Re: May I please ask for ya'lls help.

[Guest guest]

Mrs. June,

I am Debby a friend of 's (we play bingo during the week.) She is out

sick but asked to give you this message for her.

Have your husband see a urologist. She said guadrapeligics used a drug

called papaverin in the 90's but more is around by now. She said a urologist

will be able to locate the source of his problem and get the best treatment.

THe only other choice is an inserted hand pump.

Debby P.

>

>Dearest PLS support group, I need ya'lls help so badly cause I do not know

>where or what to do with what I want to ask ya'll. I am just the caregiver

>for

>my husband of 71 yrs of age and I am 68 yrs and we have been married for

>almost 51 yrs, but I need ya'lls help. I am so embarrased to ask this on

>the

>internet but hopefully you will forgive me as my husband does not know I am

>writing this and he would probably be embarrassed, but bless his heart he

>wants to

>have sexual relationship and I have tried to tell him that we can't as he

>is

>most of the time " impotent " and that is ok with me as I love him very much

>but

>lately that is on his mind sooo much along with his other ailments but I

>am

>getting so upset cause I have told him it is very difficult for me to

>assist him

>because I am an old fashioned " girl " and I cannot figure a way to do this

>so

>why can't he just accept that we cannot have sex like we did before he

>became

>worse such as his legs (spasms) and I am older and my knees have torn

>cartlidges and etc, so now I feel so guilty when I get frustrated with him

>trying to

>tell him that we can't do that anymore and then I feel so guilty and let

>down

>that I don't know what to do and he admits its the truth what I am saying

>so do

>ya'll have any suggestions, besides just telling each other that we love

>each

>other and just hugging close. Please help me cause I feel so bad not

>saying

>or doing the right thing and I hope I have not offended anyone by writing

>all

>of this about this problem. Thanks and God Bless. June bug

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much, but I don't believe he could get thru the surgery, but that

is a good idea about the urologist and we will do that. Thanks so much. June

[Guest guest]

Dearest Sandy, thank you for e-mailing me - and it was just precious what you

wrote to me as I was in tears last night cause I feel so inadequate for him

and it brings tears to me now just feeling for all of us, but you are soooooooo

rights about the hugging and telling each other how much we love one another.

Guess what - I am an ex-law enforcement retiree in a small way. I worked

for the Fla. Dept. of Law Enforcement Crime Lab (FDLE) for 37 years and retired

last June 30th 2003 and I miss it soooo much. I was the oldest and the

ugliest one there...ha ha. I am so sorry to hear about your hubby. And I

especially thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your info with me

and now

I don't feel quite so bad. My husband is retired from the Fla. Dept. of

Insurance and he had a fall at Home Depot outside their store looking at " sheds "

for our back yard and his head hit something hanging down which caused him to

fall backwards which resulted in a broken pelvic bone and other than that he

had been just fine, but as time went on he began to drag that left leg and foot

and the Dr.'s here told us he had had mini strokes and did EMg tests and we

still did not believe them so we went to Shands in Gainesville and they said he

had never had a stroke and that he had PLS so now he has therapy 3 times a

week, voice therapy one day a week - a massage on Monday nights as they come to

our house so we are doing all we can to keep going. Love and kisses. God

Bless. June bug in Tallahassee, Fl

[Guest guest]

Thanks Laurel, you were so sweet to e-mail me back. We will ask our Dr.

about our situation if my husband will let me - if not I will call him when he

isn't listening....but we have bought those videos from Dr. Leonards but he

cannot get in those positions and he gets all frustrated and I do too. I think

just some good ole hugs and kisses would be just great. Thanks, June

[Guest guest]

June:

Bless your heart.............

I think one place to start is with each other, just experiment. Do you have a

really good friend that you could ask? I know that my closest girlfriends and I

discuss things like sex. Or, go to your family doctor together, if you are

comfy with that, and talk to him or her. If you live near a larger city, you

could also see a sex therapist, and your doctor should be able to refer you to

him or her. Or, get online at & Noble and look up some books on the

subject of sex. There's some really good how-to books on sex.

Good luck, my dear, and don't be embarrassed. This is an appropriate area to

discuss pretty much anything but religion & politics. We try to shy away from

those areas.

Take care,

Laurel

P.S. For anyone tempted to give me grief because of my information on the

subject of sex..................

stifle yourself, ok?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL

[Guest guest]

Good morning June,

First of all I would like to say please dont be embarresed about needing any

kind of info here.

I dont know if you know about mine and my hubbys life or not.

I am a 43 year old happily married woman. Around 7 years ago I was miss

diagnosed with MS, that is when I really started NOT being interested in sex

anymore, I wanted to please my wonderful hubby so I continued, we tried sex

toys, lubricating gels, and fore play.

In 2002 at age 45 my hubby was at the police accadamy where he was doing

tackticle force training where he was thrown down on a mat about 50 times in one

day on a Friday, through the weekend he had a terrable headache that nothing

would help, he had to study hard for Mondays test. On monday he went back to the

accademy and Aced his test then went to lunch. While in the lunch line holding

his tray he dropped it, his glasses came off his face and he was struggling to

put them back on while they were closed, one of the female officers had priorly

been an EMT and noticed he was having troubles and asked him if he was alright,

he told her he was just getting old, still trying to put on his glasses, she

noticed that his left side of his face was drooping and left arm was going limp,

she immidiatly had someone call 911 and got him a chair, well long story short

he had received a tear in his neck from the training on Friday and was slowly

leaking in which he had a massive stroke that made his left side effected, (

arm, hand, leg, foot, thinking process ect)

My hole right side is effected and my left arm is starting to go weak. When

people comment I say I have a good left and he has a good right so that means we

are a whole.

Anyway since his stroke it is vertually impossible for us too make love anymore

the way we used too. I would give anything for us to be able to do this again

now.

We have tried everything like different possitions, movies, books, toys, but all

this does is make us frustrated because we cant perform the actual love making.

Before my left arm started getting weak I was able to use my hand on him to try

to releive him, now I try and I cant do this for long.

I too feel guilty about not being able to be with him the way we used too. Now

we do alot of hugging, kissing and holding, its not the same but we do still

have the love for one another. I think the thing I miss the most is holding

hands and walking beside each other. We have tried this but all we do is loose

our balance.

I do suggest you to talk to your doctor about possibly seeing a sex therapist or

something like that if this is really becoming a problem with you and your sweet

heart.

In the mean time be sure to say a lot of I love yous and do a lot of carressing.

Sorry this was so long, and sorry I really couldnt help you out, but do remember

that there are some of us in the same boat as you are, and please dont be

emmbarresed. I hope some one can help here. Love to you and your sweety, Sandy

May I please ask for ya'lls help.

Dearest PLS support group, I need ya'lls help so badly cause I do not know

where or what to do with what I want to ask ya'll. I am just the caregiver

for

my husband of 71 yrs of age and I am 68 yrs and we have been married for

almost 51 yrs, but I need ya'lls help. I am so embarrased to ask this on the

internet but hopefully you will forgive me as my husband does not know I am

writing this and he would probably be embarrassed, but bless his heart he

wants to

have sexual relationship and I have tried to tell him that we can't as he is

most of the time " impotent " and that is ok with me as I love him very much but

lately that is on his mind sooo much along with his other ailments but I am

getting so upset cause I have told him it is very difficult for me to assist

him

because I am an old fashioned " girl " and I cannot figure a way to do this so

why can't he just accept that we cannot have sex like we did before he became

worse such as his legs (spasms) and I am older and my knees have torn

cartlidges and etc, so now I feel so guilty when I get frustrated with him

trying to

tell him that we can't do that anymore and then I feel so guilty and let down

that I don't know what to do and he admits its the truth what I am saying so

do

ya'll have any suggestions, besides just telling each other that we love each

other and just hugging close. Please help me cause I feel so bad not saying

or doing the right thing and I hope I have not offended anyone by writing all

of this about this problem. Thanks and God Bless. June bug

[Guest guest]

Hi Sandy, thanks for caring about me, but I am ok. Yes it was great working

at the Crime Lab for soooooooo long. It was very interesting and I did not

want to retire but I was enrolled in a retirement program called " the Drop

progam " for five years and after five years you have to go, but if I want to go

back to work there, I will be able to July 1st one year after retirement, but I

can't right now, Charlie needs me too much to help him dress and just be here

for him, even though I run errands and when I am away he has a cord around his

neck for 911 (Health Watch) that he can push, and of course I am always

checking with my cell phone when I have to go to store, but I take him out to

have a

pedicure for his nails (toes) and fingernails as they grow pretty fast and I

can't cut them very well and the barber comes to our house and he is busy with

therapy here at home 3 times a week from American Home Patient and the

therapist has him walking with his walker around the living room thru the other

rooms for his therapy and then back in his electric wheelchair and the voice

therapist comes once a week and a machine called the Nu Step 4100 is going to be

delivered this week or next for him to work out on for his legs and arms and we

have a uni-chair lift coming that will lift him up and put him in our spa

outside hopefully to relax all those muscles, but I don't know, I just hope it

helps some. Yes I do a little for myself. I am also an ex dance teacher back

in

the '50's and 60's. I taught tap, ballet, toe and ballroom and then went to

work for the State. My daughter is a teacher (dance) now and I am a student

of hers. We have a group of women (6) that dance - we are called " The Hot

Flashes " and we perform in competition twice a year and Charlie goes with us of

course and I think he enjoys it, but it is hard for him and me also, but let's

all just keep on keeping on and enjoying life as much as we can. God Bless and

love all of you who are trying to help me not feel so bad. June bug

[Guest guest]

Hi there June,

Wow it seems his fall at home depot really threw him for a loop, and then PLS.

Life is so hard on us at times, but in the same breath we have to be very

thankful for what we do have.

I bet it was real hard on you to retire from the crime lab, that sounds like it

was a very interesting job.

My hubby wasnt a police officer but a correctional officer at our state prison.

He was only there for one year when this happened. He loved that job so much, he

still talks on going back. I will never destroy his dream at going back by

saying its not possible when I know there is no way.

June you sound like such a wonderful person, please try not to be so hard on

your self.

When was the last time you went and did something for yourself? Like getting a

new hairdo, getting your nails done, buy something nice for your self.

Have a wonderful day, Love, Sandy

Re: May I please ask for ya'lls help.

Dearest Sandy, thank you for e-mailing me - and it was just precious what you

wrote to me as I was in tears last night cause I feel so inadequate for him

and it brings tears to me now just feeling for all of us, but you are

soooooooo

rights about the hugging and telling each other how much we love one another.

Guess what - I am an ex-law enforcement retiree in a small way. I worked

for the Fla. Dept. of Law Enforcement Crime Lab (FDLE) for 37 years and

retired

last June 30th 2003 and I miss it soooo much. I was the oldest and the

ugliest one there...ha ha. I am so sorry to hear about your hubby. And I

especially thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your info with me

and now

I don't feel quite so bad. My husband is retired from the Fla. Dept. of

Insurance and he had a fall at Home Depot outside their store looking at

" sheds "

for our back yard and his head hit something hanging down which caused him to

fall backwards which resulted in a broken pelvic bone and other than that he

had been just fine, but as time went on he began to drag that left leg and

foot

and the Dr.'s here told us he had had mini strokes and did EMg tests and we

still did not believe them so we went to Shands in Gainesville and they said

he

had never had a stroke and that he had PLS so now he has therapy 3 times a

week, voice therapy one day a week - a massage on Monday nights as they come

to

our house so we are doing all we can to keep going. Love and kisses. God

Bless. June bug in Tallahassee, Fl