Guest guest Posted March 21, 2007 Report Share Posted March 21, 2007 , I had a rough period when Kennedy was younger and went on medication for a period. It helped me and I stopped taking it when I felt I didn't need it anymore. I don't think it's abnormal to be depressed when you have a child with CHARGE, it's a lot to take in and deal with. I found medication very helpful and I don't think there's a thing wrong with reaching out for help when you need it. Sending hugs, > > Dear - > > Speaking for myself, being depressed as a CHARGE mom is totally normal. > For me part of it was the sheer depletion and exhaustion of getting through > the early years - it takes everything we have and then more - it is a time > of the " refiner's fire " . There is so much to endure. There is the sheer > unexpectedness of it all. Not only is it unexpected to our families, but the > diagnosis of CHARGE is often new to the medical experts as well. Being a new > parent is difficult enough, and certainly many a mom of a medically > unremarkable infant reaches exhaustion and depletion as their baby enters > toddlerhood. Magnify that by the medical necessity for us to stand on call > 24/7 while also trying to nurture and create a future for our child, and > then magnify it again by our call to stand at the precipice of the unknown, > to embrace things that most people don't even dare to fear, to be grateful > for things most people never have to see. > > And as for the relationship between the newborn's mom and dad - again, > even the parents of a medically unremarkable child find rough times in the > first few years as the emphasis shifts away from each other and to the > infant, and the mother is " touched " out by caring for a completely dependant > and demanding blessing...... magnify that a hundred fold by the intense > strain and stresses of a medically fragile child....... > > Big hugs to you for affirming your need. Sometimes identifying the > elements helps me disassociate from the experience a little - making it an > experience happening to me, rather than simply me (yuck!). Is there someone > who can give you a break? Someone who meets you spiritually where you are so > that your hearts sadness can be poured to their receptive ear? > > Here are some adages I use to move me from a place of depression: Worry > puts me into the future. No " what if " questions allowed. Fear, like > darkness, cannot be negotiated, turn on the light. Everything I would trade > everything for I already have. Smile. Gratitude. I give myself time to > silence my mind (which means I have to let it wander for quite some time > first ;o) ). This too shall pass. I am not alone. I love myself. > > Like the pain of childbirth, the darkness of those days seems remote to me > now - it will not be like this for long.. one day at a time.. baby steps... > be very very nice to yourself, BIG pats on your back for getting this far > this well... celebrate......maybe a single fresh flower in a vase where you > sit..... any small gesture for yourself > > I hope some of this helped- > > with love, > > yuka > > Update > > Hi Everybody, > > Little update on us > > sorry i havent been posting much i am here everyday reading > messages.this with us are complicated.nathan is good hes been > healthy his new teacher starts wednesday{deaf and hard of hearing} > he now has nurses that come in 3 times a week hes doing great with > his oxygen at night hes now sleeping through the night{yeah nathan} > katelynn has been sick she just got over bronchitis and a double ear > infection shes happy to be back in school. > > now for me i need advice again > i didnt want to burden anybody before but the last 3 months ive been > depressed i dont eat i dont sleep{unless i take medaction}is this > normal for a charge mom does it go away has anybody been through it > i dont know if its because of all the services hes getting or if its > because things are not going good between me and my husband maybe > its a combo of both ill take any advice you can give thanks > mommy to 18 month old CHARGEr > > ---------------------------------------------------------- > > No virus found in this incoming message. > Checked by AVG Free Edition. > Version: 7.5.446 / Virus Database: 268.18.15/728 - Release Date: 3/20/07 > 8:07 AM > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2007 Report Share Posted March 21, 2007 acutaly think that many special needs parents not jsut chargers would b depressed but cant say exact on that but wouldnt b surprising coz of all ;that u all have to go through > > , > I had a rough period when Kennedy was younger and went on medication for a > period. It helped me and I stopped taking it when I felt I didn't need it > anymore. I don't think it's abnormal to be depressed when you have a child > with CHARGE, it's a lot to take in and deal with. I found medication very > helpful and I don't think there's a thing wrong with reaching out for help > when you need it. > Sending hugs, > > > On 3/20/07, Yuka Persico <yuka@... <yuka%40persico.net>> wrote: > > > > Dear - > > > > Speaking for myself, being depressed as a CHARGE mom is totally normal. > > For me part of it was the sheer depletion and exhaustion of getting > through > > the early years - it takes everything we have and then more - it is a > time > > of the " refiner's fire " . There is so much to endure. There is the sheer > > unexpectedness of it all. Not only is it unexpected to our families, but > the > > diagnosis of CHARGE is often new to the medical experts as well. Being a > new > > parent is difficult enough, and certainly many a mom of a medically > > unremarkable infant reaches exhaustion and depletion as their baby > enters > > toddlerhood. Magnify that by the medical necessity for us to stand on > call > > 24/7 while also trying to nurture and create a future for our child, and > > then magnify it again by our call to stand at the precipice of the > unknown, > > to embrace things that most people don't even dare to fear, to be > grateful > > for things most people never have to see. > > > > And as for the relationship between the newborn's mom and dad - again, > > even the parents of a medically unremarkable child find rough times in > the > > first few years as the emphasis shifts away from each other and to the > > infant, and the mother is " touched " out by caring for a completely > dependant > > and demanding blessing...... magnify that a hundred fold by the intense > > strain and stresses of a medically fragile child....... > > > > Big hugs to you for affirming your need. Sometimes identifying the > > elements helps me disassociate from the experience a little - making it > an > > experience happening to me, rather than simply me (yuck!). Is there > someone > > who can give you a break? Someone who meets you spiritually where you > are so > > that your hearts sadness can be poured to their receptive ear? > > > > Here are some adages I use to move me from a place of depression: Worry > > puts me into the future. No " what if " questions allowed. Fear, like > > darkness, cannot be negotiated, turn on the light. Everything I would > trade > > everything for I already have. Smile. Gratitude. I give myself time to > > silence my mind (which means I have to let it wander for quite some time > > first ;o) ). This too shall pass. I am not alone. I love myself. > > > > Like the pain of childbirth, the darkness of those days seems remote to > me > > now - it will not be like this for long.. one day at a time.. baby > steps... > > be very very nice to yourself, BIG pats on your back for getting this > far > > this well... celebrate......maybe a single fresh flower in a vase where > you > > sit..... any small gesture for yourself > > > > I hope some of this helped- > > > > with love, > > > > yuka > > > > Update > > > > Hi Everybody, > > > > Little update on us > > > > sorry i havent been posting much i am here everyday reading > > messages.this with us are complicated.nathan is good hes been > > healthy his new teacher starts wednesday{deaf and hard of hearing} > > he now has nurses that come in 3 times a week hes doing great with > > his oxygen at night hes now sleeping through the night{yeah nathan} > > katelynn has been sick she just got over bronchitis and a double ear > > infection shes happy to be back in school. > > > > now for me i need advice again > > i didnt want to burden anybody before but the last 3 months ive been > > depressed i dont eat i dont sleep{unless i take medaction}is this > > normal for a charge mom does it go away has anybody been through it > > i dont know if its because of all the services hes getting or if its > > because things are not going good between me and my husband maybe > > its a combo of both ill take any advice you can give thanks > > mommy to 18 month old CHARGEr > > > > ---------------------------------------------------------- > > > > No virus found in this incoming message. > > Checked by AVG Free Edition. > > Version: 7.5.446 / Virus Database: 268.18.15/728 - Release Date: 3/20/07 > > 8:07 AM > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2007 Report Share Posted March 21, 2007 Good morning. When I do caregiver training I also emphasize the need to care for yourself. You need to talk about your feelings and your mental and physical health. Was the doctor who prescribed anti-depressants a psychologist? Too many general practitioners automatically prescribe meds when the person simply needs an outlet to talk about their feelings, which by itself can make you feel better. Caregivers need to take some time for themselves, walking, exercising, etc. A good magazine and website for caregivers is Today's Caregiver Magazine at _www.caregiver.com_ (http://www.caregiver.com) . I hope this helps all the parents in this group. G FL MSW In a message dated 3/21/2007 8:35:10 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, supermama95@... writes: , When Eva turned one and I had my yearly appointment with my Ob-gyn he asked how I was doing, I said " Oh the kids are well, Eva just had open heart surgery, and I am a stay at home mom now full time " He looked at me again and said " But how are YOU doing?? " Thats when I lost it and cried my eyes out infront of him. He put me on antidepresants and it seemed to make me feel better and I learned life with my family should also include me, if someone asked how you are doing you should tell them how YOU are doing and it not always about the kids. I now our little ones are special to us and we want the world for them but sometime we need time for us too. If you think takeing something could help it would never hurt and beginng happy and healthy is good for our kids too. Hugs, Crystal and Eva > > > > > > Dear - > > > > > > Speaking for myself, being depressed as a CHARGE mom is totally normal. > > > For me part of it was the sheer depletion and exhaustion of getting > > through > > > the early years - it takes everything we have and then more - it is a > > time > > > of the " refiner's fire " . There is so much to endure. There is the sheer > > > unexpectedness of it all. Not only is it unexpected to our families, but > > the > > > diagnosis of CHARGE is often new to the medical experts as well. Being a > > new > > > parent is difficult enough, and certainly many a mom of a medically > > > unremarkable infant reaches exhaustion and depletion as their baby > > enters > > > toddlerhood. Magnify that by the medical necessity for us to stand on > > call > > > 24/7 while also trying to nurture and create a future for our child, and > > > then magnify it again by our call to stand at the precipice of the > > unknown, > > > to embrace things that most people don't even dare to fear, to be > > grateful > > > for things most people never have to see. > > > > > > And as for the relationship between the newborn's mom and dad - again, > > > even the parents of a medically unremarkable child find rough times in > > the > > > first few years as the emphasis shifts away from each other and to the > > > infant, and the mother is " touched " out by caring for a completely > > dependant > > > and demanding blessing.... and demanding blessing....<WB the intense > > > strain and stresses of a medically fragile child....... > > > > > > Big hugs to you for affirming your need. Sometimes identifying the > > > elements helps me disassociate from the experience a little - making it > > an > > > experience happening to me, rather than simply me (yuck!). Is there > > someone > > > who can give you a break? Someone who meets you spiritually where you > > are so > > > that your hearts sadness can be poured to their receptive ear? > > > > > > Here are some adages I use to move me from a place of depression: Worry > > > puts me into the future. No " what if " questions allowed. Fear, like > > > darkness, cannot be negotiated, turn on the light. Everything I would > > trade > > > everything for I already have. Smile. Gratitude. I give myself time to > > > silence my mind (which means I have to let it wander for quite some time > > > first ;o) ). This too shall pass. I am not alone. I love myself. > > > > > > Like the pain of childbirth, the darkness of those days seems remote to > > me > > > now - it will not be like this for long.. one day at a time.. baby > > steps... > > > be very very nice to yourself, BIG pats on your back for getting this > > far > > > this well... celebrate... this well... celebrate...<WBR>. vase where > > you > > > sit..... any small gesture for yourself > > > > > > I hope some of this helped- > > > > > > with love, > > > > > > yuka > > > > > > Update > > > > > > Hi Everybody, > > > > > > Little update on us > > > > > > sorry i havent been posting much i am here everyday reading > > > messages.this with us are complicated. messages.this with us > > > healthy his new teacher starts wednesday{deaf and hard of hearing} > > > he now has nurses that come in 3 times a week hes doing great with > > > his oxygen at night hes now sleeping through the night{yeah nathan} > > > katelynn has been sick she just got over bronchitis and a double ear > > > infection shes happy to be back in school. > > > > > > now for me i need advice again > > > i didnt want to burden anybody before but the last 3 months ive been > > > depressed i dont eat i dont sleep{unless i take medaction}is this > > > normal for a charge mom does it go away has anybody been through it > > > i dont know if its because of all the services hes getting or if its > > > because things are not going good between me and my husband maybe > > > its a combo of both ill take any advice you can give thanks > > > mommy to 18 month old CHARGEr > > > > > > ------------ ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- > > > > > > No virus found in this incoming message. > > > Checked by AVG Free Edition. > > > Version: 7.5.446 / Virus Database: 268.18.15/728 - Release Date: 3/20/07 > > > 8:07 AM > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] > > > > > > > > > > > > > -- > > " It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in > > delusion, however satisfying and reassuring. " --Carl Sagan > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] > ************************************** AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free from AOL at http://www.aol.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2007 Report Share Posted March 21, 2007 , When Eva turned one and I had my yearly appointment with my Ob-gyn he asked how I was doing, I said " Oh the kids are well, Eva just had open heart surgery, and I am a stay at home mom now full time " He looked at me again and said " But how are YOU doing?? " Thats when I lost it and cried my eyes out infront of him. He put me on antidepresants and it seemed to make me feel better and I learned life with my family should also include me, if someone asked how you are doing you should tell them how YOU are doing and it not always about the kids. I now our little ones are special to us and we want the world for them but sometime we need time for us too. If you think takeing something could help it would never hurt and beginng happy and healthy is good for our kids too. Hugs, Crystal and Eva > > > > > > Dear - > > > > > > Speaking for myself, being depressed as a CHARGE mom is totally normal. > > > For me part of it was the sheer depletion and exhaustion of getting > > through > > > the early years - it takes everything we have and then more - it is a > > time > > > of the " refiner's fire " . There is so much to endure. There is the sheer > > > unexpectedness of it all. Not only is it unexpected to our families, but > > the > > > diagnosis of CHARGE is often new to the medical experts as well. Being a > > new > > > parent is difficult enough, and certainly many a mom of a medically > > > unremarkable infant reaches exhaustion and depletion as their baby > > enters > > > toddlerhood. Magnify that by the medical necessity for us to stand on > > call > > > 24/7 while also trying to nurture and create a future for our child, and > > > then magnify it again by our call to stand at the precipice of the > > unknown, > > > to embrace things that most people don't even dare to fear, to be > > grateful > > > for things most people never have to see. > > > > > > And as for the relationship between the newborn's mom and dad - again, > > > even the parents of a medically unremarkable child find rough times in > > the > > > first few years as the emphasis shifts away from each other and to the > > > infant, and the mother is " touched " out by caring for a completely > > dependant > > > and demanding blessing...... magnify that a hundred fold by the intense > > > strain and stresses of a medically fragile child....... > > > > > > Big hugs to you for affirming your need. Sometimes identifying the > > > elements helps me disassociate from the experience a little - making it > > an > > > experience happening to me, rather than simply me (yuck!). Is there > > someone > > > who can give you a break? Someone who meets you spiritually where you > > are so > > > that your hearts sadness can be poured to their receptive ear? > > > > > > Here are some adages I use to move me from a place of depression: Worry > > > puts me into the future. No " what if " questions allowed. Fear, like > > > darkness, cannot be negotiated, turn on the light. Everything I would > > trade > > > everything for I already have. Smile. Gratitude. I give myself time to > > > silence my mind (which means I have to let it wander for quite some time > > > first ;o) ). This too shall pass. I am not alone. I love myself. > > > > > > Like the pain of childbirth, the darkness of those days seems remote to > > me > > > now - it will not be like this for long.. one day at a time.. baby > > steps... > > > be very very nice to yourself, BIG pats on your back for getting this > > far > > > this well... celebrate......maybe a single fresh flower in a vase where > > you > > > sit..... any small gesture for yourself > > > > > > I hope some of this helped- > > > > > > with love, > > > > > > yuka > > > > > > Update > > > > > > Hi Everybody, > > > > > > Little update on us > > > > > > sorry i havent been posting much i am here everyday reading > > > messages.this with us are complicated.nathan is good hes been > > > healthy his new teacher starts wednesday{deaf and hard of hearing} > > > he now has nurses that come in 3 times a week hes doing great with > > > his oxygen at night hes now sleeping through the night{yeah nathan} > > > katelynn has been sick she just got over bronchitis and a double ear > > > infection shes happy to be back in school. > > > > > > now for me i need advice again > > > i didnt want to burden anybody before but the last 3 months ive been > > > depressed i dont eat i dont sleep{unless i take medaction}is this > > > normal for a charge mom does it go away has anybody been through it > > > i dont know if its because of all the services hes getting or if its > > > because things are not going good between me and my husband maybe > > > its a combo of both ill take any advice you can give thanks > > > mommy to 18 month old CHARGEr > > > > > > ---------------------------------------------------------- > > > > > > No virus found in this incoming message. > > > Checked by AVG Free Edition. > > > Version: 7.5.446 / Virus Database: 268.18.15/728 - Release Date: 3/20/07 > > > 8:07 AM > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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