Re: Cheerleading for parents...

[Guest guest]

realy powerful cris

>

> By Dan Coulter

>

> I've had a taste of acclaim a number of times in my life.

>

> The first time that stands out was riding on the bus to an " away "

> basketball game in junior high school. The cheerleaders were doing

> that " Bill, Bill, he's our man, if he can't do it, can... "

> thing where they go through the names of everyone on the team. Even

> though I was on the second string and the girl leading the cheer had

> to refer to the program at each name to make sure she didn't miss

> anyone, it was very heady stuff to hear, " Stan, Stan, he's our man,

> if he can't do it, Dan can! Dan, Dan, He's our man " Of course, it

> was only five seconds of fame, followed by the unsettling assurance

> that if I couldn't do it, the next guy down the roster could.

> Still, for those few seconds, I got to hear my name chanted by a

> busload of cheerleaders and imagine I was the subject of hero

> worship.

>

> Everyone could use that kind of positive reinforcement once in a

> while. Trouble is, we rarely get it when we most deserve it.

>

> This week, I was reading an autism-related magazine and was really

> drawn into an article about parents who were devoting tremendous

> amounts of time and effort to helping their kids who are on the

> spectrum. I admired these parents. They really deserved to be

> written up, especially in a magazine that's read by people who can

> appreciate their situation.

>

> It made me think about all the other parents of kids on the spectrum

> who are trying their best, but often get met with criticism or

> misunderstanding.

>

> Raising a child who's on the autism spectrum is tough. To be fair,

> it's hard for anyone who hasn't been involved to understand just how

> tough it is. When my son, Drew, was in grade school, he hadn't yet

> been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. We were working under the

> diagnoses of " communication handicapped " and " ADHD. " I remember

> talking with a colleague at my office, describing his difficult

> behaviors. Her reaction was, " But isn't that just normal boy

> stuff? " No echoes of cheerleaders chanting my name in that

> conversation.

>

> Because most people don't understand what's involved, we parents of

> kids on the spectrum have a smaller universe of people who can

> appreciate what we do. I was talking with Lori Shery, president of

> the ASPEN support group, the other day about the things that special

> needs support groups have to offer. One of the things she mentioned

> was sharing our kids' accomplishments at meetings, " Other parents

> might say, `Well, that's no big deal,' but it is, it's a very big

> deal to us. "

>

> People who don't appreciate what's involved can't give us the

> positive reinforcement that can help us through the tough times.

> The more alone you are, the easier it is to doubt yourself or wonder

> if you're making the right decisions.

>

> That's why I think it's important to be a part of a community of

> people who understand. While we're working to educate the world

> about our kids, it really helps to be in contact with people who

> already have a clue.

>

> Support groups can be great. We're members of the ASPEN

> organization, the MAAP organization and the local chapter of the

> Autism Society of America, among others. ASPEN and MAAP focus on

> higher-functioning conditions on the autism spectrum, such as

> Asperger Syndrome, while the ASA addresses the entire spectrum.

>

> Because we've been involved with ASPEN the longest, I'll say a few

> words about how it's helped us. We joined a local ASPEN chapter

> while we lived in New Jersey and kept our membership when we moved

> to North Carolina. In New Jersey, my wife, , and I took turns

> going to the meetings so one of us could stay home with our kids. I

> remember how reassuring the ASPEN meetings were; especially right

> after Drew was diagnosed. Professionals came to the meetings to

> speak and answer questions. Later, parents could trade info and

> compare notes. Every time we realized we were doing something

> right, it helped lower our anxiety level.

>

> I also subscribe to a number of online autism-related forums where

> people share information, concerns and support. Online forums are

> great because you can access them from wherever you live.

>

> So here's my pitch.

>

> Let's all make it a point to compliment another parent every chance

> we get on what he or she is doing. I don't mean just when you see

> them do something outstanding. Look for something they're doing

> that you agree with or admire and let them know. Maybe you'll tell

> a support group leader you really appreciate her volunteering to

> organize and run meetings. Maybe you'll tell another parent who

> shared a difficulty that you appreciate how he dealt with the

> situation. Maybe you'll hug your spouse and say how much you

> appreciate his or her patience. But look for opportunities to give

> that jolt of encouragement and approval.

>

> It costs us nothing, but it can mean the world. And praising others

> may just spark someone to tell you what a great job you're doing

> when you really need to hear it.

>

> If the moment's really special, you may just capture that junior

> high school feeling of having a whole squad of cheerleaders chanting

> your name.

>

> I bet you deserve it.

>

>

>