You have nothing to be proud of.

[Guest guest]

I've been dragging my feet on posting this because it hurt and I was really

angry about it, but I think for my own sake it's better I just get it out

instead of letting it fester. So here goes.

A couple of weeks ago, nada and younger brother (15yo) were arguing over

homework. Long story short, she yells at brother about why can't he be more like

his older sister (me), while at the same time implying that he's not as smart as

me. I stepped in, told her it wasn't fair to make comparisons and that she

shouldn't expect him to be like me at all. Plus I added a reality check (for

bro's sake) that I was not the greatest student anyway. Certainly not the

academic goddess she was making me out to be. She gets all huffy and says,

" You're very smart and dedicated. I raised you to be that way. "

Stop. Everything. I was doing ok with staying cool up to this point, but her

taking credit for my success is a huge sore spot for me. I was homeschooled

until 9th grade. During most of 6th grade, and all of 7th and 8th, I actually

taught MYSELF social studies, english/reading, and science (dad taught the math

part). She kept falling asleep during lesson time, and aside from that the

lessons were inconsistent, done when nada felt like it. No discipline. God

forbid nada should have to stick to something, especially if it was for someone

else's benefit.

At some point I realized that I was halfway through my academic career and

nada's lack of commitment was screwing over my future. So I pulled out the

textbook and the workbook and put myself through middle school. I remember nada

actually getting mad at me for checking my answers against the teacher's manual.

She accused me of cheating - probably redirecting the anger she felt at herself

seeing her child do her job.

Anyway, back to the argument. She tries to play it up like she's fostered my

growth and what a wonderful mother she must have been. I said, " HA! You didn't

teach me any of that. I taught myself! " Her attitude toward me changed in a

split second and it became, " You are so proud. You have always had too much

pride. Don't you know 'pride comes before a fall?' You have NOTHING to be proud

of. "

I didn't say anything then. I'm not sure if I was just trying to ignore her or

just didn't want to start a screaming match, but I walked away. Now it's fully

sunk in and I'm mad as a hornet. She doesn't care about me. She never did. The

reason she snapped was probably because my comment made her feel like an

inadequate mother. I really think she resents me because I had the drive and

ambition to overcome her hurdles, because I'm smarter than her, because I

refused to let her inadequacy fuck over my future, because I was a better mother

to myself than she was or will be to anyone.

Now I wish I had taken my bowl of hot soup and dumped it on her head.

You know what, Nada? YOU have nothing to be proud of. You never should have put

that responsibility on me, and you sure as shit shouldn't hate me for having

overcome it. But you do. So here's a hearty FUCK YOU for not realizing what you

could have had with me.

[Guest guest]

I'm so sorry, that's totally shitty.

That said, when I hear BPDs talk (and my boss is a more mild case of one) I

sometimes imagine what their self talk is like. I can totally hear them,

inside their heads, screaming " pride goeth before a fall " and stuff like

that. Somehow, it helps me understand why they are so messed up. I mean, if

I walked around screaming at myself and switching directions constantly, i

think I would be a hot violent mess too. Not defending them, just sharing

what I imagine goes on inside their minds.

> **

>

>

> I've been dragging my feet on posting this because it hurt and I was really

> angry about it, but I think for my own sake it's better I just get it out

> instead of letting it fester. So here goes.

>

> A couple of weeks ago, nada and younger brother (15yo) were arguing over

> homework. Long story short, she yells at brother about why can't he be more

> like his older sister (me), while at the same time implying that he's not as

> smart as me. I stepped in, told her it wasn't fair to make comparisons and

> that she shouldn't expect him to be like me at all. Plus I added a reality

> check (for bro's sake) that I was not the greatest student anyway. Certainly

> not the academic goddess she was making me out to be. She gets all huffy and

> says, " You're very smart and dedicated. I raised you to be that way. "

>

> Stop. Everything. I was doing ok with staying cool up to this point, but

> her taking credit for my success is a huge sore spot for me. I was

> homeschooled until 9th grade. During most of 6th grade, and all of 7th and

> 8th, I actually taught MYSELF social studies, english/reading, and science

> (dad taught the math part). She kept falling asleep during lesson time, and

> aside from that the lessons were inconsistent, done when nada felt like it.

> No discipline. God forbid nada should have to stick to something, especially

> if it was for someone else's benefit.

>

> At some point I realized that I was halfway through my academic career and

> nada's lack of commitment was screwing over my future. So I pulled out the

> textbook and the workbook and put myself through middle school. I remember

> nada actually getting mad at me for checking my answers against the

> teacher's manual. She accused me of cheating - probably redirecting the

> anger she felt at herself seeing her child do her job.

>

> Anyway, back to the argument. She tries to play it up like she's fostered

> my growth and what a wonderful mother she must have been. I said, " HA! You

> didn't teach me any of that. I taught myself! " Her attitude toward me

> changed in a split second and it became, " You are so proud. You have always

> had too much pride. Don't you know 'pride comes before a fall?' You have

> NOTHING to be proud of. "

>

> I didn't say anything then. I'm not sure if I was just trying to ignore her

> or just didn't want to start a screaming match, but I walked away. Now it's

> fully sunk in and I'm mad as a hornet. She doesn't care about me. She never

> did. The reason she snapped was probably because my comment made her feel

> like an inadequate mother. I really think she resents me because I had the

> drive and ambition to overcome her hurdles, because I'm smarter than her,

> because I refused to let her inadequacy fuck over my future, because I was a

> better mother to myself than she was or will be to anyone.

>

> Now I wish I had taken my bowl of hot soup and dumped it on her head.

>

> You know what, Nada? YOU have nothing to be proud of. You never should have

> put that responsibility on me, and you sure as shit shouldn't hate me for

> having overcome it. But you do. So here's a hearty FUCK YOU for not

> realizing what you could have had with me.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I am late in responding but your post struck a cord with me when I first read it

and its been on my to-do list to come in and give you a BIG hug and let you know

how much I relate.

I was homeschooled too. I also schooled myself mostly and even checked my own

tests. I never realized until I became a mom how LITTLE my own mom did in those

last years. We took care of ourselves.

My brother, who is 7 years younger than me, suffered the most. He had a learning

disability that my mom didn't aggressively seek treatment for until he was about

9 and the damage was done. She screwed him out of a high school diploma in his

senior year, did not keep records, and because of his learning disability and

subsequent lack of help for it, he couldn't even pass the GED and get in

college.

He is a very smart guy and ended up going to Culinary school and being one of

the top of his class. I'm super proud of him now, such a great young man with a

great job.

Its really infuriating when they take credit for what YOU did and how YOU

survived their laziness and incompetence and overall not giving a damn while you

raised yourself.

I think you should have went with the soup idea.

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > I've been dragging my feet on posting this because it hurt and I was really

> > angry about it, but I think for my own sake it's better I just get it out

> > instead of letting it fester. So here goes.

> >

> > A couple of weeks ago, nada and younger brother (15yo) were arguing over

> > homework. Long story short, she yells at brother about why can't he be more

> > like his older sister (me), while at the same time implying that he's not as

> > smart as me. I stepped in, told her it wasn't fair to make comparisons and

> > that she shouldn't expect him to be like me at all. Plus I added a reality

> > check (for bro's sake) that I was not the greatest student anyway. Certainly

> > not the academic goddess she was making me out to be. She gets all huffy and

> > says, " You're very smart and dedicated. I raised you to be that way. "

> >

> > Stop. Everything. I was doing ok with staying cool up to this point, but

> > her taking credit for my success is a huge sore spot for me. I was

> > homeschooled until 9th grade. During most of 6th grade, and all of 7th and

> > 8th, I actually taught MYSELF social studies, english/reading, and science

> > (dad taught the math part). She kept falling asleep during lesson time, and

> > aside from that the lessons were inconsistent, done when nada felt like it.

> > No discipline. God forbid nada should have to stick to something, especially

> > if it was for someone else's benefit.

> >

> > At some point I realized that I was halfway through my academic career and

> > nada's lack of commitment was screwing over my future. So I pulled out the

> > textbook and the workbook and put myself through middle school. I remember

> > nada actually getting mad at me for checking my answers against the

> > teacher's manual. She accused me of cheating - probably redirecting the

> > anger she felt at herself seeing her child do her job.

> >

> > Anyway, back to the argument. She tries to play it up like she's fostered

> > my growth and what a wonderful mother she must have been. I said, " HA! You

> > didn't teach me any of that. I taught myself! " Her attitude toward me

> > changed in a split second and it became, " You are so proud. You have always

> > had too much pride. Don't you know 'pride comes before a fall?' You have

> > NOTHING to be proud of. "

> >

> > I didn't say anything then. I'm not sure if I was just trying to ignore her

> > or just didn't want to start a screaming match, but I walked away. Now it's

> > fully sunk in and I'm mad as a hornet. She doesn't care about me. She never

> > did. The reason she snapped was probably because my comment made her feel

> > like an inadequate mother. I really think she resents me because I had the

> > drive and ambition to overcome her hurdles, because I'm smarter than her,

> > because I refused to let her inadequacy fuck over my future, because I was a

> > better mother to myself than she was or will be to anyone.

> >

> > Now I wish I had taken my bowl of hot soup and dumped it on her head.

> >

> > You know what, Nada? YOU have nothing to be proud of. You never should have

> > put that responsibility on me, and you sure as shit shouldn't hate me for

> > having overcome it. But you do. So here's a hearty FUCK YOU for not

> > realizing what you could have had with me.

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I am so very sorry for your pain, . Nada truly does not deserve the

wonderful child that she has. The fact that you have accomplished so much on

your own is a testatment to how proud you should be of yourself. You must safely

deal with your anger over your situation, so please keep posting. We are here

for you.

Anger is a common theme in dealing with these narcissistic BPDs. They turn your

world upside down with their constant badgering, accusations, and crazy-making

talk. You have a right to be angry. Just know that YOU are RIGHT, and she is

sick, and you can overcome. Takes a lot of work, but you can get through this.

You made an excellent point - nada is missing out on the pure enjoyment that she

could have with you. But she is too self-centered to see your beauty. Her

loss. You must find friends and family that see you for the beautiful person

that you are.

S.

> >

> > > **

> > >

> > >

> > > I've been dragging my feet on posting this because it hurt and I was

really

> > > angry about it, but I think for my own sake it's better I just get it out

> > > instead of letting it fester. So here goes.

> > >

> > > A couple of weeks ago, nada and younger brother (15yo) were arguing over

> > > homework. Long story short, she yells at brother about why can't he be

more

> > > like his older sister (me), while at the same time implying that he's not

as

> > > smart as me. I stepped in, told her it wasn't fair to make comparisons and

> > > that she shouldn't expect him to be like me at all. Plus I added a reality

> > > check (for bro's sake) that I was not the greatest student anyway.

Certainly

> > > not the academic goddess she was making me out to be. She gets all huffy

and

> > > says, " You're very smart and dedicated. I raised you to be that way. "

> > >

> > > Stop. Everything. I was doing ok with staying cool up to this point, but

> > > her taking credit for my success is a huge sore spot for me. I was

> > > homeschooled until 9th grade. During most of 6th grade, and all of 7th and

> > > 8th, I actually taught MYSELF social studies, english/reading, and science

> > > (dad taught the math part). She kept falling asleep during lesson time,

and

> > > aside from that the lessons were inconsistent, done when nada felt like

it.

> > > No discipline. God forbid nada should have to stick to something,

especially

> > > if it was for someone else's benefit.

> > >

> > > At some point I realized that I was halfway through my academic career and

> > > nada's lack of commitment was screwing over my future. So I pulled out the

> > > textbook and the workbook and put myself through middle school. I remember

> > > nada actually getting mad at me for checking my answers against the

> > > teacher's manual. She accused me of cheating - probably redirecting the

> > > anger she felt at herself seeing her child do her job.

> > >

> > > Anyway, back to the argument. She tries to play it up like she's fostered

> > > my growth and what a wonderful mother she must have been. I said, " HA! You

> > > didn't teach me any of that. I taught myself! " Her attitude toward me

> > > changed in a split second and it became, " You are so proud. You have

always

> > > had too much pride. Don't you know 'pride comes before a fall?' You have

> > > NOTHING to be proud of. "

> > >

> > > I didn't say anything then. I'm not sure if I was just trying to ignore

her

> > > or just didn't want to start a screaming match, but I walked away. Now

it's

> > > fully sunk in and I'm mad as a hornet. She doesn't care about me. She

never

> > > did. The reason she snapped was probably because my comment made her feel

> > > like an inadequate mother. I really think she resents me because I had the

> > > drive and ambition to overcome her hurdles, because I'm smarter than her,

> > > because I refused to let her inadequacy fuck over my future, because I was

a

> > > better mother to myself than she was or will be to anyone.

> > >

> > > Now I wish I had taken my bowl of hot soup and dumped it on her head.

> > >

> > > You know what, Nada? YOU have nothing to be proud of. You never should

have

> > > put that responsibility on me, and you sure as shit shouldn't hate me for

> > > having overcome it. But you do. So here's a hearty FUCK YOU for not

> > > realizing what you could have had with me.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Actually I'm rather proud of you (not in a nada way) that you had the courage to

speak up like that, to stand up for your brother so he didn't feel like a

complete loser. That had to be very difficult. I never spoke back to my nada. I

couldn't even have an expression on my face or she'd blow up. Even now at my

ripe old age of 59, I do my best to ignore her nasty comments. I don't fight

back. She'll never change so what's the use of giving myself diarrhea over her.

LOL In your case you were fighting for you brother. Good for you!

>

> I've been dragging my feet on posting this because it hurt and I was really

angry about it, but I think for my own sake it's better I just get it out

instead of letting it fester. So here goes.

>

> A couple of weeks ago, nada and younger brother (15yo) were arguing over

homework. Long story short, she yells at brother about why can't he be more like

his older sister (me), while at the same time implying that he's not as smart as

me. I stepped in, told her it wasn't fair to make comparisons and that she

shouldn't expect him to be like me at all. Plus I added a reality check (for

bro's sake) that I was not the greatest student anyway. Certainly not the

academic goddess she was making me out to be. She gets all huffy and says,

" You're very smart and dedicated. I raised you to be that way. "

>

> Stop. Everything. I was doing ok with staying cool up to this point, but her

taking credit for my success is a huge sore spot for me. I was homeschooled

until 9th grade. During most of 6th grade, and all of 7th and 8th, I actually

taught MYSELF social studies, english/reading, and science (dad taught the math

part). She kept falling asleep during lesson time, and aside from that the

lessons were inconsistent, done when nada felt like it. No discipline. God

forbid nada should have to stick to something, especially if it was for someone

else's benefit.

>

> At some point I realized that I was halfway through my academic career and

nada's lack of commitment was screwing over my future. So I pulled out the

textbook and the workbook and put myself through middle school. I remember nada

actually getting mad at me for checking my answers against the teacher's manual.

She accused me of cheating - probably redirecting the anger she felt at herself

seeing her child do her job.

>

> Anyway, back to the argument. She tries to play it up like she's fostered my

growth and what a wonderful mother she must have been. I said, " HA! You didn't

teach me any of that. I taught myself! " Her attitude toward me changed in a

split second and it became, " You are so proud. You have always had too much

pride. Don't you know 'pride comes before a fall?' You have NOTHING to be proud

of. "

>

> I didn't say anything then. I'm not sure if I was just trying to ignore her or

just didn't want to start a screaming match, but I walked away. Now it's fully

sunk in and I'm mad as a hornet. She doesn't care about me. She never did. The

reason she snapped was probably because my comment made her feel like an

inadequate mother. I really think she resents me because I had the drive and

ambition to overcome her hurdles, because I'm smarter than her, because I

refused to let her inadequacy fuck over my future, because I was a better mother

to myself than she was or will be to anyone.

>

> Now I wish I had taken my bowl of hot soup and dumped it on her head.

>

> You know what, Nada? YOU have nothing to be proud of. You never should have

put that responsibility on me, and you sure as shit shouldn't hate me for having

overcome it. But you do. So here's a hearty FUCK YOU for not realizing what you

could have had with me.

>

[Guest guest]

, *I* am proud of you. Most children in middle school are worrying about

their hair, clothes and crushes. You say the vacuum your mother left regarding

your schooling and took the bull by the horns to teach yourself.

She really doesn't deserve such a smart & forward thinking kid. Kudos to you,

kid! Sure, it would be really NICE to have a caring mother, but YOU have proven

to not need HER.

When you get away from her, run far into YOUR future and don't look back at the

dysfunction she is. <hugs>

>

> I've been dragging my feet on posting this because it hurt and I was really

angry about it, but I think for my own sake it's better I just get it out

instead of letting it fester. So here goes.

>

> A couple of weeks ago, nada and younger brother (15yo) were arguing over

homework. Long story short, she yells at brother about why can't he be more like

his older sister (me), while at the same time implying that he's not as smart as

me. I stepped in, told her it wasn't fair to make comparisons and that she

shouldn't expect him to be like me at all. Plus I added a reality check (for

bro's sake) that I was not the greatest student anyway. Certainly not the

academic goddess she was making me out to be. She gets all huffy and says,

" You're very smart and dedicated. I raised you to be that way. "

>

> Stop. Everything. I was doing ok with staying cool up to this point, but her

taking credit for my success is a huge sore spot for me. I was homeschooled

until 9th grade. During most of 6th grade, and all of 7th and 8th, I actually

taught MYSELF social studies, english/reading, and science (dad taught the math

part). She kept falling asleep during lesson time, and aside from that the

lessons were inconsistent, done when nada felt like it. No discipline. God

forbid nada should have to stick to something, especially if it was for someone

else's benefit.

>

> At some point I realized that I was halfway through my academic career and

nada's lack of commitment was screwing over my future. So I pulled out the

textbook and the workbook and put myself through middle school. I remember nada

actually getting mad at me for checking my answers against the teacher's manual.

She accused me of cheating - probably redirecting the anger she felt at herself

seeing her child do her job.

>

> Anyway, back to the argument. She tries to play it up like she's fostered my

growth and what a wonderful mother she must have been. I said, " HA! You didn't

teach me any of that. I taught myself! " Her attitude toward me changed in a

split second and it became, " You are so proud. You have always had too much

pride. Don't you know 'pride comes before a fall?' You have NOTHING to be proud

of. "

>

> I didn't say anything then. I'm not sure if I was just trying to ignore her or

just didn't want to start a screaming match, but I walked away. Now it's fully

sunk in and I'm mad as a hornet. She doesn't care about me. She never did. The

reason she snapped was probably because my comment made her feel like an

inadequate mother. I really think she resents me because I had the drive and

ambition to overcome her hurdles, because I'm smarter than her, because I

refused to let her inadequacy fuck over my future, because I was a better mother

to myself than she was or will be to anyone.

>

> Now I wish I had taken my bowl of hot soup and dumped it on her head.

>

> You know what, Nada? YOU have nothing to be proud of. You never should have

put that responsibility on me, and you sure as shit shouldn't hate me for having

overcome it. But you do. So here's a hearty FUCK YOU for not realizing what you

could have had with me.

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, echobabe. That is very validating. I'm still living with her at the

moment, but hopefully by the end of this week I'll have a job and will move 100

miles away (not far enough, imo, but it's a start, lol).

Subject: Re: You have nothing to be proud of.

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Sunday, October 9, 2011, 9:08 PM

 

, *I* am proud of you. Most children in middle school are worrying

about their hair, clothes and crushes. You say the vacuum your mother left

regarding your schooling and took the bull by the horns to teach yourself.

She really doesn't deserve such a smart & forward thinking kid. Kudos to you,

kid! Sure, it would be really NICE to have a caring mother, but YOU have proven

to not need HER.

When you get away from her, run far into YOUR future and don't look back at the

dysfunction she is. <hugs>

>

> I've been dragging my feet on posting this because it hurt and I was really

angry about it, but I think for my own sake it's better I just get it out

instead of letting it fester. So here goes.

>

> A couple of weeks ago, nada and younger brother (15yo) were arguing over

homework. Long story short, she yells at brother about why can't he be more like

his older sister (me), while at the same time implying that he's not as smart as

me. I stepped in, told her it wasn't fair to make comparisons and that she

shouldn't expect him to be like me at all. Plus I added a reality check (for

bro's sake) that I was not the greatest student anyway. Certainly not the

academic goddess she was making me out to be. She gets all huffy and says,

" You're very smart and dedicated. I raised you to be that way. "

>

> Stop. Everything. I was doing ok with staying cool up to this point, but her

taking credit for my success is a huge sore spot for me. I was homeschooled

until 9th grade. During most of 6th grade, and all of 7th and 8th, I actually

taught MYSELF social studies, english/reading, and science (dad taught the math

part). She kept falling asleep during lesson time, and aside from that the

lessons were inconsistent, done when nada felt like it. No discipline. God

forbid nada should have to stick to something, especially if it was for someone

else's benefit.

>

> At some point I realized that I was halfway through my academic career and

nada's lack of commitment was screwing over my future. So I pulled out the

textbook and the workbook and put myself through middle school. I remember nada

actually getting mad at me for checking my answers against the teacher's manual.

She accused me of cheating - probably redirecting the anger she felt at herself

seeing her child do her job.

>

> Anyway, back to the argument. She tries to play it up like she's fostered my

growth and what a wonderful mother she must have been. I said, " HA! You didn't

teach me any of that. I taught myself! " Her attitude toward me changed in a

split second and it became, " You are so proud. You have always had too much

pride. Don't you know 'pride comes before a fall?' You have NOTHING to be proud

of. "

>

> I didn't say anything then. I'm not sure if I was just trying to ignore her or

just didn't want to start a screaming match, but I walked away. Now it's fully

sunk in and I'm mad as a hornet. She doesn't care about me. She never did. The

reason she snapped was probably because my comment made her feel like an

inadequate mother. I really think she resents me because I had the drive and

ambition to overcome her hurdles, because I'm smarter than her, because I

refused to let her inadequacy fuck over my future, because I was a better mother

to myself than she was or will be to anyone.

>

> Now I wish I had taken my bowl of hot soup and dumped it on her head.

>

> You know what, Nada? YOU have nothing to be proud of. You never should have

put that responsibility on me, and you sure as shit shouldn't hate me for having

overcome it. But you do. So here's a hearty FUCK YOU for not realizing what you

could have had with me.

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Irene. Somehow it's always easier to stand up to her when she's

picking on one of my younger siblings. Most of the time I try to let her bitchy

comments just roll right off me. Most of it is misdirected or, at best, impotent

rage anyway. She doesn't intimidate me at all the way she used to. That

particular comment hurt a lot though. I guess I still haven't let go of trying

to make her proud of me. Stupid, I know. She will be proud when she's showing

off to someone else or when she wants to hoover me back in, but it flips as soon

as her mood changes. When am I gonna learn? lol

Subject: Re: You have nothing to be proud of.

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Sunday, October 9, 2011, 1:47 PM

 

Actually I'm rather proud of you (not in a nada way) that you had the

courage to speak up like that, to stand up for your brother so he didn't feel

like a complete loser. That had to be very difficult. I never spoke back to my

nada. I couldn't even have an expression on my face or she'd blow up. Even now

at my ripe old age of 59, I do my best to ignore her nasty comments. I don't

fight back. She'll never change so what's the use of giving myself diarrhea over

her. LOL In your case you were fighting for you brother. Good for you!

>

> I've been dragging my feet on posting this because it hurt and I was really

angry about it, but I think for my own sake it's better I just get it out

instead of letting it fester. So here goes.

>

> A couple of weeks ago, nada and younger brother (15yo) were arguing over

homework. Long story short, she yells at brother about why can't he be more like

his older sister (me), while at the same time implying that he's not as smart as

me. I stepped in, told her it wasn't fair to make comparisons and that she

shouldn't expect him to be like me at all. Plus I added a reality check (for

bro's sake) that I was not the greatest student anyway. Certainly not the

academic goddess she was making me out to be. She gets all huffy and says,

" You're very smart and dedicated. I raised you to be that way. "

>

> Stop. Everything. I was doing ok with staying cool up to this point, but her

taking credit for my success is a huge sore spot for me. I was homeschooled

until 9th grade. During most of 6th grade, and all of 7th and 8th, I actually

taught MYSELF social studies, english/reading, and science (dad taught the math

part). She kept falling asleep during lesson time, and aside from that the

lessons were inconsistent, done when nada felt like it. No discipline. God

forbid nada should have to stick to something, especially if it was for someone

else's benefit.

>

> At some point I realized that I was halfway through my academic career and

nada's lack of commitment was screwing over my future. So I pulled out the

textbook and the workbook and put myself through middle school. I remember nada

actually getting mad at me for checking my answers against the teacher's manual.

She accused me of cheating - probably redirecting the anger she felt at herself

seeing her child do her job.

>

> Anyway, back to the argument. She tries to play it up like she's fostered my

growth and what a wonderful mother she must have been. I said, " HA! You didn't

teach me any of that. I taught myself! " Her attitude toward me changed in a

split second and it became, " You are so proud. You have always had too much

pride. Don't you know 'pride comes before a fall?' You have NOTHING to be proud

of. "

>

> I didn't say anything then. I'm not sure if I was just trying to ignore her or

just didn't want to start a screaming match, but I walked away. Now it's fully

sunk in and I'm mad as a hornet. She doesn't care about me. She never did. The

reason she snapped was probably because my comment made her feel like an

inadequate mother. I really think she resents me because I had the drive and

ambition to overcome her hurdles, because I'm smarter than her, because I

refused to let her inadequacy fuck over my future, because I was a better mother

to myself than she was or will be to anyone.

>

> Now I wish I had taken my bowl of hot soup and dumped it on her head.

>

> You know what, Nada? YOU have nothing to be proud of. You never should have

put that responsibility on me, and you sure as shit shouldn't hate me for having

overcome it. But you do. So here's a hearty FUCK YOU for not realizing what you

could have had with me.

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks S, you're right. I know the reason it hurt so much is because I still

haven't given up on getting her approval (subconsciously, anyway). Ugh. But

you're right, it's her loss. There's no point trying to prove to her that I'm

worth something. I don't even think she's capable of understanding that I'm a

separate person. Now if only I could remember that in the heat of the moment....

>.<

Subject: Re: You have nothing to be proud of.

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Saturday, October 8, 2011, 6:38 PM

 

I am so very sorry for your pain, . Nada truly does not deserve the

wonderful child that she has. The fact that you have accomplished so much on

your own is a testatment to how proud you should be of yourself. You must safely

deal with your anger over your situation, so please keep posting. We are here

for you.

Anger is a common theme in dealing with these narcissistic BPDs. They turn your

world upside down with their constant badgering, accusations, and crazy-making

talk. You have a right to be angry. Just know that YOU are RIGHT, and she is

sick, and you can overcome. Takes a lot of work, but you can get through this.

You made an excellent point - nada is missing out on the pure enjoyment that she

could have with you. But she is too self-centered to see your beauty. Her

loss. You must find friends and family that see you for the beautiful person

that you are.

S.

> >

> > > **

> > >

> > >

> > > I've been dragging my feet on posting this because it hurt and I was

really

> > > angry about it, but I think for my own sake it's better I just get it out

> > > instead of letting it fester. So here goes.

> > >

> > > A couple of weeks ago, nada and younger brother (15yo) were arguing over

> > > homework. Long story short, she yells at brother about why can't he be

more

> > > like his older sister (me), while at the same time implying that he's not

as

> > > smart as me. I stepped in, told her it wasn't fair to make comparisons and

> > > that she shouldn't expect him to be like me at all. Plus I added a reality

> > > check (for bro's sake) that I was not the greatest student anyway.

Certainly

> > > not the academic goddess she was making me out to be. She gets all huffy

and

> > > says, " You're very smart and dedicated. I raised you to be that way. "

> > >

> > > Stop. Everything. I was doing ok with staying cool up to this point, but

> > > her taking credit for my success is a huge sore spot for me. I was

> > > homeschooled until 9th grade. During most of 6th grade, and all of 7th and

> > > 8th, I actually taught MYSELF social studies, english/reading, and science

> > > (dad taught the math part). She kept falling asleep during lesson time,

and

> > > aside from that the lessons were inconsistent, done when nada felt like

it.

> > > No discipline. God forbid nada should have to stick to something,

especially

> > > if it was for someone else's benefit.

> > >

> > > At some point I realized that I was halfway through my academic career and

> > > nada's lack of commitment was screwing over my future. So I pulled out the

> > > textbook and the workbook and put myself through middle school. I remember

> > > nada actually getting mad at me for checking my answers against the

> > > teacher's manual. She accused me of cheating - probably redirecting the

> > > anger she felt at herself seeing her child do her job.

> > >

> > > Anyway, back to the argument. She tries to play it up like she's fostered

> > > my growth and what a wonderful mother she must have been. I said, " HA! You

> > > didn't teach me any of that. I taught myself! " Her attitude toward me

> > > changed in a split second and it became, " You are so proud. You have

always

> > > had too much pride. Don't you know 'pride comes before a fall?' You have

> > > NOTHING to be proud of. "

> > >

> > > I didn't say anything then. I'm not sure if I was just trying to ignore

her

> > > or just didn't want to start a screaming match, but I walked away. Now

it's

> > > fully sunk in and I'm mad as a hornet. She doesn't care about me. She

never

> > > did. The reason she snapped was probably because my comment made her feel

> > > like an inadequate mother. I really think she resents me because I had the

> > > drive and ambition to overcome her hurdles, because I'm smarter than her,

> > > because I refused to let her inadequacy fuck over my future, because I was

a

> > > better mother to myself than she was or will be to anyone.

> > >

> > > Now I wish I had taken my bowl of hot soup and dumped it on her head.

> > >

> > > You know what, Nada? YOU have nothing to be proud of. You never should

have

> > > put that responsibility on me, and you sure as shit shouldn't hate me for

> > > having overcome it. But you do. So here's a hearty FUCK YOU for not

> > > realizing what you could have had with me.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Lol, yes dumping that soup would have been totally counterproductive but oh so

worth it.

I'm sorry you had that responsibility dropped on you too. It's horrible what

your mother did to you and your brother. What's worse is when they not only deny

the abuse, but say the reason you got through is because of them. Arrgh, so

frustrating! It's unbelievable how they can twist reality so badly and still be

in denial. I think my head would explode if I tried to change reality that much.

Subject: Re: You have nothing to be proud of.

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Saturday, October 8, 2011, 4:09 PM

 

I am late in responding but your post struck a cord with me when I first

read it and its been on my to-do list to come in and give you a BIG hug and let

you know how much I relate.

I was homeschooled too. I also schooled myself mostly and even checked my own

tests. I never realized until I became a mom how LITTLE my own mom did in those

last years. We took care of ourselves.

My brother, who is 7 years younger than me, suffered the most. He had a learning

disability that my mom didn't aggressively seek treatment for until he was about

9 and the damage was done. She screwed him out of a high school diploma in his

senior year, did not keep records, and because of his learning disability and

subsequent lack of help for it, he couldn't even pass the GED and get in

college.

He is a very smart guy and ended up going to Culinary school and being one of

the top of his class. I'm super proud of him now, such a great young man with a

great job.

Its really infuriating when they take credit for what YOU did and how YOU

survived their laziness and incompetence and overall not giving a damn while you

raised yourself.

I think you should have went with the soup idea.

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > I've been dragging my feet on posting this because it hurt and I was really

> > angry about it, but I think for my own sake it's better I just get it out

> > instead of letting it fester. So here goes.

> >

> > A couple of weeks ago, nada and younger brother (15yo) were arguing over

> > homework. Long story short, she yells at brother about why can't he be more

> > like his older sister (me), while at the same time implying that he's not as

> > smart as me. I stepped in, told her it wasn't fair to make comparisons and

> > that she shouldn't expect him to be like me at all. Plus I added a reality

> > check (for bro's sake) that I was not the greatest student anyway. Certainly

> > not the academic goddess she was making me out to be. She gets all huffy and

> > says, " You're very smart and dedicated. I raised you to be that way. "

> >

> > Stop. Everything. I was doing ok with staying cool up to this point, but

> > her taking credit for my success is a huge sore spot for me. I was

> > homeschooled until 9th grade. During most of 6th grade, and all of 7th and

> > 8th, I actually taught MYSELF social studies, english/reading, and science

> > (dad taught the math part). She kept falling asleep during lesson time, and

> > aside from that the lessons were inconsistent, done when nada felt like it.

> > No discipline. God forbid nada should have to stick to something, especially

> > if it was for someone else's benefit.

> >

> > At some point I realized that I was halfway through my academic career and

> > nada's lack of commitment was screwing over my future. So I pulled out the

> > textbook and the workbook and put myself through middle school. I remember

> > nada actually getting mad at me for checking my answers against the

> > teacher's manual. She accused me of cheating - probably redirecting the

> > anger she felt at herself seeing her child do her job.

> >

> > Anyway, back to the argument. She tries to play it up like she's fostered

> > my growth and what a wonderful mother she must have been. I said, " HA! You

> > didn't teach me any of that. I taught myself! " Her attitude toward me

> > changed in a split second and it became, " You are so proud. You have always

> > had too much pride. Don't you know 'pride comes before a fall?' You have

> > NOTHING to be proud of. "

> >

> > I didn't say anything then. I'm not sure if I was just trying to ignore her

> > or just didn't want to start a screaming match, but I walked away. Now it's

> > fully sunk in and I'm mad as a hornet. She doesn't care about me. She never

> > did. The reason she snapped was probably because my comment made her feel

> > like an inadequate mother. I really think she resents me because I had the

> > drive and ambition to overcome her hurdles, because I'm smarter than her,

> > because I refused to let her inadequacy fuck over my future, because I was a

> > better mother to myself than she was or will be to anyone.

> >

> > Now I wish I had taken my bowl of hot soup and dumped it on her head.

> >

> > You know what, Nada? YOU have nothing to be proud of. You never should have

> > put that responsibility on me, and you sure as shit shouldn't hate me for

> > having overcome it. But you do. So here's a hearty FUCK YOU for not

> > realizing what you could have had with me.

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hmm, I hadn't thought about that before. I guess it would be pretty crazy-making

to have an internal voice like that screaming at you all the time. The obvious

answer to me though would be to go find help, be totally honest about what was

going on, and just deal with whatever I had to do to fix it. So many BPs seem to

be lacking the thing that tips them off that something is wrong with them. The

denial is just so thick; they just blame everyone else even if it doesn't make

logical sense. I can't wrap my brain around it.

Subject: Re: You have nothing to be proud of.

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Friday, October 7, 2011, 2:56 PM

I'm so sorry, that's totally shitty.

That said, when I hear BPDs talk (and my boss is a more mild case of one) I

sometimes imagine what their self talk is like. I can totally hear them,

inside their heads, screaming " pride goeth before a fall " and stuff like

that. Somehow, it helps me understand why they are so messed up. I mean, if

I walked around screaming at myself and switching directions constantly, i

think I would be a hot violent mess too. Not defending them, just sharing

what I imagine goes on inside their minds.

[Guest guest]

Such typical Nada Bullshit. Of course, anything that you accomplished

was because SHE raised you that way, implying that the accolades are

hers, and the credit. Now a normal parent, would, of course, take pride

herself in your accomplishments, because you were her daughter.

One of the most hateful things Nadas, in particular mine, do, is use the

Bible to beat us up. They are the worst at grabbing a verse or 2 and

slapping us with them. So, as a somewhat accomplished Bible scholar, a

few points. Pride ( hubris) goes before a fall, is in relation to

excessive pride, one who goes about with head held so high he trips, and

in specific refers to Lucifer, who in pride tried to raise himself above

God. It is EXCESSIVE pride, above that which is seemly, and that which

offends God or others.

Yet, if you care to read the whole Bible, and not just use it to torture

your kids, says " I take pride in my ministry. " " Don t take pride

in what is seen rather than what is in the heart. " And, " I take pride

in you, I am greatly encouraged. " " Test your own actions, that you may

take pride in yourself alone, without comparing yourself to others. "

Nada s do tend to be quite narcissistic, overly convinced of their

ability and intellect. In short, guilty of the excessive pride of which

she accuses you.

We all ought to take an appropriate pride in our own accomplishments.

Well done.

Yea, that BPD really enhances the Bitch gene in them.

Doug

[Guest guest]

I don't know how old you are , but I just wanted to encourage you on the

moving out thing.

I realized my family was nucking futts (my fav expression of my brother's) early

in my high school years and felt stuck in the hell hole.

I lived at home while I was in college, in nursing school. I went to one of the

hardest nursing schools in the U.S. My life was studying and sleeping.

Right before my senior year, I decided there was no way I could take another

year of the insanity. I had no idea how I was going to work full time to support

myself if I moved out and keep my grades up enough to graduate at such a

difficult time in my schooling.

But I was able to get an extra grant through the Feds, just enough to help with

living expenses so I could move out. I worked 2 jobs, went to nursing school

full time and managed to still graduate with honors! (Mainly because my parents

told me I'd never make it and I was determined to show shove that degree in

their face) There were times I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown

from the pressure and without the emotional support of my boyfriend (now

husband), his parents, and wonderful friends, I probably would have. However,

trading the constant emotional abuse for some financial and priority juggling

pressure was a great trade.

That has been almost 10 years ago now, and though I look back at that as one of

the most difficult and challenging years of my life, I wouldn't trade it for THE

WORLD.

Make the plunge, if you are determined enough, you will make it work. Get out of

there AS SOON AS YOU CAN!!! Your life will be So so so so much more wonderful.

>

> >

>

> > I've been dragging my feet on posting this because it hurt and I was really

angry about it, but I think for my own sake it's better I just get it out

instead of letting it fester. So here goes.

>

> >

>

> > A couple of weeks ago, nada and younger brother (15yo) were arguing over

homework. Long story short, she yells at brother about why can't he be more like

his older sister (me), while at the same time implying that he's not as smart as

me. I stepped in, told her it wasn't fair to make comparisons and that she

shouldn't expect him to be like me at all. Plus I added a reality check (for

bro's sake) that I was not the greatest student anyway. Certainly not the

academic goddess she was making me out to be. She gets all huffy and says,

" You're very smart and dedicated. I raised you to be that way. "

>

> >

>

> > Stop. Everything. I was doing ok with staying cool up to this point, but her

taking credit for my success is a huge sore spot for me. I was homeschooled

until 9th grade. During most of 6th grade, and all of 7th and 8th, I actually

taught MYSELF social studies, english/reading, and science (dad taught the math

part). She kept falling asleep during lesson time, and aside from that the

lessons were inconsistent, done when nada felt like it. No discipline. God

forbid nada should have to stick to something, especially if it was for someone

else's benefit.

>

> >

>

> > At some point I realized that I was halfway through my academic career and

nada's lack of commitment was screwing over my future. So I pulled out the

textbook and the workbook and put myself through middle school. I remember nada

actually getting mad at me for checking my answers against the teacher's manual.

She accused me of cheating - probably redirecting the anger she felt at herself

seeing her child do her job.

>

> >

>

> > Anyway, back to the argument. She tries to play it up like she's fostered my

growth and what a wonderful mother she must have been. I said, " HA! You didn't

teach me any of that. I taught myself! " Her attitude toward me changed in a

split second and it became, " You are so proud. You have always had too much

pride. Don't you know 'pride comes before a fall?' You have NOTHING to be proud

of. "

>

> >

>

> > I didn't say anything then. I'm not sure if I was just trying to ignore her

or just didn't want to start a screaming match, but I walked away. Now it's

fully sunk in and I'm mad as a hornet. She doesn't care about me. She never did.

The reason she snapped was probably because my comment made her feel like an

inadequate mother. I really think she resents me because I had the drive and

ambition to overcome her hurdles, because I'm smarter than her, because I

refused to let her inadequacy fuck over my future, because I was a better mother

to myself than she was or will be to anyone.

>

> >

>

> > Now I wish I had taken my bowl of hot soup and dumped it on her head.

>

> >

>

> > You know what, Nada? YOU have nothing to be proud of. You never should have

put that responsibility on me, and you sure as shit shouldn't hate me for having

overcome it. But you do. So here's a hearty FUCK YOU for not realizing what you

could have had with me.

>

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Doug

I'm pretty late in responding to this (finally got an alias, lol) but I just

wanted to say thanks. This is the most encouraging thing I've read in a while

and it made me laugh too. The pride verse examples are just what I was looking

for. I forwarded them to the rest of my sibs too and they said they found them

very helpful.

>

>

> Such typical Nada Bullshit. Of course, anything that you accomplished

> was because SHE raised you that way, implying that the accolades are

> hers, and the credit. Now a normal parent, would, of course, take pride

> herself in your accomplishments, because you were her daughter.

>

> One of the most hateful things Nadas, in particular mine, do, is use the

> Bible to beat us up. They are the worst at grabbing a verse or 2 and

> slapping us with them. So, as a somewhat accomplished Bible scholar, a

> few points. Pride ( hubris) goes before a fall, is in relation to

> excessive pride, one who goes about with head held so high he trips, and

> in specific refers to Lucifer, who in pride tried to raise himself above

> God. It is EXCESSIVE pride, above that which is seemly, and that which

> offends God or others.

>

> Yet, if you care to read the whole Bible, and not just use it to torture

> your kids, says " I take pride in my ministry. " " Don t take pride

> in what is seen rather than what is in the heart. " And, " I take pride

> in you, I am greatly encouraged. " " Test your own actions, that you may

> take pride in yourself alone, without comparing yourself to others. "

>

> Nada s do tend to be quite narcissistic, overly convinced of their

> ability and intellect. In short, guilty of the excessive pride of which

> she accuses you.

>

> We all ought to take an appropriate pride in our own accomplishments.

> Well done.

>

> Yea, that BPD really enhances the Bitch gene in them.

>

> Doug

>

[Guest guest]

Hey big sister, the nursing school I went to was also the most demanding program

in our part of the country and sometimes I have no idea how I managed to make it

through without going crazy. Part of the reason I stuck with it was the same as

yours, Nada told me it was a bad idea, I wasn't cut out for it, I would never be

good at it. After all that I HAD to prove her wrong.

Luckily I didn't live at home during school so I was mostly LC/VLC with Nada

naturally. One of the reasons I picked the school was because I wouldn't have to

live at home. My family really isn't the type to call someone 18 times a day.

More like 18 times a decade, lol.

I really wanted to be able to go on my own power, but I couldn't be financially

independent from my parents unless I joined the military, got pregnant, or got

married and my parents made too much for me to be eligible for grant money (yay,

sudent loans. not really, lol.). That's really amazing that you were able to

work full time AND do nursing school, especially when you were still living with

the " nucking futs " people (I love that expression). I have no idea how I would

have made that work. Major kudos!

> >

> > >

> >

> > > I've been dragging my feet on posting this because it hurt and I was

really angry about it, but I think for my own sake it's better I just get it out

instead of letting it fester. So here goes.

> >

> > >

> >

> > > A couple of weeks ago, nada and younger brother (15yo) were arguing over

homework. Long story short, she yells at brother about why can't he be more like

his older sister (me), while at the same time implying that he's not as smart as

me. I stepped in, told her it wasn't fair to make comparisons and that she

shouldn't expect him to be like me at all. Plus I added a reality check (for

bro's sake) that I was not the greatest student anyway. Certainly not the

academic goddess she was making me out to be. She gets all huffy and says,

" You're very smart and dedicated. I raised you to be that way. "

> >

> > >

> >

> > > Stop. Everything. I was doing ok with staying cool up to this point, but

her taking credit for my success is a huge sore spot for me. I was homeschooled

until 9th grade. During most of 6th grade, and all of 7th and 8th, I actually

taught MYSELF social studies, english/reading, and science (dad taught the math

part). She kept falling asleep during lesson time, and aside from that the

lessons were inconsistent, done when nada felt like it. No discipline. God

forbid nada should have to stick to something, especially if it was for someone

else's benefit.

> >

> > >

> >

> > > At some point I realized that I was halfway through my academic career and

nada's lack of commitment was screwing over my future. So I pulled out the

textbook and the workbook and put myself through middle school. I remember nada

actually getting mad at me for checking my answers against the teacher's manual.

She accused me of cheating - probably redirecting the anger she felt at herself

seeing her child do her job.

> >

> > >

> >

> > > Anyway, back to the argument. She tries to play it up like she's fostered

my growth and what a wonderful mother she must have been. I said, " HA! You

didn't teach me any of that. I taught myself! " Her attitude toward me changed in

a split second and it became, " You are so proud. You have always had too much

pride. Don't you know 'pride comes before a fall?' You have NOTHING to be proud

of. "

> >

> > >

> >

> > > I didn't say anything then. I'm not sure if I was just trying to ignore

her or just didn't want to start a screaming match, but I walked away. Now it's

fully sunk in and I'm mad as a hornet. She doesn't care about me. She never did.

The reason she snapped was probably because my comment made her feel like an

inadequate mother. I really think she resents me because I had the drive and

ambition to overcome her hurdles, because I'm smarter than her, because I

refused to let her inadequacy fuck over my future, because I was a better mother

to myself than she was or will be to anyone.

> >

> > >

> >

> > > Now I wish I had taken my bowl of hot soup and dumped it on her head.

> >

> > >

> >

> > > You know what, Nada? YOU have nothing to be proud of. You never should

have put that responsibility on me, and you sure as shit shouldn't hate me for

having overcome it. But you do. So here's a hearty FUCK YOU for not realizing

what you could have had with me.

> >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >