Yuka, Thank you

[Guest guest]

Yuka,

Hope you, and your family are doing well.

I was at the beach yesterday with our family, it was the day before

school started for our daughter and we had (our 2 year 5

month old CHARGER with us.) (He loves the sand and the beach and we

are so thrilled he can be with us. Gosh knows, how two years ago I

did not think it would have been possible) Well, is not

walking (he scooches, kneels and is just starting to pull up) and of

course has some facial palsy and a ear defect which I refer to as

his " curly ear " --At the beach there was another extended family near

by with a healthy little boy about 's age, the father was

staring so much at that I felt seriously annoyed, it took a

lot not to go over and say something. I instead turned my chair with

my back to face them and decided to forget about them and enjoy the

day and let enjoy his time. But It was your post months ago

that came to mind about people staring that helped me understand the

starer...and let the anger go. Thank you. It was so beautifully

written, and has helped me immesurably.....

I have saved that post and often think of it when I encounter someone

who is staring or rude in their observation. (I hope you do not mind

if I repost it:)

- mom to )

" My $ 0.02 )

I have been all over the map in my responses to the question of people

staring, commenting aloud or directly questioning.

My big paradigm shift came the day (my Charger) was unabashedly

staring at an adult in a wheelchair who had one arm and one leg - the

other

arm and leg having been clearly amputated.

All my resentment toward the myriad of strangers in our lives

dissipated.

I accepted that it is simply human nature to take a second look at

that

which is unusual - almost to check if what we thought we saw is

really what

we saw. I cannot expect our lives to be exempt from the peering eyes

of

human nature.

Then after that initial stare - some people are lost in the reverie

of

their own thought - they don't consider that they can be seen - like a

moviegoer sitting in a dark theater. I have seen countless people

order

food in a restaurant or address a cashier as though they were not

human.

They just don't realize what they bring to the situation - or maybe

more

accurately what they don't bring.

Then after the stare and the reverie - sometimes there is fear and

anxiety.

And they need to be reassured because they saw something unexpected

and it

made them afraid. it made them vulnerable, and it reminded them how

nothing

is guaranteed in life. And they want reassurance, a sense of control.

Maybe

they want familiarity.

Once I truly realized that their responses were all about them and

nothing

about us, I could greet each of them with love - for they had fear,

and I

know fear. Fear is where I walk when I grip too tightly on my

blessings and

they slip like sand through my fingers. Fear is when I can't feel

love,

faith or trust. And I want them to feel love, faith and trust. And

if I

greet them with that intention - it always goes well. Even if they

are

belligerent - I do not contribute to that energy, and I do not become

engaged in it. I feel nothing can be gained by them or me to meet

them

where they are.

.... then there's the day I am tired, spread thin and caught off

guard... but

that's another story )

Smiles-

Yuka