concidering a NC Christmas

[Guest guest]

I am terrified!!!!

I tried to set boundaries this sat. when my mom called. and she fought it

hard,and ended in tears. I kept my cool on the phone, but I fell apart and I am

still recovering. the FOG is really hard on me.

then in a family letter this week she topped it off with a self righteous spiel

about how she and my dad were so greatfull God " trusted " them with all of us and

how " we know we made some

mistakes, but we are so grateful God's plan includes forgiveness "

from her perspective as far as I know my emotionally distant behavior is coming

from nowhere. I used to tell her everything blissfully unaware that she was

using against me.

last week I was gone when she called, and I had a wonderful week. I was

introspective and was starting to feel like this 6 mo. funk I have been in was

finally dissipating a little. I have some unresolved medical issues my NADA

ignored, and I have been picking at it ever since I was married with full

support form my husband, but this last week I took some more steps for all of

that.

but this week I have been fighting for validation, and crying a lot and wineing

about her and I decided I can't feel conflicted like this.

I did not make it up!!! she uses me as her projection dumping ground, her

scapegoat, and I have been putty in her hands.

and I am not a horrible person to want to protect myself from her emotional

manipulation even if she is my mother.

but I also know I question everything.

I need to focus on me right now, and on how I can grow my self esteem, give up

on the pipe dream of a real relationship with her, and figure out a more

concrete way to set boundaries and become strong enough to enforce them. I can't

do that without cutting her off for a while.

so Christmas is out, and the fallout will likely be HUGE.

today I bought a lobster tail, crab legs and some cookies I really like that are

too expensive.

I am feeling better already.

please talk me into it.

[Guest guest]

It is amazing how wonderful a holiday without a nada or fada can be. Peaceful,

joyful, happy. No raging, emotional blackmail, walking on eggshells. Glorious! I

hope you enjoy your first =)

You can turn off the ringers on your phones and your voice mail, set your email

filters to send things from your nada to the garbage, and just enjoy the

holidays! You don't have to even be aware of any possible attacks.

You are an adult now, and you have every right to choose how you spend your

holidays. You can have a perfectly wonderful time if you want to! Healthy

families understand that not everyone can come to every single event. It is not

only ok for you to spend your Christmas elsewhere, it's normal! Have fun and

take care of yourself =)

Sveta