Mother obsesively attached to me

[Guest guest]

I joined this group a while ago, and I haven't posted anything since the

initial sign up, nor have I followed people's postings, so I am still sort of

" new " to this group.

Anyway, I am writing because I have reached my wits-end (for the millionth time)

with my Borderline mother and need some support or advice.

I'm 30 and my mother is 60. Long story short, I grew up very enmeshed with my

mother, as well as my older sister (my sister was a mother to my mother and

overly adult whereas I was the cute baby that my mother very selfishly " babied "

until I was an adult - and still tries to do) When I went to college and

finally started gaining independence, and now am independent from her, she has

lost it completely. (This isn't recent by the way)

Lately, she has been sending email upon email. (She does this from time to time)

The emails start off nasty, but then end with things like, " I love so dearly and

have done everything for you " (trying to guilt trip. She will literally say one

thing in one email, and the complete opposite in the next. I try to keep the

replies short and stick to the facts, but then she accuses me of being curt and

uncaring and accusing me of abandoning her. (Again, nothing new)

I have been conflicted in that she is very much alone (due to her illness) and

that she only is spiraling downward and refuses to accept reality - that people

have left her because she has hurt them. My biggest difficulty is that if I

give her any sign of " helping " or being there, she becomes a life-size leech,

and suddenly can do nothing for herself. An example, I came to visit for two

days this past Christmas, and suddenly she started calling me all the time,

crying and in a panic over the smallest inconveniences in life.

I realize that it was because of the abandonment fear. If I help her a little,

suddenly she is the neediest, helpless person on the earth. If I help her a

lot, she gets very violent and abusive if even the smallest things doesn't go

her way. If I distance myself and don't help at all, I get emails and phone

calls with desperate manipulations that range from a false, sugary-sweet and

repulsive mother, to a spiteful, bitter, revengeful, mother (such as, Oh my God!

My children have abandoned me. I just want to die! *insert fake crying here*)

So the reason I am writing is the last email I got today was of the sugary-sweet

kind, and it freaked me out. This is a direct paste and copy of the email:

" If we are back in love again, I would LOVE hearing from you....my precious "

I was so disgusted by it... and my first thought was Lord of the Rings... " my

precious... "

One of my biggest struggles as a child of a borderline mother is knowing what is

normal. I have really had to work on my behavior as an adult because I was such

a weird child because of the way my mother raised me. Even now, although I am

aware of a lot more, sometimes I don't realize when something is wrong, or that

I am being manipulated. Or, even if I feel something is off, I don't realize

how bizarre, destructive, manipulative, unhealthy, etc. it really is.

My mom was very affectionate with me growing up, and really treated me like a

baby - as embarrassing as it is, I would still talk baby talk to her when I was

in college.

So my question is, what do you think of this last email of hers? I am on such a

whirlwind with her, and unless a person has experienced it, they can't

understand - which is why I thought of this site

Any suggestions, advice, help etc. would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

MoM

[Guest guest]

Wow. If you were " back in love again " ? Wow.

Well, welcome to the group MoM. Sorry to see another person dealing with a BPD

mother but you'll find a very supportive group here. Regarding your question,

well, I'll start by asking if you have read any of the sort of standard

literature out there, like " Stop Walking on Eggshells " or " Understanding the

Borderline Mother " ? These will help you understand your mother's illness more

and also help you in learning how to set healthy boundaries.

I think your mother's emails to you are very inappropriate. That is the kind of

thing you say to a lover not your children. I think you need to set some

boundaries with your mother. Perhaps you should make email off-limits and only

communicate via phone? Arguing back and forth with someone through email is

pretty useless anyhow, people misunderstand so much. I would say " mom, I need

space, so I will call you at X time on X day each week. We do not communicate

well through email so I will not be responding to emails from you. I will only

talk to you at this prescribed time that on X day as I said above. " Then set a

filter on your email to immediately delete emails from her. Then you won't even

have to see them.

I'm sure others on here will have more advice, but that's mine to start with.

Best of luck,

>

> I joined this group a while ago, and I haven't posted anything since the

initial sign up, nor have I followed people's postings, so I am still sort of

" new " to this group.

>

> Anyway, I am writing because I have reached my wits-end (for the millionth

time) with my Borderline mother and need some support or advice.

>

> I'm 30 and my mother is 60. Long story short, I grew up very enmeshed with my

mother, as well as my older sister (my sister was a mother to my mother and

overly adult whereas I was the cute baby that my mother very selfishly " babied "

until I was an adult - and still tries to do) When I went to college and

finally started gaining independence, and now am independent from her, she has

lost it completely. (This isn't recent by the way)

>

> Lately, she has been sending email upon email. (She does this from time to

time) The emails start off nasty, but then end with things like, " I love so

dearly and have done everything for you " (trying to guilt trip. She will

literally say one thing in one email, and the complete opposite in the next. I

try to keep the replies short and stick to the facts, but then she accuses me of

being curt and uncaring and accusing me of abandoning her. (Again, nothing new)

>

> I have been conflicted in that she is very much alone (due to her illness) and

that she only is spiraling downward and refuses to accept reality - that people

have left her because she has hurt them. My biggest difficulty is that if I

give her any sign of " helping " or being there, she becomes a life-size leech,

and suddenly can do nothing for herself. An example, I came to visit for two

days this past Christmas, and suddenly she started calling me all the time,

crying and in a panic over the smallest inconveniences in life.

>

> I realize that it was because of the abandonment fear. If I help her a

little, suddenly she is the neediest, helpless person on the earth. If I help

her a lot, she gets very violent and abusive if even the smallest things doesn't

go her way. If I distance myself and don't help at all, I get emails and phone

calls with desperate manipulations that range from a false, sugary-sweet and

repulsive mother, to a spiteful, bitter, revengeful, mother (such as, Oh my God!

My children have abandoned me. I just want to die! *insert fake crying here*)

>

> So the reason I am writing is the last email I got today was of the

sugary-sweet kind, and it freaked me out. This is a direct paste and copy of

the email:

> " If we are back in love again, I would LOVE hearing from you....my precious "

> I was so disgusted by it... and my first thought was Lord of the Rings... " my

precious... "

>

> One of my biggest struggles as a child of a borderline mother is knowing what

is normal. I have really had to work on my behavior as an adult because I was

such a weird child because of the way my mother raised me. Even now, although I

am aware of a lot more, sometimes I don't realize when something is wrong, or

that I am being manipulated. Or, even if I feel something is off, I don't

realize how bizarre, destructive, manipulative, unhealthy, etc. it really is.

>

> My mom was very affectionate with me growing up, and really treated me like a

baby - as embarrassing as it is, I would still talk baby talk to her when I was

in college.

> So my question is, what do you think of this last email of hers? I am on such

a whirlwind with her, and unless a person has experienced it, they can't

understand - which is why I thought of this site

>

> Any suggestions, advice, help etc. would be greatly appreciated.

>

> Thank you,

> MoM

>

[Guest guest]

Wow! You get the Jekyl and Hyde treatment in the same communications, just

different paragraphs.

No, the way she talks to you, the neediness, is way weird and over the top to

aim at a grown woman, daughter or not. Trust your instincts, they are right on

target.

However you acted before (in college), try not to be embarrassed--we all were

taught how to act by our FOO. We all learned behaviors as children that, once we

mature, we look at in a different light today. Forgive yourself!

Precious--lol! I probably would have had the same reaction.

Have you read here about Medium Chill? That might be a real good practice for

you to use on your mother. It's been posted lots of times before, but I am

pasting a version I have saved on my pc:

The " Medium Chill " technique:

" When they lash out - show no anger. When they are nice- don't reciprocate.

Be distant and flat in both cases. When they sense they can't manipulate your

reaction, they tend to leave you alone.

Tell them nothing, ask them nothing, and offer vacuous pleasantries. " Medium

Chill " gives no appearance of withdrawal, so they can't accuse you of giving

them the cold shoulder. You are there, you're just not present to them.

" Medium Chill " is effective because they no longer feel " safe " in their ability

to generate chaos. So now you're back in control. It takes a bit of practice, as

you have to learn to disconnect from them emotionally. But I've had some great

success using this.

When I first came to these boards, I read about boundaries and Limited Contact.

They all made sense, and I felt as if I had been doing them already for a very

long time. The same friend who introduced me to these boards also introduced me

to the concept of " Medium Chill " , though I must admit it took a little while and

practice for to " get it " that " Medium Chill " is something more that taps into

the psyche and becomes the " Medium Chill " Zen Master.

It's about more than just boundaries.

To put it in simpler terms, it's a two-parter with a specific attitude: (1)

never share personal or private information on yourself; (2) never get involved

in their problems/drama;

Attitude: Pleasant, modest, implacably calm-- never showing anger or

compassionate involvement; paying attention but not *too* much attention—while

NEVER violating items one or two.

Remember, a person can only use information they know about you to find your hot

buttons and use it against you if they're highly manipulative (like so many BPDs

are). So don't let them know your hot buttons.

Does your BPD pick fights with you when something is wrong with him/her? Then by

being a dull listener, they'll get bored and move on to someone they have a

greater effect upon. I swear, it really does work.

Are you unwittingly giving them the road-map to figure out what you're sensitive

about, so they can exploit those things later on to make YOU upset when THEY are

upset but can't deal with those emotions on their own like a healthy adult?

Are you offering advice or help with only the best of intentions? Well, if

things go wrong, and they CAN'T blame themselves as part of BPD, who do you

think they're going to blame? Are you just putting yourself in the line of

eventual fire without realizing it?

If they're angry and they get you angry, then they can successfully transfer the

emotions they can't cope with onto you (projection).

If they're angry and lashing out, they get relief from their inner turmoil by

getting YOU upset. So don't ever show yourself getting upset. If they're upset

and they can make you upset too, their goal has been achieved. I swear, as it

worked for the other poster, it worked for me too--my BPD mother rather quickly

would see who was the most active listener and turn her energies there. I was no

longer a means to an end; she no longer got relief from her inner pain by making

me feel pain too.

Of course, one of my physical boundaries was to not do a one-on-one meeting with

her again in non-public places; this played very well into " Medium Chill " .

There's always someone more unenlightened and more of a sucker than you that

they target instead. It might be an unfortunate still-enmeshed family member; it

might be the waiter. But the point is, it will NOT BE YOU.

Likewise, don't especially share their joys when they're on a high. If they come

to view you as a confidante/soul-mate, who do you think they're going to turn to

when their rage is highest and they need to foist it off onto someone else?

It's all about disengaging from playing into the messed-up BPD dynamic. We often

talk about boundaries around here, like only speaking once a week on the phone,

or not staying overnight in their houses, or a host of other physical actions of

restraint.

" Medium Chill " techniques, however, are boundaries for your soul.

>

> I joined this group a while ago, and I haven't posted anything since the

initial sign up, nor have I followed people's postings, so I am still sort of

" new " to this group.

>

> Anyway, I am writing because I have reached my wits-end (for the millionth

time) with my Borderline mother and need some support or advice.

>

> I'm 30 and my mother is 60. Long story short, I grew up very enmeshed with my

mother, as well as my older sister (my sister was a mother to my mother and

overly adult whereas I was the cute baby that my mother very selfishly " babied "

until I was an adult - and still tries to do) When I went to college and

finally started gaining independence, and now am independent from her, she has

lost it completely. (This isn't recent by the way)

>

> Lately, she has been sending email upon email. (She does this from time to

time) The emails start off nasty, but then end with things like, " I love so

dearly and have done everything for you " (trying to guilt trip. She will

literally say one thing in one email, and the complete opposite in the next. I

try to keep the replies short and stick to the facts, but then she accuses me of

being curt and uncaring and accusing me of abandoning her. (Again, nothing new)

>

> I have been conflicted in that she is very much alone (due to her illness) and

that she only is spiraling downward and refuses to accept reality - that people

have left her because she has hurt them. My biggest difficulty is that if I

give her any sign of " helping " or being there, she becomes a life-size leech,

and suddenly can do nothing for herself. An example, I came to visit for two

days this past Christmas, and suddenly she started calling me all the time,

crying and in a panic over the smallest inconveniences in life.

>

> I realize that it was because of the abandonment fear. If I help her a

little, suddenly she is the neediest, helpless person on the earth. If I help

her a lot, she gets very violent and abusive if even the smallest things doesn't

go her way. If I distance myself and don't help at all, I get emails and phone

calls with desperate manipulations that range from a false, sugary-sweet and

repulsive mother, to a spiteful, bitter, revengeful, mother (such as, Oh my God!

My children have abandoned me. I just want to die! *insert fake crying here*)

>

> So the reason I am writing is the last email I got today was of the

sugary-sweet kind, and it freaked me out. This is a direct paste and copy of

the email:

> " If we are back in love again, I would LOVE hearing from you....my precious "

> I was so disgusted by it... and my first thought was Lord of the Rings... " my

precious... "

>

> One of my biggest struggles as a child of a borderline mother is knowing what

is normal. I have really had to work on my behavior as an adult because I was

such a weird child because of the way my mother raised me. Even now, although I

am aware of a lot more, sometimes I don't realize when something is wrong, or

that I am being manipulated. Or, even if I feel something is off, I don't

realize how bizarre, destructive, manipulative, unhealthy, etc. it really is.

>

> My mom was very affectionate with me growing up, and really treated me like a

baby - as embarrassing as it is, I would still talk baby talk to her when I was

in college.

> So my question is, what do you think of this last email of hers? I am on such

a whirlwind with her, and unless a person has experienced it, they can't

understand - which is why I thought of this site

>

> Any suggestions, advice, help etc. would be greatly appreciated.

>

> Thank you,

> MoM

>

[Guest guest]

MoM,

I'm 43 and am still dealing with this issue. My mother is very, very possessive

of my brother and me.

He refuses to set boundaries with her. He is single, almost 50, has never had a

lasting relationship with anyone, and I have to lay that right at nada's feet.

No one is good enough for him, etc. But he's got no problem--supposedly--with

her creepy neediness of him. He guilts me when I try to pull away from her but I

recently asked him nicely to stay out of it, and he has.

I have had to gradually pull away from my nada. It's not easy, MoM, especially

because as you said, we're coming from enmeshed relationships where we don't

know where they end and we start, and where we've been told we're bad to try to

be individual and separate. It's scary and exciting.

The hard part, as you said, is that as they get older, they need more help,

physically. I'm planning on putting my hard-ass face on and not allow our

relationship to go back to what it was (I haven't talked to my mother in about a

month but know at some point, due to her elderliness, I'm going to have to face

her again).

Very good books for you to read, if you haven't already: Boundaries by

Cloud/Townsend; and one I just re-read this weekend: Codependent No More by

Beattie.

Good luck!

Fiona

>

> I joined this group a while ago, and I haven't posted anything since the

initial sign up, nor have I followed people's postings, so I am still sort of

" new " to this group.

>

> Anyway, I am writing because I have reached my wits-end (for the millionth

time) with my Borderline mother and need some support or advice.

>

> I'm 30 and my mother is 60. Long story short, I grew up very enmeshed with my

mother, as well as my older sister (my sister was a mother to my mother and

overly adult whereas I was the cute baby that my mother very selfishly " babied "

until I was an adult - and still tries to do) When I went to college and

finally started gaining independence, and now am independent from her, she has

lost it completely. (This isn't recent by the way)

>

> Lately, she has been sending email upon email. (She does this from time to

time) The emails start off nasty, but then end with things like, " I love so

dearly and have done everything for you " (trying to guilt trip. She will

literally say one thing in one email, and the complete opposite in the next. I

try to keep the replies short and stick to the facts, but then she accuses me of

being curt and uncaring and accusing me of abandoning her. (Again, nothing new)

>

> I have been conflicted in that she is very much alone (due to her illness) and

that she only is spiraling downward and refuses to accept reality - that people

have left her because she has hurt them. My biggest difficulty is that if I

give her any sign of " helping " or being there, she becomes a life-size leech,

and suddenly can do nothing for herself. An example, I came to visit for two

days this past Christmas, and suddenly she started calling me all the time,

crying and in a panic over the smallest inconveniences in life.

>

> I realize that it was because of the abandonment fear. If I help her a

little, suddenly she is the neediest, helpless person on the earth. If I help

her a lot, she gets very violent and abusive if even the smallest things doesn't

go her way. If I distance myself and don't help at all, I get emails and phone

calls with desperate manipulations that range from a false, sugary-sweet and

repulsive mother, to a spiteful, bitter, revengeful, mother (such as, Oh my God!

My children have abandoned me. I just want to die! *insert fake crying here*)

>

> So the reason I am writing is the last email I got today was of the

sugary-sweet kind, and it freaked me out. This is a direct paste and copy of

the email:

> " If we are back in love again, I would LOVE hearing from you....my precious "

> I was so disgusted by it... and my first thought was Lord of the Rings... " my

precious... "

>

> One of my biggest struggles as a child of a borderline mother is knowing what

is normal. I have really had to work on my behavior as an adult because I was

such a weird child because of the way my mother raised me. Even now, although I

am aware of a lot more, sometimes I don't realize when something is wrong, or

that I am being manipulated. Or, even if I feel something is off, I don't

realize how bizarre, destructive, manipulative, unhealthy, etc. it really is.

>

> My mom was very affectionate with me growing up, and really treated me like a

baby - as embarrassing as it is, I would still talk baby talk to her when I was

in college.

> So my question is, what do you think of this last email of hers? I am on such

a whirlwind with her, and unless a person has experienced it, they can't

understand - which is why I thought of this site

>

> Any suggestions, advice, help etc. would be greatly appreciated.

>

> Thank you,

> MoM

>

[Guest guest]

Grooooossssssss no one wants that from their momster EWWWW in love again?

SIIIIICK Boundary violation!!!!!

> **

>

>

> MoM,

>

> I'm 43 and am still dealing with this issue. My mother is very, very

> possessive of my brother and me.

>

> He refuses to set boundaries with her. He is single, almost 50, has never

> had a lasting relationship with anyone, and I have to lay that right at

> nada's feet. No one is good enough for him, etc. But he's got no

> problem--supposedly--with her creepy neediness of him. He guilts me when I

> try to pull away from her but I recently asked him nicely to stay out of it,

> and he has.

>

> I have had to gradually pull away from my nada. It's not easy, MoM,

> especially because as you said, we're coming from enmeshed relationships

> where we don't know where they end and we start, and where we've been told

> wfrome're bad to try to be individual and separate. It's scary and exciting.

>

>

> The hard part, as you said, is that as they get older, they need more help,

> physically. I'm planning on putting my hard-ass face on and not allow our

> relationship to go back to what it was (I haven't talked to my mother in

> about a month but know at some point, due to her elderliness, I'm going to

> have to face her again).

>

> Very good books for you to read, if you haven't already: Boundaries by

> Cloud/Townsend; and one I just re-read this weekend: Codependent No More by

> Beattie.

>

> Good luck!

>

> Fiona

>

>

>

> >

> > I joined this group a while ago, and I haven't posted anything since the

> initial sign up, nor have I followed people's postings, so I am still sort

> of " new " to this group.

> >

> > Anyway, I am writing because I have reached my wits-end (for the

> millionth time) with my Borderline mother and need some support or advice.

> >

> > I'm 30 and my mother is 60. Long story short, I grew up very enmeshed

> with my mother, as well as my older sister (my sister was a mother to my

> mother and overly adult whereas I was the cute baby that my mother very

> selfishly " babied " until I was an adult - and still tries to do) When I went

> to college and finally started gaining independence, and now am independent

> from her, she has lost it completely. (This isn't recent by the way)

> >

> > Lately, she has been sending email upon email. (She does this from time

> to time) The emails start off nasty, but then end with things like, " I love

> so dearly and have done everything for you " (trying to guilt trip. She will

> literally say one thing in one email, and the complete opposite in the next.

> I try to keep the replies short and stick to the facts, but then she accuses

> me of being curt and uncaring and accusing me of abandoning her. (Again,

> nothing new)

> >

> > I have been conflicted in that she is very much alone (due to her

> illness) and that she only is spiraling downward and refuses to accept

> reality - that people have left her because she has hurt them. My biggest

> difficulty is that if I give her any sign of " helping " or being there, she

> becomes a life-size leech, and suddenly can do nothing for herself. An

> example, I came to visit for two days this past Christmas, and suddenly she

> started calling me all the time, crying and in a panic over the smallest

> inconveniences in life.

> >

> > I realize that it was because of the abandonment fear. If I help her a

> little, suddenly she is the neediest, helpless person on the earth. If I

> help her a lot, she gets very violent and abusive if even the smallest

> things doesn't go her way. If I distance myself and don't help at all, I get

> emails and phone calls with desperate manipulations that range from a false,

> sugary-sweet and repulsive mother, to a spiteful, bitter, revengeful, mother

> (such as, Oh my God! My children have abandoned me. I just want to die!

> *insert fake crying here*)

> >

> > So the reason I am writing is the last email I got today was of the

> sugary-sweet kind, and it freaked me out. This is a direct paste and copy of

> the email:

> > " If we are back in love again, I would LOVE hearing from you....my

> precious "

> > I was so disgusted by it... and my first thought was Lord of the Rings...

> " my precious... "

> >

> > One of my biggest struggles as a child of a borderline mother is knowing

> what is normal. I have really had to work on my behavior as an adult because

> I was such a weird child because of the way my mother raised me. Even now,

> although I am aware of a lot more, sometimes I don't realize when something

> is wrong, or that I am being manipulated. Or, even if I feel something is

> off, I don't realize how bizarre, destructive, manipulative, unhealthy, etc.

> it really is.

> >

> > My mom was very affectionate with me growing up, and really treated me

> like a baby - as embarrassing as it is, I would still talk baby talk to her

> when I was in college.

> > So my question is, what do you think of this last email of hers? I am on

> such a whirlwind with her, and unless a person has experienced it, they

> can't understand - which is why I thought of this site

> >

> > Any suggestions, advice, help etc. would be greatly appreciated.

> >

> > Thank you,

> > MoM

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I'm entirely creeped out by that " back in love " bit. So wrong on so many

different levels. I immediately thought of Gollum, too.

Your mother's e-mails are not normal.

>

> I joined this group a while ago, and I haven't posted anything since the

initial sign up, nor have I followed people's postings, so I am still sort of

" new " to this group.

>

> Anyway, I am writing because I have reached my wits-end (for the millionth

time) with my Borderline mother and need some support or advice.

>

> I'm 30 and my mother is 60. Long story short, I grew up very enmeshed with my

mother, as well as my older sister (my sister was a mother to my mother and

overly adult whereas I was the cute baby that my mother very selfishly " babied "

until I was an adult - and still tries to do) When I went to college and

finally started gaining independence, and now am independent from her, she has

lost it completely. (This isn't recent by the way)

>

> Lately, she has been sending email upon email. (She does this from time to

time) The emails start off nasty, but then end with things like, " I love so

dearly and have done everything for you " (trying to guilt trip. She will

literally say one thing in one email, and the complete opposite in the next. I

try to keep the replies short and stick to the facts, but then she accuses me of

being curt and uncaring and accusing me of abandoning her. (Again, nothing new)

>

> I have been conflicted in that she is very much alone (due to her illness) and

that she only is spiraling downward and refuses to accept reality - that people

have left her because she has hurt them. My biggest difficulty is that if I

give her any sign of " helping " or being there, she becomes a life-size leech,

and suddenly can do nothing for herself. An example, I came to visit for two

days this past Christmas, and suddenly she started calling me all the time,

crying and in a panic over the smallest inconveniences in life.

>

> I realize that it was because of the abandonment fear. If I help her a

little, suddenly she is the neediest, helpless person on the earth. If I help

her a lot, she gets very violent and abusive if even the smallest things doesn't

go her way. If I distance myself and don't help at all, I get emails and phone

calls with desperate manipulations that range from a false, sugary-sweet and

repulsive mother, to a spiteful, bitter, revengeful, mother (such as, Oh my God!

My children have abandoned me. I just want to die! *insert fake crying here*)

>

> So the reason I am writing is the last email I got today was of the

sugary-sweet kind, and it freaked me out. This is a direct paste and copy of

the email:

> " If we are back in love again, I would LOVE hearing from you....my precious "

> I was so disgusted by it... and my first thought was Lord of the Rings... " my

precious... "

>

> One of my biggest struggles as a child of a borderline mother is knowing what

is normal. I have really had to work on my behavior as an adult because I was

such a weird child because of the way my mother raised me. Even now, although I

am aware of a lot more, sometimes I don't realize when something is wrong, or

that I am being manipulated. Or, even if I feel something is off, I don't

realize how bizarre, destructive, manipulative, unhealthy, etc. it really is.

>

> My mom was very affectionate with me growing up, and really treated me like a

baby - as embarrassing as it is, I would still talk baby talk to her when I was

in college.

> So my question is, what do you think of this last email of hers? I am on such

a whirlwind with her, and unless a person has experienced it, they can't

understand - which is why I thought of this site

>

> Any suggestions, advice, help etc. would be greatly appreciated.

>

> Thank you,

> MoM

>