Guest guest Posted April 11, 2011 Report Share Posted April 11, 2011 Is it normal for waifs to be obsessed with food? waif boss has had nothing to say all day except regarding her stomach (and fantasy boyfriend of course). I brought doughnuts for the office this am. She waved her doughnut at me saying " thanks for breakfast " in that waify voice we all know. I was like, why doesn't it feel like she is saying thanks. I figured it out! It was because she was saying " this is all I get for breakfast. poor me poor me pooor meeeee " and then she wanted her lunch but had a meeting oh wah wah wha wha what to do. I'm like, Intern is out running an errand for me, I'll just have him get your lunch while he is out. Oh wah wah wah no no no blah blah blah All day 4 days a week I listen to this shit. For f*cks sake, if u are hungry, eat your lunch. I don't freaking need to hear about it for an hour before and after every meal! My nada was the same way. And my waify grandmother was also the same way. Drives me to drink!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2011 Report Share Posted April 11, 2011 Girlscout, that is a question that I can't figure out either! Waif nada is obsessed with her meals and eating and her stomach problems.......Besides the weather, that is a predominant topic of her conversation. Has been and has gotten worse over the years. and it is like poor me,,,,i have to eat but it will make me sick...she pathetically thin too. and of course, i have this fixation on finding the origination of it. like what trauma happened to her. my grandnada was obssessed with meals too. only not the stomach problems. meals had to be cooked three times a day at the annointed time or else the world would end.  Felicia Ward Remember that people often have different perceptions of the same reality. You can both be right, and no one has to be wrong, if each of you is willing to let the other person have his or her perceptions and if both of you are willing to compromise. ________________________________ To: wtoadultchildren1 <WTOAdultChildren1 > Sent: Mon, April 11, 2011 12:51:07 PM Subject: the waif's stomach  Is it normal for waifs to be obsessed with food? waif boss has had nothing to say all day except regarding her stomach (and fantasy boyfriend of course). I brought doughnuts for the office this am. She waved her doughnut at me saying " thanks for breakfast " in that waify voice we all know. I was like, why doesn't it feel like she is saying thanks. I figured it out! It was because she was saying " this is all I get for breakfast. poor me poor me pooor meeeee " and then she wanted her lunch but had a meeting oh wah wah wha wha what to do. I'm like, Intern is out running an errand for me, I'll just have him get your lunch while he is out. Oh wah wah wah no no no blah blah blah All day 4 days a week I listen to this shit. For f*cks sake, if u are hungry, eat your lunch. I don't freaking need to hear about it for an hour before and after every meal! My nada was the same way. And my waify grandmother was also the same way. Drives me to drink!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2011 Report Share Posted April 11, 2011 Um. Yeah! Some of my personal favorites from, " Nada and her food issues " (Soon to be a Broadway Musical!) 1) I'm a Vegetarian (she says as she's eating a steak at Stuart s Cattle Company. 2) I don't eat sweets (pick any Holiday or 'moment' - the woman is a sugar addict.) 3) I only like raw foods without any dip (usually said while chowing down on veggies and ranch dip.) 4) I don't drink (often with wine around, drinking it, or - a " personal best " AS she offered 'then 11 year old' grandson some of her Margarita at the occasion outlined in #1. It's always ALWAYS - I have a stomach ache, I need to eat, I'm to full... ALWAYS SOMETHING. It's food lady... we all need it. We are all individually responsible for knowing what our bodies need and what they don't. The need for constant engagement, external awareness/validation and discussion (as with everything else this wackos do) is just too freakin' much. Eat already and shut up about it! Lynnette > > Is it normal for waifs to be obsessed with food? waif boss has had nothing > to say all day except regarding her stomach (and fantasy boyfriend of > course). I brought doughnuts for the office this am. She waved her > doughnut at me saying " thanks for breakfast " in that waify voice we all > know. I was like, why doesn't it feel like she is saying thanks. I figured > it out! It was because she was saying " this is all I get for breakfast. poor > me poor me pooor meeeee " and then she wanted her lunch but had a meeting oh > wah wah wha wha what to do. I'm like, Intern is out running an errand for > me, I'll just have him get your lunch while he is out. Oh wah wah wah no no > no blah blah blah > > All day 4 days a week I listen to this shit. For f*cks sake, if u are > hungry, eat your lunch. I don't freaking need to hear about it for an hour > before and after every meal! > > My nada was the same way. And my waify grandmother was also the same way. > Drives me to drink!!!!!!! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2011 Report Share Posted April 11, 2011 RE the stomach, the diet, the food obsessiveness, yes. Nada has always been controlling about food, to the point where I'd dread meals with her or taking her to restaurants. The constant litany of complaints RE the restaurant would leach all the fun out of it. As a counterpoint melody, nada also had to keep us constantly updated as to whether she was too hot or too cold. There was a continuous interplay of " Its too hot, turn up the air conditioning " or " I need a blanket, its too chilly. " or " Turn up the heat " or " Where's my sweater, I'm cold. " or " Hold my coat, I'm too hot " . GHAAAAAAA!!! I think this behavior may have to do with bpd trait #3: Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self. Possibly she has to constantly assess and announce her condition just to make sure she still exists. Or possibly, its just a narcissistic demand to be the focus of everyone's attention at all times, have everybody jumping to make sure that *she* is perfectly comfortable. Argh. Argh. Argh. No more, please. -Annie > > > > Is it normal for waifs to be obsessed with food? waif boss has had nothing > > to say all day except regarding her stomach (and fantasy boyfriend of > > course). I brought doughnuts for the office this am. She waved her > > doughnut at me saying " thanks for breakfast " in that waify voice we all > > know. I was like, why doesn't it feel like she is saying thanks. I figured > > it out! It was because she was saying " this is all I get for breakfast. poor > > me poor me pooor meeeee " and then she wanted her lunch but had a meeting oh > > wah wah wha wha what to do. I'm like, Intern is out running an errand for > > me, I'll just have him get your lunch while he is out. Oh wah wah wah no no > > no blah blah blah > > > > All day 4 days a week I listen to this shit. For f*cks sake, if u are > > hungry, eat your lunch. I don't freaking need to hear about it for an hour > > before and after every meal! > > > > My nada was the same way. And my waify grandmother was also the same way. > > Drives me to drink!!!!!!! > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2011 Report Share Posted April 11, 2011 Ohmygod, you guys nailed it. I always know if she didn't have time for breakfast - as though that were some great tragedy and not just something we daily need to consider. About 1030 or 11 she starts talking about lunch, how healthy it is, what she brought from home, if she is having a salad, how she ate too much junk etc etc etc Then it turns in " I need to eat or I can't think. " And " You know I can't function if I can't eat. " Droaning on and on over and over. I'm like lynette - yes this is part of life. Lets take care of ourselves. I'll take care of me and you take care of you. But her response is " take care of me! Everyone join in! " With my grandmother, i always thought that the deal was that cooking meals was the main job she had in life. Cooking my grandpa's meals. So I figured that, since it was basically her only job, that must be why it was critically important to her that everyone taste the soup and then talk for 15 min about whether or not it had enough salt. Then you add a dash and OOOOOOH it has too much salt now. Throw the whole thing away. God, get a life, ladies!!!!! I mean, cooking for people I love is one of the greatest joys in my life. But I don't expect them to want to talk for 15 min about the salt. If they did I would say " here's the salt, add as much as you want. " And then, waif boss also likes to eat too much grease, make herself sick, and involve me in her bathroom drama. She hasn't done that for a while. For which I am grateful. On Mon, Apr 11, 2011 at 3:17 PM, anuria67854 wrote: > > > RE the stomach, the diet, the food obsessiveness, yes. Nada has always been > controlling about food, to the point where I'd dread meals with her or > taking her to restaurants. The constant litany of complaints RE the > restaurant would leach all the fun out of it. > > As a counterpoint melody, nada also had to keep us constantly updated as to > whether she was too hot or too cold. There was a continuous interplay of > " Its too hot, turn up the air conditioning " or " I need a blanket, its too > chilly. " or " Turn up the heat " or " Where's my sweater, I'm cold. " or " Hold > my coat, I'm too hot " . > GHAAAAAAA!!! > > I think this behavior may have to do with bpd trait #3: Identity > disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self. > Possibly she has to constantly assess and announce her condition just to > make sure she still exists. > > Or possibly, its just a narcissistic demand to be the focus of everyone's > attention at all times, have everybody jumping to make sure that *she* is > perfectly comfortable. > > Argh. Argh. Argh. No more, please. > > -Annie > > > > > > > > > Is it normal for waifs to be obsessed with food? waif boss has had > nothing > > > to say all day except regarding her stomach (and fantasy boyfriend of > > > course). I brought doughnuts for the office this am. She waved her > > > doughnut at me saying " thanks for breakfast " in that waify voice we all > > > know. I was like, why doesn't it feel like she is saying thanks. I > figured > > > it out! It was because she was saying " this is all I get for breakfast. > poor > > > me poor me pooor meeeee " and then she wanted her lunch but had a > meeting oh > > > wah wah wha wha what to do. I'm like, Intern is out running an errand > for > > > me, I'll just have him get your lunch while he is out. Oh wah wah wah > no no > > > no blah blah blah > > > > > > All day 4 days a week I listen to this shit. For f*cks sake, if u are > > > hungry, eat your lunch. I don't freaking need to hear about it for an > hour > > > before and after every meal! > > > > > > My nada was the same way. And my waify grandmother was also the same > way. > > > Drives me to drink!!!!!!! > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2011 Report Share Posted April 11, 2011 On one of the last shopping trips I ever took with Nada I brought 2 Zone bars in my purse (I'm hypo-glaucemic so I always have one with me)... I anticipated she was going to whine eventually. So, indeed, the whining about food started around 1130 in the dressing room. I reached into my purse, pulled out a bar and said, " Here. Eat. Buy these. Shut up. " So, she went waif but ate it. Agreed it was a smart thing to have. I thought that was the end of it... but NOOOOOOOOOOO... she then spent the next year buying cases of them... every flavor... on dad's debit card... then complained to ME how horrible they were and that she couldn't believe I MADE her do this! OMG! I quit. Lynnette > > > > > > > > Is it normal for waifs to be obsessed with food? waif boss has had > > nothing > > > > to say all day except regarding her stomach (and fantasy boyfriend of > > > > course). I brought doughnuts for the office this am. She waved her > > > > doughnut at me saying " thanks for breakfast " in that waify voice we all > > > > know. I was like, why doesn't it feel like she is saying thanks. I > > figured > > > > it out! It was because she was saying " this is all I get for breakfast. > > poor > > > > me poor me pooor meeeee " and then she wanted her lunch but had a > > meeting oh > > > > wah wah wha wha what to do. I'm like, Intern is out running an errand > > for > > > > me, I'll just have him get your lunch while he is out. Oh wah wah wah > > no no > > > > no blah blah blah > > > > > > > > All day 4 days a week I listen to this shit. For f*cks sake, if u are > > > > hungry, eat your lunch. I don't freaking need to hear about it for an > > hour > > > > before and after every meal! > > > > > > > > My nada was the same way. And my waify grandmother was also the same > > way. > > > > Drives me to drink!!!!!!! > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2011 Report Share Posted April 11, 2011 Mine too. I think that the obsessive focus on food just represents the waify nada's DEEP need to be taken care of like a child, to fill that black hole of need. So if others are solicitous and focused on her food needs, her temperature needs, her aches or pains it goes toward that...but sadly nothing will ever be enough for her to feel filled up. Girlscout, your waify boss would make me c..r...a..z...y! Do you ever think about quitting? > > Is it normal for waifs to be obsessed with food? waif boss has had nothing > to say all day except regarding her stomach (and fantasy boyfriend of > course). I brought doughnuts for the office this am. She waved her > doughnut at me saying " thanks for breakfast " in that waify voice we all > know. I was like, why doesn't it feel like she is saying thanks. I figured > it out! It was because she was saying " this is all I get for breakfast. poor > me poor me pooor meeeee " and then she wanted her lunch but had a meeting oh > wah wah wha wha what to do. I'm like, Intern is out running an errand for > me, I'll just have him get your lunch while he is out. Oh wah wah wah no no > no blah blah blah > > All day 4 days a week I listen to this shit. For f*cks sake, if u are > hungry, eat your lunch. I don't freaking need to hear about it for an hour > before and after every meal! > > My nada was the same way. And my waify grandmother was also the same way. > Drives me to drink!!!!!!! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2011 Report Share Posted April 11, 2011 Yes!!! I am looking for another job. In a different city even. Lynnette - my nada used to get obsessed with certain things too. Like once I said I liked Hot Tamales (the candy). She proceeded to give me 5 lb bags of them for every occaision for the next 10 years. Like the costco sized bags meant to be divided up among kids shopping at a convienence store type thing. Not just an indulgence for one person. UGH Why do they do that? On Mon, Apr 11, 2011 at 6:09 PM, climberkayak wrote: > > > Mine too. I think that the obsessive focus on food just represents the > waify nada's DEEP need to be taken care of like a child, to fill that black > hole of need. So if others are solicitous and focused on her food needs, her > temperature needs, her aches or pains it goes toward that...but sadly > nothing will ever be enough for her to feel filled up. > > Girlscout, your waify boss would make me c..r...a..z...y! Do you ever think > about quitting? > > > > > > > > > Is it normal for waifs to be obsessed with food? waif boss has had > nothing > > to say all day except regarding her stomach (and fantasy boyfriend of > > course). I brought doughnuts for the office this am. She waved her > > doughnut at me saying " thanks for breakfast " in that waify voice we all > > know. I was like, why doesn't it feel like she is saying thanks. I > figured > > it out! It was because she was saying " this is all I get for breakfast. > poor > > me poor me pooor meeeee " and then she wanted her lunch but had a meeting > oh > > wah wah wha wha what to do. I'm like, Intern is out running an errand for > > me, I'll just have him get your lunch while he is out. Oh wah wah wah no > no > > no blah blah blah > > > > All day 4 days a week I listen to this shit. For f*cks sake, if u are > > hungry, eat your lunch. I don't freaking need to hear about it for an > hour > > before and after every meal! > > > > My nada was the same way. And my waify grandmother was also the same way. > > Drives me to drink!!!!!!! > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2011 Report Share Posted April 11, 2011 My nada was wierd about food. She would make a big deal about the strange conglomerations she would eat, ( eg pinapple, chocolate pudding, grits, and bacon), and she would often freeze non descript containers of......something, then thaw and eat them and get ill. She let everyone in the world know she was violently allergic to shellfish. Refused CT dye because of the iodine in it. I m not sure she really was. Who ever knew with nada. When I would take her out for a meal, I could count on her to order the most expensive item on the menu, then only pick at it, and take it home in a box, and let it go bad in the fridge. In short, nada was strange about food, just as she was about everything else. Except for eating at the Red Iguana, I m perfectly normal. Bwahahahahahahahahaha. Doug > > Yes!!! I am looking for another job. In a different city even. > > Lynnette - my nada used to get obsessed with certain things too. Like once I > said I liked Hot Tamales (the candy). She proceeded to give me 5 lb bags of > them for every occaision for the next 10 years. Like the costco sized bags > meant to be divided up among kids shopping at a convienence store type > thing. Not just an indulgence for one person. UGH > > Why do they do that? > On Mon, Apr 11, 2011 at 6:09 PM, climberkayak climberkayak@...wrote: > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2011 Report Share Posted April 11, 2011 Hot Tamales - oh heck yeah! My Nada does stuff like that all the time. All I have to do is look over at something and she's convinced that THAT'S WHAT WILL GET ME TO LIKE HER. Hmmmm... flash revelation in that statement. As I stated, I'm hypoglaucemic since birth when I was hospitalized and diagnosed after a trip to the candy store with Nada put me in a coma (low blood sugar - so if I eat candy/etc. it spikes my blood to 'normal' ranges but makes me feel like I got hit by a truck) and I'm hyper-cafeful about what I eat with regard to that. Careful as in ONE cookie at the holiday's - maybe - that kindof careful. Anyway, many years ago I wasn't so careful and went on a See's Candy Truffle binge... BAD!... and I've since renounced my ways ;o) HOWEVER, for EVERY holiday (bday, xmas, easter, mother's day, etc.) Nada gives me a #2 box of See's Truffles. Period. And I prompty thank you for the thought, remind her I can't eat them (as I have for the last 18 years) and give them to a friend of mine with 3 teenagers. They're happy. Nada is not. So it becomes MY problem that I 'rejected' her gift. This past Christmas I reminded her - again - not give me See's candy or at THE VERY LEAST make it Sugar Free. NOPE! #2 Truffles. BuhBye! So much there, I'll let you draw your own conclusions - you're a smart woman ;o) Lynnette > > > > > > Is it normal for waifs to be obsessed with food? waif boss has had > > nothing > > > to say all day except regarding her stomach (and fantasy boyfriend of > > > course). I brought doughnuts for the office this am. She waved her > > > doughnut at me saying " thanks for breakfast " in that waify voice we all > > > know. I was like, why doesn't it feel like she is saying thanks. I > > figured > > > it out! It was because she was saying " this is all I get for breakfast. > > poor > > > me poor me pooor meeeee " and then she wanted her lunch but had a meeting > > oh > > > wah wah wha wha what to do. I'm like, Intern is out running an errand for > > > me, I'll just have him get your lunch while he is out. Oh wah wah wah no > > no > > > no blah blah blah > > > > > > All day 4 days a week I listen to this shit. For f*cks sake, if u are > > > hungry, eat your lunch. I don't freaking need to hear about it for an > > hour > > > before and after every meal! > > > > > > My nada was the same way. And my waify grandmother was also the same way. > > > Drives me to drink!!!!!!! > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2011 Report Share Posted April 12, 2011 Red Iguana MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM So, Doug the allergies is a whole other topic. My nada became convinced in her late forties/early fifties that she was so allergic that she was on the verge of anaphalactic shock at all times. And she started carrying an epi pen. i didn't buy it, not one bit, having never seen her have an allergic reaction other than sneezing and puffy eyes. I believe she was lying to her doctors so she could be special and carry the pen. FREAKS ME OUT! I'll be honest! I just don't know if its possible to develop an allergy like that later in life. AND if that did happen, it would happen to someone nada knew and then she would copy it for attention. Boooo on Sees Truffles! On Mon, Apr 11, 2011 at 11:15 PM, yp_lynnette_cameron_park < h_l_maston@...> wrote: > > > Hot Tamales - oh heck yeah! My Nada does stuff like that all the time. All > I have to do is look over at something and she's convinced that THAT'S WHAT > WILL GET ME TO LIKE HER. Hmmmm... flash revelation in that statement. > > As I stated, I'm hypoglaucemic since birth when I was hospitalized and > diagnosed after a trip to the candy store with Nada put me in a coma (low > blood sugar - so if I eat candy/etc. it spikes my blood to 'normal' ranges > but makes me feel like I got hit by a truck) and I'm hyper-cafeful about > what I eat with regard to that. Careful as in ONE cookie at the holiday's - > maybe - that kindof careful. Anyway, many years ago I wasn't so careful and > went on a See's Candy Truffle binge... BAD!... and I've since renounced my > ways ;o) HOWEVER, for EVERY holiday (bday, xmas, easter, mother's day, etc.) > Nada gives me a #2 box of See's Truffles. Period. And I prompty thank you > for the thought, remind her I can't eat them (as I have for the last 18 > years) and give them to a friend of mine with 3 teenagers. They're happy. > Nada is not. > So it becomes MY problem that I 'rejected' her gift. > > This past Christmas I reminded her - again - not give me See's candy or at > THE VERY LEAST make it Sugar Free. NOPE! #2 Truffles. BuhBye! > > So much there, I'll let you draw your own conclusions - you're a smart > woman ;o) > > Lynnette > > > > > > > > > > > Is it normal for waifs to be obsessed with food? waif boss has had > > > nothing > > > > to say all day except regarding her stomach (and fantasy boyfriend of > > > > course). I brought doughnuts for the office this am. She waved her > > > > doughnut at me saying " thanks for breakfast " in that waify voice we > all > > > > know. I was like, why doesn't it feel like she is saying thanks. I > > > figured > > > > it out! It was because she was saying " this is all I get for > breakfast. > > > poor > > > > me poor me pooor meeeee " and then she wanted her lunch but had a > meeting > > > oh > > > > wah wah wha wha what to do. I'm like, Intern is out running an errand > for > > > > me, I'll just have him get your lunch while he is out. Oh wah wah wah > no > > > no > > > > no blah blah blah > > > > > > > > All day 4 days a week I listen to this shit. For f*cks sake, if u are > > > > hungry, eat your lunch. I don't freaking need to hear about it for an > > > hour > > > > before and after every meal! > > > > > > > > My nada was the same way. And my waify grandmother was also the same > way. > > > > Drives me to drink!!!!!!! > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2011 Report Share Posted April 12, 2011 You can develop allergies later in life, but how does one ever know if it s true with Nada? Was just recalling my grandmother had some sort of eating disorder. As long as I can recall, she would say every evening that she was sick. She would take HCL to improve her stomach acids. Then she would go to the bathroom and force herself to vomit. Every. Single. Day. Nada, who hated her mom bitterly, and would go off when told how very much she was like her, had her wierdness built in. Lynette, No TRUFFLES! EVER!? You poor baby.... Doug > > Red Iguana MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM > > So, Doug the allergies is a whole other topic. My nada became convinced in > her late forties/early fifties that she was so allergic that she was on the > verge of anaphalactic shock at all times. And she started carrying an epi > pen. i didn't buy it, not one bit, having never seen her have an allergic > reaction other than sneezing and puffy eyes. I believe she was lying to her > doctors so she could be special and carry the pen. > > FREAKS ME OUT! I'll be honest! I just don't know if its possible to develop > an allergy like that later in life. AND if that did happen, it would happen > to someone nada knew and then she would copy it for attention. > > Boooo on Sees Truffles! > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2011 Report Share Posted April 12, 2011 Oh, Jeez!! Sorry, Lynette. What a story! Classic BP drama fun. - Cvidzz > > > > > > > > > > Is it normal for waifs to be obsessed with food? waif boss has had > > > nothing > > > > > to say all day except regarding her stomach (and fantasy boyfriend of > > > > > course). I brought doughnuts for the office this am. She waved her > > > > > doughnut at me saying " thanks for breakfast " in that waify voice we all > > > > > know. I was like, why doesn't it feel like she is saying thanks. I > > > figured > > > > > it out! It was because she was saying " this is all I get for breakfast. > > > poor > > > > > me poor me pooor meeeee " and then she wanted her lunch but had a > > > meeting oh > > > > > wah wah wha wha what to do. I'm like, Intern is out running an errand > > > for > > > > > me, I'll just have him get your lunch while he is out. Oh wah wah wah > > > no no > > > > > no blah blah blah > > > > > > > > > > All day 4 days a week I listen to this shit. For f*cks sake, if u are > > > > > hungry, eat your lunch. I don't freaking need to hear about it for an > > > hour > > > > > before and after every meal! > > > > > > > > > > My nada was the same way. And my waify grandmother was also the same > > > way. > > > > > Drives me to drink!!!!!!! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2011 Report Share Posted April 12, 2011 Oh my gosh, this really holds true for my waif nada!!! I've been hearing about it for yearrrrrrrrs now. Reading these actually cracked me up - which is always nice, because the rest of the time it makes me feel insane. I hear the wildly swinging dietary needs / likes / dislikes and it's (sometimes graphic) effect on her digestive system on a daily basis. I hear in one breath that she doesn't like meat anymore and is going vegetarian " everything looks alien " (while cooking some disgusting dollar store frozen mystery meat or sausage hot pocket?!?) and the next breath that she had some delicious crispy chicken that my husband and I should try (we actually are vegetarian, which she can't seem to remember). She tells me she has zero appetite " I don't know what's the matter with me " and all her jeans are too big in one breath, and then tries to demonstrate how large her tummy is " see how bloated and enormous it is? " in the next and how she can't fit into even her fat pants. If I hear one more time how she weighs the same as she did when she was pregnant with me, I might just implode. More irony is that she's had plastic surgery and at least one tummy tuck, but she totally denies these and lies about it to me, and she's tiny and fine boned... she was a Twiggy type model when she had me. I have never perceived any change in her weight or size in years now. She's had high blood pressure and high cholesterol over the last couple of years and won't take medications to help, won't stick to diet changes to help... yet she will go and spend hundreds of dollars on some herbs to treat all of her 'issues' (hmm - a laundry list! where to start!). She also won't even consider something like therapy or anti-depressants -- she says they make people kill themselves! -- but she will waste years upon years of her life holed up in her waify/hermit room (which happens to be in MY house, which is a whole other issue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)... tired, insomnia, depressed, negative, blaming, no job, no structure, no direction, her crap taking over my entire garage for 8 years now... I feel like I have a really bad teenage kid that I cannot parent! She talks big talks sometimes, but nothing. ever. happens. Ever. Oh and - dare I mention that she hoards food in her room? The food that goes in my refrig or the cabinets are marked with a sharpie pen with her initial. It's incredibly offensive to me, but she blows it off saying it's because she can't remember what is hers. Hmmm - ok, except that I know she has this overwhelming " MINE " thing going on! There is never, ever, enough for her. So whatever SHE has bought, is most certainly HERS, and it is literally stamped as such. Major $$ issues. Phew - apparently I could go on and on. Jeesh do I need more therapy! ;-( *Star Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2011 Report Share Posted April 12, 2011 Isn't there some way you can get her to move out?? > Oh my gosh, this really holds true for my waif nada!!! > I've been hearing about it for yearrrrrrrrs now. Reading these actually > cracked me up - which is always nice, because the rest of the time it makes > me feel insane. > > I hear the wildly swinging dietary needs / likes / dislikes and it's > (sometimes graphic) effect on her digestive system on a daily basis. I hear in > one breath that she doesn't like meat anymore and is going vegetarian > " everything looks alien " (while cooking some disgusting dollar store frozen > mystery meat or sausage hot pocket?!?) and the next breath that she had some > delicious crispy chicken that my husband and I should try (we actually are > vegetarian, which she can't seem to remember). > > She tells me she has zero appetite " I don't know what's the matter with > me " and all her jeans are too big in one breath, and then tries to > demonstrate how large her tummy is " see how bloated and enormous it is? " in the next > and how she can't fit into even her fat pants. If I hear one more time how > she weighs the same as she did when she was pregnant with me, I might just > implode. More irony is that she's had plastic surgery and at least one > tummy tuck, but she totally denies these and lies about it to me, and she's > tiny and fine boned... she was a Twiggy type model when she had me. I have > never perceived any change in her weight or size in years now. > > She's had high blood pressure and high cholesterol over the last couple of > years and won't take medications to help, won't stick to diet changes to > help... yet she will go and spend hundreds of dollars on some herbs to treat > all of her 'issues' (hmm - a laundry list! where to start!). > > She also won't even consider something like therapy or anti-depressants -- > she says they make people kill themselves! -- but she will waste years > upon years of her life holed up in her waify/hermit room (which happens to be > in MY house, which is a whole other issue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)... tired, > insomnia, depressed, negative, blaming, no job, no structure, no direction, > her crap taking over my entire garage for 8 years now... I feel like I > have a really bad teenage kid that I cannot parent! She talks big talks > sometimes, but nothing. ever. happens. Ever. > > Oh and - dare I mention that she hoards food in her room? The food that > goes in my refrig or the cabinets are marked with a sharpie pen with her > initial. It's incredibly offensive to me, but she blows it off saying it's > because she can't remember what is hers. Hmmm - ok, except that I know she > has this overwhelming " MINE " thing going on! There is never, ever, enough > for her. So whatever SHE has bought, is most certainly HERS, and it is > literally stamped as such. Major $$ issues. > > Phew - apparently I could go on and on. Jeesh do I need more therapy! > ;-( > > *Star > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2011 Report Share Posted April 12, 2011 > > > I think this behavior may have to do with bpd trait #3: Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self. Possibly she has to constantly assess and announce her condition just to make sure she still exists. > Absolutely agree! Mine has had plastic surgery (as I mentioned in my other post) and lies about it... it's this HUGE secret... that even I am supposed to not know (how is it that she's aged backwards?) Not to mention that she grows, cuts, dies, changes her hair style based on her current boyfriend's likes or dislikes. She changes her style of dress for them... she changes her political views, her racial beliefs, her socio-economic philosophy, just about everything that can be changed, she will change, for the boyfriend. Diet goes along with it, of course. Right now she's not really with a guy, so that leaves her in this weird ambiguous situation that she is absolutely miserable about. *Star Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2011 Report Share Posted April 12, 2011 > > Isn't there some way you can get her to move out?? Well... that's a loaded question. :-/ In all honestly I have major issues with confrontation with her, I'm not in the FOG in that I can see what she does to me and name it and label it...call it BPD... which is new for me in the last less-than-a-year or so, but I AM in the FOG still because I can't DO anything about it. I have had " The Talk " with her so many times it's become kind of funny. ( " The Talk " = get a life, and move out and start living it). I build myself up emotionally and enlist the support of the family and friends to ensure I'm doing the right thing, have everything planned out and worded correctly etc so that I can state everything perfectly so that no one has their feelings hurt and no one mis-interpets anything. ARGHHH!!! Can you see the impossible mission I set myself up for?? Of course she will be hurt, cry, misinterpret. She's a waif nada for God's sake!! My problem has never been that I don't know what to say. It's that I can't say it!!!! And when I finally do, after all the drama and build up, nothing *changes*. The last The Talk we had, I told her my husband and I were trying to get pregnant, and it was really hard to focus on that with her in the next effing room!! I mean, to me, that was a huge step and brave and it meant " GET OUT!!! " and she did say " I will be out really soon " . That was in February. As my husband always tells me, my problem is that I care too much. I can't stand it about myself, I KNOW what it does to me. I'm just wandering around in some new variety of FOG, one that is almost worst. I KNOW what's wrong, yet I feel essentially powerless to do anything about it. In the meantime she is screwing around looking for this impossibly perfect situation place to live that will meet her set of demands. What can I do? If someone who understands my little hole I've dug for myself can tell me what to do and how, I think that I would! *Star Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2011 Report Share Posted April 12, 2011 I'm sorry, that sounds awful. And it is awfully unfair for her to put you in that situation. Can you get your husband to talk to her? Maybe he can be a little more forceful about it and give her some sort of deadline. > > > > > > > Isn't there some way you can get her to move out?? > > Well... that's a loaded question. :-/ > > In all honestly I have major issues with confrontation with her, I'm not in the FOG in that I can see what she does to me and name it and label it...call it BPD... which is new for me in the last less-than-a-year or so, but I AM in the FOG still because I can't DO anything about it. I have had " The Talk " with her so many times it's become kind of funny. ( " The Talk " = get a life, and move out and start living it). I build myself up emotionally and enlist the support of the family and friends to ensure I'm doing the right thing, have everything planned out and worded correctly etc so that I can state everything perfectly so that no one has their feelings hurt and no one mis-interpets anything. ARGHHH!!! Can you see the impossible mission I set myself up for?? Of course she will be hurt, cry, misinterpret. She's a waif nada for God's sake!! > > My problem has never been that I don't know what to say. It's that I can't say it!!!! And when I finally do, after all the drama and build up, nothing *changes*. The last The Talk we had, I told her my husband and I were trying to get pregnant, and it was really hard to focus on that with her in the next effing room!! I mean, to me, that was a huge step and brave and it meant " GET OUT!!! " and she did say " I will be out really soon " . That was in February. As my husband always tells me, my problem is that I care too much. I can't stand it about myself, I KNOW what it does to me. I'm just wandering around in some new variety of FOG, one that is almost worst. I KNOW what's wrong, yet I feel essentially powerless to do anything about it. In the meantime she is screwing around looking for this impossibly perfect situation place to live that will meet her set of demands. > > What can I do? If someone who understands my little hole I've dug for myself can tell me what to do and how, I think that I would! > > *Star > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 13, 2011 Report Share Posted April 13, 2011 Sorry I'm just posting on this now. Hectic at work. YES! My waify mother, I'd say more so before my father died 4 years ago, was obsessed with food. For her, it kind of defined her, because she is a very, very good cook. That was her claim to fame, and if anyone--ANYONE--tried to take that from her, or try to outdo her, she would get nasty/ugly. But she would be waify in that she would talk about what was for dinner at breakfast... " guess what?? i'm making TACOS for dinner! " it's sad b/c she wanted us to make that the focal point of our day. Because it was hers, it's like it was the only hold she had on us. Now that my father's gone and she lives alone, she doesn't cook anymore. The waifiness now is... " sigh. I had sardines for lunch...again. I'm wasting away to nothing. the dr said I'm losing weight. " That kind of stuff. Your boss sounds totally like that. And she sounds like she's manipulated some people with it and was hoping you'd dance along. Good for you, Girlscout! Don't dance!! Fiona > > Is it normal for waifs to be obsessed with food? waif boss has had nothing > to say all day except regarding her stomach (and fantasy boyfriend of > course). I brought doughnuts for the office this am. She waved her > doughnut at me saying " thanks for breakfast " in that waify voice we all > know. I was like, why doesn't it feel like she is saying thanks. I figured > it out! It was because she was saying " this is all I get for breakfast. poor > me poor me pooor meeeee " and then she wanted her lunch but had a meeting oh > wah wah wha wha what to do. I'm like, Intern is out running an errand for > me, I'll just have him get your lunch while he is out. Oh wah wah wah no no > no blah blah blah > > All day 4 days a week I listen to this shit. For f*cks sake, if u are > hungry, eat your lunch. I don't freaking need to hear about it for an hour > before and after every meal! > > My nada was the same way. And my waify grandmother was also the same way. > Drives me to drink!!!!!!! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 13, 2011 Report Share Posted April 13, 2011 Girlscout said: " And then, waif boss also likes to eat too much grease, make herself sick, and involve me in her bathroom drama. " that's my mother too. WHY? Why do I need to know about every intestinal gas? About this pain, that pain? " I ate a new food today. Just letting you know in case I drop dead. " please. It's so manipulative and so boring. It's like if I tell you everything, it's a test to see what you remember later. And it's saaaad. I wish she would get a hobby so she could stop spying on the neighbors and making a list of her aches, pains, and sounds. > > > > > > > > Is it normal for waifs to be obsessed with food? waif boss has had > > nothing > > > > to say all day except regarding her stomach (and fantasy boyfriend of > > > > course). I brought doughnuts for the office this am. She waved her > > > > doughnut at me saying " thanks for breakfast " in that waify voice we all > > > > know. I was like, why doesn't it feel like she is saying thanks. I > > figured > > > > it out! It was because she was saying " this is all I get for breakfast. > > poor > > > > me poor me pooor meeeee " and then she wanted her lunch but had a > > meeting oh > > > > wah wah wha wha what to do. I'm like, Intern is out running an errand > > for > > > > me, I'll just have him get your lunch while he is out. Oh wah wah wah > > no no > > > > no blah blah blah > > > > > > > > All day 4 days a week I listen to this shit. For f*cks sake, if u are > > > > hungry, eat your lunch. I don't freaking need to hear about it for an > > hour > > > > before and after every meal! > > > > > > > > My nada was the same way. And my waify grandmother was also the same > > way. > > > > Drives me to drink!!!!!!! > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 13, 2011 Report Share Posted April 13, 2011 " She's had high blood pressure and high cholesterol over the last couple of years and won't take medications to help, won't stick to diet changes to help... yet she will go and spend hundreds of dollars on some herbs to treat all of her 'issues' (hmm - a laundry list! where to start!). " This is waif boss too!!! High blood pressure and insomnia and TERRIBLE anxiety. but when you tell her there is a medication, therapy, counseling etc that could help, she deflects " I don't DO medication. " And Fiona, I agree it is so TOTALLY boring!!!!! I guess they don't care that they are boring us and making us uncomfortable. My grandmother used to spy on the neighbors all the time!!!! Wow!!! So in other news, our cute little intern held an intervention with waif boss yesterday about her emotional affair with the opera singer. We could here him. He told her (laughingly, but serious) that she was out of control and he didn't want to catch her sitting in her car outside opera singers house!!! The rest of us on the team in the other room were in silent hysterics. GO INTERN!!!!!! > > > Girlscout said: " And then, waif boss also likes to eat too much grease, > make herself sick, > > and involve me in her bathroom drama. " > > that's my mother too. WHY? Why do I need to know about every intestinal > gas? About this pain, that pain? " I ate a new food today. Just letting you > know in case I drop dead. " please. It's so manipulative and so boring. It's > like if I tell you everything, it's a test to see what you remember later. > And it's saaaad. I wish she would get a hobby so she could stop spying on > the neighbors and making a list of her aches, pains, and sounds. > > > > > > > > > > > > > Is it normal for waifs to be obsessed with food? waif boss has had > > > nothing > > > > > to say all day except regarding her stomach (and fantasy boyfriend > of > > > > > course). I brought doughnuts for the office this am. She waved her > > > > > doughnut at me saying " thanks for breakfast " in that waify voice we > all > > > > > know. I was like, why doesn't it feel like she is saying thanks. I > > > figured > > > > > it out! It was because she was saying " this is all I get for > breakfast. > > > poor > > > > > me poor me pooor meeeee " and then she wanted her lunch but had a > > > meeting oh > > > > > wah wah wha wha what to do. I'm like, Intern is out running an > errand > > > for > > > > > me, I'll just have him get your lunch while he is out. Oh wah wah > wah > > > no no > > > > > no blah blah blah > > > > > > > > > > All day 4 days a week I listen to this shit. For f*cks sake, if u > are > > > > > hungry, eat your lunch. I don't freaking need to hear about it for > an > > > hour > > > > > before and after every meal! > > > > > > > > > > My nada was the same way. And my waify grandmother was also the > same > > > way. > > > > > Drives me to drink!!!!!!! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 13, 2011 Report Share Posted April 13, 2011 My take on this is that you've been trained to feel responsible for your nada's feelings and well-being, and this is inappropriate guilt and misplaced responsibility. Your mother is an adult and she is responsible for her own feelings and her own well-being. It was wrong and abusive of her to instill these feelings in you. You are the only one who can decide what is the best for you and your individual situation, but I suggest that you are probably co-dependent on your nada. *You* still need *her*, emotionally; you still need her approval, and she is exploiting that. My suggestion is for you to start reading up on co-dependency and how to overcome it; its an unhealthy way to relate to another adult. Put the shoe on the other foot. How tolerant and understanding would you be of your husband if he allowed his mother to live with you, and he was reluctant and avoidant about setting boundaries with her? Would you respect him as a man, as a husband, under those conditions? How would you feel about him putting his mother's needs and feelings ahead of yours? Like I said, we only have the power to change ourselves, not other people. Your nada will not change, she will remain as she is now (unless she really wants to seek therapy for herself) so your only option is to change how you want to relate to her, as her adult child or as her mommy. -Annie > > > > Isn't there some way you can get her to move out?? > > Well... that's a loaded question. :-/ > > In all honestly I have major issues with confrontation with her, I'm not in the FOG in that I can see what she does to me and name it and label it...call it BPD... which is new for me in the last less-than-a-year or so, but I AM in the FOG still because I can't DO anything about it. I have had " The Talk " with her so many times it's become kind of funny. ( " The Talk " = get a life, and move out and start living it). I build myself up emotionally and enlist the support of the family and friends to ensure I'm doing the right thing, have everything planned out and worded correctly etc so that I can state everything perfectly so that no one has their feelings hurt and no one mis-interpets anything. ARGHHH!!! Can you see the impossible mission I set myself up for?? Of course she will be hurt, cry, misinterpret. She's a waif nada for God's sake!! > > My problem has never been that I don't know what to say. It's that I can't say it!!!! And when I finally do, after all the drama and build up, nothing *changes*. The last The Talk we had, I told her my husband and I were trying to get pregnant, and it was really hard to focus on that with her in the next effing room!! I mean, to me, that was a huge step and brave and it meant " GET OUT!!! " and she did say " I will be out really soon " . That was in February. As my husband always tells me, my problem is that I care too much. I can't stand it about myself, I KNOW what it does to me. I'm just wandering around in some new variety of FOG, one that is almost worst. I KNOW what's wrong, yet I feel essentially powerless to do anything about it. In the meantime she is screwing around looking for this impossibly perfect situation place to live that will meet her set of demands. > > What can I do? If someone who understands my little hole I've dug for myself can tell me what to do and how, I think that I would! > > *Star > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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