Ellen Howe Re: Re: I had a wierd day today! This wierdo followed me all the way to my neighb...

[Guest guest]

Ellen-

You're right, Pat does not belong to our list. Pat is Chip's friend's mom. ....

what has happened here is a while back Chip posted an email about a man he met,

who is about 30 and is also deaf, named Todd. Chip felt uncomfortable with

Todd's persistence. While relating the story, Chip says that Pat advised him

to " tell Todd off. " Then Chip relates that he told Todd something more strongly

than he really did - because he was taking what he said was Pat's advice. Chip

sent out the email to alot of people and also to two listserves.

So, Pat replied to all the recipients of Chip's original email correcting that

" telling Todd off " is not what she said. She also further tells Chip she does

not like being misrepresented to all the people to whom Chip sent the email.

Chip then posts a correction telling everyone that he did not really speak to

Todd so strongly.

I think is asking us to notice how at times Chip can rephrase things

differently than how they were originally stated, giving quite a different

effect. I think is asking us to consider this incident as a way of seeing

the multitude of misunderstandings that have occurred in his world when Chip

" tells' " people what " said " .

In my opinion, has been a very good, generous and kind friend to Chip. What

is difficult is Chip sometimes really needs people to agree with him, and it

pains him greatly when they do not. When Chip explains how won't agree

with him, Chip struggles with the feeling that he is being forced to change in

order to create agreement. Chip becomes so sad that it appears through Chip's

description as though is being somehow unkind or cruel to not have a change

of heart. I find that does state his opinions strongly at times, and in

my experience, he does not require me to agree with them. As a matter of fact,

when I have spoken with about Chip's upsets, I find that is equally

confused why he is not allowed his own point of view, and why Chip insists that

change his own point of view and agree with him. It is very difficult to

not agree with Chip and then find oneself complained about with a liberal

slanting of information to a multitude of email recipients.

So, I think was taking this as a moment of illustration of how innocently

the wrong impression can be given, especially when Chip attributes his own

actions as being the result of taking someone else's advice, and how that advice

is often " rephrased. "

Sometimes when I have offered what I thought was sympathy to Chip, I have found

myself later represented as endorsing his position ( " Everyone says I

should... " ). I can see how that confusion can happen, so I am more careful to

be clear with my sympathies. Sometimes when Chip asks me for advice, I have to

be careful because if my advice is a direct suggestion and he takes it, then he

holds me responsible for all that follows ( " So and so told me to..... " ). If I

disagree with Chip, I have to be very mindful about how I present that

disagreement and very mindful of precisely what I am in disagreement with and

whether or not it is any of my business and what good it serves for me to

respond to it, because I am aware I could become the object of his upset by

disagreeing ( " Why won't you let me.... " ).

I might have opened a world of trouble with this post - but I felt that 's

effort to have prior situations seen in another light placed an incumbent

responsibility on my part to contribute to that effort as fairly as I can. Wish

me luck-

with love,

yuka

Re: Re: I had a wierd day today! This wierdo followed me all

the way to my neighb...

paul um dotn think shes on the group or if she is i havetn seen her maybe

lisa could correct me on that but im fairly sure she isnt is she chip

>

> lol paul thought cantelle was bad with misinterpetations and dotn take

> this the worng way pls LOL

>

>

> >

> > drama drama drama.. now you all know how I feel everytime he

> > mentions my name to you all

> > thanks pat

> >

> > On 1/28/07, PLLeung@... <PLLeung%40aol.com>

<PLLeung@...<PLLeung%40aol.com>>

> > wrote:

> > >

> > >

> > > I NEVER told you to " tell him off " and I don't appreciate you telling

> > that

> > > to your group of friends. I told you to nicely tell him you had other

> > plans

> > > for the day and suggested you make plans with him for another day.

> > >

> > > Pat

> >

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yuka,

Beautiful.

--

Pamela J. , M.A., CAGS

Licensed Educational Psychologist

Deafblind Program

Perkins School for the Blind

175 N. Beacon St.

Watertown, MA 02472