Thoughts on A Day as a Senior at High School

October 13, 2006

Dear Yuka,

I hope is gratified to know he is noticed and respected for his

talents. He should be. And knowing this may allow him to spread his focus more

onto his peers. I've seen Di (sometimes grudginly, sometimes wistfully,) come

to

an acceptance that this is 'how it is' for her. And yet, when given the

opportunity, I've heard (and overheard) she can party with the best of them.

(well, she is her mother's daughter-some of that stuff had to cross over) Yet,

her need to achieve is paramount in school, and with homework; and like ,

I believe, it takes and she gives all her focus to that.

My point is that I don't know that your other boys' school experiences would

have worked well for . would not have fared well in those other

situations. Too much banter, thinking quickly and off the top of the head,

too much non-literal conversation to process, not enough structure. Our kids

seem by nature to be goal-oriented in school. So maybe when push comes to

shove, that's what they're most comfortable with, because that's where they can

perform the best.

>> had a very academic focusing DHH teacher for 3-5th grade, and his

mainstream teacher in 6th was much the same. Now I can see that my other sons

had teachers that fostered group work/time - exchange of a variety of ideas

(which 's teachers would have seen as unproductive) and how that would have

helped. <<< (- I learned to insert these little dweebies from you ;-)

<<<<<< those thingies. ;-)>>>>

Love,

in Ma. ( 21 yrs)

October 13, 2006

Yuka-

What wonderful insight! I'm not surprised that Elliot is attentive to these

comments from classmates and shares them with you. Wonderful brother! It's

illuminating to hear how the social interactions are impacted by that

determination and focus that serves our kids so well in other areas. May I

share this with Aubrie's social worker who is trying to understand her

socially?

Michele W

_____

From: CHARGE [mailto:CHARGE ] On Behalf Of

Yuka Persico

Sent: Friday, October 13, 2006 9:49 AM

To: CHARGE

Subject: Thoughts on A Day as a Senior at High School

Up until now we had joked in our family that 's lack of social

opportunity was framed by his tendency to perseverate, to have slightly

off-putting choices of conversation and habits, and by his slightly

compulsive habits in terms of his school work and the support of his school

work. His sheer focus and determination while navigating the halls of school

do not lend themselves to social banter. Speech Therapists have worked on

pragmatics in language and articulation, wondering why that hasn't improved

the social scene. This school year 's younger brother is at the same

school with and for the first time I have a chance to see

through eyes outside of teachers and translators inside the classroom. I

started to become aware that the behaviors are a demonstration of something

deeper. I started to use the words " discernment " and " judgment " .

didn't seem to be able to discern or judge who would be a potential friend.

Then I looked at other behaviors he has - how infrequently he takes the

opportunity to re-evaluate something, how he just proceeds with persistence

and patience any plan. Whether it is in a table game with friends, selecting

new aircrafts on a video game or alternating breaks and homework time - he

sets a pattern and sticks to it without judgment, without attachment without

re-evaluation. Things we had previously witnessed under the umbrella of

" compulsion " . Now I am starting to have a glimpse of why he hasn't developed

those skills - or rather what he has been focusing his energy on in such a

primary way as to exclude time from developing these skills.

In just the seven weeks since this school term started I have learned so

much about (our son with CHARGE who is senior at high school) daily

through Elliot's ('s younger brother who is now a freshman/ninth grader

at the same high school) eyes and ears. Half what Elliot sees and half what

he hears from 's classmates that are in some of Elliot's classes. Some

of it breaks my heart. One girl today asked Elliot if he was 's brother

(this story has been happening two or three times a week with different kids

approaching Elliot). She told Elliot she is in 's AP Govt class. She

also said she has been in many of his classes since seventh grade. She told

Elliot that is one of the nicest guys and is known by all the 'smart'

kids because he is such a nice and smart kid. When Elliot asked if he

knew , he wasn't sure. Elliot described her, and wasn't sure.

Elliot told the whole story, which made happy and also made him laugh,

and then said " maybe she sits in front of me. " This and other stories

like it make me realize how hard works to attend in class - to the

teacher, to the sign language translator, to keeping with physically

navigating, his physical school supplies and everything else. I really don't

know how he does it. His brace makes everything quite difficult. So after he

kneels and leans enough to get stuff out of his rolling backpack (with which

he regularly runs over other students) he had to position himself in the

chair in such a way that he can still see his paper enough to take notes yet

not be strangled too much by the brace, and also keep his head in a spot

where the FM system is giving him the least amount of static, keep his eye

on the interpreter, his eyes and ears on the teacher, his eyes on other

visual supports and his note paper. It was all consuming enough before the

brace. It's no wonder he hasn't had the time to notice that several students

have been in several classes with him each year for six years! So I chose my

words carefully - and we talked about how different 's school

experience is. How much I admire his determination and his success. How I

always knew it was a given that he works hard, and yet I felt as if for the

first time I really could feel how consuming the effort is. And I think it

opened 's eyes to the possibilities he hasn't seen. He was pleased at

least of evidence of being known and liked in a way that resonated as true.

yuka

October 13, 2006

Up until now we had joked in our family that 's lack of social opportunity

was framed by his tendency to perseverate, to have slightly off-putting choices

of conversation and habits, and by his slightly compulsive habits in terms of

his school work and the support of his school work. His sheer focus and

determination while navigating the halls of school do not lend themselves to

social banter. Speech Therapists have worked on pragmatics in language and

articulation, wondering why that hasn't improved the social scene. This school

year 's younger brother is at the same school with and for the first

time I have a chance to see through eyes outside of teachers and

translators inside the classroom. I started to become aware that the behaviors

are a demonstration of something deeper. I started to use the words

" discernment " and " judgment " . didn't seem to be able to discern or judge

who would be a potential friend. Then I looked at other behaviors he has - how

infrequently he takes the opportunity to re-evaluate something, how he just

proceeds with persistence and patience any plan. Whether it is in a table game

with friends, selecting new aircrafts on a video game or alternating breaks and

homework time - he sets a pattern and sticks to it without judgment, without

attachment without re-evaluation. Things we had previously witnessed under the

umbrella of " compulsion " . Now I am starting to have a glimpse of why he

hasn't developed those skills - or rather what he has been focusing his energy

on in such a primary way as to exclude time from developing these skills.

In just the seven weeks since this school term started I have learned so much

about (our son with CHARGE who is senior at high school) daily through

Elliot's ('s younger brother who is now a freshman/ninth grader at the same

high school) eyes and ears. Half what Elliot sees and half what he hears from

's classmates that are in some of Elliot's classes. Some of it breaks my

heart. One girl today asked Elliot if he was 's brother (this story has

been happening two or three times a week with different kids approaching

Elliot). She told Elliot she is in 's AP Govt class. She also said she

has been in many of his classes since seventh grade. She told Elliot that

is one of the nicest guys and is known by all the 'smart' kids because he is

such a nice and smart kid. When Elliot asked if he knew , he

wasn't sure. Elliot described her, and wasn't sure. Elliot told the

whole story, which made happy and also made him laugh, and then said

" maybe she sits in front of me. " This and other stories like it make me realize

how hard works to attend in class - to the teacher, to the sign language

translator, to keeping with physically navigating, his physical school supplies

and everything else. I really don't know how he does it. His brace makes

everything quite difficult. So after he kneels and leans enough to get stuff

out of his rolling backpack (with which he regularly runs over other students)

he had to position himself in the chair in such a way that he can still see his

paper enough to take notes yet not be strangled too much by the brace, and also

keep his head in a spot where the FM system is giving him the least amount of

static, keep his eye on the interpreter, his eyes and ears on the teacher, his

eyes on other visual supports and his note paper. It was all consuming enough

before the brace. It's no wonder he hasn't had the time to notice that several

students have been in several classes with him each year for six years! So I

chose my words carefully - and we talked about how different 's school

experience is. How much I admire his determination and his success. How I

always knew it was a given that he works hard, and yet I felt as if for the

first time I really could feel how consuming the effort is. And I think it

opened 's eyes to the possibilities he hasn't seen. He was pleased at least

of evidence of being known and liked in a way that resonated as true.

yuka

October 13, 2006

absolutely! I hope that this story will inspire proactive solutions and

interventions that can be incorporated at an earlier age. I wish I knew what

those might be )

had a very academic focusing DHH teacher for 3-5th grade, and his

mainstream teacher in 6th was much the same. Now I can see that my other sons

had teachers that fostered group work/time - exchange of a variety of ideas

(which 's teachers would have seen as unproductive) and how that would have

helped. Also, PE, an arena that is mostly social for my other two boys is

supremely effortful for . So though he has the praise of his instructors,

he never had social time there either.....

**sigh*** it is as it is, full of blessings all the same. Recognizing the loss

though is an adjustment....