Guest guest Posted March 25, 2007 Report Share Posted March 25, 2007 had the happy-go-lucky innocence in abundance until sixth grade - he went with everything with a smile on his face and an upbeat style - it was as though he knew his very life was a gift and he wasn't going to waste anytime worrying about it..... he is still that way about his medical conditions and his extraordinary school work load and demands......his earnestness and innocence have never changed. But it seems this very thing that safeguards him through all his effort and endurance is the same thing that lays him so vulnerable to the indifference of his peers. He just looks at them with all the openness, innocence and puzzlement of a foreigner unable to understand why something they said was so funny. It took a while for this to take its toll. First he pretended it wasn't happening by narrating things incorrectly. Gradually he learned to become self conscious about some things, started to fall into more rigid patterns of activity at school and learned to sense when the other person was being painfully polite. The last was the worst. For about two years I witnessed many times where he would sense it and he would start to speak with urgency and agitation, which made the overly polite person who only was listening to be polite in the first place even less comfortable. He'd become more exaggerated and they'd start to position their body more neutrally until it looked as though they were not even standing with him, then they'd walk away. He would continue to talk for a little bit longer before he'd stop. That all stopped once he had his own true friend at school. I have been studying his friendship with his 'brightest star " . She is medically unremarkable, independent, mature, academically proficient, incredibly creative and capable. She also has a personal family history that is fraught with tragedies, each unbelievable in it's scope, any one of which would define any childhood. What I notice is that she (like 's brothers) deals " straight across " . Nothing surprises her and she accepts whatever is and looks deeper. Her gaze of eye and heart does not avert - there is nothing unsafe to say or reveal. Initially (she transferred into the school this school year) she was a haven and magnet for the kids at the school that needed a friend with a heart and ear as open, accepting and courageous as hers, included. But as the year has passed, what I notice is that alone has the stamina and ability to return the favor. The other kids needed what she offers, but they could not give her the same - and she needs and deserves the same. Not easy to come by in high school. So and she are uniquely suited. The sweetest words I heard were from the school counselor the other day. and his friend both fall under her care by the coincidence of their last names being in the last half of the alphabet. We were talking about 's friend and she mentioned to me that she noticed and his friend having lunch together every day. I said how happy I was, and before I could finish the sentence she said she was incredibly happy about it as well. She said she was so happy that 's friend had a friend like - she really needed a good friend, and is such a good person. has a strength to offer. It is wonderful. And they have a genuine friendship - where they both ask and they both offer, all their wounds are accepted and they are equals. Her father is as enchanted and indebted to for their friendship as we are enchanted and indebted to her for their friendship. <3 yuka Re: Aubrie's hips Whenever I get feeling overwhelmed with the " what if's " and " how's this gonna work out? " , I just look at Kennedy with her happy little ways, not knowing any different and I am thankful for every day of her innocence. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 25, 2007 Report Share Posted March 25, 2007 Yuka, Oh how wonderful. Bonnie, Mom to Kris 23, Patty CHARGE 21 and wife to ************************************** AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free from AOL at http://www.aol.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 25, 2007 Report Share Posted March 25, 2007 DEar Yuka, it is 9:22 and you have me in happy tears--for , his friend, and humanity. may it be so for everyone. I am especially touched as I have just responded to Casey's post which makes me mad--the not deaf enough thing--and I was relaying my own experiences with the deaf and db communities here and a recent event. I just don't understand exclusion based on a difference--any difference. pam Innocence had the happy-go-lucky innocence in abundance until sixth grade - he went with everything with a smile on his face and an upbeat style - it was as though he knew his very life was a gift and he wasn't going to waste anytime worrying about it..... he is still that way about his medical conditions and his extraordinary school work load and demands......his earnestness and innocence have never changed. But it seems this very thing that safeguards him through all his effort and endurance is the same thing that lays him so vulnerable to the indifference of his peers. He just looks at them with all the openness, innocence and puzzlement of a foreigner unable to understand why something they said was so funny. It took a while for this to take its toll. First he pretended it wasn't happening by narrating things incorrectly. Gradually he learned to become self conscious about some things, started to fall into more rigid patterns of activity at school and learned to sense when the other person was being painfully polite. The last was the worst. For about two years I witnessed many times where he would sense it and he would start to speak with urgency and agitation, which made the overly polite person who only was listening to be polite in the first place even less comfortable. He'd become more exaggerated and they'd start to position their body more neutrally until it looked as though they were not even standing with him, then they'd walk away. He would continue to talk for a little bit longer before he'd stop. That all stopped once he had his own true friend at school. I have been studying his friendship with his 'brightest star " . She is medically unremarkable, independent, mature, academically proficient, incredibly creative and capable. She also has a personal family history that is fraught with tragedies, each unbelievable in it's scope, any one of which would define any childhood. What I notice is that she (like 's brothers) deals " straight across " . Nothing surprises her and she accepts whatever is and looks deeper. Her gaze of eye and heart does not avert - there is nothing unsafe to say or reveal. Initially (she transferred into the school this school year) she was a haven and magnet for the kids at the school that needed a friend with a heart and ear as open, accepting and courageous as hers, included. But as the year has passed, what I notice is that alone has the stamina and ability to return the favor. The other kids needed what she offers, but they could not give her the same - and she needs and deserves the same. Not easy to come by in high school. So and she are uniquely suited. The sweetest words I heard were from the school counselor the other day. and his friend both fall under her care by the coincidence of their last names being in the last half of the alphabet. We were talking about 's friend and she mentioned to me that she noticed and his friend having lunch together every day. I said how happy I was, and before I could finish the sentence she said she was incredibly happy about it as well. She said she was so happy that 's friend had a friend like - she really needed a good friend, and is such a good person. has a strength to offer. It is wonderful. And they have a genuine friendship - where they both ask and they both offer, all their wounds are accepted and they are equals. Her father is as enchanted and indebted to for their friendship as we are enchanted and indebted to her for their friendship. <3 yuka Re: Aubrie's hips Whenever I get feeling overwhelmed with the " what if's " and " how's this gonna work out? " , I just look at Kennedy with her happy little ways, not knowing any different and I am thankful for every day of her innocence. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 25, 2007 Report Share Posted March 25, 2007 Yuka- That is the kind of relationship we all dream of for ourselves and our kids - one in which both parties are valued and give and get exactly what they need at any given time. I appreciated hearing how 's innocence has developed and affected his relationships through the years. Aubrie has the same quality. She simply cannot comprehend " mean " or " unkind " . She is beginning to understand that others can and do behave that way -- but she still has no understanding of why. And she certainly could never behave that way herself. She is absolutely incapable of it. Wouldn't it be nice if more of were that way? I would never knowingly be mean or unkind - but I am capable of it if I am not paying attention and act according to my own feelings without regarding another. Aubrie cannot be mean - even when she is not paying attention. She simply cannot become so absorbed in her own thoughts and feelings that she would disregard another. So she can't understand how it is that others do that - even though she is becoming witness to it among her friends. Michele W Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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