What have you done for me lately?

[Guest guest]

Hello - this is again. I forgot to throw out this question on my last

post. I frequently struggle with how to handle the what have you done for me

lately " feeling " or direct questioning from my BP mom? In the past, I've simply

tried to ignore it. What is this? How should I handle it? Thanks again.

[Guest guest]

You simply don't answer these sort of stupid questions from a mentally ill

person.

AS THE CHILD your job is not to 'do and fill and be all' to the BPD parent.

Ever. Try and you WILL fail. You know that. It's a hopeless and helpless

trap. Nothing you ever do or say or try will be 'good enough.' You can't fill

the hole that's missing inside of her.

But you CAN (and should) fill your own holes with your life. That is doable.

Sure, it will seem weird. It will seem foregin. It will seem all wrong...

because it IS - according to what you've been told your whole life.

But it is possible. I still get wigged out by BPD on occasion... I doubt that

I'll ever be FREE of that wigginess... but I'll be damned if I'm going to gift

wrap the rest of my soul and hand it to her to abuse for the next 40-50 years of

my life... n ot gonna happen. This 'part 2' is mine!!!

So, DO what you KNOW is the right thing to do (see a therapist if you need help

identifying that... took me 2 1/2 years with one to get to this point) and act

on it... don't think about it... soon it will come naturally.

You can be free of that feeling... just decided you're worthy!

Lynnette

>

> Hello - this is again. I forgot to throw out this question on my last

> post. I frequently struggle with how to handle the what have you done for me

> lately " feeling " or direct questioning from my BP mom? In the past, I've

simply

> tried to ignore it. What is this? How should I handle it? Thanks again.

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

I'm in this group because my exhusband is BPD, so I look for ways to help our

son where I can. Consequently, I'm one of the few that had a real mother while

growing up. From that perspective, I can tell you that real, normal, sane,

loving mothers do not EVER give off the " what have you done for me lately " vibe.

My mother does not expect me to do anything for her. She does not feel I owe

her anything, despite the fact that she did her best to give me the best

childhood possible. She feels that was her choice and doesn't expect gratitude

or payback from her children.

Consequently, when your Nada does give off " what have you done for me lately "

vibes, then I think you can ignore them, conscience clear. Guilt is not

supposed to be a part of a mother-child bond.

>

> Hello - this is again. I forgot to throw out this question on my last

> post. I frequently struggle with how to handle the what have you done for me

> lately " feeling " or direct questioning from my BP mom? In the past, I've

simply

> tried to ignore it. What is this? How should I handle it? Thanks again.

>

>

[Guest guest]

, sometimes when whatever you are doing is enraging your Nada, it's a sign

that you're doing something right, something that is good for you. Your

happiness is your job. Her happiness is her job. You can't do both jobs.

> >

> > Hello - this is again. I forgot to throw out this question on my last

> > post. I frequently struggle with how to handle the what have you done for

me

> > lately " feeling " or direct questioning from my BP mom? In the past, I've

simply

> > tried to ignore it. What is this? How should I handle it? Thanks again.

> >

> >