Struggling with the aftermath-Tess

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/23/2007 12:08:41 PM Central Standard Time,

blainejennifer@... writes:

> Consider your lack of squishy mammary tissue as a " jerk sorting device " .

I LOVE IT , !

hugs,

Dari

[Guest guest]

The day that I was to go home from having mastectomy, I went into the bathroom

to take a shower. ( I was there a day longer than anticipated because of

complications). As I was getting dried off, I caught sight of my incision and

the lack of a breast on the left side and then my overall body look. I have

never been a small person, large body mass type person. Tried not to let it

bother me, but I guess it did.

I was waiting for a nurse to come give me dismissal instructions and to help

me get dressed. My husband wasn't there yet. (good thing). I had the bed next

to the window. I sat down on the bed, looking out the window, and the tears

started to flow, and flow, and flow. I couldn't stop sobbing.

Then the nurse came in and also a student nurse. The nurse came to my front

side and realized I was very upset. She wanted to know what was going on. I

explained that I had never had a pretty body and now I wasn't sure what to think

because without the left breast, and the new incision, I really had nothing to

look at. I just didn't know what my husband was going to think. I knew he had

said that it didn't matter if I had breasts, and that he was sincere in that

statement. However, he had not seen the incision; he had not seen that there

was not breast; he had not seen what I looked like without clothes. I told the

nurse all this plus I didn't know whether he would actually want much to do with

me sexually. She comforted me until my crying was less. Then she said that she

couldn't possibly know what I was feeling. However, she knew that I would get

through this ordeal. She said that my hubby would probably be cautious because

he didn't want to cause me any

hurt. She said that I would probably be the one to initiate any intimacy after

I was feeling better and more healed. She gave me hope that I didn't have at

the moment. She gave me the care and comfort that I so needed at the moment.

And you know what? She was right. I did what she suggested. And it helped

immensely. My hubby was glad I did. So was I.

Maybe those persons who haven't called back are waiting for you to call back.

Maybe it isn't the breast thing after all. Maybe they just don't know how to

deal delicately with the cancer issue. Who knows? Just take one step at a

time.

fastest2@... wrote:

In a message dated 1/23/2007 7:25:06 AM Central Standard Time,

spiritplace2u@... writes:

> I have dated,

> however none of them have called me back after finding out I have no

> breasts.

>

Hi Tess,

Welcome to the group. I was pleased(?) to see you list the lack of sex drive

(and life) to the things you are struggling with. I say that because it is

somewhat of a taboo subject. Well, maybe people are reluctant to talk of it due

to embarrassment, etc. But, it is so real! It really is a huge loss. I have

a husband so it changes the dynamics a bit. I guess he could always leave...

but not having a partner... still being in the dating game must be tough.

That's not to say that there aren't some good catches out there. There will

be a guy who could care less if you have boobs or not. There will be. Ya

just have to figure out where to look. :-)

Part of the problem is most likely the self-esteem issue.

Does anyone have any good ideas to get Tess up & running in the esteem

department?

The thing I did was convince myself my physical attributes are the least

important when it comes to being a person. I really had to work hard at the

convincing. Ya have to get your mind right.

I already had my partner and knew he loved me for me, but I still had all

those feelings of inadequacy.

In the beginning, (and still to a degree) I was pissed that generally

onlookers, (family, etc) think it is no big deal to lose your breasts. I mean it

is

not like you lost a leg or an arm...something that impairs your mobility, etc.

No, it just affects your sexuality, one of the most natural, main staples of

your entire life. puhleeeeze!

Do you think seeing a therapist could help with this issue? I don't have

much faith in them but many people do.

I hope you'll stick around. Maybe, someone will come up with a good idea to

help you out.

love & HUGS!

Dari