Guest guest Posted March 5, 2007 Report Share Posted March 5, 2007 I googled this after reading Rosie's email yesterday - I thought it was beautiful. Yuka On Chronic Sorrow From the Hydrocephalus Association Newsletter, Spring 1998 Chronic Sorrow is a term coined by sociologist Simon Olshanshy to describe the long-term reaction of parents who have a child with a disability. This pervasive reaction is often not recognized or understood by those around the parents--professionals, family and friends. These feelings of chronic sorrow are normal and to be expected and accepted, given the life-long implications for the family and child. Many factors can affect the intensity and exhibition of chronic sorrow: the parent's personalities, the severity of the disability, the nature of the disability and the adequacy of support and services provided. Chronic sorrow does not mean that the parents don't love or feel pride in their child. These feelings, and many other feelings, exist alongside the sadness. It is as if many threads are woven side by side, bright and dark, in the fabric of the parent's lives. They co-exist; they do not blend into one color, or feeling. Because ours is such a " can do " society, there is pressure on parents to quickly put their feelings of sadness away or deny them. Parents are told to " think positively " and " to get on with your lives. " They are told that God has " selected " them to receive this special child because they are such strong people. These kinds of comments, while well meant, deny the validity or parental long-term grieving. The discomfort of observing pain in those we care about can be part of the reason for such comments from others. Grieving, however, is a process that takes time, often years. It's a prickly bush that one must go through, not jump over. However, there are ways to support the process of grieving. Most parents frond support in a community of people who understand because they, too have lived the experience. It is lonely to be the only family on the block with a child with a disability. Being part of a support group or organization helps to combat feelings of isolation. Engaging in personal activities that do not center on the family member with a disability can help increase feelings of competency and self-worth. Counseling, especially at times of significant stressful milestones, can be useful. Chronic sorrow becomes a permanent part of the personality structure of most parents who have a child with a disability. It's a normal response. Its thread narrows and widens depending on life situations; most often it is accepted with courage. And, although permanent, if is not the dominant force in interactions with our children. The dominant forces are love and feelings of connectedness to them. http://journeyofhearts.org/kirstimd/sorrow.htm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2007 Report Share Posted March 6, 2007 Oh, Yuka, I'm welling up again, but I guess it's time. The piece you sent was just right for me --- as it would have been in the past and doubtless will be in the future. It's to be kept. I haven't written much lately. Things have been too wierd. I'll catch the group up on and the rest of us very soon. Andy had his second CAT scan today, so I'm busy sitting on my tears as we await the results. I know that this group knows what it's like to have such horrid moments of waiting...Hopefully, everything is still fine Good. I've finally vented just a little. Thank you for somehow prompting that. Martha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2007 Report Share Posted March 6, 2007 LOL martha soemthing made me laugh to my self the idea of us knowing wat waiting is of course we do soemtimes i look at me being impatient for soemthing then i look at soeone like say a normal person no drs appts no nothing and i say hang on have i realy waited that long sorry if that didnt make sence > > Oh, Yuka, > I'm welling up again, but I guess it's time. The piece you sent was just > right for me --- as it would have been in the past and doubtless will be > in > the future. It's to be kept. > I haven't written much lately. Things have been too wierd. I'll catch the > group up on and the rest of us very soon. Andy had his second CAT > scan today, so I'm busy sitting on my tears as we await the results. I > know > that this group knows what it's like to have such horrid moments of > waiting...Hopefully, everything is still fine > Good. I've finally vented just a little. Thank you for somehow prompting > that. Martha > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2007 Report Share Posted March 6, 2007 i relise i made no se3nce guess wat i was saying is soempeople take wat we take as normal for granted LOL > > LOL martha soemthing made me laugh to my self the idea of us knowing wat > waiting is of course we do soemtimes i look at me being impatient for > soemthing then i look at soeone like say a normal person no drs appts no > nothing and i say hang on have i realy waited that long sorry if that didnt > make sence > > > > > > Oh, Yuka, > > I'm welling up again, but I guess it's time. The piece you sent was just > > > > right for me --- as it would have been in the past and doubtless will be > > in > > the future. It's to be kept. > > I haven't written much lately. Things have been too wierd. I'll catch > > the > > group up on and the rest of us very soon. Andy had his second CAT > > scan today, so I'm busy sitting on my tears as we await the results. I > > know > > that this group knows what it's like to have such horrid moments of > > waiting...Hopefully, everything is still fine > > Good. I've finally vented just a little. Thank you for somehow prompting > > > > that. Martha > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2007 Report Share Posted March 6, 2007 Dear Martha, I send my prayers to you and your family as well. May you not have to wait too long for the results, and may you have good news when the results do come. Hugs, Re: On Chronic Sorrow Oh, Yuka, I'm welling up again, but I guess it's time. The piece you sent was just right for me --- as it would have been in the past and doubtless will be in the future. It's to be kept. I haven't written much lately. Things have been too wierd. I'll catch the group up on and the rest of us very soon. Andy had his second CAT scan today, so I'm busy sitting on my tears as we await the results. I know that this group knows what it's like to have such horrid moments of waiting...Hopefully, everything is still fine Good. I've finally vented just a little. Thank you for somehow prompting that. Martha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2007 Report Share Posted March 6, 2007 Martha- Prayers and hugs to you and yours. You aren't waiting alone. We're all with you in thought. Michele W Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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