I can't believe I did this !

[Guest guest]

Hey Group,

It's been alittle stressful here this week, my 80 year old Dad

had to have gallbladder removal surgery on Friday. He's doing

good. My husband's oldest sister has been in a nursing home for

some time now, but her health is going downhill. I see my husband

trying to do things outside, that I used to do or at least help him

do. Now I'm unable because of this stupid, stupid disease PLS. This

past week we were outside in the driveway, it's a long driveway and

wide at the bottom end. My grandaughter was not listening to what I

was telling her not to do (a common trait of 12 year olds Ihear). I

was getting frustrated with her and at PLS not allowing me to do the

things I used to do. My husband was putting chemicals in the pool

(which used to be my job), I asked him where he was at with the list

of things he was doing, he took it the wrong way and snapped at me,

thinking I was questioning his ability to do it. Well, low and

behold, I was so frustrated at this point, I reacted in a way that

was so unlike me, I am still in shock over it, my husband was over

by the pool, I was standing in the middle of this wide driveway and

thank God my grandaughter had gone back inside the house. I got so

angry at this stupid disease that won't let me walk away quickly ,

even with my old walker that I use for out in the yard, it is the

type with no wheels, for a split second I felt like I was facing

this PLS face to face...I picked up my walker and threw it down the

driveway,like I had all the intentions of walking normally away from

it. For that split second, I felt great, like I had beaten it, then

I began to rock like a rocking chair standing there in a wide open

space with nothing to grab onto in sight...then down I go landing

squarely on me butt on the blacktop...it was a hard landing, good

thing I have lots of padding back there!! Thank God I was alright

and didn't break anything. I have never thrown anything in my

life, my husband was shocked to see me do this, he said he's known

me for 37 years and never seen me do anything like that before. I

was just as surprised myself, it was a stupid thing to do, to put

myself in such a vulnerable position over that asphalt like that.

But now that the shock is starting to wear off and I think back

about it, there is alittle part of me that thinks I took the PLS by

surprise too! You know when you get tired of dragging those walking

aids around with you all the time, I do appreciate having them so I

can get around, but sometimes they are cumbersome, I don't know if

I am making sense here or not. Well, we cried and laughed about it

afterward. Also, this week I went to be fitted for my wheelchair

for long distances, the place was very nice and professional and it

is on order, but the whole time I felt like I was picking out my

casket or something. Thanks for listening to my ramblings. God

Bless....Jeannie/N.J.