CDC Confirms First Case of Cooties in More than Fifth Years

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ATLANTA, GA-The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) confirmed

the first case of Cooties in north America in more than 50 years. Reynaldo

Mentiroso, MD, PhD, reported that a 14-year-old boy from a Midwestern state

tested positive for the disease.

It has been more than 20 years since the CDC had performed a Cooties

confirmation test. Mentiroso reported, " Yes , we still have the technology. "

Confirmation of Cooties requires the use of a Linear Assimilation

Radionuclide Diffusing-Acquired Scintillation Spectrometer (LARD-ASS).

Cooties had thought to be limited to selected Scandinavian countries until

this outbreak. The world's leading expert on Cooties, Isaac Rosenfeld, MD,

now 102-years-old, was consulted. For the first 30-minutes of the interview

he tried to recall the difference between a mule and a hinny. But, a repeat

dose of Aricept brought his Alzheimer's into control long enough for him to

provide the CDC with assistance. Rosenfeld said, " When they called, I forgot

they called. When they called back, I didn't believe they had called before.

But, I do remember Cooties. You can only get it from kissing a freckled

virgin, rubbing noses with a nulliparous Eskimo in her fifth decade of life,

or having sex with a spotted Guatemalan salamander. We had always thought

the decline of the disease was due to the near extinction of the salamander.

Now we know that it is ridiculously hard to find a freckled virgin. "

The school attended by the boy is in quarantine and authorities are

searching for a salamander. Cooties is often mistaken for the Willies or, on

occasion, ptomaine poisoning. Rosenfeld, a former physician of Woodrow

, said, " When I was a lad, Cooties were something to fear. Now, it is

a postage stamp. In World War II I was a sniper, or was I a pilot? Anyway,

I know Cooties when I see it. That salamander has to be caught. "

[Guest guest]

LMAO.....I've missed you Mr. Bledson

Hatfield FF/EMT-P

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*\*-----Original Message-----*\*

From: " Bledsoe, DO " bbledsoe@...*\*

Sent 6/13/2007 6:09:41 PM*\*

[Guest guest]

Everyone KNOWS it's BOYS who have Cooties....ewwwww

Jules

CDC Confirms First Case of Cooties in More than Fifth Years

ATLANTA, GA-The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) confirmed

the first case of Cooties in north America in more than 50 years. Reynaldo

Mentiroso, MD, PhD, reported that a 14-year-old boy from a Midwestern state

tested positive for the disease.

It has been more than 20 years since the CDC had performed a Cooties

confirmation test. Mentiroso reported, " Yes , we still have the technology. "

Confirmation of Cooties requires the use of a Linear Assimilation

Radionuclide Diffusing-Acquired Scintillation Spectrometer (LARD-ASS).

Cooties had thought to be limited to selected Scandinavian countries until

this outbreak. The world's leading expert on Cooties, Isaac Rosenfeld, MD,

now 102-years-old, was consulted. For the first 30-minutes of the interview

he tried to recall the difference between a mule and a hinny. But, a repeat

dose of Aricept brought his Alzheimer's into control long enough for him to

provide the CDC with assistance. Rosenfeld said, " When they called, I forgot

they called. When they called back, I didn't believe they had called before.

But, I do remember Cooties. You can only get it from kissing a freckled

virgin, rubbing noses with a nulliparous Eskimo in her fifth decade of life,

or having sex with a spotted Guatemalan salamander. We had always thought

the decline of the disease was due to the near extinction of the salamander.

Now we know that it is ridiculously hard to find a freckled virgin. "

The school attended by the boy is in quarantine and authorities are

searching for a salamander. Cooties is often mistaken for the Willies or, on

occasion, ptomaine poisoning. Rosenfeld, a former physician of Woodrow

, said, " When I was a lad, Cooties were something to fear. Now, it is

a postage stamp. In World War II I was a sniper, or was I a pilot? Anyway,

I know Cooties when I see it. That salamander has to be caught. "

[Guest guest]

This doctor has a rather interesting last name. He must hail from

México D.F. <very big grin>

-Alfonso R. Ochoa

>

> ATLANTA, GA-The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)

confirmed

> the first case of Cooties in north America in more than 50 years.

Reynaldo

> Mentiroso, MD, PhD, reported that a 14-year-old boy from a

Midwestern state

> tested positive for the disease.

>

[Guest guest]

Well, excuse me guys, but how long is Fifth years????

Pat

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

It's fif th( the " h " is silent)

pat dunaway wrote: Well, excuse me guys, but how

long is Fifth years????

Pat

---------------------------------

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