A test of time chronological time that is-NMR

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Subject: A test of time chronological time that is

> >

> > THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 50

> >

> > 1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

> >

> > 2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be

> > released first.

> >

> > 3. No one expects you to run -- anywhere.

> >

> > 4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake

you?"

> >

> > 5. People no longer view you as a

hypochondriac.

> >

> > 6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

> >

> > 7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

> >

> > 8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.

> >

> > 9. You can live without sex but not without

your

> > glasses.

> >

> > 10. You enjoy hearing about other people's

> > operations.

> >

> > 11. You get into heated arguments about pension

> > plans.

> >

> > 12. You no longer think of speed limits as a

> > challenge.

> >

> > 13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no

> > matter who walks into

> > the room.

> >

> > 14. You sing along with elevator music.

> >

> > 15. Your eyes won't get much worse.

> >

> > 16. Your investment in health insurance is

> > finally beginning to pay

> > off.

> >

> > 17. Your joints are more accurate

meteorologists

> > than the national

> > weather service.

> >

> > 18. Your secrets are safe with your friends

> > because they can't

> > remember them either.

> >

> > 19. Your supply of brain cells is finally down

to

> > manageable size.

> >

> > 20. You can't remember who sent you this list.

> >

> >

> >

>***************************************************************

> > > Chapter 2: SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE

> > >

> > > 1. You sell your home heating system at a yard

> > sale.

> > >

> > > 2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a

> > wood stove, he is

> > using

> > > you to heat the family room this winter.

Rather

> > than just saying you

> > are

> > > not amused, you shoot him.

> > >

> > > 3. You have to write post-it notes with your

> > kids' names on them.

> > >

> > > 4. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the

> > Heaven's Gate Cult

> > gives

> > > you four hours of decent rest.

> > >

> > > 5. You change your underwear after every

sneeze.

> > >

> > > 6. You're on so much estrogen that you take

your

> > Brownie troop on a

> > > field trip to Chippendale's.

> > >

> > >

***********************************************

> > > Chapter 3: SIGNS OF WEAR

> > >

> > > "OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's

go

> > upstairs and make

> > love,"

> > > and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!

> > >

> > > "OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment you

> > on your new alligator

> >

> > > shoes and you're barefoot.

> > >

> > > "OLD" IS WHEN...... A sexy babe catches your

> > fancy and your

> > pacemaker

> > > opens the garage door.

> > >

> > > "OLD" IS WHEN..... Going bra-less pulls all

the

> > wrinkles out of your

> > face.

> > >

> > > "OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your

> > spouse goes, just long

> > as

> > > you don't have to go along.

> > >

> > > "OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow

> > down by the doctor

> > instead

> > > of by the police.

> > >

> > > "OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action"

> > means I don't need to

> > take

> > > any fiber today.