Guest guest Posted February 22, 2003 Report Share Posted February 22, 2003 In a message dated 2/22/2003 4:21:35 PM Eastern Standard Time, vhunnius@... writes: > But what should I SAY? I have no idea how to do that tactfully. Yes, I AM > intimidated by 6-yr-old NT kids! > > Jacquie > Is it possible to set up days and time limits for his visits ahead of time?? Like, ok, you can come over and play with on Tuesday for 2 hours (or one hour) and then maybe again Friday or Saturday. I can understand why you're intimidated, believe me. Does have certain things that he does during the day? Meaning, " You can't come over today because on Mondays has to ___________ " , or " You can only stay an hour today because has to do ____________________ " ?? Just trying to come up with suggestions. I know I've not reached that point yet with Evan but I'm sure I will. Big hugs to you and I wish you lots of luck. Debbie E Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2003 Report Share Posted February 22, 2003 How about setting limits before hand? You can play for ninety minutes, and then so and so needs to go home. Perhaps you can play later again if that works out. And just leave it at that. You are the adult, you make the decisions and set the limits. NT or not this other boy is a child and reasonable limits are something that all children need. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2003 Report Share Posted February 22, 2003 I'd tell him to go home once it became too much for (and at that age I'd say probably no more than an hour maybe an hour and a half). debbi what do you do when an NT kid has been at your house for three hours (apparently this kid comes and goes as he pleases -- wht IS it with people?) and you've finally decided on a time to drive him home (as it's a blizzard out there) and your ASD kid has had quite enough of this whole togetherness thing and has spent the past 45 minutes on the floor singing tunelessly while the NTplays with his toys, and THEN, when you go to drop the NT kid off at home he says " can come in and play you know, " and you know he really CAN'T because he's too stressed and overwhelmed, but he freaks out that you won't let him play with the NT for three MORe hours, during which he will probably melt down completely and alienate the first friend he's had a chance at having in a year???? I have SUCH a headache. Yes, Ben came back again today and stayed for a long time -- TOO long a time, in fact. What do you say when it's obvious the kid should go HOME, but you don't want to alienate the kid? This is my biggest problem - I don't know when to say that's it, Ben's gotta go, here's your hat what's your hurry. I need ADVICE! Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2003 Report Share Posted February 22, 2003 How about setting a time limit when the kid comes over? " Yes, Ben, you can come in and play with for an hour. " Or if the playdate is somehow arranged between you and his mom, " would love to have him come play for an hour and a half, but more than that and gets a little overwhelmed " You can do it Jacquie!! I know you can! Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2003 Report Share Posted February 22, 2003 with sebastian's friends come over we establish time limits at the beginning of a visit. when the time comes i give warning i.e. " start tidying up, it's almost time for so and so to go home. " then announce " alright so and so, time to go thanks for coming over " . then we sometimes make tentative arrangements for the next visit. i.e. if you don't want the kid back later that day " perhaps we'll see you tommorrow " or " perhaps we'll see you next week " whatever is appropriate. kids are pretty used to adults setting the pace and are generally accepting when you say it is time to go. don't be scared! ben probably also didn't care when eric was " done " with him and off on his own. he was probably just happy to be somewhere new playing with someone else's toys. you'll get the hang of it jacquie - i have faith in you! M.G.mum to Sebastian, 11 kinda quirky(NT) Rowan, 6 extra quirky (ASD) married to and living in Northern Ontario Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2003 Report Share Posted February 22, 2003 >> But what should I SAY? I have no idea how to do that tactfully. > Yes, I AM intimidated by 6-yr-old NT kids! > Most of us are, Jacquie! ;-) Maybe try setting a timer when he first gets there, explain that when it goes off play time is over and it will be time for him to go home. Then, as he is leaving, tell him you hope he will be able to come and play again tomorrow (or whenever). Raena Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2003 Report Share Posted February 22, 2003 LOL, I say " Okay, it's time to go home, now. " And that's that. I am the boss in my house and most kids don't need tact, just facts. debbi Re: what do you do > I'd tell him to go home once it became too much for (and at that > age I'd say probably no more than an hour maybe an hour and a half). > > debbi But what should I SAY? I have no idea how to do that tactfully. Yes, I AM intimidated by 6-yr-old NT kids! Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2003 Report Share Posted February 22, 2003 All kids do this. I usually say it's time for Dillon's bath, lunch, supper, homework ... whatever. Just be polite and firm. Kids really don't mind and they will stay until you send them home. I don't get it either. My kids have always had to check in every half hour (up to age 10) to hour. Amber is 18 (has a weekend job) and still checks in every couple of hours. Sissi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 23, 2003 Report Share Posted February 23, 2003 In a message dated 2/22/03 3:39:04 PM Eastern Standard Time, vhunnius@... writes: > . What do you say when it's obvious the kid should go HOME, but you don't > want to alienate the kid? Your mom called she says it's time to come home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 23, 2003 Report Share Posted February 23, 2003 when an NT kid has been at your house for three hours (apparently this kid comes and goes as he pleases -- wht IS it with people?) and you've finally decided on a time to drive him home (as it's a blizzard out there) and your ASD kid has had quite enough of this whole togetherness thing and has spent the past 45 minutes on the floor singing tunelessly while the NTplays with his toys, and THEN, when you go to drop the NT kid off at home he says " can come in and play you know, " and you know he really CAN'T because he's too stressed and overwhelmed, but he freaks out that you won't let him play with the NT for three MORe hours, during which he will probably melt down completely and alienate the first friend he's had a chance at having in a year???? I have SUCH a headache. Yes, Ben came back again today and stayed for a long time -- TOO long a time, in fact. What do you say when it's obvious the kid should go HOME, but you don't want to alienate the kid? This is my biggest problem - I don't know when to say that's it, Ben's gotta go, here's your hat what's your hurry. I need ADVICE! Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 23, 2003 Report Share Posted February 23, 2003 > I'd tell him to go home once it became too much for (and at that > age I'd say probably no more than an hour maybe an hour and a half). > > debbi But what should I SAY? I have no idea how to do that tactfully. Yes, I AM intimidated by 6-yr-old NT kids! Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 26, 2003 Report Share Posted February 26, 2003 > I get very nervous around NT kids Jacqui's age. I feel like they have some > sort of control over ME, but I need to have control over THEM. That is EXACTLY how I feel, Penny! EXACTLY! Oh, thank you. Now I don't feel quite so useless. :-) Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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