New Here, a Guy Needing Help

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/7/2007 4:33:30 PM Central Standard Time,

jeff.laura@... writes:

> Maybe she would be willing to go if you agreed to have a physical

That's too funny you mentioned that. That is what I had to do to get my

Husband to get a colonoscopy. It took me 3 years to figure it out. I started

when he was 49 and finally I figured out a deal that worked. I offered to get

one, too. And I did!

hugs,

[Guest guest]

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Hugs

nne

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Re: New Here, a Guy Needing Help

There is a book by Marc Silver called

" In Sickness and In Health, The Breast

Cancer Husband " . I realize you are

talking about your mom (not your wife)

but I would think this would be of

great help and support to you.

The whole reason he wrote it in the

first place was because he had no

support for men. Not sure where to

get it (I'd just google it : )

Hope this helps!

- Jen in Alabama

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[Guest guest]

Wow. Family members; you just gotta love them through

their " issues " . You sound like a smart man and it looks like you

might need to just take control of both situations. Better to make a

few people angry or uncomfortable than the alternative. Take your

mom to lunch out away from your Dad. I bet that she'll appreciate

your honesty and feel that she's got a loving son who wants to be the

best help he can be. All you can do is tell her the truth about how

you feel about everything and ask her to help you help her and your

Dad. Your wife needs to go get a mammo and if she gets angry about

it so be it. Do any of you ladies out there know where he can get

reccurence and mortality stats based on stage found? Even without

the stats in hand all of us can tell you what you already know, which

it's better to know at stage 1 rather than stage 4! Has her mother

talked witn her about how important it is? Have you talked with your

mother-in-law about talking with your wife? It sounds like you might

have a great allie in that lady. I'll keep you in my thoughts and

prayers along with all of the rest of your family. Remember to

breathe during it all AND remember that our families don't do it to

make us crazy; the just do it because it's human.

>

> Hello, I am CB and am 40 something male. My mom is battling for her

> life right now and I really don't know how to help her or what to

say.

> She never got mammograms because she was past menopause and had

> breastfed 5 kids, so she figured no risk. So once they caught it,

there

> was already a lot of advancement. They did surgery and radiation,

but

> she declined chemotherapy. There are spots in her lungs that to me

look

> like BBs on the x-rays. Latest is a new tumor that has grown up

> directly below the scar from her initial surgery on her chest.

>

> So I'm dealing with a few things. One is that I don't know how to

talk

> to my mom about it. I get embarrassed even saying the word 'breast'

> around her, I know that is silly but I'm trying to be honest. I

also

> don't know how to talk with her about death and making plans. Sure

I

> want a miracle, but the Drs are not holding out much hope. I don't

know

> how to find out what plans she wants to make and all of that

without

> sounding like I have given up on her, which I haven't. My father is

in

> his own world and just says she is 'having female problems'. He has

> actually said not to use the word cancer in his house because 'they

> don't know everything'. He suggested that maybe they were just

saying

> she has cancer as a way to make money because 'she looks fine'. To

top

> it off, all of the support networks around here are exclusive to

women,

> and I understand that totally. But guys have to deal with this as

well

> and it's tough with no resources.

>

> Finally, my own wife's mother had double mastectomy about 5 yrs

ago.

> Doing great now because they caught everything early. But my wife

flat

> out refuses to have a mammogram and it scares me so badly. She is

of

> the genuine belief that the two causes of breast cancer are birth

> control pills, which she doesn't take, and the radiation from the

> mammograms. She is not a bumpkin, she is a bright intelligent

> professional woman, but she has formulated this scenario where she

is

> not at risk. Just like my mother did. I don't think I could go on

> without her, but if I argue with her and try to force her to go,

she

> just gets firmer in her refusal.

>

> So this is a lot, and I'm not trying to throw all this onto

strangers.

> But I am open and willing to listen to any advice from folks who

have

> been there. Especially I would like to hear from other guys.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Guy:

Well, i pretty much understand your wife, you see illness, but never think you

will be sick. I am 33 years old, just diagnosticad in june, when i was 32, i had

never take birth control pills, i guess my mistake was didn't have a child

before 30, i just met the men of my life when i was 32, how i suppose to think

in have kids before, now i can't, because i am so young my cancer is very

agressive and of course hormon-dependent, too late to have kids i am in chemo, i

already had a mastectomy and going to have another mastectomy and i am going to

have my ovaries remove, i just try to said, that be in a group that increase

your risk or not doesn't mean anything, is better be sure you have nothing than

pretend you not. Respect to your mom, is it difficult for you talk about it, why

you don't ask your wife to talk to her, maybe she can do it.

Well guy, take care, Anggy.

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