting worried, but then I didn't want to pry.

I'm so sorry you're having such troubles with the methotrexate. I

don't think the extra pills will hurt you. The dose they use for

eps is much lower than what they use for cancer. I'll bet you feel

really yucky though

Now, I have no idea how long til rupture, as I never ruptured. But I

would say to watch very carefully, since you've had the reversal,

maybe your tubes are more fragile now. How much fluid was there in

the cul-de-sac? That might be a better indicator?

4 cm does seem large for the gestation. I think my 2nd ep, which had

growth stopped by methotrexate at 5 1/2 weeks, beta 6,000, was 2-3 cm.

u/s is only as good as the tech, from my experience. With my 2nd ep,

the 1st few u/s showed nothing, but all were done by drs who were in

regular obgyn. The u/s that caught it was with the RE dept, and that

tech knew what to look for.

I know I don't *really* have any answers for you, but I hope any of

this helps. I am thinking about you & worrying about you. I'm

praying that the #s go down fast.

Take Care,

DeeAnn

[Guest guest]

Thanks ...I really believe it's just a matter of time b4 I lose this

tube...I'm just so emotionally exhausted...

oh laura m,

I don't even know what to say, except I wish i could take all this hurt away

from you. i've been praying for you and will continue to do sooo....

Love,

lisa r

[Guest guest]

Oh my goodness...I was just asking about you and you posted! I'm glad

you're still with us, even though I imagine you must feel like you've just

been through a car crash or something similiar. I'm so sorry it looks like

you could lose that tube. There's not much one can say about that is there?

It's just so unfair sometimes.

How are you feeling physically? I haven't taken the metho, I only had

surgery so I'm not really sure what you are going through there, but I just

wanted to let you know I'm here for you, and have been looking every day for

a post from you, and I didn't want to voice my concerns but I was worried

you might have been in the ER.

Don't worry about catching up on your emails if you're not up to it......if

you've missed anything just ask and I'll be happy to fill you in.

Please email me anytime. Hang in there...

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>

~Maree

shara @ cutey.com

*****

Email addresses in this document have a space before and after the @ symbol.

This is to prevent viruses from reaching the writer and others.

If you want to correspond, just remove the spaces.

*****

My Never-Ending Horror Story...

Geez...Where do I start?

I guess I want to say that first of all, , I was hoping " somebody "

might notice me gone...Yes, I was in pain...I think I last wrote when my

numbers doubled, didn't I? I'm such a mental mess, I'm not sure when I

lasted posted...I just know I have about 500 messages waitin' on me...please

forgive me for setting them aside for now.

Anyway, I went to the ER on ummm Tuesday...they did my bloodwork . On Monday

it had been 490 (up from 104 on Wednesday)...well, at the ER (grant it, it

was a different lab) it came in at 546,,,which was a relief that it hadn't

even come close to doubling in the day and a half.

Anyway, I was taken to have an U/S...the tech found a 3-4cm mass that she

said looked more like cyst (the color doppler didn't pick up ANY red...which

usually signifies the implanted embryo)...so we wait, and we wait, and we

wait...Finally 2 doctors come in (both female) and they're giving me this

serious, sorry look. One of them goes on to tell me that they're going to

admit me and wanted to know when I last ate....surgery was necessary.

Of course, I AM FREAKIN' OUT!!! MY body starts shaking uncontrollably and I

ask questions. They'd originally made it sound like I'd already ruptured, so

there was no choice. But she finally admitted that it hadn't ruptured, but

that my troublesome tube needed to come out none-the-less...and she left the

room. I stopped sobbing and told dh Iwanted to go home. He tried to hug and

comfort me as if to say, I know how you must feel. So I looked him in the

face and said, " No, what I'm saying is I'm GOING home. Pass me my shoes. "

Well, the nurse came in and asked me to reconsider, then the doctor comes in

and also asks me to reconsider. I ask her to give me methotrextate. She

denies my request. I tell her I will NOT undergo surgery unless absolutely

necessary. She assures me that we wouldn't have to do surgery just yet, not

at least until the next day.

Ha! I'm not even doing surgery tomorrow. I'm leaving, says I. And she tells

me that I need to sign a form saying that I am leaving against medical

advice, but asks me to please talk it over with dh and just stay overnight.

That they couldn't do surgery without my consent anyway. Yahdah, yahdah,

yahdah. We talk it over and I go ahead and let them admit me. So the next

day I was allowed NO FOOD (or drink) whatsover (due to my pending surgery,

ya know!)...oh, wait. I skipped a part. Once I decided to stay, I called a

friend that has access to methotrexate and (yes, at one in the morning) if

dh could pick it up. This friend had offered it to me with the last 3

ectopics so, I figured what the heck)...so he goes and picks it up and I

take a bunch of these tiny little pills (they're only 2.5 mg each) and scarf

'em down right under their noses (bad, girl...bad girl...)

The next day (my doctor was still out of town, mind you) the doctor on-call

for mine comes in to offer me the methotrexate!! I had NO IDEA what to do or

say. I just choked out an " okay. " So to make myself feel better I tried all

kinds of reasoning. " Well, " I told myself, " the pills I took only added up

to 35mg instead of the 50 mg I usually get...and besides, maybe the liver

filters a lot of the pills since it has to go thru the intestinal track...so

maybe the 35mg was more like 15mg... "

Anyway they checked my levels once I was admitted upstairs (this is from yet

a THIRD lab) and the level was 466...so the doctor says " Maybe they're

dropping now. Let's let you go home and do another draw tomorrow. " I was so

thankful and hopeful!! But my doc called this A/N (yes, he's finally back in

town) and my level (from the lab I used Monday when it was 490) is now

560...so he asked me to come in for another shot...which I promptly did...so

expect to feel pretty sick for a few days or so.

Okay, how are we doing? Still with me?

My questions: Based on the onset of shoulder pain (started today), how long

would you think yuo could have that without rupturing? (I know there may not

be a set amount of time, but I guess I'm looking to see how many had this

and for how long).

And: Even a gestational sac that was 6 weeks old and snug in the uterus

isn't 4cm...so I question whether they actually saw a six-week old, 4cm mass

at a level of 546 that was really embryo...any feedback on this? The U/S

tech says there would be red on the color doppler if it were an embryo...and

there was NONE...so I asked if the Methotrexate might have made it so

there'd be no red and she said to be honest, she had no clue.

So any comments/suggestions???

I have to say, from the beginning, I've had a suspicion I was going to lose

this tube and so I am expecting the worst and hoping for the best...at least

I'm trying...

and I'm sure I'm leaving out lots of details, but don't want to write much

more of a novel.

Would love to hear any insight ANY of you might be able to share....

M

[Guest guest]

,

I know you're trying desperately to save your tube,

but I've been thru a ruptured ectopic and it's not

something you want to do!

It is life threatening when that thing breaks on its

own. You start bleeding internally and they have to

open you up just to stop the bleeding. Right now if

they do surgery, you'll probably have lap marks, but

if they open you in an emergency, they cut you wide

open. I have basically a C-section scar, running

across my belly.

Also, if you're alone when it ruptures, and if you

pass out, like I did, you can die. You can pass out

and just bleed to death before anybody finds you. It

is a very dangerous situation. I thank God that I was

not alone that day. I had people with me every minute

of the day. When I did collapse, it was in the

doctors' office. My mom was one room away from me, I

was in the hallway, and I couldn't even call her name.

Just ... down I went. Luckily a nurse came down the

hall at the right time.

I'm praying that you agree to have surgery and to have

it NOW. You're playing Russian Roulette with your

life.

Sorry to have to say something ugly to you.

Best Wishes...

--Barb Z.

=====

" Sorrow looks back,

Worry looks around,

but Faith looks up "

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

,

I know that you are really terrified of losing your last tube, but the only

advice I have to give, is the exact thing you don't want to hear. I would

have to say, allow them to do surgery. Is it possible to ask them to not

remove your tube? I mean isn't it up to you to decide if you want to go

through the risk of leaving it in...not them? I don't know what else to

say, except that I am so sorry that you are having to make such a decision.

-AmyR

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I am sooooo sorry that you are going through this right now. I wish there

was something I could say..........Please know that your very much in my

prayers. Please take care.

Love,

Sheila

[Guest guest]

> take a bunch of these tiny little pills (they're only 2.5 mg each)

and scarf

> 'em down right under their noses (bad, girl...bad girl...)

You did this in front of the doctors? Then they should be able to

adjust the dose that they will administer accordingly.

> 560...so he asked me to come in for another shot...which I promptly

did...so

> expect to feel pretty sick for a few days or so.

I'm still worried that they might no know that you took some on your

own. Do they?

> Okay, how are we doing? Still with me?

> My questions: Based on the onset of shoulder pain (started today),

how long

> would you think yuo could have that without rupturing? (I know

there may not

> be a set amount of time, but I guess I'm looking to see how many

had this

> and for how long).

Based on the following

" Because of diaphragmatic irritation, intra- abdominal bleeding may

result in referred pain to the shoulder via the phrenic nerve.

Ectopic pregnancy, splenic injury, ruptured abdominal aortic

aneurysm, and ruptured adenoma of the liver are all diseases that may

present in this manner. "

I have to say that I think you should call your Dr. Then again, I

get shoulder pain from gas sometimes...

> And: Even a gestational sac that was 6 weeks old and snug in the

uterus

> isn't 4cm...so I question whether they actually saw a six-week old,

4cm mass

> at a level of 546 that was really embryo...any feedback on this?

The U/S

> tech says there would be red on the color doppler if it were an

embryo...and

> there was NONE...so I asked if the Methotrexate might have made it

so

> there'd be no red and she said to be honest, she had no clue.

I dont think your levels ever got high enough to see an embryo. I'm

worried that it was a bulging tube, maybe filled with blood/blood

clots. My levels were dropping and my heamosalpinx (blood filled bit

of tube) was growing until I finally ruptured. I guess it can start

to clot, plugging the tube. Then if bleeding continues it can

baloon. This is, to the best of my knowlege, rare. I assume that

they saw little, if any, free fluid in the abdomen?

> So any comments/suggestions???

Can't they remove the ep and leave the tube? I don't understand why

that isn't an option. Did they discuss this with you.

I'm so sorry . From the time I was diagnosed with an ep to the

time I had a surgery for its rupture was four weeks. I know what you

mean about a never ending saga. Its a contsant roller coaster of

hope/disaster that just makes you feel crazy.

Thank you so much for posting. I was worried, but didn't want to

ask. Remember how tough you are, and that there are plenty of ways

to be a mom with or without fallopian tubes.

Becca

[Guest guest]

M,

Of course we noticed you were gone. I knew you wold write when you could and

I have been SO worried and I am still SO worried. You are really playing with

fire. I'm not trying to disregard your feelings, but I am very scared for you

right now. Normally shoulder pain means you are rupturing or at rupture

point. I am so sorry this is happening to you again but please don't risk

your life to keep your tube. I'm hoping you're at the hospital right now

having this taken care of. Like others said, why can't you insis the tube not

be removed, only the pg??? The longer you wait the lower your chances will be

that keeping the tube is an option. 3-4 cm is an awfully big thing to be in

something as small as out tubes.

I only said all this because I love you and I am worried. Please go to the

hospital if you're not already there, ok??? Do it for us and your husband - I

know he's got to be worried sick, too.

All my love,

Carmen

[Guest guest]

M, I am so sorry for everything you are having to deal with right now. I

will be thinking about you. Take care, and keep us updated.-----Keri

>

> Geez...Where do I start?

> I guess I want to say that first of all, , I was hoping " somebody "

> might notice me gone...Yes, I was in pain...I think I last wrote when my

> numbers doubled, didn't I? I'm such a mental mess, I'm not sure when I

> lasted posted...I just know I have about 500 messages waitin' on me...please

> forgive me for setting them aside for now.

>

> Anyway, I went to the ER on ummm Tuesday...they did my bloodwork . On Monday

> it had been 490 (up from 104 on Wednesday)...well, at the ER (grant it, it

> was a different lab) it came in at 546,,,which was a relief that it hadn't

> even come close to doubling in the day and a half.

>

> Anyway, I was taken to have an U/S...the tech found a 3-4cm mass that she

> said looked more like cyst (the color doppler didn't pick up ANY red...which

> usually signifies the implanted embryo)...so we wait, and we wait, and we

> wait...Finally 2 doctors come in (both female) and they're giving me this

> serious, sorry look. One of them goes on to tell me that they're going to

> admit me and wanted to know when I last ate....surgery was necessary.

>

> Of course, I AM FREAKIN' OUT!!! MY body starts shaking uncontrollably and I

> ask questions. They'd originally made it sound like I'd already ruptured, so

> there was no choice. But she finally admitted that it hadn't ruptured, but

> that my troublesome tube needed to come out none-the-less...and she left the

> room. I stopped sobbing and told dh Iwanted to go home. He tried to hug and

> comfort me as if to say, I know how you must feel. So I looked him in the

> face and said, " No, what I'm saying is I'm GOING home. Pass me my shoes. "

> Well, the nurse came in and asked me to reconsider, then the doctor comes in

> and also asks me to reconsider. I ask her to give me methotrextate. She

> denies my request. I tell her I will NOT undergo surgery unless absolutely

> necessary. She assures me that we wouldn't have to do surgery just yet, not

> at least until the next day.

>

> Ha! I'm not even doing surgery tomorrow. I'm leaving, says I. And she tells

> me that I need to sign a form saying that I am leaving against medical

> advice, but asks me to please talk it over with dh and just stay overnight.

> That they couldn't do surgery without my consent anyway. Yahdah, yahdah,

> yahdah. We talk it over and I go ahead and let them admit me. So the next

> day I was allowed NO FOOD (or drink) whatsover (due to my pending surgery,

> ya know!)...oh, wait. I skipped a part. Once I decided to stay, I called a

> friend that has access to methotrexate and (yes, at one in the morning) if

> dh could pick it up. This friend had offered it to me with the last 3

> ectopics so, I figured what the heck)...so he goes and picks it up and I

> take a bunch of these tiny little pills (they're only 2.5 mg each) and scarf

> 'em down right under their noses (bad, girl...bad girl...)

>

> The next day (my doctor was still out of town, mind you) the doctor on-call

> for mine comes in to offer me the methotrexate!! I had NO IDEA what to do or

> say. I just choked out an " okay. " So to make myself feel better I tried all

> kinds of reasoning. " Well, " I told myself, " the pills I took only added up

> to 35mg instead of the 50 mg I usually get...and besides, maybe the liver

> filters a lot of the pills since it has to go thru the intestinal track...so

> maybe the 35mg was more like 15mg... "

>

> Anyway they checked my levels once I was admitted upstairs (this is from yet

> a THIRD lab) and the level was 466...so the doctor says " Maybe they're

> dropping now. Let's let you go home and do another draw tomorrow. " I was so

> thankful and hopeful!! But my doc called this A/N (yes, he's finally back in

> town) and my level (from the lab I used Monday when it was 490) is now

> 560...so he asked me to come in for another shot...which I promptly did...so

> expect to feel pretty sick for a few days or so.

>

> Okay, how are we doing? Still with me?

> My questions: Based on the onset of shoulder pain (started today), how long

> would you think yuo could have that without rupturing? (I know there may not

> be a set amount of time, but I guess I'm looking to see how many had this

> and for how long).

>

> And: Even a gestational sac that was 6 weeks old and snug in the uterus

> isn't 4cm...so I question whether they actually saw a six-week old, 4cm mass

> at a level of 546 that was really embryo...any feedback on this? The U/S

> tech says there would be red on the color doppler if it were an embryo...and

> there was NONE...so I asked if the Methotrexate might have made it so

> there'd be no red and she said to be honest, she had no clue.

>

> So any comments/suggestions???

> I have to say, from the beginning, I've had a suspicion I was going to lose

> this tube and so I am expecting the worst and hoping for the best...at least

> I'm trying...

> and I'm sure I'm leaving out lots of details, but don't want to write much

> more of a novel.

>

> Would love to hear any insight ANY of you might be able to share....

> M

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

Hey honey. I was worried about you and am glad you posted. I am just sorry for

all the s**t you have been going through. I just read your post (sorry it took

me so long) I wish I had some real concrete answers for you. I know after I

had my metho inj. I ruptured after a week but I guess everyone is different.

When do you go back for more b/w? I just hope your #s keep dropping. I know

you really don't want to lose that tube and I pray that you don't but please

know if God Forbid, you do, you will be ok. (I know you probably don't want to

hear that and just want to smack me right now) but I freaked when they said they

would have to take my tube but I slowly felt more a peace later on. I hope the

metho hasn't made you too sick. I know you are scared right now and we are here

for you. Please take care of yourself and let us know what happens. I am really

praying that things get better for you.

---------------------------------