do you ever get lonely and lost feeling after no contact?

April 13, 2011

It's been 3 years no contact from all my family, as they all had bpd and

narcissism. (my choice) I tried for years to change things, but as we know, they

DON'T change, and I couldn't take it one more day. I still find myself with

loads of time that I normally would have been running from one of their crises

to another. Now, I use that time to feel sorry for myself. I can't seem to get

over the anger and sadness. I have no other friends, as I'm not comfortable

letting people get close to me. My hubby is a dream, but he can only do so much.

Just wondering if anyone else out there felt the same way. Thanks for reading.

Blessings.

April 13, 2011

Hi

I really relate to having time I used to spend with nada and FOO now empty and

not sure how to fill it. I know for myself I needed a lot of time to grieve and

I stayed in and didn't do much. At the moment while I am still isolating at

times, I feel like it is time for this phase to end. Therapy has helped me as

well as lots of self help type reading and writing. I also go to support group

meetings- are there any around you that might be an option?

Nav

x

>

> It's been 3 years no contact from all my family, as they all had bpd and

narcissism. (my choice) I tried for years to change things, but as we know, they

DON'T change, and I couldn't take it one more day. I still find myself with

loads of time that I normally would have been running from one of their crises

to another. Now, I use that time to feel sorry for myself. I can't seem to get

over the anger and sadness. I have no other friends, as I'm not comfortable

letting people get close to me. My hubby is a dream, but he can only do so much.

Just wondering if anyone else out there felt the same way. Thanks for reading.

Blessings.

>

April 13, 2011

i think I'm going to a T. I am stuck and can't seem to move on. I never got the

releived feeling I thought I would when I when NC, just so sad and angry. T will

help, I'm sure.

April 14, 2011

I've been very low contact with my family for a few years now. It's a Nada and

flying monkey type thing. So, yeah - I'm still learning what to do with the

time. Mostly, I'm learning what it is like to try different things without

being told how stupid, weird, or crazy I am for wanting to have a hobby or

friends (or how I will inevitably fail at said attempt.)

I have some (Ok, more than some) issues with isolating and trusting. I've been

wanting to see a T for awhile. I am so afraid of having a therapist tell me

that it's all in my head... .

>

> i think I'm going to a T. I am stuck and can't seem to move on. I never got

the releived feeling I thought I would when I when NC, just so sad and angry. T

will help, I'm sure.

>

April 14, 2011

I can understand. I was nervous about my first T appointment. Make sure

you get a T who's dealt with personality disorder. I don't think T's are

allowed to tell us it's all in our head so I wouldn't worry too much about

that. Besides if for some strange reason they do, they're obviously not a

good fit for you. How can it all be in your head when there are 16,000

people in online BP support groups through bpdcentral alone?

My T actually was the one who helped us figure out that nada had BP and got

my family connected to resources about BP. I found it helped to tell the T

what I wanted out of the appointment. You should tell them up front what

you told us- you have some trust and isolation issues. My siblings and I

went together and I'm really glad we did. We learned some great things

about ourselves and started understanding better why we act the way we do

with nada and with others. Some of the sessions were hard but I coped by

napping later in the day, lol. And you have a place where you share your

feelings after the session and get encouragement - here!

I hope you make the choice to go and that it ends up being a good experience

for you.

>

> I've been very low contact with my family for a few years now. It's a Nada

> and flying monkey type thing. So, yeah - I'm still learning what to do with

> the time. Mostly, I'm learning what it is like to try different things

> without being told how stupid, weird, or crazy I am for wanting to have a

> hobby or friends (or how I will inevitably fail at said attempt.)

>

> I have some (Ok, more than some) issues with isolating and trusting. I've

> been wanting to see a T for awhile. I am so afraid of having a therapist

> tell me that it's all in my head... .

>

> >

> > i think I'm going to a T. I am stuck and can't seem to move on. I never

> got the releived feeling I thought I would when I when NC, just so sad and

> angry. T will help, I'm sure.

> >

>

April 14, 2011

Thank you for all the support! It feels so good to have this group to talk to.

You all GET it! Blessings!

April 14, 2011

I agree: you actually need to " shop " for a therapist to make sure its a good

fit.

For myself, I would seek out a therapist who is at least familiar with

personality disorder, optimally someone who has actually treated patients with

personality disorder, or has experience treating the adult survivors of child

abuse, or the adult children of alcoholic/druggie parents (the damages inflicted

on the children of personality disordered parents are similar to the damages

inflicted on the children of alcoholics or drug abusers.)

And you can ask what kind of therapy your therapist uses or is familiar with, or

was trained in, because there are different methods of therapy. For myself, I

personally would lean towards a psychotherapist who is trained in assessing and

treating a patient with chronic childhood abuse and trauma, who is familiar with

dialectical behavioral therapy, and/or who has experience treating patients with

post-traumatic stress disorder.

Best of luck to you in your search for a good therapist, a good one can really

help with your healing.

-Annie

> > >

> > > i think I'm going to a T. I am stuck and can't seem to move on. I never

> > got the releived feeling I thought I would when I when NC, just so sad and

> > angry. T will help, I'm sure.

> > >

> >

>

April 15, 2011

Its been one year for me without contact, 3 years of LC before that so 4 years

total. I can relate to your struggle. I am an only child whose nada isolated me

from my dozens of extended family and cousins. I was a VERY lonely child that

did not know how to communicate with other people until I forced myself to open

up. Still, to this day, I get anxiety over social situations (and thank the Lord

for giving me a super socialable husband who balances me out!)

This is what I tell myself. Take your struggle one day at a time. you are trying

to undo what your parents ingrained in you for years. It will take a while for

you to get used to social settings. Just you admitting and sharing your struggle

makes you a cut about the rest.

good luck!

AJ