Re: Nada is triangulating with my therapistand I don't know what do to...help?

[Guest guest]

your therapist clearly doesn't have experience with BP if she's falling for her

manipulations. you need a different therapist!!

my Mom went through a phase of literally stalking my therapist. showing up at

the office, calling her emergency line, demanding that she be seen, threatening

suicide to her answering maching...then telling he how unprofessional,

incompetent, uncaring she was not to come to her rescue! fortunately my T is

very skilled at working with BP and not only didn't pay attention to her, but

remained protective of ME. It was used as a huge learning opportunity for us in

our work together. and proved to be one of the 1st ah-hah moments.

so what your T should be doing is protecting YOU not caving in to your Mom, and

using this as a valuable opportunity to awaken you to who she is and what her

real motives are. I'm so sorry for you that this has happened. It is such a

huge violation of boundaries. But it's so blatant that you've been able to see

it for what it is. good for you! so, I agree--get away and find a new T who

can protect you-- you deserve it!

~Debbie

>

> **

>

>

>

> I think that's a good idea, that you're checking into another

> therapist.

>

> I see now what you mean by the therapist situation not being as

> simple as

> it sounds; it is complex and you have a good relationship with

> her. I

> agree

> with you, though, that her over-sympathizing with your mother is

> a

> cause

> for concern. maybe she can't see the situation objectively

> anymore....?

>

>

> I sent this to the list yesterday night but it doesn't seem to

> have

> made

> it through -- here's an update:

>

> Okay, I was sufficiently bothered by the phone call with my

> therapist

> (B.)

> and confused about the various opinions I've heard about

> possible

> ethics

> breaches and conflicts-of-interest that I called another local

> mental

> health agency and asked if I could get a one-time consultation

> session

> with

> one of their therapists, preferably someone with a background

> dealing

> with

> adult children of abusive parents. To my surprise they were

> able to

> get me

> in this evening, and I got to talk to a very sweet lady I'll

> call S. I

> described the situation to her and she said there was no ethical

> violation,

> but she urged me to see B. alone, by myself, and talk about my

> reaction to

> my mother's triangulation with B. and discuss expectations and

> ground

> rules

> for the joint session BEFORE getting into a joint session with

> my Mom..

> She

> confirmed (strongly) that B. was MY therapist and should be

> putting me

> first no matter how desperate my Mom seemed on the voice mail --

> that

> Mom

> had access to other therapists if she felt desperate and had no

> need

> (or

> right) to go co-opting mine. Accordingly, I'm going to call B.

> tomorrow and

> tell her I want to reschedule my joint session with Momster for

> AFTER

> my

> next individual session with B. In addition to the work setting

> boundaries

> and expectations for the joint session, it'll also give me an

> opportunity

> to express my feelings to B. about my mom's borderline traits

> (with the

> accompanying neediness and manipulation that go hand-in-hand

> with being

> borderline) and reconfirm that I would like B.'s attention to

> remain

> primarily on me in the joint session and for her not to get

> swept up

> in my

> Mom's acting-out no matter how much she seems to be suffering.

>

> S.was very good to talk to, and she also told me about a 9-week

> Adult

> Survivors workshop her group runs twice yearly. The next one

> won't be

> until

> spring, but I told her I definitely wanted more info on it when

> plans

> got

> finalized. No telling if I'll even be in the state still come

> spring,

> but

> if I am, the workshop could be very beneficial.

>

> It still bugs me that Mom dragged B. into this (although I

> certainly

> wasn't surprised.) I mean, it seems that if she was really

> suffering

> THAT

> much, she would find a therapist of her own and get some help

> that she

> could be sure was directed at her, not at me. Her attempting to

> co-opt

> my

> therapist basically shows that she's just trying to use B. to

> get her

> " no

> good " daughter to fall in line, not that she's making any real

> attempt

> to

> seek help for her own sake. I would guess she just wants B. to

> " fix "

> me,

> which she thinks will take care of the issues. (*SIGH*)

>

> -- Jen

>

>

>

>