Guest guest Posted February 13, 2011 Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 I live quite a distance away from Nada, thank heavens. I have one son, and since he was little, every summer we go through the same thing. Nada starts asking about coming to get him for the summer, then keeps asking what dates would be good, and I tell her. May comes, and she says she's checking on plane fare. June comes and she asks what dates she can come get him. July, still checking on plane fare. August, what dates can she get him. Then it's time for school to start. All the while, she strings him along and gets him all excited about getting to come down there (she lives near the beach). Then when she knows it's too late, acts pitiful and says she can't believe she's the age she is and can't afford plane fare to come get him. Like she wouldn't have known that all along? One year, when my son was between kindergarten and first grade, Nada and her husband did come get him, and she had an expolosive episode because her husband's brother and grandchild were also staying down there with them (and stealing the spotlight from her, no doubt) and she had all their stuff out on the lawn and was screaming and breaking it in front of my son. This traumatized him and I actually got called to the school to talk with his teacher and the school counselor about it because he kept acting it out but couldn't tell them WHO was doing it. I was mortified. He is 13 now and we have told him Nada is not all there, and I think he understands. Well, Nada sent me an email the other day starting up with " What dates can we come get him? " . I was so proud of myself! I emailed her back and told her that every summer we go through this and that I was CHOOSING NOT TO PLAY THAT GAME WITH HER ANYMORE. You know how she responded to it? Just like always. Ignoring that it ever happened. I have gotten 2 emails from her since then asking how much snow we've gotten up here. This sounds awful to say, but I'm sure most of you other children of BPD's will understand: I will be so glad when she's gone and I don't have to deal with it anymore. Thank God I'm healthy enough to set the boundaries with her. My husband has really helped me with that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 13, 2011 Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 Kudos to you for standing up to her! That's great. Yes, so many nadas seem to be completely, blindly oblivious to the damage they do, they're just so mindlessly clueless. Some seem to realize that they're doing damage but they simply don't care; don't give a fig. They're like, " So what? You're just too sensitive, get over it " because other people's feelings and needs aren't as important as theirs. And some (worst case scenario) know exactly what kind of damage they're doing, and they're doing it deliberately because they want to make other people suffer. Good for you for protecting your child from any of that! -Annie > > I live quite a distance away from Nada, thank heavens. I have one son, and since he was little, every summer we go through the same thing. Nada starts asking about coming to get him for the summer, then keeps asking what dates would be good, and I tell her. May comes, and she says she's checking on plane fare. June comes and she asks what dates she can come get him. July, still checking on plane fare. August, what dates can she get him. Then it's time for school to start. All the while, she strings him along and gets him all excited about getting to come down there (she lives near the beach). Then when she knows it's too late, acts pitiful and says she can't believe she's the age she is and can't afford plane fare to come get him. Like she wouldn't have known that all along? One year, when my son was between kindergarten and first grade, Nada and her husband did come get him, and she had an expolosive episode because her husband's brother and grandchild were also staying down there with them (and stealing the spotlight from her, no doubt) and she had all their stuff out on the lawn and was screaming and breaking it in front of my son. This traumatized him and I actually got called to the school to talk with his teacher and the school counselor about it because he kept acting it out but couldn't tell them WHO was doing it. I was mortified. He is 13 now and we have told him Nada is not all there, and I think he understands. Well, Nada sent me an email the other day starting up with " What dates can we come get him? " . I was so proud of myself! I emailed her back and told her that every summer we go through this and that I was CHOOSING NOT TO PLAY THAT GAME WITH HER ANYMORE. You know how she responded to it? Just like always. Ignoring that it ever happened. I have gotten 2 emails from her since then asking how much snow we've gotten up here. This sounds awful to say, but I'm sure most of you other children of BPD's will understand: I will be so glad when she's gone and I don't have to deal with it anymore. Thank God I'm healthy enough to set the boundaries with her. My husband has really helped me with that. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 13, 2011 Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 Completely understand about your looking forward to the day you don't have to deal with it! People can only handle so much negativity and BPs bring SO much negative energy with them every where they go -not to mention the FOG, all day everyday. I feel like I don't want my nada dead- I just can't handle the negativity and look forward- same as you- to the day it all goes away. Also- good job standing up for yourself! Progress! I finally stood up to nada about 2 months ago- the first time in a long time- and all hell broke loose:hysterics, suicide threats, threats to turn me into child protective services to get back at her not getting to see her grandsons....but I'm on this side of recovery and feeling, slowly, to be separating and into my own. So- for you to be in a position with your nada as to be able to stand up for yourself without the BP meltdowns is great! Hang in there! Blair > > > > I live quite a distance away from Nada, thank heavens. I have one son, and since he was little, every summer we go through the same thing. Nada starts asking about coming to get him for the summer, then keeps asking what dates would be good, and I tell her. May comes, and she says she's checking on plane fare. June comes and she asks what dates she can come get him. July, still checking on plane fare. August, what dates can she get him. Then it's time for school to start. All the while, she strings him along and gets him all excited about getting to come down there (she lives near the beach). Then when she knows it's too late, acts pitiful and says she can't believe she's the age she is and can't afford plane fare to come get him. Like she wouldn't have known that all along? One year, when my son was between kindergarten and first grade, Nada and her husband did come get him, and she had an expolosive episode because her husband's brother and grandchild were also staying down there with them (and stealing the spotlight from her, no doubt) and she had all their stuff out on the lawn and was screaming and breaking it in front of my son. This traumatized him and I actually got called to the school to talk with his teacher and the school counselor about it because he kept acting it out but couldn't tell them WHO was doing it. I was mortified. He is 13 now and we have told him Nada is not all there, and I think he understands. Well, Nada sent me an email the other day starting up with " What dates can we come get him? " . I was so proud of myself! I emailed her back and told her that every summer we go through this and that I was CHOOSING NOT TO PLAY THAT GAME WITH HER ANYMORE. You know how she responded to it? Just like always. Ignoring that it ever happened. I have gotten 2 emails from her since then asking how much snow we've gotten up here. This sounds awful to say, but I'm sure most of you other children of BPD's will understand: I will be so glad when she's gone and I don't have to deal with it anymore. Thank God I'm healthy enough to set the boundaries with her. My husband has really helped me with that. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 13, 2011 Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 Welldone. I hope you stay strong. Yes it is a game and yes I relate to the " lets pretend it didn't happen scenario " . Our feelings never justified or played down. I have lived it many times. I too said no more and I don't want to play games anymore. I think enough becomes enough when we feel healthy and strong enough ourselves to handle the consequences of stopping the games. Like you, my husband has helped and protecting our daughter was definately a motivation. Kazam x > > I live quite a distance away from Nada, thank heavens. I have one son, and since he was little, every summer we go through the same thing. Nada starts asking about coming to get him for the summer, then keeps asking what dates would be good, and I tell her. May comes, and she says she's checking on plane fare. June comes and she asks what dates she can come get him. July, still checking on plane fare. August, what dates can she get him. Then it's time for school to start. All the while, she strings him along and gets him all excited about getting to come down there (she lives near the beach). Then when she knows it's too late, acts pitiful and says she can't believe she's the age she is and can't afford plane fare to come get him. Like she wouldn't have known that all along? One year, when my son was between kindergarten and first grade, Nada and her husband did come get him, and she had an expolosive episode because her husband's brother and grandchild were also staying down there with them (and stealing the spotlight from her, no doubt) and she had all their stuff out on the lawn and was screaming and breaking it in front of my son. This traumatized him and I actually got called to the school to talk with his teacher and the school counselor about it because he kept acting it out but couldn't tell them WHO was doing it. I was mortified. He is 13 now and we have told him Nada is not all there, and I think he understands. Well, Nada sent me an email the other day starting up with " What dates can we come get him? " . I was so proud of myself! I emailed her back and told her that every summer we go through this and that I was CHOOSING NOT TO PLAY THAT GAME WITH HER ANYMORE. You know how she responded to it? Just like always. Ignoring that it ever happened. I have gotten 2 emails from her since then asking how much snow we've gotten up here. This sounds awful to say, but I'm sure most of you other children of BPD's will understand: I will be so glad when she's gone and I don't have to deal with it anymore. Thank God I'm healthy enough to set the boundaries with her. My husband has really helped me with that. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 13, 2011 Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 Pat yourself on the back, and make sure you tell your son what you said to your mother and why it was important for you to do so (age appropriate terms). This way he learns about setting boundaries from you AND how important his feelings are to you. He may feel sad that the possibility of the trip & beach is off the table, but what a relief to not have this nonsense going on all summer long--for both you and your son. Good job, mom! > > I live quite a distance away from Nada, thank heavens. I have one son, and since he was little, every summer we go through the same thing. Nada starts asking about coming to get him for the summer, then keeps asking what dates would be good, and I tell her. May comes, and she says she's checking on plane fare. June comes and she asks what dates she can come get him. July, still checking on plane fare. August, what dates can she get him. Then it's time for school to start. All the while, she strings him along and gets him all excited about getting to come down there (she lives near the beach). Then when she knows it's too late, acts pitiful and says she can't believe she's the age she is and can't afford plane fare to come get him. Like she wouldn't have known that all along? One year, when my son was between kindergarten and first grade, Nada and her husband did come get him, and she had an expolosive episode because her husband's brother and grandchild were also staying down there with them (and stealing the spotlight from her, no doubt) and she had all their stuff out on the lawn and was screaming and breaking it in front of my son. This traumatized him and I actually got called to the school to talk with his teacher and the school counselor about it because he kept acting it out but couldn't tell them WHO was doing it. I was mortified. He is 13 now and we have told him Nada is not all there, and I think he understands. Well, Nada sent me an email the other day starting up with " What dates can we come get him? " . I was so proud of myself! I emailed her back and told her that every summer we go through this and that I was CHOOSING NOT TO PLAY THAT GAME WITH HER ANYMORE. You know how she responded to it? Just like always. Ignoring that it ever happened. I have gotten 2 emails from her since then asking how much snow we've gotten up here. This sounds awful to say, but I'm sure most of you other children of BPD's will understand: I will be so glad when she's gone and I don't have to deal with it anymore. Thank God I'm healthy enough to set the boundaries with her. My husband has really helped me with that. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 14, 2011 Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 Good for you! You didn't allow yourself or your son to get sucked into the emotional black hole of doom! How sad that she played these games with both of you, and how sad that her past behavior effected him so much. I really do think they are like emotional black holes... they suck all the emotion out of us until there's nothing left. Thank goodness you didn't get sucked in. Good job!!! Mia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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