Guest guest Posted February 21, 2005 Report Share Posted February 21, 2005 Beautiful post, Bette....all of it ... but my favorite is: I see the pain in her eyes when she's trying to squeeze herself into that theater seat....but the pain she thinks she will feel from " giving up " a few of those ounces of ... That just sums it all up perfectly. Listmom Lyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 21, 2005 Report Share Posted February 21, 2005 Warning, this is long! Also, it discusses the subject of being severely overweight, as in the high 200s range. Please read it with understanding that I HAVE been there .....and not all that long ago. Some of the things I say here might bring tears to your eyes....It surely did to my own eyes..... I had a very interesting experience this weekend. My cousin flew here to spend the weekend with me. Mind you, this cousin and I are so much alike that we're more like sisters....or carefully chosen best friends. You know what I mean? Well, my cousin weighs in the high 200s. Maybe more. Those of you who know me will remember that I started at 278 myself, beginning my WW journey on 6/1/03. Anyway, I'm feeling quite touched emotionally after our weekend together. The entire weekend's activities were affected by " Cousin " 's weight... She had serious problems fitting into the airplane seat for her flight here. At each restaurant -- MANY over the weekend -- she either could not fit into a booth or if it had a movable table, we had to move things all around for her to slide into the booth. When we went to Los Angeles to see a WONDERFUL play called Menopause the Musical, she could not fit into the theater seat. She waited until the people arrived to fill the inside seats, then twisted and turned and finally forced herself into the small seat with armrests -- embarrassed and frustrated but determined to get herself in there so she could watch the play. Mind you -- I was NOT embarrassed ...I was simply hurting for her, because not that long ago I faced EVERY single one of these challenges. We had a wonderful, wonderful weekend together. We talked about Weight Watchers....when she brought it up and had questions for me. My heart hurts so much for her...... I wish -- I WISH -- that I could turn that light bulb on for her.... You know the one I mean: The one that's like an epiphany. A revelation. A true Turning Moment in our lives. The very moment that somehow we understood the commitment required to stick to the program....this time. The very moment we realized that it's truly all about ME (LOL!).... that no one person and no upcoming event can give us the motivation to make the weight loss work for us this time. That if we don't " work the program " accurately, carefully, and HONESTLY..then we aren't cheating anyone but our own self. The realization that if we don't get the weight off, we might indeed die from related side effects of carrying 100+ pounds.... diabetes, high blood pressure, heart failure, OR...continuing to add weight until we simply cannot walk anymore. Until we die. With all my heart I wish I could find the secret to help Cousin find the treasure I have found....the secret, the key, the joy of discovering that you truly do NOT have to starve. You can eat your very favorite foods....or you can enjoy a myriad of trade-off foods that really truly are yummy. I wish I could help Cousin discover the joy of fitting into " normal " sized clothing.... of fitting into seats -- ANY seat, anywhere, without a second thought. I wish I could help her discover the joy of walking across a parking lot (or even from the kitchen to the bedroom) without huffing and puffing and wondering if she is going to die from heart-overexertion. Oh and this....the joy of renewed self-respect. Of respect from OTHER people (I am NOT saying we shouldn't be respected no matter our size.... but the simple truth is that we are NOT respected if we're 300 pounds.) Of not having people do that double-take (you know that look....) when they first see us or are introduced as our husband's wife. The surprise (....HE's married to ...THAT??) Of seeing the look on our children's faces when a classmate asked " Is that FAT lady YOUR mom???? " On the other hand, I also wish I knew how to convince people that it IS worth it to make those tradeoffs....the compromises. For example, Cousin asked me " How on earth does it satisfy you to eat 3 measly ounces of chicken or meat? That's not ENOUGH! " (Hear her laughing out loud, cackling even...) When I explained to her that you LEARN to become satisfied with those 3 ounces, and that the way I do it (since I still like my plate to look like the Matterhorn) is to make a huge salad first, and then PILE my plate with green beans or zucchini plus a nice baked potato plus one or two " garlic breads " (made from Wonder hamburger buns) if I still need to feel " filled up. " Nope. She wouldn't buy the idea..... to Cousin, a meal is not a meal unless it includes what....8-12-14 ounces of meat or more. I could not convince her that now I PREFER to eat less meat and more veggies and free or low-point foods. Well, I wouldn't have believed it back then, either. I had to learn it for myself. But Cousin and my dear friend for some reason won't give it a wholehearted try.....and that makes me sad. For them. I see the pain in her yes when she's trying to squeeze herself into that theater seat....but the pain she thinks she will feel from " giving up " a few of those ounces of Okay now, please don't think I'm pointing fingers or being critical. Remember that I LIVED THIS. For more than 25 years--every day of my life I lived this. I hope my own journey and my own discoveries will help someone .... any one of you here, or elsewhere. Weight Watchers is -- well, it's a miracle, in my opinion. It's the tool, the secret to a changed life. The door to renewed joy and health and ...FUN! Hugs to you all... Bette in CA 278/166/175 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 21, 2005 Report Share Posted February 21, 2005 Bette You don't sound judgemental at ALL! You sound like you are truly concerned about someone you love. I know exactly where you're coming from. I was talking with Roy about a friend of ours today. How can she KNOW what to do, but not do it? How can she KNOW you can be happy, healthy, and thin but choose Venti Frappucinos and Double Quarter Pounders with cheese and extra mayo? One time we were out to lunch and she commented that my meal was a lot healthier than hers, but three times more expensive. So I paid $7 instead of $2.50 or so but I didn't pay with high BP, more fat, raised heart rate, etc. She knows all this, but she keeps eating herself to an early grave. It makes me sad. I wish there was a way you could send her the email you sent us without it hurting her. I don't think she'd see it in the way you intend it because the fact is, she already KNOWS all of these things. I think the best you can do is keep praying for her, keep being a great role model, share all of your triumphs in a non-judgemental way, and be there when she reaches out for you. She will. I can almost guarantee that! HUGS Tory Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 21, 2005 Report Share Posted February 21, 2005 Bette, Well said. I relate to it all. I am not where you are yet, goalwise. But somehow I feel the feeling already of having found " the answer. " For the last couple weeks I've been telling myself " Hey, it just feels like you've hit your stride. " I like what I'm eating, I'm not hungry all the time, I do not go to bed desperately wishing I could eat some more. I'm not doing core, but I'm eating mostly core and I'm pretty close to saying that it's true that eating core causes you to stop craving, or to constant seek food. If I could clone this feeling so it never wanes, I would be all set. I still fear that I will lose interest, decide it's not worth it, have a setback that I don't recover from...but at this moment I am so " with the program " that I feel nothing can stop me. Even though I've dabbled with WW since 1970, this time I feel like there is some special magic in the program formulation, other than just the personal self control that I feel caused WW to work for me in 1970 and the many other times I tried. C in MN (down 36+ pounds) On Tue, 22 Feb 2005 03:05:21 -0000 " Bette " bette@...> writes: Warning, this is long! Also, it discusses the subject of being severely overweight, as in the high 200s range. Please read it with understanding that I HAVE been there .....and not all that long ago. Some of the things I say here might bring tears to your eyes....It surely did to my own eyes..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 21, 2005 Report Share Posted February 21, 2005 Lyn- Thank you. When you've felt that pain yourself, as I have, it's easy to see it in someone else's eyes. Bette Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 21, 2005 Report Share Posted February 21, 2005 Thanks, Tory....I knew you'd understand what I was trying to convey! hugs, Bette Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 21, 2005 Report Share Posted February 21, 2005 - That " answer " you described is just what I meant by the epiphany, the revelation, that each of us has to find for ourselves. Even though you're not at your goal yet, you've found the secret! I have all confidence that you will keep on working the program and will indeed reach your goal!!! Bette Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2005 Report Share Posted February 25, 2005 > Bette What a wonderful and gracious post, just like the person who wrote it. Terri in WI > Warning, this is long! Also, it discusses the subject of being > severely overweight, as in the high 200s range. Please read it with > understanding that I HAVE been there .....and not all that long ago. > Some of the things I say here might bring tears to your eyes....It > surely did to my own eyes..... > > I had a very interesting experience this weekend. My cousin flew here > to spend the weekend with me. Mind you, this cousin and I are so much > alike that we're more like sisters....or carefully chosen best > friends. You know what I mean? > > Well, my cousin weighs in the high 200s. Maybe more. Those of you who > know me will remember that I started at 278 myself, beginning my WW > journey on 6/1/03. Anyway, I'm feeling quite touched emotionally > after our weekend together. The entire weekend's activities were > affected by " Cousin " 's weight... She had serious problems fitting > into the airplane seat for her flight here. At each restaurant -- > MANY over the weekend -- she either could not fit into a booth or if > it had a movable table, we had to move things all around for her to > slide into the booth. When we went to Los Angeles to see a > WONDERFUL play called Menopause the Musical, she could not fit into > the theater seat. She waited until the people arrived to fill the > inside seats, then twisted and turned and finally forced herself into > the small seat with armrests -- embarrassed and frustrated but > determined to get herself in there so she could watch the play. Mind > you -- I was NOT embarrassed ...I was simply hurting for her, because > not that long ago I faced EVERY single one of these challenges. > > We had a wonderful, wonderful weekend together. We talked about > Weight Watchers....when she brought it up and had questions for me. > My heart hurts so much for her...... > > I wish -- I WISH -- that I could turn that light bulb on for her.... > You know the one I mean: The one that's like an epiphany. A > revelation. A true Turning Moment in our lives. The very moment that > somehow we understood the commitment required to stick to the > program....this time. The very moment we realized that it's truly > all about ME (LOL!).... that no one person and no upcoming event can > give us the motivation to make the weight loss work for us this time. > That if we don't " work the program " accurately, carefully, and > HONESTLY..then we aren't cheating anyone but our own self. The > realization that if we don't get the weight off, we might indeed die > from related side effects of carrying 100+ pounds.... diabetes, high > blood pressure, heart failure, OR...continuing to add weight until we > simply cannot walk anymore. Until we die. > > With all my heart I wish I could find the secret to help Cousin find > the treasure I have found....the secret, the key, the joy of > discovering that you truly do NOT have to starve. You can eat your > very favorite foods....or you can enjoy a myriad of trade-off foods > that really truly are yummy. I wish I could help Cousin discover the > joy of fitting into " normal " sized clothing.... of fitting into > seats -- ANY seat, anywhere, without a second thought. I wish I could > help her discover the joy of walking across a parking lot (or even > from the kitchen to the bedroom) without huffing and puffing and > wondering if she is going to die from heart-overexertion. Oh and > this....the joy of renewed self-respect. Of respect from OTHER people > (I am NOT saying we shouldn't be respected no matter our size.... but > the simple truth is that we are NOT respected if we're 300 pounds.) > Of not having people do that double-take (you know that look....) > when they first see us or are introduced as our husband's wife. The > surprise (....HE's married to ...THAT??) Of seeing the look on our > children's faces when a classmate asked " Is that FAT lady YOUR > mom???? " > > On the other hand, I also wish I knew how to convince people that it > IS worth it to make those tradeoffs....the compromises. For example, > Cousin asked me " How on earth does it satisfy you to eat 3 measly > ounces of chicken or meat? That's not ENOUGH! " (Hear her laughing out > loud, cackling even...) When I explained to her that you LEARN to > become satisfied with those 3 ounces, and that the way I do it (since > I still like my plate to look like the Matterhorn) is to make a huge > salad first, and then PILE my plate with green beans or zucchini plus > a nice baked potato plus one or two " garlic breads " (made from Wonder > hamburger buns) if I still need to feel " filled up. " Nope. She > wouldn't buy the idea..... to Cousin, a meal is not a meal unless it > includes what....8-12-14 ounces of meat or more. I could not convince > her that now I PREFER to eat less meat and more veggies and free or > low-point foods. Well, I wouldn't have believed it back then, either. > I had to learn it for myself. But Cousin and my dear friend for some > reason won't give it a wholehearted try.....and that makes me sad. > For them. I see the pain in her yes when she's trying to squeeze > herself into that theater seat....but the pain she thinks she will > feel from " giving up " a few of those ounces of > > Okay now, please don't think I'm pointing fingers or being critical. > Remember that I LIVED THIS. For more than 25 years--every day of my > life I lived this. I hope my own journey and my own discoveries will > help someone .... any one of you here, or elsewhere. Weight Watchers > is -- well, it's a miracle, in my opinion. It's the tool, the secret > to a changed life. The door to renewed joy and health and ...FUN! > > Hugs to you all... > Bette in CA > 278/166/175 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2005 Report Share Posted February 25, 2005 Terri in WI - thanks much! Bette Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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