Guest guest Posted March 20, 2011 Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 i can't have a relationship with my father. he has hurt me too much. my therapist thinks i'm handling this oh, so well (according to her emails to me) and the fact is, she's on vacation in florida and im not handling it at all. somewhere between her telling me she was going to florida again and that she's going to be on oprah on april 6th in chicago, i decided i hate florida, chicago and oprah. Ugh!!! just when i need her to help me through this, she freaking goes out of town for the millionth time in a month. my father told me i have 'issues.' yeah, well tell me something i dont already know, please. and he accuses me of being jealous of his wife. and i'm not, but whatever. and then he starts getting all passive aggressive by saying things like, 'i know i was a horrible father. always have been, always will be.' then he reminds me of all the wrongs ive done in my life, he proceeds to tell me things like i was too spoiled and i had everything (where was he living when i was growing up because it certainly wasnt in my house). i can never have a normal relationship with him. he left me with a bpd mother and yes, i have a lot of issues with that, but he can't take responsibility for his part in anything. he keeps telling me that he didnt know how to be a father because his mother died when he was 5 and his dad when he was 9. yeah, well, my parents were alive and nobody showed me how to be a parent either but im not a deadbeat who lets my kids be abused either. so he tells me that he has written me off and he's done for good. i hung up. then he sends me an email (or maybe he had sent it before the conversation, i didnt notice the time either way, but i didnt open it till we hung up) and its a story about this 9 year old girl in jacksonville (where I grew up and he lives) who has been raped and molested for three years by a pediphile who was living in her home. The email said, " hey katie, thought you'd like to hear about this since you've been through it.' really? I am just speechless at this point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 20, 2011 Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 Wow , you are well rid of this man. It sounds like he is not even trying to take any responsibility for his mistakes or act like a decent father now. It's a shame when both parents are that messed up - both of mine are as well. It leaves me feeling like an alien unconnected to the human race sometimes. I'd say focus on the good in your life, the wonderful family you've created and leave your father to his own life. And again, that therapist sounds flaky to me - you deserve better. > > > i can't have a relationship with my father. he has hurt me too much. my therapist thinks i'm handling this oh, so well (according to her emails to me) and the fact is, she's on vacation in florida and im not handling it at all. somewhere between her telling me she was going to florida again and that she's going to be on oprah on april 6th in chicago, i decided i hate florida, chicago and oprah. Ugh!!! just when i need her to help me through this, she freaking goes out of town for the millionth time in a month. > > my father told me i have 'issues.' yeah, well tell me something i dont already know, please. and he accuses me of being jealous of his wife. and i'm not, but whatever. and then he starts getting all passive aggressive by saying things like, 'i know i was a horrible father. always have been, always will be.' > > then he reminds me of all the wrongs ive done in my life, he proceeds to tell me things like i was too spoiled and i had everything (where was he living when i was growing up because it certainly wasnt in my house). > > i can never have a normal relationship with him. he left me with a bpd mother and yes, i have a lot of issues with that, but he can't take responsibility for his part in anything. he keeps telling me that he didnt know how to be a father because his mother died when he was 5 and his dad when he was 9. yeah, well, my parents were alive and nobody showed me how to be a parent either but im not a deadbeat who lets my kids be abused either. > > so he tells me that he has written me off and he's done for good. i hung up. then he sends me an email (or maybe he had sent it before the conversation, i didnt notice the time either way, but i didnt open it till we hung up) and its a story about this 9 year old girl in jacksonville (where I grew up and he lives) who has been raped and molested for three years by a pediphile who was living in her home. > > The email said, " hey katie, thought you'd like to hear about this since you've been through it.' > > really? > I am just speechless at this point. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 20, 2011 Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 Am I understanding correctly that your bio-dad actually *mocked* your having suffered from molestation as a child?! (by your step-dad, I'm assuming?) Holy freaking Cow... mocking your abuse is such a act of open, naked hatred. Nobody who actually loves you would send you an e-mail like that. No wonder you cannot have a relationship with him! Could it be that his coldness toward you may be coming from self-loathing; perhaps you remind him of how reprehensible, selfish and cowardly it was of him to abandon you as he did with no thought for your emotional welfare. Can you gain some peace and healing from his announcement that he is " done for good " with you? I personally think that is a genuine blessing. No child deserves to be treated like he has treated you, and (apparently) continues to treat you. Perhaps its time to find a back-up therapist, or a replacement therapist, if you are still feeling emotionally vulnerable and not getting the kind of support you need from your current therapist due to her increasing travel. -Annie > > > i can't have a relationship with my father. he has hurt me too much. my therapist thinks i'm handling this oh, so well (according to her emails to me) and the fact is, she's on vacation in florida and im not handling it at all. somewhere between her telling me she was going to florida again and that she's going to be on oprah on april 6th in chicago, i decided i hate florida, chicago and oprah. Ugh!!! just when i need her to help me through this, she freaking goes out of town for the millionth time in a month. > > my father told me i have 'issues.' yeah, well tell me something i dont already know, please. and he accuses me of being jealous of his wife. and i'm not, but whatever. and then he starts getting all passive aggressive by saying things like, 'i know i was a horrible father. always have been, always will be.' > > then he reminds me of all the wrongs ive done in my life, he proceeds to tell me things like i was too spoiled and i had everything (where was he living when i was growing up because it certainly wasnt in my house). > > i can never have a normal relationship with him. he left me with a bpd mother and yes, i have a lot of issues with that, but he can't take responsibility for his part in anything. he keeps telling me that he didnt know how to be a father because his mother died when he was 5 and his dad when he was 9. yeah, well, my parents were alive and nobody showed me how to be a parent either but im not a deadbeat who lets my kids be abused either. > > so he tells me that he has written me off and he's done for good. i hung up. then he sends me an email (or maybe he had sent it before the conversation, i didnt notice the time either way, but i didnt open it till we hung up) and its a story about this 9 year old girl in jacksonville (where I grew up and he lives) who has been raped and molested for three years by a pediphile who was living in her home. > > The email said, " hey katie, thought you'd like to hear about this since you've been through it.' > > really? > I am just speechless at this point. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 20, 2011 Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 My T calls me a functional orphan. Yup, I have two living people who combined genes and conceived me. But parents? Hells to the no. One BPD Nada and one absent, delusional manipulative Fada. It sounds like you're in a similar situation. Own it. You are so much better off on your own. You're an adult now, the crucial time for parenting has passed, and unfortunately (for all of us), you can't have what you needed. Make your own life, and your own family. And do it right!!! Let them go, they've done enough damage. I'm so sorry for your loss Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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