Chrystine has several major surgeries soon. and the depression...

[Guest guest]

First, I'd like to say, that this email is very heartfelt and painfully

truthful. I will admit somethings here even to myself. Chrystine's health has

been very precarious lately. Until recently, I thought we were invincible. I am

not invincible. In the last several months, she has been fitted for AFO's for

her legs and ankles, been hospitalized for 2 back to back bladder and kidney

infections, ecoli and enterabacter, and a blood infection that I almost lost

my daughter to. Baby Hope Peavey's passing moved me in a way that I cannot

express. It tore my heart out. Yesterday, we met her urologist in Cincinnati

who believes she has a tethered cord that must be fixed in a neurological

spinal surgery and aggressive surgery (ASAP) to remove her left kidney, left

ureter, put a semi-permanent catheter in her bladder, and a stint in her right

ureter. A couple weeks ago, I had decided to " take myself off " my depression

medication. I thought it wasn't working anyways given my feelings... Several

days later, I drove myself into a ditch. I don't know what I was attempting to

do. I was alone in my car. I think I was attempting to feel pain... I

seriously contemplated suicide. When I got home that evening, I opened my

emails and

found Yuka's post on Chronic Sorrow, and I believe it saved my life. I began

taking my medication again. I wanted to thank all of you for being out there

somewhere and listening to me come in and out of this group. I hope that if

I am judged for my recent behaviors, that you will find it in your hearts to

forgive me. And, I would like to personally thank you Yuka for that post. On

that evening, that email may have meant everything.

chrystal

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[Guest guest]

Dear Chrystal,

I am so sorry to hear that life is so hard on you during these times. I also

can relate to long-

term " clinical " depression. It can wear very deep paths into our brains.

One thing that might help you to feel a little better, is that it can be

dangerous to just stop anti-depressant

medications. They can require a lengthy time of cutting down slowly on

dosage until you are

finally weaned off. and if this is not done slowly, it can cause big

emotional dips.

Even though you may not have felt any help from them, you may have left

your system " high

and dry " with no " coping " chemicals to be had, if you stopped too quickly.

So, this may have contributed to the intense low you experienced. I think

it's better to know

that this is a distinct possibility rather than your having to think that

the depression may have

gotten so deep all on it's own.

(((hugs)))

in Ma. (, 21 yrs old)

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[Guest guest]

Yes I do want to echo stopping meds are dangerous, esspecialy if your

on a higher dosage will make you drop worse then before you were on

it, it has to do with the chemical balance.

You may want to talk to your doctor about exploring different

mediccations and also, its ok to still feel sad and depressed when on

the meds, the meds arent nessisarily to stop you from feeling that

way, they are there so you can be a little bit more emotionaly under

control while you also find other types of coping like therapy and

such.

Chantelle

> Dear Chrystal,

>

> I am so sorry to hear that life is so hard on you during these times. I also

> can relate to long-

> term " clinical " depression. It can wear very deep paths into our brains.

> One thing that might help you to feel a little better, is that it can be

> dangerous to just stop anti-depressant

--

http://spacecatsgarden.blogspot.com/ => My blog space

" I let my mind out to wander, and it never came back! " ~ unknown

[Guest guest]

Crystal,

I can¹t imagine anyone would judge you for things we may have all

contemplated‹life can get very hard and raising children with significant

medical needs takes it¹s toll. You are the first to support others and know

that I, for one, would never judge your actions. You are too full of love

and compassion to do it to others, so others won¹t do it to you.

Take good care and you have a big cyberfamily here with you

pam

>

>

>

>

> First, I'd like to say, that this email is very heartfelt and painfully

> truthful. I will admit somethings here even to myself. Chrystine's health has

> been very precarious lately. Until recently, I thought we were invincible. I

> am

> not invincible. In the last several months, she has been fitted for AFO's for

> her legs and ankles, been hospitalized for 2 back to back bladder and kidney

> infections, ecoli and enterabacter, and a blood infection that I almost lost

> my daughter to. Baby Hope Peavey's passing moved me in a way that I cannot

> express. It tore my heart out. Yesterday, we met her urologist in Cincinnati

> who believes she has a tethered cord that must be fixed in a neurological

> spinal surgery and aggressive surgery (ASAP) to remove her left kidney, left

> ureter, put a semi-permanent catheter in her bladder, and a stint in her

> right

> ureter. A couple weeks ago, I had decided to " take myself off " my depression

> medication. I thought it wasn't working anyways given my feelings... Several

> days later, I drove myself into a ditch. I don't know what I was attempting

> to

> do. I was alone in my car. I think I was attempting to feel pain... I

> seriously contemplated suicide. When I got home that evening, I opened my

> emails and

> found Yuka's post on Chronic Sorrow, and I believe it saved my life. I began

> taking my medication again. I wanted to thank all of you for being out there

> somewhere and listening to me come in and out of this group. I hope that if

> I am judged for my recent behaviors, that you will find it in your hearts to

> forgive me. And, I would like to personally thank you Yuka for that post. On

> that evening, that email may have meant everything.

> chrystal

>

>

> ************************************** AOL now offers free email to everyone.

> Find out more about what's free from AOL at http://www.aol.com.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Chrystal,

As hard as I try not to make judgements, I feel many things as I

read your email and the strongest one is ADMIRATION. This message

board is a lifeline for so many of us and when someone is as honest

as you are being you make it possible for the rest of us to face our

same fears and other feelings we can't even name. There are many of

us who read and only post occasionally but read our sentiments being

expressed more eloquently than we ever could write them by Yuka, in

particular, and everyone else here.

I am so sorry that you are feeling this pain and I hope you know

that there are many people, myself for one, who are crying with you

and trying to share this pain with you so you won't be alone on this

road.

Janay

Rasha's Mom

>

> First, I'd like to say, that this email is very heartfelt and

painfully

> truthful. I will admit somethings here even to myself.

Chrystine's health has

> been very precarious lately. Until recently, I thought we were

invincible. I am

> not invincible. In the last several months, she has been fitted

for AFO's for

> her legs and ankles, been hospitalized for 2 back to back bladder

and kidney

> infections, ecoli and enterabacter, and a blood infection that I

almost lost

> my daughter to. Baby Hope Peavey's passing moved me in a way that

I cannot

> express. It tore my heart out. Yesterday, we met her urologist in

Cincinnati

> who believes she has a tethered cord that must be fixed in a

neurological

> spinal surgery and aggressive surgery (ASAP) to remove her left

kidney, left

> ureter, put a semi-permanent catheter in her bladder, and a stint

in her right

> ureter. A couple weeks ago, I had decided to " take myself off " my

depression

> medication. I thought it wasn't working anyways given my

feelings... Several

> days later, I drove myself into a ditch. I don't know what I was

attempting to

> do. I was alone in my car. I think I was attempting to feel

pain... I

> seriously contemplated suicide. When I got home that evening, I

opened my emails and

> found Yuka's post on Chronic Sorrow, and I believe it saved my

life. I began

> taking my medication again. I wanted to thank all of you for

being out there

> somewhere and listening to me come in and out of this group. I

hope that if

> I am judged for my recent behaviors, that you will find it in

your hearts to

> forgive me. And, I would like to personally thank you Yuka for

that post. On

> that evening, that email may have meant everything.

> chrystal

>

>

>

>

> ************************************** AOL now offers free email

to everyone.

> Find out more about what's free from AOL at http://www.aol.com.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

all i no is that chrystine cant live with out you xxxxxxxxxx

>

> Chrystal,

>

> As hard as I try not to make judgements, I feel many things as I

> read your email and the strongest one is ADMIRATION. This message

> board is a lifeline for so many of us and when someone is as honest

> as you are being you make it possible for the rest of us to face our

> same fears and other feelings we can't even name. There are many of

> us who read and only post occasionally but read our sentiments being

> expressed more eloquently than we ever could write them by Yuka, in

> particular, and everyone else here.

>

> I am so sorry that you are feeling this pain and I hope you know

> that there are many people, myself for one, who are crying with you

> and trying to share this pain with you so you won't be alone on this

> road.

>

> Janay

> Rasha's Mom

>

>

> >

> > First, I'd like to say, that this email is very heartfelt and

> painfully

> > truthful. I will admit somethings here even to myself.

> Chrystine's health has

> > been very precarious lately. Until recently, I thought we were

> invincible. I am

> > not invincible. In the last several months, she has been fitted

> for AFO's for

> > her legs and ankles, been hospitalized for 2 back to back bladder

> and kidney

> > infections, ecoli and enterabacter, and a blood infection that I

> almost lost

> > my daughter to. Baby Hope Peavey's passing moved me in a way that

> I cannot

> > express. It tore my heart out. Yesterday, we met her urologist in

> Cincinnati

> > who believes she has a tethered cord that must be fixed in a

> neurological

> > spinal surgery and aggressive surgery (ASAP) to remove her left

> kidney, left

> > ureter, put a semi-permanent catheter in her bladder, and a stint

> in her right

> > ureter. A couple weeks ago, I had decided to " take myself off " my

> depression

> > medication. I thought it wasn't working anyways given my

> feelings... Several

> > days later, I drove myself into a ditch. I don't know what I was

> attempting to

> > do. I was alone in my car. I think I was attempting to feel

> pain... I

> > seriously contemplated suicide. When I got home that evening, I

> opened my emails and

> > found Yuka's post on Chronic Sorrow, and I believe it saved my

> life. I began

> > taking my medication again. I wanted to thank all of you for

> being out there

> > somewhere and listening to me come in and out of this group. I

> hope that if

> > I am judged for my recent behaviors, that you will find it in

> your hearts to

> > forgive me. And, I would like to personally thank you Yuka for

> that post. On

> > that evening, that email may have meant everything.

> > chrystal

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ************************************** AOL now offers free email

> to everyone.

> > Find out more about what's free from AOL at http://www.aol.com.

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Chrystal,

I want you to know I am always here to listen when ever you need to

talk. I am on the Yahoo messanger, and MSN Messanger if you need

anything. I will also email you my phone number on your myspace

account. You are more then welcome to call if you can and need to. I

know how hard it can be sometimes. I lost a lot of friendships since

I had Eva and my internet is my lifeline and I would be so upset if

we miss the confernece this year and I dont get to meet all the

wonderful people I meet here.

You and Chrystine and always in my thoughts and prayers. She is one

of my little heroes (video on Eva's site).

Hugs to you all,

Crystal and Eva

>

> First, I'd like to say, that this email is very heartfelt and

painfully

> truthful. I will admit somethings here even to myself.

Chrystine's health has

> been very precarious lately. Until recently, I thought we were

invincible. I am

> not invincible. In the last several months, she has been fitted

for AFO's for

> her legs and ankles, been hospitalized for 2 back to back bladder

and kidney

> infections, ecoli and enterabacter, and a blood infection that I

almost lost

> my daughter to. Baby Hope Peavey's passing moved me in a way that

I cannot

> express. It tore my heart out. Yesterday, we met her urologist in

Cincinnati

> who believes she has a tethered cord that must be fixed in a

neurological

> spinal surgery and aggressive surgery (ASAP) to remove her left

kidney, left

> ureter, put a semi-permanent catheter in her bladder, and a stint

in her right

> ureter. A couple weeks ago, I had decided to " take myself off " my

depression

> medication. I thought it wasn't working anyways given my

feelings... Several

> days later, I drove myself into a ditch. I don't know what I was

attempting to

> do. I was alone in my car. I think I was attempting to feel

pain... I

> seriously contemplated suicide. When I got home that evening, I

opened my emails and

> found Yuka's post on Chronic Sorrow, and I believe it saved my

life. I began

> taking my medication again. I wanted to thank all of you for

being out there

> somewhere and listening to me come in and out of this group. I

hope that if

> I am judged for my recent behaviors, that you will find it in

your hearts to

> forgive me. And, I would like to personally thank you Yuka for

that post. On

> that evening, that email may have meant everything.

> chrystal

>

>

>

>

> ************************************** AOL now offers free email

to everyone.

> Find out more about what's free from AOL at http://www.aol.com.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Chrystal-

No judgements here. I can't tell you how many times I wondered if it would

be better for my family if I just drove into a ditch or a concrete wall or

something. Really. Truly. I never did it, but I do know what brought you

to that place. If we are honest with ourselves, I think most of us can

easily imagine your desperation and despair.

It was difficult for me in the early years to figure out if the

anti-depressant was helping or not. Indeed, if I was truly depressed or

not. I mean, who wouldn't cry daily given the circumstances, right? And no

amount of medication will remove the circumstances. But - some medication

to keep your brain flowing properly can help us deal with the circumstances

in a reasonable and rational way - which may involve tears.

So know that you are not alone. You are not judged. In fact, I commend you

for sharing so openly something that is so difficult to face.

Hugs-

Michele W

Aubrie's mom

[Guest guest]

Hi Chrystal.. I know not taking my meds makes me go psycho... I cry for no

reason and feel horrible. i have honestly lost friends from being so

paranodi and psycho when ive got off them

" hugs "

Belinda