: Being strong for others

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To all

I was going to send this privately to , but thought others may be struggling

with this too!

From

>>Of course, there is much improvement from RAI/Hypo period...but I'm

frustrated! Also, I feel really irritable. My husband/family/friends

see me as feeling better, more like myself, and they don't understand

I'm just not there yet- and it is so hard to explain to them. My

husband and I are having difficulty with communicating and for the

last 3 days have had some serious miscommunications and he gets really

mad at me! I didn't realize I was so difficult to live with,

evidently I am. I don't understand what is happening, but all of

sudden I think the reality of the thyca diagnosis is finally hitting

me, some depression too. Like, I'm so tired of being strong for

everyone else...what about me? If anyone can relate, or has some words

>>of wisdom....I'd appreciate.

Good morning ,

I just read your post from the other day (my computer has been down), & boy oh

boy, can I relate!! I'm about 2 weeks behind you on my surgery/RAI schedule.

Here's a little background, then on to how we're dealing with things now.

Since last August I sometimes feel like Job from the Bible, being tested with

trials & tribulations. My husband was diagnosed with severe atherosclerosis &

heart disease (at age 53). He had to have a semi-emergency carotid

endarterectomy (clean out large neck artery going to his brain) in early Sept.

This was after finding out the other carotid had already closed off & he would

have a significant risk of a stroke during this surgery! Within days of this,

his mom (who I was very close to) had to be hospitalized for her ongoing

congestive heart failure. After a week or so they attempted a pacemaker on her,

punctured an artery in the heart & stopped. She continued to deteriorate, but we

had to make a decision to proceed with a 2nd surgery on the right leg artery on

my husband, not knowing how long she may last. She died 4 days later. Since

then, 3 tropical storms took out her pier, damaged the bulkhead (her front yard

on Mobile Bay), had a black sheep type brother-in-law to contend with, are the

executors of her will, have had to do all her yardwork as well as our own, knew

Pat (my husband) had to have his other leg done, AND found a large nodule in my

right thyroid. Since the FNA was a false negative, even though I questioned the

accuracy since my endo only stuck it once (not very representative!), we decided

to go ahead with Pat's 2nd leg surgery in early Dec. I was having swallowing

difficulties throughout Dec., so made an appt. with a surgeon for a poss rt

lobectomy for Jan 13th. Since my ultrasound had shown a smaller nodule in the

left thyroid lobe also, he said he may remove both, but he wouldn't know until

he got in there. So on Jan. 28th, I woke up in recovery, gorked out on morphine,

to be told I had thyca in both lobes, & that all 4 lymph nodes they had removed

showed metastasis! I found out later that my husband's sister & cousin, upon

hearing the news in the waiting room, immediately reassured Pat by reminding him

how " strong " of a person I am. Like I don't have emotional needs, too. Or as my

sister reminded them, even strong people have a breaking point! From then on, I

felt I had to keep a stiff upper lip, & not add to the emotional & health issue

rollercoaster our family had been on for months. But at the same time, I was

going thru so much, worrying that my endo wasn't current on treating thyca,

whether to switch, needing a 2nd surgery for another neck node metastasis, my

TSH shooting up rapidly, moving up the RAI by 2 weeks, having to cancel 2nd endo

opinion (same week as new RAI date), being given the runaround by the

hospital/nuc med dr. where I was going to have the RAI, & on & on !!! I started

to wonder if my sanity would last. I have a supportive family, but my mom is 78

& worried about her " baby " , one sister is divorcing her husband of 29 yrs

(another long story), & another sister lives out of town & has small children. I

just didn't feel right " dumping " on them either. My husband had to quit smoking

last fall after his health news, & was starting to make comments about maybe

needing to go back to smoking until I was better, since he couldn't handle all

my angst. So, a real clear message not to pressure him for more emotional

support, he just couldn't handle it. I found myself able to see all the reasons

I needed to get a handle on this myself, & try to protect the folks I loved from

worrying about me, but at the same time I was FURIOUS that after a lifetime of

" doing for & being there " for others, I wasn't going to get a turn. Like you

, I was struggling with depression ( & rage) with no good outlet for it. I

did some self talk along the lines of: " You are a special & loved person, who

has a lot of people who DO care, but who are worn out emotionally. Take things a

day at a time, write to the thyca group for support, cut yourself some slack on

optional chores, treat yourself to small pleasures (bubble baths, a walk when I

should be doing housework), etc. Nurture yourself, give the Levoxyl time to work

& you WILL regain your equilibrium one day. "

This approach, time & getting back to a normal routine (working part-time) have

improved my outlook. When I am calmer & acting " normally " my husband can cope &

communicate just fine. But as someone else said who answered your post earlier,

some men are so frustrated that 's there's nothing they can do to " fix " us, they

miss the obvious fact that that's not what we expect, just a little

understanding & sympathy would be fine! Sorry this is so long & whiney, but I

thought it might help you to know there are others in your shoes. And that in my

opinion, you're completely normal, just struggling with an abnormal & upsetting

situation. It WILL get better, but if you'd like to write me directly I'm here

for you anytime!

tardiern@...

Tardie, thyca patient/surgical nurse, age 48, Mobile,AL

TT w/ central node dissection 1-28-03 (bil lobes & 4 nodes + for thyca)

PET scan & non-contrast CT on 2-10-03

TSH already 45 on 2-11-03; RAI moved up!

2nd surgery rem 3 rt lateral neck nodes (2 + for thyca) 2-14-03

LID as of 2-11-03

TSH 83.5 & Tg 99 on 2-20-03

RAI 202 mCi on 2-25-03, went home 2-27-03 am, registering just 2!

WBS 3-6-03 showed thyroid bed uptake only!!

Appt w/ new internist for 3-17-03