Anybody else here in the Houston area?

[Guest guest]

I recently posted that invasive ductal carcinoma was found bilaterally

upon biopsy of small tumors in my breasts, so then the next step was

surgery to remove sentinel lymph nodes and possibly a few others to see

if I was hopefully clean there... being that the tumors were tiny and did

not even show up on mammograms. I had every hope the lymph nodes were

clean and that by having a simple double mastectomy, I would not have to

deal with chemo or further treatment which I so feared.

The sentinel lymph node surgery was on March 1st, but once again, I was

thrown into shock by the resulting diagnosis. My breast surgeon says she

has been doing this for thirty years, yet still sees situations that are

different. She had been so sure this would be simple, starting on the

side with the tiniest tumor of all. Yet not only the sentinel node, but

all the others were " filthy " , and that goes for the other side as well.

She said she has never seen such an aggressive cancer create such a mess

in such a short time and thinks it is due to my immune system being so

poor and unable to fight anything off with all the stress I have been

under.

When I go back to have her examine my incisions later in the week, she

wants me to get into chemo treatments with utmost speed... no time to

waste. And she will order bone scans (can anyone tell me what that

entails?). Surgery will come later. I even forgot to ask her what " stage "

this latest diagnosis puts me at.

I just want to get these disease-ridden beasts (beasts/breasts) off my

chest, but now have to wait and endure my greatest fear... the effects of

chemo. You see, whenever I take meds of any kind, if there are side

effects, I always tend to get them. In fact, the night after this

surgery, I was sicker than a dog the entire night. If I had known I would

have such a bad allergic reaction to the anesthesia, I would have asked

to spend the night in the hospital. I was so miserable, I would have

drunk arsenic if it had been handy. Well, not really, but I would have

been sorely tempted. Thank god I finally got some sleep last night.

Is anybody else here in the Houston area? I would like to know someone in

similar circumstances to meet up with in person and compare notes, share

our cares and concerns, etc. I have not found a handy local support group

yet. I feel like I am on a roller coaster with unreliable overgreased

tracks, so there are surprises at every turn, especially when I want to

slow down and take it easy. I want some more control myself, but it is

all going too fast and it is much too bumpy. HELP!!

I do not mean to sound ungrateful for prayers, but I have other ideas

about religion and do not find strength in that. Yet do not judge me, as

I am a good and very caring person... but how do I find the strength to

deal with the fears? Does anyone else identify with what I am saying? In

other words, if you find strength in prayer, that is fine, and I will

gladly pray for you... but that is not a source of strength for me.

I really love and value life, although it really " sucks " at times, but I

sure need to feel I have support to get through times like these. You all

seem wonderful so far and I would like to reach out through cyberspace

with embrace you with a long warm hug. Together we may find strength in

numbers and caring.

Love,

Penny