Re: My daughter has a Facebook account - for Doug

[Guest guest]

" Find out how long ago she got it, make her now do without it for

> that amount of time. Let the punishment fit the crime. "

****I love this!***** Yes! will do!

" If you have FB or txting, I can look at what you are doing at ANY time, at

random,

without accusing you of anything, just because I am an adult, and you are a 14

year old adolescent, and I am concerned and responsible for your safety. "

*****This is what makes this so frustrating is that I currently do this, but I'm

realizing as much as I screen, monitor, and vet, she will find a way around me.

Our computer at home already is in a public area. She is not allowed to have

Internet in her room. She probably set up her Facebook account at the public

library. I can't baby sit her there, i can't look over her shoulder. OR, she did

it at a friend's house. Again, I can't watch her every move. For all I know,

she has also set up 2 or 3 fake Facebook accounts so I can't track her AND

MySpace accounts. I check her texts every night, but I've told her it seems

like she's " sanitizing " them for my sake, that is, deleting the ones she doesn't

want me to see.********

I still haven't told my husband. I'm monitoring this Facebook account for a

while.

> >

> > I know it's not a big deal that she does. Except that she and her

> father and I had agreed that *we* would tell her when she could do so.

> A few years ago, at age 11, she opened her own MySpace account, also

> without telling us. I found out b/c she blurted it out in a

> conversation she and I were having with friends.

> >

> > So, her waiting on us to give her the " Go " for Facebook would have

> been a way of proving that she was going to listen to us. Lately, she

> won't listen at all. Put on a coat, it's cold. Nooo, mom, I love this

> jacket.

> >

> > I said to her father just a few weeks ago, that we should let her have

> a FB account. He agreed it was probably time for her to have one, since

> most of her friends have one. I said to him at the time, " Although I

> have a feeling she already has one, b/c she has stopped asking for one. "

> >

> > My husband and I don't have FB accounts. So, I created one and went

> on FB and found her and her 263 friends.

> >

> > **OK, here's the part that is relevant to this board:** I feel

> betrayed again and like I have no voice in this girl's life, I feel lied

> to and laughed at (a lot of her " Friends " are people that I know

> personally and talk to weekly, who she probably asked not to tell me

> anything; I mean why would she Friend them without making sure they

> didn't spill the beans to me).

> >

> > It's not about FB at this point. It's how little what I say means to

> her. It's the lack of respect I feel. I feel like flotsam, really.

> >

> > BUT..I do not want to do what my mother did to me, when she found my

> journal 26 years ago. She rubbed my face in it and allowed that journal

> to define me. She refused to forgive me for the things I'd said in it.

> >

> > I haven't told my husband because I really need to think about what we

> should do. I want to approach her more from a connection point (which

> seems really, really almost impossible lately) than from a " you're

> grounded, I can't trust you anymore " point.

> >

> > Although, I will be grounding her and I won't be able to trust her for

> a while, but I don't want to be a banshee in the way I communicate that.

> I want to tell her I get why she did it but that it was not ok. She's 14

> and thinks she's 24.

> >

> > Any advice from parents of teens or those who've parented teens is

> very appreciated. thanks.

> >

> > Fiona

> >

> >