Guest guest Posted July 6, 2005 Report Share Posted July 6, 2005 Hi Essie Your message gave me an idea for a post to you. It can seem off- topic, but it's not so much. Essie, since pregnancy is risky for you, why don't you think about adoption ? I know that it's difficult to know that we, women, won't be able to give birth. I am in this case for other reasons than kidney disease (no connection with my deafness, but it's a quite long story to tell you) and I think that adoption is the best solution. Your health is too important to take any risk, so better not giving birth than damage your kidney. I know this can seem rude, but I arrived at the point now that the most important in my head is being a mother, even if I'll never give birth. Maybe you can get some information on the Internet. My father and his wife have adopted an American baby from Portland (my baby brother, , nearly 1 yo) through an open adoption agency. I don't know the American process since I live in France and French procedure will change (I hope toward the better and not the worse like our Social Security reform), but why don't you start to think about it ? They are trying to make a reform in order to harmonize the procedure from a department to another, to create a new adoption agency which will be from our government... Pierre, may I prepare something about adoption for our group ? I know that it can seem out topic, but people like Essie can find it great since in some cases giving birth can be dangerous with Igan.... Essie, it's quite late now (nearly 3am in France) but I'll make you a list of links about adoption tomorrow. Do you live in the US ? Just feel free to mail me if you want more information about adoption. Pierre, if you have something about adoption in Canada (outside Quebec), can you mail me it ? (I know that I'm not Igan or with a kidney condition, but why not preparing something for the group when I can ?) , I prefered to make a post apart for practical stuff about adoption since it's off-topic from Essie's post. A good night and be as careful as possible with your health Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 6, 2005 Report Share Posted July 6, 2005 , I think you are entirely *on* topic with this one. I know many of us have had this same thing happen to us and knowing there are options out there is very good for our mental health and dealing with the long-term effects of kidney disease. I look forward to what you find. Kathleen > Hi Essie > Your message gave me an idea for a post to you. It can seem off- > topic, but it's not so much. > Essie, since pregnancy is risky for you, why don't you think about > adoption ? I know that it's difficult to know that we, women, won't > be able to give birth. I am in this case for other reasons than > kidney disease (no connection with my deafness, but it's a quite long > story to tell you) and I think that adoption is the best solution. > Your health is too important to take any risk, so better not giving > birth than damage your kidney. I know this can seem rude, but I > arrived at the point now that the most important in my head is being > a mother, even if I'll never give birth. > Maybe you can get some information on the Internet. > My father and his wife have adopted an American baby from Portland > (my baby brother, , nearly 1 yo) through an open adoption > agency. > I don't know the American process since I live in France and French > procedure will change (I hope toward the better and not the worse > like our Social Security reform), but why don't you start to think > about it ? They are trying to make a reform in order to harmonize the > procedure from a department to another, to create a new adoption > agency which will be from our government... Pierre, may I prepare > something about adoption for our group ? I know that it can seem out > topic, but people like Essie can find it great since in some cases > giving birth can be dangerous with Igan.... > Essie, it's quite late now (nearly 3am in France) but I'll make you a > list of links about adoption tomorrow. Do you live in the US ? > Just feel free to mail me if you want more information about > adoption. > > Pierre, if you have something about adoption in Canada (outside > Quebec), can you mail me it ? > (I know that I'm not Igan or with a kidney condition, but why not > preparing something for the group when I can ?) > > , I prefered to make a post apart for practical stuff about > adoption since it's off-topic from Essie's post. > > > > A good night and be as careful as possible with your health > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 6, 2005 Report Share Posted July 6, 2005 I just have to say to both Bart and that your hearts really shine through on both your emails on adoption. We are blessed to have such remarkable members! Re: Adoption , I think you are entirely *on* topic with this one. I know many of us have had this same thing happen to us and knowing there are options out there is very good for our mental health and dealing with the long-term effects of kidney disease. I look forward to what you find. Kathleen > Hi Essie > Your message gave me an idea for a post to you. It can seem off- > topic, but it's not so much. > Essie, since pregnancy is risky for you, why don't you think about > adoption ? I know that it's difficult to know that we, women, won't > be able to give birth. I am in this case for other reasons than > kidney disease (no connection with my deafness, but it's a quite long > story to tell you) and I think that adoption is the best solution. > Your health is too important to take any risk, so better not giving > birth than damage your kidney. I know this can seem rude, but I > arrived at the point now that the most important in my head is being > a mother, even if I'll never give birth. > Maybe you can get some information on the Internet. > My father and his wife have adopted an American baby from Portland > (my baby brother, , nearly 1 yo) through an open adoption > agency. > I don't know the American process since I live in France and French > procedure will change (I hope toward the better and not the worse > like our Social Security reform), but why don't you start to think > about it ? They are trying to make a reform in order to harmonize the > procedure from a department to another, to create a new adoption > agency which will be from our government... Pierre, may I prepare > something about adoption for our group ? I know that it can seem out > topic, but people like Essie can find it great since in some cases > giving birth can be dangerous with Igan.... > Essie, it's quite late now (nearly 3am in France) but I'll make you a > list of links about adoption tomorrow. Do you live in the US ? > Just feel free to mail me if you want more information about > adoption. > > Pierre, if you have something about adoption in Canada (outside > Quebec), can you mail me it ? > (I know that I'm not Igan or with a kidney condition, but why not > preparing something for the group when I can ?) > > , I prefered to make a post apart for practical stuff about > adoption since it's off-topic from Essie's post. > > > > A good night and be as careful as possible with your health > To edit your settings for the group, go to our Yahoo Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/iga-nephropathy/ To unsubcribe via email, iga-nephropathy-unsubscribe Visit our companion website at www.igan.ca. The site is entirely supported by donations. If you would like to help, go to: http://www.igan.ca/id62.htm Thank you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 7, 2005 Report Share Posted July 7, 2005 I only now noticed this message (when I got to work I quickly surfed thru the new messages and I didn't notice this one, sorry). , thank you very much for this message. Adoption is not something I've been thinking for much yet but it sounds like it really could be an alternative (although I'm not ready to give up just yet - sorry if the phrase " give up " sounds rude - I don't mean that adoption is " giving up " but I mean giving up the idea of giving birth). Besides adoption, the one alternative which I've been thinking of is that someone else could carry our baby (sorry, I don't know the actual word for that but I mean that it would be biologially our baby). I don't know how that would go legally etc but I think that is one actual alternative. But... As I said. I don't want to think these alternatives so much just yet. I know I'm probably just pushing the " difficult issues " further away but I just don't feel that I'm mentally ready for anything else than having a child " normal way " (sorry again the words - I can't figure out any right phrase). I guess it takes a bit time to adapt myself to the idea about adoption or other alternatives. I live in Finland and I don't actually know how the adoption or the possibility of someone else carrying the baby goes here or how long do one has to wait in adoption line. I guess finding out about these things might be the first step to start adapting for them... - Essi > Hi Essie > Your message gave me an idea for a post to you. It can seem off- > topic, but it's not so much. > Essie, since pregnancy is risky for you, why don't you think about > adoption ? I know that it's difficult to know that we, women, won't > be able to give birth. I am in this case for other reasons than > kidney disease (no connection with my deafness, but it's a quite long > story to tell you) and I think that adoption is the best solution. > Your health is too important to take any risk, so better not giving > birth than damage your kidney. I know this can seem rude, but I > arrived at the point now that the most important in my head is being > a mother, even if I'll never give birth. > Maybe you can get some information on the Internet. > My father and his wife have adopted an American baby from Portland > (my baby brother, , nearly 1 yo) through an open adoption > agency. > I don't know the American process since I live in France and French > procedure will change (I hope toward the better and not the worse > like our Social Security reform), but why don't you start to think > about it ? They are trying to make a reform in order to harmonize the > procedure from a department to another, to create a new adoption > agency which will be from our government... Pierre, may I prepare > something about adoption for our group ? I know that it can seem out > topic, but people like Essie can find it great since in some cases > giving birth can be dangerous with Igan.... > Essie, it's quite late now (nearly 3am in France) but I'll make you a > list of links about adoption tomorrow. Do you live in the US ? > Just feel free to mail me if you want more information about > adoption. > > Pierre, if you have something about adoption in Canada (outside > Quebec), can you mail me it ? > (I know that I'm not Igan or with a kidney condition, but why not > preparing something for the group when I can ?) > > , I prefered to make a post apart for practical stuff about > adoption since it's off-topic from Essie's post. > > > > A good night and be as careful as possible with your health > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 7, 2005 Report Share Posted July 7, 2005 Thanks for your kinds words. I am just back home and I'll keep mty promise that I made yesterday. I'll make two lists of links, one for France and one for the UK. If you have links from other countries, can you just put it into this topic ? Just please, tell for what country it refers to because otherwise it'll be quite a crazy stuff to find it French links (in French) France From the French Mgovernment http://www.diplomatie.gouv.fr/fr/les_francais_etranger_1296/conseils_a ux_familles_3104/adoption_internationale_2605/une_competence_pluridisc iplinaire_10110.html A personal site, with good pieces of informations for adoption in France : http://adoption-internationale.ifrance.com/ Switzerland http://www.espace-adoption.ch/f/index.php USA The adoption portal : http://www.adoption.com Krissi, a person which lives with ESRD and has adopted a young child in Ukrainia : http://www.worldadopt.org/ Tell me if you have other links about adoption, please !!! ;-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 7, 2005 Report Share Posted July 7, 2005 Hello Essie I'll find ASAP some pieces of informations about adoption in Finland. Let me just one second to sit and write you a message, won't you ? ;-) First of all, I understand very well the term giving up by giving up the idea of giving birth. But I really don't agree ethically to ask a woman to carry the baby. Excuse me to seem rude, but I think that it's exploit the woman's body, like if it were something you can buy. I'm really against this process, because it's, for me, like if you were asking to do some organ traffic. Sorry again to seem so rude, but I really think like that as an horror. I make a difference with adoption, where you give a family to a child which doesn't have family. I feel really more at ease with this idea than with the idea to ask someone to carry the baby for you has a notion of crme. It's not a crime by law in France, but it's completely illegal and you can even go to jail if they discovered that you have done that (5 years ago, a couple has been in jail because they asked a mother in the US to carry the baby. They spent 3 years in jail, treated as criminal and the children has been in foster care for all this time). I don't know the legality of this process in Finland, but I really don't advise you to do it because not only you'll have hard toubles with law, but what will you answer to your child when he'll ask you " Where do I come from ? " ? Take into account in your eflexion this kind of ethical problems, because when you'll ask the homestudy the social worker and the psychologist will ask you that kind of matters. In three words, give you the time to think about everything. My baby brother was adopted through open adoption, but, and I'll be very clear about that, we NEVER asked her mother to carry the baby for us ! NEVER NEVER NEVER !!!!!! She was pregnent at this time and didn't know what to do with the baby. She was only 17 years old, atruggling about paying food and so one, without medical insurance.... If daddy and his wife paid the agency, the agency paid for example, the medical expenses for 'biological mother. We received the phone call just a few days before my departure in Greece. It was a few days before 'birth. My father, his wife and 'biological parents choose his name. His official name is -Allan : because it can be pronunced as well in English and in French, and Allan was in honor of 'biological father. Please feel free to e-mail me whethever you want Cheers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 7, 2005 Report Share Posted July 7, 2005 Ok so have done a link folder about adoption :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 7, 2005 Report Share Posted July 7, 2005 , sorry if I've upset you. I didn't mean to... As I said, I haven't been _really_ thinking about other alternatives to have child - so the idea of having someone else carrying our baby wasn't something I've been thinking seriously (nor is the adobtion just yet) and that possibility just came to my mind and I wrote it in my message without giving it much thought. I don´'t even know if it's legal or not in Finland... (Actually the idea for that was raisen by my sister-in-law who once asked me how would I feel if eg. she would do that for us. She hadn't really been thinking the matter so much - it was just something that came out from her mouth .) Please, don't get me wrong, I DO take this matter very seriously but I just haven't yet thought these things in a level that I'm actually going to go forward with them. Well, I'm afraid the language-barrier (as English is not my native language) prevents me to make myself very clear but I hope you understand. Thank you very much for giving me a lot to think about. And thank you for searching the links! You are really an amazingly friendly person! - Essi > Hello Essie > I'll find ASAP some pieces of informations about adoption in Finland. > Let me just one second to sit and write you a message, won't you ? ;-) > > First of all, I understand very well the term giving up by giving up > the idea of giving birth. > But I really don't agree ethically to ask a woman to carry the baby. > Excuse me to seem rude, but I think that it's exploit the woman's body, > like if it were something you can buy. I'm really against this process, > because it's, for me, like if you were asking to do some organ traffic. > Sorry again to seem so rude, but I really think like that as an horror. > I make a difference with adoption, where you give a family to a child > which doesn't have family. I feel really more at ease with this idea > than with the idea to ask someone to carry the baby for you has a > notion of crme. > It's not a crime by law in France, but it's completely illegal and you > can even go to jail if they discovered that you have done that (5 years > ago, a couple has been in jail because they asked a mother in the US to > carry the baby. They spent 3 years in jail, treated as criminal and the > children has been in foster care for all this time). I don't know the > legality of this process in Finland, but I really don't advise you to > do it because not only you'll have hard toubles with law, but what will > you answer to your child when he'll ask you " Where do I come from ? " ? > Take into account in your eflexion this kind of ethical problems, > because when you'll ask the homestudy the social worker and the > psychologist will ask you that kind of matters. > In three words, give you the time to think about everything. > > My baby brother was adopted through open adoption, but, and I'll be > very clear about that, we NEVER asked her mother to carry the baby for > us ! NEVER NEVER NEVER !!!!!! > She was pregnent at this time and didn't know what to do with the baby. > She was only 17 years old, atruggling about paying food and so one, > without medical insurance.... If daddy and his wife paid the agency, > the agency paid for example, the medical expenses for 'biological > mother. We received the phone call just a few days before my departure > in Greece. It was a few days before 'birth. My father, his wife > and 'biological parents choose his name. His official name is > -Allan : because it can be pronunced as well in English > and in French, and Allan was in honor of 'biological father. > > > > Please feel free to e-mail me whethever you want > > Cheers > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2005 Report Share Posted July 8, 2005 Essie, darling You didn't upset me at all ! I just presented you why I don't agree ethically for asking someone else to carry the baby for you. English isn't my mother tongue too, I'm French So really don't worry ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2005 Report Share Posted July 8, 2005 , Thanks for the idea, but can you give me the link please ? I didn't find it. Ah yes, now I've done a folder for the US, so people can directly add the link into the folder. The folder is called " Adoption " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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